Top Ten Cloves: Possible Reasons Tiger Woods Is Coming Back To Golf In The Masters

News Item: Major decision: Woods will play Masters

10. Still trying to verify announcement; Woods might be messed up by the early Daylight Savings Time

9. Augusta is one city that he doesn't have a mistress in?

8. Topeka, Kansas said they would diss Google, and name themselves Tiger Woods if he came back

7. Looking to crack, get referenced, in that "shitmydadsays" thing

6. Announcement in error; Tiger just was getting early start on his St. Patrick's Day celebrating

5. Needs a new green sport coat, since wife Elin took a scissors to all his others

4. It's a result of a compromise with Britt Hume

3. Was just waiting until Jay Leno went back to 11:30

2. It was either The Masters, or The Marriage Ref

1. Eric Massa tickled him until he agreed to come back to golf in The Masters

Top Ten Cloves: Things President Bush Didn't Give Up Over Iraq War

News Item: Bush: I quit golf over Iraq war

10. Ek-A-Lec-Tic Reading

9. Giving Dishonest Lobbyist (now convicted and jailed) access to the White House

8. Using The Google

7. Firing U.S. Attorneys over politics

6. Using retired military officers as propaganda tools

5. Letting phony reporter ask softball questions in White House Press Briefings

4. Torturing prisoners

3. Lying about torturing prisoners

2. Outing Covert CIA Agents

1. Commuting Prison Sentences of people that lied about outing CIA Agents for him