Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Breaking News! President To Reject Bill Under "Veto Accomplished" Banner

White House, To Counter Dems, Planning Own Elaborate Signing Ceremony

VP Office May Issue Update "Last Throes" Declaration; Military Bands and Wounded Vets Expected To Attend

Looking to gain the upper hand in upcoming talks, the White House hastily announced plans to push back against the Democrat Majority with their own elaborate signing ceremony, that will see President Bush reject the Iraq War Spending Bill, as promised, penning his name under a large "Veto Accomplished" banner.

"It's not quite to the level of our past Bushapaloozas," an excited Dan Bartlett, White House Communications Director, exclaimed, "but it will be significant."

Plans for the Veto Signing include having military bands pounding out a medley of patriotic music, to an audience of wounded veterans bused over from the Walter Reed Medical Center out in the Rose Garden, with the President, surrounded by the Republican leadership, signing the veto under the "Veto Accomplished" banner.

"The President want to let these heroes know," offered Bartlett, wiping a tear from his eye, "that, even if the Democrats in Congress don't support the troops, the President does."

Bartlett indicated that it has not been decided if the President will be attired in his usual business suit, or if he will don the flighsuit for the signing. Sources have told The Garlic that there was a discussion of having the President, in flighsuit, parachute into the Rose Garden for the signing ceremony.

The thrown-together ceremony is a direct response, and raising of the stakes, to the Democrats, who staged their own signing statement in preparing the bill to be sent over to the President.

Privately, the White House was bristling, with the Democrats intentionally sending over the bill on the 4th Anniversary of President Bush's infamous "Mission Accomplished" debacle.

"We want to show them," huffed Bartlett, "that two can play this game ...We're no strangers to banners and we have the bigger bully pulpit in which to hang it"

Vice President Dick Cheney is expected to be at the veto signing ceremony and may, The Garlic has been told, offer an update of his "Last Throes" declaration. No word from the White House, or the Vice President's office on who is now in their last throes.

"It wouldn't surprise me," offered Hugh P. Varicator, a consultant with the conservative hawkish think tank, “Cry Wolf”, that is said to be closely affiliated with The Project for the New American Century (PNAC), and, some say, may be an adjunct to the White House Iraq Group, or WHIG, "that Cheney tweaks'em, and names Reid and Pelosi. He's been laying it on thick the last few weeks."

Bartlett wouldn't say what the White House strategy is beyond the veto signing ceremony.

When questioned by reporters, Bartlett, while not offering any information, did not rule out new terror alerts, announcements of the terror plots foiled and the arrest of Al-Qaeda members, or the further good news progress reports on the Surge Policy while downplaying the increase in deaths of U.S. soldiers and Iraqi citizens.

"Nothing is off the table," declared Bartlett.

Bonus Links

Perino: If Americans Don't Agree With Bush, They're Showing Bad Character

Four Years After 'Mission Accomplished'

‘Mission Accomplished’ By The Numbers

No hum-drum signing today for the Chief Decider ... Military bands, wounded vets, all under a "Veto Accomplished" banner

1 comment:

Bukko Boomeranger said...

My prediction: Bush will have a signing ceremony in Arlington National Cemetery, where all the soldiers are safely buried, with none of the embarrassment and exposure to crying widows and mothers of an actual funeral.

There he will say "Democrats want all these men to have died for nothing. Not just the ones from Operation Iraqi Liberation, but all the ones who have died in all the wars America has ever fought. Because if they want to withdraw from the occupation of the Babylon Oil Colony, that means America will be a loser. And they will be saying 'All you soldiers are losers. You hear that? The Democrats are calling you LOOOOOOOSERS!'"

Then Bush will SIGN the bill. That's because Attorney General Gonzales will have drafted a signing statement saying "In accordance with his powers as a unitary executive in a time of war, the President reserves the right to spend however much money he wants on whatever he wants, and do any damn thing he chooses. So HA HA, you looooooosers!"