Retro Garlic: Governor Gaucho Riding Off Into The Sunset

"Oh woe is me ..."

That about sums up the lenghty outpouring today of the former Governor Gaucho, the Appalachian-Hiking, Secret-Brazilian-Lover Mark Sanford of South Carolina.

He took to Facebook to annouce calling off his pending wedding to that Secret Brazilian Lover, fiancée María Belén Chapur, and rambles through the Fields of Elysia, giving a H/T to God in airing the dirty laundry of his divorce proceedings.

A snippet from his Appalachian-long Facebook post;

"...She wanted full control of their custodial accounts which were very significant in size, I gave it. I did these things for two reasons. One, because my good friend Cubby Culbertson had reminded me that it was all God's - and if he wanted you to have more, you would…and if he wanted you to have less, you would have less. He accordingly strongly advised against spending money and time and controversy fighting over things that God ultimately controlled ... "

To which the kids over on Gawker have some advise for Sanford;

"Lawyers, alas, may actually be more powerful than God."

He tells of his ex-wife putting demands on him, like drug and alcohol testing and this;

" ...Finally, Jenny and her lawyer also go on to ask me to undertake an array of programs and evaluations, each one more riveting than the next ..."

Without using the actual word, acting as a martyred Eddie Haskell, our former Governor Gaucho is actually calling his ex-wife a bitch

With a woe-is-me-smile, and heavy heart.

And, he seems to disengage himself, that all these troubles he's blaming on God, are actually the result of him lying, taking on a Secret Brazilian Lover, and putting on he was hiking the Appalachian Trail, when, in fact, he was flying down, to Rio.


Typical corrupt Republican - it's always someone else's fault.

You can read more about it;

TPM:  Mark Sanford Unloads Custody Battle Details In Agonizing Facebook Post About Breaking Up With His Fiancée

Wonkette:  Mark Sanford Leaves The Appalachian Trail; Also, That Chick He Was Banging   The end of the affair

Oh, the Retro Part;

Governor Gaucho!

Like A Lover

Like A Lover

We're going light this evening, as it was a rather busy day on the homefront, and not time enough to do anything meaningful (though there are a number of juicy items for ravaging, which, hopefully, we'll get to in the next day, or two).

However, despite the desire for respite, we can't possibly pass up on Governor Gaucho, today.

If Keith Olbermann every wants to reprise his "Hey ... Get A Shovel", there is a man, desperately in need of such coaching, down in South Carolina.



The divorce lawyers in the area must be licking their chops, as they send email, letters, telegrams, or even, skywriters, encouraging Governor Gaucho to "Keep Talking - Please!"

His staff should start looking to get that Hannibal Lecter mask thingy, if this guy, either can't control himself, or doesn't want to control himself.

Or, simply, it may just be, as Alison Stewart, sub-hosting on 'The Rachel Maddow Show", suggested, that Governor Gaucho fell out of the love tree, hitting every branch on the way down.

Sanford Calls Mistress His 'Soul Mate' ... S.C. Governor Also Admits To Other Dalliances

South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford called his Argentine mistress his "soul mate" Tuesday, but said that he would try to fall back in love with his wife.

Sanford also admitted Tuesday that he saw Maria Belen Chapur more times than previously disclosed, and that he had "crossed lines" with a handful of women other than his mistress in the past -- but never had sex with them.

[snip]

The governor said he met Chapur in Punta Del Este, Uruguay, in 2001 after his final term in Congress and before his first term as governor. He said the two struck up an e-mail correspondence after meeting on a dance floor -- a chance encounter during which he counseled her into the night about her failing marriage.

"There was some kind of connection from the very beginning," he told The Associated Press.

What "Tips for Cheating Spouses" is this guy reading?

Not sure that is the kind of thing you want to say, publically, no less, if you are intent of making good with your wife.

Maybe, as he nears a podium, or gaggle of reporters, the staff should just run out an tackle him.

John Amato, on Crooks and Liars;

Did Sanford tell the AP what the Bible says about "letting his guard down?" What does that even mean? It means that he's a player and has been for a long time.
Will his wife think he should be given a second chance after reading and hearing about all of this? Sanford is a mess and can't stop talking about "Maria." Isn't there a show on the BBC about Maria?

'How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?'

I think there's a reality show in this somewhere. Does Sanford really want to stay married? It certainly sounds like he'd rather have the media send love notes to Maria, his true soul mate than make up with his wife.

Calling the woman, who is not your wife, your "soul mate" ...

Leonard Pinth Garnell, if he were hosting something like "Bad Marriage Theatre", would only be left to utter, "Monumentally ill-advised!", or, perhaps, "Astonishingly ill-chosen!"

However, as has been a tradition here on The Garlic, to provide soundtracks for those in a bind, we have the song for you, Governor Gaucho.

It is full of breaking-heart longing, aching passion, something only directed at ones' true soul mate.

Go for it, Governor Gaucho, copy the link, and fire it off!

Like A Lover - Carmen McRae

LIKE A LOVER - Carmen McRae


Bonus Governor Gaucho Riffs

Wonkette: Sanford Talks Of ‘Soul Mate,’ Other Ladies In Most Embarrassing Interview Yet

D-Day: Sanford's Peculiar "Honesty"

Alan Colmes: Sanford Says He Didn’t Tell The Truth When He Said He Was Telling Us The Truth

Joan Walsh: Mark Sanford's slow-motion crackup

New Garlic Poll ... If the GOP Governors don't want the Stimulus Money, Obama should ...

These guys certainly would qualify, all by themselves, as a boatload of Ignorant Dolts.

Louisiana's Bobby Jindal, Mississippi's Haley Barbor, South Carolina's Mark Sanford, and some others, have all firmly inserted their heads up their rear ends, and have come out bashing the Stimulus Package, all saying they would reject it, or a certain amount of it.

It's all part of their new/old, Back-To-The-Future, Newt Gingrich-Contract-On-America strategy, that is going to sweep them back into power

See, by saying no, becoming the party of "No", being the obstructionists to the reigniting of our economy, they are placing all their chips on President Obama failing, just so they can hit the campaign trails with a "Naa, Naa, Naa, Naa, Naa ... We told you so!".

Other than it will hurt scores-of-hundreds-of-thousands around the country, in their respective states, I would be inclined to say "Go For It!" ... Keep listening to the Cheeseburger That Sweats (aka Rush Limbaugh; H/T to Barry Crimmins for that), and the new Town Crier, Rick Santelli... Let them lead you to even further irrelevance.

So, we thought, rather than waste energy on them, we'd offer up a few options for President Obama, on what to do with the money they are rejecting.

If the GOP Governors don't want the Stimulus Money, Obama should ...

Give it to his daughters

Buy John McCain a helicopter

Go to Las Vegas and "stimulate" the crap tables

Stash it away in a Slush Fund for 2012

Go over to the leftside column and place your votes!

Bonus Links

Think Progress: Obama Hits GOP Governors Rejecting Stimulus Funds: There’ll Be ‘Ample Time For Campaigns Down The Road’

DemFromCT: Operation Unified Lemming

Chris Cillizza And Perry Bacon Jr.: Well Before the 2012 Season, Obama Kicks the GOP a Political Football