Friday, February 16, 2007

Top Ten Cloves: Things Tim Hardaway Will Do This Weekend Instead of Going To NBA All-Star Game

News Item: Hardaway Banished for Anti-Gay Remarks

10. Start lobbying his Congressman to get a non-binding resolution passed, that Congress doesn't approve of gay people in basketball

9. Pull out his boxed set of John Wayne films and, vicariously, bond with the screen icon

8. Get annoyed, when he has to defend and explain to reporters that that "UTEP Two-Step" was a basketball move

7. Badger his agent to get him an audtion to be in the Miller Beer Man Law commericals

6. Work the phone like crazy, to put together a group of investors, buy an NBA team, make sure all the players are straight and change team name to "The Homophobics"

5. Eat, very carefully, Snickers Bars

4. Start pouring through the Yellow Pages for a good Rehab clinic

3. The locker room ... The showers ... Deal with panic attacks, over the thought of how many ex-teammates might have been gay

2. Call up Vice President Dick Cheney and ask if it's okay to tell the media "you're out of line with that question" if the start bugging him

1. Get Reverend Ralph to publically say that Tim Hardaway is "Completely Heterosexual"

Will Tim Hardaway seek a "Man Law" to ban the consumption of Snickers Bars?

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