Hagee Going Emily Litella On Us ...

Never Mind!

Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain's endorser, the Reverend John Hagee is going all "Emily Litella" today, sending a letter of apology to the Catholic League, backtracking from his comments that the Catholic Church is the "Great Whore"

McCain Backer John Hagee Apologizes to Catholics

“Out of a desire to advance greater unity among Catholics and Evangelicals in promoting the common good, I want to express my deep regret for any comments that Catholics have found hurtful,” Hagee wrote, according to an advanced copy of the letter reviewed by Washington Wire. “After engaging in constructive dialogue with Catholic friends and leaders, I now have an improved understanding of the Catholic Church, its relation to the Jewish faith, and the history of anti-Catholicism.”

In the letter, addressed to Bill Donohue, president of the Catholic League and one of Hagee’s biggest critics, Hagee pledges “a greater level of compassion and respect for my Catholic brothers and sisters in Christ.”

Josh Marshall, over on TPM has a question, with Hagee's new-found remorse;

Can we now get him to explain the part about God using Muslim terrorists to create bloodbaths in our streets because the US supports a two-state solution in Israel-Palestine?

And Matt, over at Think Progress asks "Hagee Promises ‘Greater Compassion And Respect’ For Catholics; Will He Do The Same For Gay Community?"

Hmmm ... I wonder if Hagee had to write that letter with SB McCain, or one of his lobbyist staffers, standing behind him, twisting his arm?

I'm sure the Zigzag Express people wouldn't be looking to build up some markers, for when they start lobbing Jeremiah Wright bombs at Obama ... That they can point to the Elmer Gantryesque repentance of Hagee to push back with ...

Don't go out for popcorn on this movie.

It was just last month, Hagee pulled a Chinatown, and went "My Sister-My Daughter" over his comments blaming gays for Hurricane Katrina;

Hagee backs off comment connecting gays with Katrina

Hagee Reneges On Retraction Of His Katrina Comments: ‘God Always Punishes Unconfessed Sin’

Oh yes, this is going to a such a fun-filled general election campaign ...

Vatican Discounts "Bonfire Pope"; Says Flames "Not Hunched Over Enough"

Late Pontiff's Bend Was Measured "Religiously"; Never Used Contingency "Roller Skate Gloves".

The Vatican, this morning, dashed the hopes of a Polish photographer, indicating that a picture of a bonfire claiming to resemble Pope John Paul II, in his classic "blessing" pose, is not the late Pontiff.

After studying the photograph, the Vatican indicates that the "flames are not hunched over enough to be authentic."

"We can say this with certainty," offered a Vatican spokesperson.

"His Excellency was religiously measured, monitored and tracked, for the bend in his back. We have very precise measurements on this and the flames in the photo do not correspond to our records."

This disputes Service director Jarek Cielecki, a Polish priest, who had traveled to Beskid Zywiecki, in southern Poland, close to John Paul's birthplace, to review the photograph, taken by a local man, Gregorz Lukasik, of a bonfire set on April 2nd, to commemorate the second anniversary of the Polish Pontiff's death.

"You can see the image of a person in the flames and I think it is the servant of God, Pope John Paul II," he said.

Unconfirmed reports indicate that Cielecki and Lukasik drew the attention of the Vatican, only after they allegedly signed deals with eBay and GoldenPalace.Com, to purchase the photograph, and the ashes left over from the bonfire.

It was said the price dropped due to the pair not being able to sell the bonfire, while it was lit, as well as not having the official endorsement of The Vatican.

A second rumor says that the sale was complicated by The Vatican's insistence of receiving a larger percentage of the sale.

New Discovery

In damping down the "Flaming Pope", as it is called inside The Vatican, journalists were offered to look over the voluminous register book on the recordings of Pope John Paul's hunched back.

Measurements were taken daily, and escalated to twice daily in his last few years, with specially-designed "Papal Calipers" and included weekly xrays.

Also included in the measurement book were detailed design sketches of what was titled "Roller Skate Gloves".

Officials in The Vatican were concerned that Pope John Paul's hunching was increasing, and, potentially, if he lived longer, he would be bent completely over and, in order to complete even some basic perfunctory tasks, as well as move around the vast Vatican palace, some mechanical device would be needed.

A wheel chair was ruled out by John Paul himself, not wanting to appear weak to his flock.

The specs for the "Roller Skate Gloves" called for them to be gold-plated, and trimmed in red.

In a related story, Catholic League President William Donohue lambasted liberals and gays, claiming that they were "biased and prejudiced" against flames resembling Catholics.

Bonus Vatican Riffs

New, Hi-Tech Confessional Booths Possible; Catholic Church To Follow IRS Lead; Will Begin To Sell Confessions; Move Forecasted To Be Boon For On-Line Porn, Gambling, and Divorce Industries

Top Ten Cloves: Things The Vatican Has Done To Make Good Friday Even Better

Breaking News! Pontiff In Major Spread, Popemobile Giveaway; Oprah Lands Pope Benedict XVI For Huge Tell-All Over Muslam Flap; Either Apology or Conversion To Islam Promised In Teasers; Pontiff Turned Down By CBS News Free Speech

Top Ten Cloves: Possible Problems With Suing God

CHRIST SLEPT HERE: A TALE OF EASTER