Thursday, March 08, 2007

Breaking News - White House Bombshell: "VP Could Be In His Last Throes"

Libby Verdict Has Bush, White House Urging Cheney Into Rehab

Sources Claim "Can't Be Trusted He Won't Break"; Iraq Comments "Last Straw" and "Were Not An Enormous Success"

Sources have told The Garlic that a fierce battle is being waged inside the White House, as President Bush, and other staffers, are strongly urging Vice President Dick Cheney enter into rehab.

The overriding fear is that recently convicted former Assistant to the President, and Vice President Chief of Staff I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, in an effort to stay out of prison, by make a deal with Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald and implicate the Vice President in the Valerie Plame CIA Leak Case.

If that were to occur, and with Fitzgerald already "owning" Assistant to the President, Deputy Chief of Staff and Senior Advisor Karl Rove, the White House wants to have Cheney "completely off-limits" to investigators.

He can't be trusted that he won't break. They'll have him disappear." said one official who works in the West Wing. "I mean, he'll be gone, untouchable."

Cheney's Staff Fighting Back

In the Office of the Vice President, a chaotic and frenzied effort is underway by staffers, to block the President from forcing Cheney into rehab.

David Addington, Cheney's new Chief of Staff, is said to be "sweating blood", digging furiously through legal volumes, looking for the slightest edge that can be employed, or a precedent that can be slipped into the next Bush Signing Statement.

Communication between the West Wing and the Vice President's office is so strained, that necessary information, and daily business, is being conducted by messenger.

Cheney could not be reached for comment, rumored to be holed-up in his Secret Bunker.

Cheney spokeswoman Lea Anne McBride said the Vice President would not be issuing any comments on the rehab story and that, "frankly, he doesn't give a hoot what people think."

Cheney Was On Thin Ice

With Cheney's influence in the White House being questioned, and calls coming of the impeachment of the Vice President, Cheney, according to the insiders, was already on the President's radar, and "very thin ice".

Since his combative interview with CNN's Wolf Blitzer, in which Cheney sang of the "enormous successes" in Iraq and arrogantly dismissed criticism of himself as "hogwash", the White House has attempted to harness the Vice President, but without much success.

Cheney has also been a the center of amping up the war cry against Iran, having already angered the President earlier by by splitting off from the White House and establishing his own Iran Study Group.

"Christ," sighed another source inside the White House, "you want reasons? We've got over six-years' worth ... Take your pick ... Last throes ... Endorsing waterboarding... Busting the Senate Intelligence Committee's balls... His secret energy meetings... The Nazi Appeaser thing... This guys a one-man PR nightmare ... Every time the President wants to do something on the QT, there goes Cheney shooting - no pun intended - his mouth off ..."

All In The Family

The White House is also displeased that it has become a "family affair"; with the Cheney's, in putting the spotlight on the President and his policies.

Last Fall, Lynne Cheney, the Vice President's wife, had her own head butting contest with CNN's Blitzer that generated an unwanted glare.

That was followed by a pair of Op-Ed's by Cheney's daughter, Elizabeth, urging continued support for the Iraq Occupation and lashing out at Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, for her "single, unmarried" status.

Faith and Fallback In Play

The President is said to have faith, that the Vice President will "do the right thing", and gracefully step into rehab.

If not, the sources say, the President already has a "fallback" position in ordering Cheney into rehab.

Shortly after the Libby guilty verdict was announced, Cheney, reportedly, stormed around his office in a raging tirade, and is said to be heard by a handful of staffers, of calling Special Prosecutor Fitzgerald a "little faggot".

"And there's already an established procedure and precedent for that." added the staffer. "Even Ann Coulter worried about going into rehab is she used that word."

With his influence down, and his former Chief of Staff now a convicted felon, the White House is urging Vice President Dick Cheney to enter into rehab, but no one is expecting Cheney Cheney to go without a fight

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