Monday, February 02, 2009

Breaking News! Groundhog Sees Obama's Shadow

Chaos erupted at Gobbler's Knob this morning, as the prognosticating groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil emerged from his den, only to see the shadow of newly-elected President Barack Obama.

Handlers of Punxsutawney Phil were at a loss to explain the phenomenon.

With television cameras whirring, nervous officials declared they were uncertain, if this meant six-more-weeks of winter, or, that this uncharted vision signaled it would be six-more-weeks of Obamamania, or, worse, more economic downturn.

Additionally, with the annual gathering already at tens-of-thousands of spectators, once word circulated of the groundhog's sighting of Obama's shadow, hundreds-of-thousands more began flocking to the tiny berg, clogging Pennsylvania highways, and creating unprecidented gridlock.

Telephone and cellphone service was knocked out in Pennsylvania, and, for most of the Eastern Seaboard, while, the rest of the country has been experiencing busy signals and, erratically, dead lines.

Punxsutawney Phil's website, as well as a bevy of additional websites on groundhogs crashed, as millions attempted to log in to see the incredible event.

"It was clear-as-day," one Gobbler's Knob attendee gushed.

"You could see the groundhog, kind of, recoil, and the shadow, clearly with the large ears that Obama has, was briefly visible."

Some claimed it was a hoax, that the shadow of Obama's ears were painted on to the groundhogs' den, however, officials denied that was the case.

"We don't tell, or influence, Phil in any way, shape or form," said one of Punxsutawney Groundhog Club's Inner Circle members.

The White House issued a brief statement, indicating that they were pleased to hear that Punxsutawney Phil "was a President Obama supporter", and hoped that his sighting can "bring Republicans, Democrats, and groundhogs together, to help solve the nation's problems."

White House Press Spokesman Robert Gibbs refused to confirm, or deny, that the Obama White House made a special request to Punxsutawney Phil, asking for a prognostication on when they would receive a cabinet candidate without a tax problem.

In a related matter, Purple, Silver and Blue ticket holders to the Obama Inauguration that were denied entry, had been assured there would be room for them at Gobblers Knob, as a "make-up" for missing the historic swearing-in ceremony, were again, shut out, and left standing outside, and far away, from the Punxsutawney Phil festivities.

More as this story develops ...

Bonus Punxsutawney Phil Riffs

AP: Punxsutawney Phil sees shadow; winter to continue

Groundhog Lied; Investigation Launched

Breaking News! Bush Administration To Tap Punxsutawney Phil To Bolster Foreign Policy ...Gobbler's Knob Appearance Tomorrow Will Be Last For Famous Prognosticator

More Discord In The White House ...White House At Odds With Groundhog Hire, Handlers Over Cheney Shooting ...Bush Said To Be "Livid, As Famous Prognosticator 'Never Tipped Us Off"; UK's Blair Said To Be Frantic For Direction

Breaking News! Bush Sees Shadow; Another Year of Lawbreaking Predicted ...Oval Office Event Draws Thousands; Top Hat and Tails, and an Outcome "Just Like The Movie"

No comments: