Second Palmeiro Bombshell: Tests Positive For Cialis
Star Slugger Lucrative ED Endorsement Deal With Viagra In Jeopardy
The first cleat dropped on Monday, when prospective Hall of Fame slugger Rafael Palmeiro became the first "major star" to test positive for an illegal performance-enhancing substance, or steroids, and, subsequently, was suspended for 10-Games.
Yesterday, the second cleat fell. Palmeiro's steroid test also showed positive for Cialis, the erectile dysfunction (ED) medication.
Palmeiro has a lucrative endorsement agreement, being a spokesperson for the rival ED drug, Viagra.
A spokesperson for Pfizer, the pharmaceutical company that manufactures Viagra, said the company would have no immediate comment, pending their review of the test results. A source told The Garlic late last night that the company, as a precaution, has suspended all television and print advertising involving Palmeiro.
The 40-year-old Baltimore Orioles first baseman apologized for the violation, and insisted that he was unaware he took any illegal substances.
''I have never intentionally used steroids," Palmeiro said in a statement issued after an arbitration panel rejected his grievance. ''Never. Ever. Period."
Palmeiro also denied using Cialis, and hinted that this adds proof that the results of his steroid test may be in error. Palmeiro insisted that he only uses Viagra.
"If someone gave me Cialis, I think I would know it. I'd be on for 36-hours and, man, at my age, I'd remember that"
Viagra, in contrast, works for up to 4.5-5 hours.
Palmeiro, earlier this year, was one of a handful of baseball's stars that testified before Congress in a hearing about steroid abuse and also insisted at that time that he never used the banned substance.
Congressman Stephen Lynch (D-MA) said this latest news was "troubling".
Lynch said the violation also ''calls into question the truthfulness of Mr. Palmeiro's testimony before Congress."
Also testifying at that hearing was Jose Canseco, an admitted steroid user and author of the book, "Juiced: Wild Times, Rampant 'Roids, Smash Hits, and How Baseball Got Big". Canseco claims that he injected numerous players - including Mark McGwire, Juan Gonzalez, Ivan Rodriguez, and Palmeiro - with steroids early in their careers. All have denied the charges.
''I think this demonstrates that Jose Canseco, like I thought, may have been the most honest guy at the table," said Charles Yesalis, a leading steroid researcher at Penn State who testified before the committee the same day.
With his career winding down, it would be an inopportune time to lose such an endorsement deal.
A spokesperson for Eli Lilly, the producer of Cialis, indicated the company was watching the situation "closely".
"We'd love to get a high-profile Viagra user to switch over to Cialis. Especially a professional baseball player. We'll show him that we can put some good wood in the bat - better than anything he ever got with Viagra".
More prisoner abuse is being reported, as detainees in an undisclosed facility in Iraq were forced to stand on their window sill for more than eight-hours, while the floor of their cell was washed and waxed
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Wednesday 3 August 2005
News In Brief - 3 August 2005
Gore To Appeal Neilsen Ratings On First Broadcast
Current TV, the new cable network aimed at the "Internet Generation", founded by former Vice President Al Gore, went live this past Monday, with the potential to reach some nearly 20-Millions homes.
And, already, there is controversy over results.
Overnight ratings, provided by Neilsen Media Research pegged Current TV at a 1.2-share, over alittle over 1-million viewers. By contrast the top rated cable program, the Nextel Cup Racing/Pocono on TNT drew a 4.7-share, or just over 7-million watchers. The No. 10 Cable program, SpongeBob (Nickleodeon) garnered at 2.4-share, or had 3,054,000 people tuned in.
Gore is contesting those results, believing Neilsen did not take into consideration tattered and broken television sets, poor and confusing instructions and, in some areas, intimidation by local police towards people who were inclined to watch Current TV.
Along with Gore, co-founder and attorney/entrepreneur, Joel Hyatt, has enlisted viewers in the much-desired 18-34 demo to contribute self-generated content that’s meant to give Current a hipster TV news magazine vibe. Thus far, about 25 percent of Current’s programming has been submitted by the audience; the lion’s share is put together by network staffers and third-party professionals.
Current presents its programming in two-to-seven-minute “pods” (read segments) that cover a broad range of topics from politics to Paris Hilton.
A spokesperson for Neilsen disputed Gore's claim, indicating the rating results are correct.
A hearing is set in Los Angeles, where a judge will review the merits of both sides' claim. A ruling could involve a recount of the ratings, having the cable industry replay the same programming so it can be remeasured, or no ruling, letting the original ratings stand.
Top Ten Cloves: Evidence of "Intelligent Design" In President Bush's Life
9. The Harkin Energy stocks didn't get sold by themselves
8. Did you think it was chance that placed him in that particular National Guard unit?
7. Two Names - Al Gore and John Kerry … 'Nough Said
6. Believes, most emphatically, that the Project for the New American Century is clear evidence of a guiding hand
5. Any other way to explain graduating from Yale?
4. The Healthy Forests Initiative and Clear Skies Initiative are merely his homage to the Almighty
3. He got the ballpark built in Arlington, didn't he?
2. Who else could have come up with "hanging chads" as a means to give him the 2000 Election?
1. Nothing but a miracle he hasn't been impeached for all his policies and deceptions
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Tuesday 2 August 2005
Annan To Welcome Bolton, But No Share In Profits
U.N. Leader Says Must Be "Approved" To Get Cut of Illegal Gains
U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan said yesterday that he welcomes newly recessed-appointed U.S. Ambassador John Bolton to the United Nations but warned the diplomat not to expect to be "cut it to any profits" soon.
"We only include fully and officially chosen diplomats for the distribution of funds", said Annan.
Annan indicated that the touted Oil-For-Food' program was just one of many sources of illegal gains that are part of the U.N. network. However, there is room for Bolton to enrich himself, if he so chooses.
"Mr. Bolton will be encouraged to design and develop new revenue streams", said Annan. "His background in arms should be an asset in that area".
Mr. Bolton was the former under secretary of state for arms control for the Bush Administration since 2001.
Mr. Bolton was greeted by a crowd of protesters, booing him, as he entered his new position yesterday afternoon. Earlier, in a short ceremony in the Roosevelt Room at the White House, President Bush, using his executive powers, appointed Bolton to the long-empty U.N. Ambassador's seat. The President said that he had "complete confidence" in Bolton.
Bolton said he was "profoundly honored, indeed, humbled" by the appointment.
It was the first time since the United Nations' was founded, in 1945, that the United States has filled that post using a recess appointment. Mr. Bolton is the highest-ranking of the 106 people that Mr. Bush has put into jobs by recess appointment during his administration, now five-and-a-half-years in office.
Democrats held up the confirmation of Bolton as evidenced surfaced of his blunt management style, that included bullying and intimidating staff, as well as his statements showing a lack-of-respect for the United Nations. In the early 1990's, Bolton said that the top seven floors of the U.N, could be "lopped off" and nobody would notice.
There is also speculation that Bolton is being "farmed out" with the U.N. post., that he was "wreaking havoc" in his work for the State Department. Sources suggest that Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice championed "shipping Bolton out of Washington"
Annan said that he is not concerned with Bolton's prior disparagement of the U.N. He indicated it all comes down now to how he fits in and "plays ball".
"I think it is all right for one ambassador to come and push, but an ambassador always has to remember that there are 190 others who will have to be convinced - or a vast majority of them - for action to take place," Mr. Annan said.
Annan has been under increasing pressure to step down, for his management of the scandal-plagued U.N.
An investigation led by former U.S. Federal Reserve Chairman Paul Volker found no wrongdoing by Annan, but it directly faulted the secretary-general's management and oversight of the oil-for-food program in Saddam Hussein's Iraq.
Annan, earlier this year, was being considered by the White House for a position, as the President was impressed with Annan's abilities to carry out large-scaled scandals. Rumors say that it is the White House's hope that Bolton can "soak up" as much experience in this area as he can to give them "additional opportunities" before the end of their term.
"Hmmmm ... I could probably lop off half the White House on this guy and he'd never know it"
Bush Defends Rove: Wants More Leaks
Has "Complete Confidence" and Big Agenda For Top Political Advisor
President Bush, yesterday, came out with his strongest comments yet on the continuing CIA Leak case, defending White House Chief Strategist, Karl Rove, who is at the center of the investigation.
''Karl's got my complete confidence. He's a valuable member of my team," said the President.
Mr. Bush was dismissive of Rove's critics and detractors, calling them a "bunch of whiners" and the President indicated he has a much larger agenda for Rove, considered the architect of the Bush Presidency.
"I expect more leaks … Bigger leaks", continued the President. "There's a whole truckload of people that don't agree with me and they all have spouses. I expect Karl will be very busy when we get back next month.
The President also pointed to the 2006 Congressional elections and he has a goal for Rove to defame at least three Democratic candidates with charges that "they are gay".
"We've barely got into the electronic bugging of our detractors", said Mr. Bush. "Once we ramp that up, I expect a bushel of new information we can use against people".
Top Ten Cloves: Ways To Screw Up On Your First Day As U.N. Ambassador
9. Put in a motion to suspend business for the day so you can hit the Yankee game
8. Keep calling "Kofi" Annan, "Coffee Annan"
7. Scare the bejeezes out of them, telling them, after you, Arnold Schwarzenegger will be the next appointee
6. Mock the French ambassador, asking him when will a French racer win the Tour de France
5. Sucker punch and kick the crap out of the North Korean diplomat
4. Look to see what ambassadors are listed in "Who's Who" so you can feed Bob Novak leads
3. Lop off the top 10 floors of the building
2. Try to pay for your lunch in the cafeteria with a barrel of oil
1. Holding hands with Saudi diplomat sign of respect; Pinching is ass isn't
Monday, August 01, 2005
Monday 1 August 2005
Garlic Exclusive!
Bush To Give Bin-Laden Contract To Brits
Round-Up of London Global Extremists Impressive; U.S. To Bring In "Blair's Boys"
President Bush, before he leaves for his August vacation in Crawford, Texas, will announce that he is awarding the contract for the hunt and capture of Osama bin-Laden to Coalition-of-the-Willing partner, Great Britain.
With 20 the number of people being detained after the failed bombings in London on July 21, including the four main suspects, the President is said to be "bowled over by Blair's boys" in their rapid investigation and capture of the global extremists.
"These guys didn't waste any time", the President said, according to Scott McClellan, White House spokesperson.
"The President was extremely impressed" said McClellan. "He kept running into the Joint-Chiefs-of-Staff office shouting - They got another one".
Sir Ian Blair, the head of the London police, said he'd be "happy to help out the Yanks".
"We'd love to knock up that bearded beanpole one morning and slap some bracelets on'em".
Prime Minister Tony Blair, who will take only a week of August vacation, is said to be waiting for the President's call and official paperwork, giving the British the contract for bin-Laden.
"The President", according to McClellan, "will be monitoring the situation from Crawford. He's pretty confident that he won't get through a cord of wood before he gets the call from Blair that they got bin-Laden."
McClellan stressed that this doesn't not relieve the U.S. Military forces from capturing bin-Laden, dead or alive, but rather, brings in some "fresh faces".
"After what's happened in London, and the quick arrests of all the suspects, the President believes, that with those yellow-vested and funny-hatted bobbies combing the rugged mountains of the Afghanistan-Pakistan border, the global extremists will know that there's some new deputies in town, and that they mean business".
The President has assured the British that, if in capturing bin-Laden, and the global extremist gets shot, there'll be "no hand-wringing" on this end.
Rumors are also circulating that the President will ask for a new admendment be added to the 2006 Defense Bill. The President would like to have "battalion of Blair Boys" in his fight against global extremism.
With new research, scientists are finding that global warming is influencing storms now, rather that in the distant future
Congress Says Gun Makers Can Sue Victims
Extraordinary Bill Passed; NRA Happy But Wants More
In a late session maneuver before their August recess, Congress added to the just-approved bill that blocks most civil lawsuits against gun makers and dealers, an amendment that will allow the gun manufactures to sue victims.
In a 65-31 vote, the senate approved the bill, with its' proponents citing national security issues, saying lawsuits brought by municipalities and individuals threatened to bankrupt the firearms industry at a time when the nation is fighting wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Before the floor was closed, Sen. Larry Craig (R-IO), the bill's author, invoked a rarely-used Senate procedure, attaching to it the amendment that allows the gun makers to sue victims.
Instances where the gun manufacturers can sue victims includes;
- Being in the wrong place at the wrong time
- Interfering in a felony where the gun-holder is registered and legal
- General Stupidity
Opponents criticized the legislation, saying it offers unprecedented protection to a single industry. The bill also requires pending lawsuits to be dismissed.
"It's a blatant special interest bill to protect gun makers and dealers, even if they make firearms recklessly available to criminals and terrorists," said Sen. Edward Kennedy, D-Mass. He called it a demonstration of the "raw, special interest power" of the gun lobby.
The National Rifle Association, a supporter of the legislation, though very pleased with the bill, indicated they want more from Congress. NRA Executive Vice President Wayne La Pierre says the organization will continue to lobby Congress until "every NRA member and every American citizen has the right to shoot another, without fear of prosecution".
Top Ten Cloves: Reasons Why Hewlett Packard Stopped Selling the Apple iPod
9. Fearful of being indicted in CIA Leak case; Rumor out that someone download Valerie Plame info to an iPod
8. Since it fit both companies, doing the PR on the "founded in a garage" thing was getting messy
7. Too many HP employees were blogging about them; Afraid of being sued by Apple
6. Mark Hurd never got the hang of downloading the iTunes; Kept crashing his computer
5. Has new whiz-bang product coming out that will let users HPcast
4. Okay, it was a really, really bad deal that Carly made
3. Steve Jobs' turtlenecks didn't fit HP Dress Code
2. Getting too many returns from HP customers, who thought they were new ink cartridges
1. Has announcement coming; New deal with NCR to sell cash registers that play music
Saturday, July 30, 2005
Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 30 July 2005
Saying he wanted "to be like millions of American's", President Bush will be driving to his vacation ranch in Crawford, Texas this week
Congressman Duncan Hunter
made a surprise visit to the Guantanamo Bay Detention Camp, where he served in the role as "Chef-for-the-Day"
Arizona Officias declared a State of Emergency, as within hours after the passing of CAFTA, thousands of undocumnted aliens began streaming over the border
Blue Note recording star Norah Jones was implicted this week by New York State Attorney General Eliot Spitzer in the Payola scandal.
USA's Swim Team member Chelsea Davis demonstrates what they hope will be come an Olympic Medal Sport in 2012, High Board Forehead Balancing
Friday, July 29, 2005
Friday 29 July 2005
Spitzer Now Sets Sights On Crayola Scandal
Says Could Be Bigger Than Sony Case; Charges Company With Predatory Practices
New York State Attorney General Eliot Spitzer, fresh off is victory in the Sony Payola case, is now setting up his office to tackle what he classifies as an "even bigger" scandal, the Crayola case.
Spitzer says the Crayola scandal extends beyond New York State and will be coordinating his work with attorney generals in, at least, eight other states.
Spitzer charges Crayola with "predatory practices", driving out competition through payoffs, millions in cash, gifts and products.
'Crayola basically hung out a sign to pre-schools and kindergartens that said, use our products, we'll take care of you".
Teachers, administrators and even some parents were lavished with luxury gifts, travel trips such as cruises and envelopes stuffed with cash. The payoffs extend down to distributors and suppliers, even some retails locations.
"All was done with avarice towards their competition", said Spitzer. "The practice was pervasive. This is a more formalized, more corporatized structure".
Spitzer indicated that Crayola used middlemen - distributors and suppliers - to funnel the cash and gifts to schools.
"And when they came across a school or teacher that wanted to go through the proper channels of purchasing, they got tough".
Spitzer says, in such cases, they would lavish even more gifts and attention to other teachers, parents or another school in the same district.
"Or, they would allow the straight purchase, but then, withhold popular colors, like mahogany, atomic tangerine, blizzard blue, to frustrate that teacher. Orders would be late or lost. In the end, the children suffered."
When promoting a certain color, Crayola would often harass a teacher, sending emails and telegrams, asking that teacher "What do I have to do to get inchworm used this week? Whatever you dream up, we can make happen".
Spitzer said Crayola employees sought to conceal some payments by using fictitious contest winners to document the payments and gifts.
With the documentation of emails, and shipping orders. Spitzer charges that top Crayola executives were aware of and condoned the practices.
In one case, Spitzer says that Crayola surreptitiously reprogrammed a teacher's iPod, downloading to it songs with colors referenced, such as "Blue", "It Ain't Easy Being Green" and "Yellow Submarine".
Boy Scouts Fall For Bush - Literally
300 Felled By Heat After Presidential Blow-Off
Already shocked and depressed from the tragedy the day before, when four Scout leaders were killed pitching a tent under a power line, more than 300 Boy Scouts at the Scout Jamboree at Fort A.P. Hill were sickened by the heat Wednesday, while waiting for President Bush to arrive for a memorial service.
The President waited hours to notify the Boy Scouts that he would not be arriving, due to the threat of severe thunderstorms in the area of Bowling Green, VA, where temperatures were in the upper 90's, with high humidity. Mr. Bush rescheduled to visit the gathering Thursday.
Gregg Shields, a Jamboree spokesman, said that half of those felled were treated and released from the base hospital, about three miles from the event arena. Dozens more were sent to other hospitals, where they were in stable condition Wednesday night.
Soldiers carried Boy Scouts on stretchers to the base hospital, and others were airlifted from the event.
More than 40,000 Scouting enthusiasts from around the world to the fort for the annual Jamboree.
On Tuesday, some Scouts witnessed the deaths of the leaders as the large pole at the center of a large, white dining tent came into contact with power lines. An investigation into the accident is incomplete.
Shields said it has not been determined yet if any of the 300 Scouts who were felled by the heat would lose badges, or if President Bush would lose his honorary badge.
Top Ten Cloves: What Congress Will Do During It's August Recess
9. See if Lance Armstrong can swing by Crawford and teach President how to ride bicycle properly
8. Think of "some really hard questions" to ask John Roberts at the nomination hearings when they get back
7. Busy calling lobbyists to fill their gas tanks while home on vacation
6. Will look into the San Diego Mayorship to see if it pays better
5. If children act up, can threaten them with "harsh discipline" because President says it's okay
4. Secretly lobby the President to give them recess appointment to United Nations
3. Will check son's Grand Theft Auto video game and hope they downloaded the special code
2. Hmmm … If NASA can suspend the Shuttle, maybe they can suspend Patrick Fitzgerald's Grand Jury investigation
1. Now that they passed CAFTA, will look up where Central America is
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Thursday 28 July 2005
New Bush Cry: Let Us Beat Them!
Administration Fights, Lobbies To Keep Inhumane Interrogations
The White House is shifting gears, as President Bush is moving away from "Bring it on" to a more aggressive and harsher position.
The President is now warning terrorists that "If we catch you, we'll kick your butt six ways from Sunday, and then knock your teeth out for mumbling about it".
Flyers are being dropped in Iraqi and Afghanistan, written in English and Arabic, telling the terrorists to give up, or "face the beating of your life". A new television ad campaign of the Administrations harsh interrogation initiatives, produced by the Department of Defense, will soon begin running on Aljazeera.
The President has stated that he needs "the beatings" to make "all Americans safer".
The change comes as the Administration lobbies military officials on the need for the President to order harsh interrogations, as new documents and memorandums, recently declassified at the request of Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC), show that the military command is at odds with the President on this issue.
One member of a task force, deputy judge advocate general of the Air Force, Maj. Gen. Jack L. Rives, advised that several of the "more extreme interrogation techniques, on their face, amount to violations of domestic criminal law" as well as military law.
Graham, along with John McCain (R-AZ) and Senate Armed Services Committee Chairman John Warner (R-VA) have introduced amendments to a defense bill that establish rules for the interrogation and prosecution of terror detainees.
Recently, both the President, and Vice President Dick Cheney met with top Republicans, in an effort to have them remove the legislation. Some from the meeting say the Vice President Cheney acted "menacingly".
"He stood there, with an evil look in his eye, pounding his fist into the palm of his hand", offered a source who attended the meeting.
At a press conference yesterday, Scott McClellan, White House Spokesperson, defended the President.
"Just like many of us, the detainees serve at the pleasure of the President. If he wants to beat the living daylights out of them, that's his prerogative".
The Senate Armed Forces Committee is set to investigate new charges of prisoner abuse in Iraq, of forced labor being conducted by U.S. sactioned contractors.
Top Ten Cloves: Retirement Advice That Is Being Given To Lance Armstrong
9. Los Angeles Times is trying new things, pitch them Lanceatorial
8. Village People have a new opening and hey, you've already got the lycra shorts and yellow jersey
7. Join Bush Team and help abuse prisoners by making them race against you
6. Mayorship of San Diego is still available
5. Echilance - Research and discover an herb that will stop colds
4. Marry Sheryl Crow, kick back and man the beer chest in the trailer backstage
3. Reality Television Show on bike racing - Signature phrase can be "You're Tired!"
2. Celebrity Spokesperson - Take up Carl's Jr. offer and wash car in bathing suit
1. Two Words - Ankle Bands
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Wednesday 27 July 2005
Congress Getting "Weary" Of Roberts' Visits
Senators Feeling Stalked; Roberts Relentlessly Using Meet-and-Greets To Boast Chances
Numerous Congressman, including many members of the Senate Judiciary Committee, say they are feeling "stalked" by Supreme Court Nominee John G. Roberts over the past week.
Since last Wednesday's prime time debut, Roberts has been "visiting" Congressmen and Senators daily, to introduce himself prior to his upcoming nomination hearings.
"I couldn't eat my oatmeal this morning", stated Sen. Arlen Specter (R-PA), head to the Judiciary Committee. "I was afraid he was going to pop out of the bowl".
"I had to think quick yesterday and ended up sitting in a feasibility study meeting on moving Alaskan wildlife as part of the Clear Skies Act", said Sen. Patrick Leahy (D-VT), a member of the Judiciary Committee. "I had to go out the side door - he sat in my office for over two-hours, jabbering away".
Rumors are rampant around Capital Hill, of members ducking into closets, taking circuitous routes back to their offices, and one, calling in sick, all in an effort to avoid the what they describe as "relentless" meetings and handshaking.
Not fair says Fred Thompson, the former Tennessee Senator and now actor, the Bush Administration has selected to sheppard Roberts around the Hill and through the confirmation process.
"The meet-and-greet has been a long tradition with court nominees. They're not part of the environment here, they're unknowns when they get here to Washington. We're not doing anything different. We're not abusing the process".
"They're not abusing the situation?", asked Senator Ben Nelson (D-NE). "When I pulled out of my garage this morning, Roberts and Thompson were standing at the end of the driveway".
Many on the Hill thought the prime time introduction by the President was good, and expected, the following day, a few short meetings and photo sessions with the candidate. Then, everyone would go away until the confirmation hearings started.
"I stopped by my dry cleaners on the way to the office the other day", said Sen. Senator Joe Lieberman (D-CT). "When the cleaner pressed the button to make the rack thing go around, to get my suits, sure enough, Roberts was hanging there, ready to pounce on me".
Senate Hearings Begin Today On How Halliburton Used and Executed Iraqi Reconstruction Funds
NASA Almost Missed Photo Coverage Of Shuttle Mission
One-Hour-Photo Corp. Aids Agency; Builds Stand Inside Cape Canaveral
With all the critical details, all the tension in putting up the first Space Shuttle mission in two-years, and making it the most photographed flight in the history of the program, one detail was almost overlooked.
Processing the photos.
With only days to spare, NASA struck a deal with One-Hour-Photo, who then rushed construction of their signature booth on a unused launch pad near the control center.
NASA has placed hundreds of cameras on the Space Shuttle - from on the launching pad, at various locations on the shuttle itself, including one on the fuel tank, the area that scrubbed the flight two-weeks ago,
NASA has a team of runners, shuttling raw film over to the booth and then returning back to the control center with the processed film. Under a special agreement with One-Hour-Photo, the operation is running 24-hours-per-day until the end of the mission in another 12-days.
"That was a close one" offered Kyle Herring, a NASA spokesman.
"You go over the details. Over-and-over-and-over. We're not sure how we missed this".
NASA is ordering the larger, 5x7 photos and utilizing the discounts Double Print offer.
"We could say we're doing it for back-up", stated Herring, "But I think the crew would like a set when they return".
Top Ten Cloves: Other Groups White House Says John Roberts Not Sure Of His Involvement In
9. Absolutely never was with the Chicago Cubs
8. Has no knowledge of the John Birch Society
7. Can say with assumed certainty, he watched the 'Our Gang' shows on television as a child, but never joined them
6. He is, de facto, not a card-carrying member of Dick Cheney's Secret Bunker Club
5. Though he did lose his briefs on a flight, can't say he ever joined the Mile High Club
4. Pretty sure he wasn't one of the Hollywood Ten
3. He is on a Dungeon-and-Dragons team, but we don't think that counts as a club
2. Okay, in college, he did a revue show in drag, but he was never with The Rockettes
1. Has been part of the Precision Briefcase Drill Team in Annual Doo-Dah Parade, but that's not a membership thing
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Tuesday 26 July 2005
White House In Disarray; Releases Rove, Not Roberts Papers
Judiciary Committee Says "Thanks", But Wants Info On Nominee Roberts
In what has been described as a "last minute rush", before the President heads out on vacation to his Crawford ranch, and the Congress takes its' August recess, the White House late last night released papers on Karl Rove to the Senate Judiciary Committee.
The committee had been asking for the papers of Supreme Court Nominee, John G. Roberts.
Rove, the White House Chief Strategist, is at the center of the growing CIA Leak scandal.
"Someone when into the "R" file and grabbed the wrong folder", stated White House Spokesperson, Scott McClellan.
A sources close to the committee said that there "doesn't appear to be anything of interest in the Rove file".
"It's, pretty much, his standard personnel documents".
Early yesterday, the Bush Administration had agreed to release Robert's papers, from his time as White House council, in the mid-1980's and his early job with the attorney general's office.
Senate Democrats are asking for Robert's writings, covering the four years he spent as principal deputy solicitor general, beginning in 1989
Senator Joe Biden (D-MD), a committee member who will question Roberts, said the release of the wrong file "sounds fishy".
"They're trying to hide this guy … They want to keep us in the dark", said Biden. "I don't know, maybe we need to have a special investigation on this".
President Bush has urged the Senate to begin the nomination hearing for Roberts before Labor Day. However, Senator Arlen Specter (R-PA) has indicated it's likely that the hearings will start "after Labor Day"
At issue is the Bush Administration's contention that the later writings of Roberts, while he was working in the attorney general's office, falls into the category of attorney-client privilege. Senator Patrick Leahy (D-VT), the leading Democrat on the Judiciary Committee believes it doesn't apply.
"Lawyers in the solicitor general's office are not working for the president, but are working for you and me, and all the American people", said Leahy.
"There is just no way the administration can give in on that", said Senator Orrin G. Hatch (R-UT), a former Judiciary Committee chairman.
Senator Ted Kennedy (D-MA) warned that the administration "shouldn't stonewall this nomination" and then immediately blamed Senator Rick Santorum for the trouble with getting the files.
U.S. Military Officials released photos of the first
battle-ready battalion of the new Iraqi Army
Labor Split Worries Calendar Makers
How Many Labor Day Holidays To Mark Causing Delays in 2007 and beyond
With the Teamsters and the Service Employees International Union splitting away from the AFL-CIO, the rift in America's labor unions is having an domino effect on calendar makers around the world.
Two additional unions - the Food and Commercial Workers and UNITE HERE, a group of textile and hotel workers - are considering pulling out as well.
What is up-in-the-air is how many Labor Day Holidays will be necessary to accommodate two, or more labor unions?
Everything, from wall-hanging calendars, to desk pads, jokes-for-the-day, Garfield calendars, On-Line and PDA calendars are effected.
A spokesperson for Microsoft said that 'This could screw up a lot of programs. Could even mean renaming Vista".
"This is a crisis", stated John Markem, of Calendars Are Us.
Markem indicated that 2006 calendars are already printed and ready-to-ship, for most calendar makers. By the end of summer, that would be the period where most calendar makers begin working on 2007 calendars.
AFL-CIO President John Sweeney has already dug in a hard-line as to the Labor Day Holiday issue.
"First Monday in September", declared Sweeney. 'That's our holiday … We're not giving that up. Let the scabs go out and get their own holiday".
The departing unions, seven in total, have formed the Change to Win Coalition. Coalition chairwoman Anna Burger stated, after the Teamsters triggered the withdrawal, that "today will be remembered as a rebirth of union strength in America".
Burger indicated that the coalition hasn't taken up the issue of what day will be their holiday.
When reached for comment, Department of Labor Secretary Elaine Chao stated 'that's a very good question".
Markem has a suggestion for the Change to Win Coalition.
"August. It's the only month without a major holiday".
News In Brief 26 July 2005
Village People Policeman Arrested
Victor Willis, the original policeman in the group, Village People, was arrested last week on gun and drug charges in San Francisco.
Police, who found found traces of cocaine and other drug paraphernalia in Willis's home, also had outstanding felony warrants for possession of narcotics on Willis.
Willis co-wrote the disco hits "Macho Man" and "In the Navy" before leaving the Village People.
A court hearing in schedule for next month. Bail set for Willis at $100,000, was paid by a construction worker and an Indian.
Top Ten Cloves: Early Draft of President Bush's Vacation Agenda
9. If Duncan Hunter shows up, we're eating my food, not that crap he brings from Gitmo
8. Start preparing Dick to get ready to fire Libby
7. Oh Jezz - We forgot all about Bolton!
6. Have Andy tell me which labor union I should pay attention to now
5. Good chance to try out those Flip-Flop things
4. Time to invite Tony Blair to the ranch - assuming he's not releasing any more memo's on me
3. Work on courage to fire Karl Rove
2. Go over again with Andy how I'm working to protect all Americans from terrorists
1. Try to remember, no photo's holding hands with Saudi prince's this trip
Monday, July 25, 2005
Monday 25 July 2005
Nader Gets Added To Scandal-Ridden San Diego Mayor Ballot
Gov. Schwarzenegger Considering Old Laws and New Eminent Domain Ruling To Take Over City
Rebuffed so far this year for posts as Iranian President, heading the European Union, becoming Pope and a seat in the new Iraqi Parliament, Ralph Nader made it under the deadline to become the 12th candidate for the open, scandal-ridden San Diego Mayorship.
San Diego, billed as "America's Finest City' and the seventh largest in the United States, has seen three mayors over the past week, following the resignation last week of Dick Murphy, only eight-months into his second term. Murphy believed the city needed a "fresh start", following a storm of acquisitions over civic corruption.
City Councilor Michael Zucchet was named Acting Mayor, but was forced to resign his first day in the post, after being convicted, along with another City Councilor, Ralph Inzunza, of taking payments from a local strip club owner. Both maintain they are innocent and plan to appeal their convictions.
Nader wasted no time in springing to action, collecting the required signatures to place him on the ballot. Nader, doggedly, beat the pavement around the sprawling city, including causing a stir by "caging" himself at the world-famous San Diego Zoo, threatening to stay there until he was placed in the race - including the coveted debates.
This motivated zoo workers and supporters to assist Nader in securing the signatures, as his presence was beginning to upset nearby animals. And, through their keen senses, dolphins and whales at nearby Sea World also showed signs of agitation.
"Look what they force me to do to take part in democracy", lamented Nader.
Among the 11 other candidates Nader is facing, the top three are;
- Jerry Sanders, former Police Chief, who commanded a SWAT team back in 1984 during a mass-murder at a McDonalds,
- Donna Frye, co-owner of a surf shop and an environmental activist. Ms. Frye joined the City Council in 2001 and, in a write-in campaign last November and nearly toppled incumbent mayor, Mr. Murphy.
- Steve Francis, who portrays himself as an outsider in the mold of New York's mayor, Michael R. Bloomberg. Mr. Francis founded, ran and is now chairman of AMN Healthcare Services, a publicly traded corporation that supplies nurses to hospitals.
Nader dismisses his competition.
"I've run in just about every election since 1964. They can't come close to my experience".
Despite a strong economy, a booming biotechnology industry and low unemployment (4.4.percent), Nader has an ambitious plan to lift the city over its' current setback and problems.
"We secede from the United States and annex Mexico. This makes San Diego a national capital and a seat at the table with the big dogs. And that means getting billions in foreign aid from the U.S.".
Looming in the background, ready to throw a wrench into Nader's plans is Governor Schwarzenegger. Schwarzenegger has called a special election for November 8th in an attempt to push through, now two special referendums (a court just recently threw out a third).
Rumors out of Sacramento have been growing that the Governor has his eye on San Diego. Both, through some old, obscure laws still in the California constitution, and the recent Supreme Court ruling upholding Eminent Domain seizures for economic development, Schwarzenegger could take over the city and appoint a person of his own choice to place in the Mayor's office, to serve the remaining term of Murphy.
"I'm sure he would think that to be a 'Fantastic' thing to do" Nader stated drolly. "We know he was being paid under-the-table by the muscle and steroid industry, I'll be filing papers tomorrow to see if he's being paid by the real estate and commercial developers as well".
"Yeah, Mr. Bigshot ... I know a guy who
can get us a deal on a flag real cheap..."
ABC Miffed; Plans On Sending Sawyer To Sudan
Says Mitchell A Wimp; Their Star Will Fight Back To Get Story
ABC News announced that it is preparing to send star correspondent Diane Sawyer to Sudan, to interview Sudanese President Lt. Gen. Omar el-Bashir.
And that "she won't back down to a good fight"
ABC News President David Westin was reported to be fuming that rival NBC and correspondent Andrea Mitchell, who was traveling with Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, got into a shoving altercation with El-Bashir's secret police.
Mitchell had tried to ask el-Bashir about his alleged involvement in the violence in Sudan's Darfur region. Security forces jumped on Mitchell and began to drag her away, and soon hustled all other reporters out of the room.
The dust-up came after el-Bashir initially barring all media from the meeting. After complaints, television reporters were allowed in, but with the condition that no questions could not be directed to el-Bashir.
'We'll send Diane over there to get the story. She'll knock the snot out of anyone who tries to stop her", said Westin. "And she won't accept any conditions".
"I guess NBC News must be promoting "Not See TV" these days", continued Westin. "I mean, what is she going to do - send her husband over there to defend her?"
Mitchell is married to 79-year-old Alan Greenspan, the Federal Reserve Bank Chairman.
Sawyer is said to be preparing for the interview with a regiment of workouts, including boxing and kick boxing instruction.
"I have complete faith in Diane", stated Westin. "When she gets finished with el-Bashir, we might get another series out of it - Desperate Despots Who Get Their Butts Kicked".
Top Ten Cloves: Ways The NHL Will Woo Back Fans
9. Penalty Boxes will have cell phones so offending player can chat with fans
8. Fans that hold on to their ticket stubs automatically enrolled in running for next Supreme Court opening
7. A designated outted CIA Agent will drop the ceremonial first puck at each game
6. Three Words - Monster Zamboni Bash
5. Games that end in tie, even after shootout, Bill Frist gets to call 'Nuclear Option' and Senate votes on who wins
4. For one period each game, goalies wear no equipment
3. Pittsburgh Penguins will field a team of real penguins
2. Word-of-Mouth campaign - Will get the RNC's Ken Mehlman to go on tirade that NHL is picking on Bush Administration
1. Instead of referees, Arizona Minutemen will officiate games
Saturday, July 23, 2005
Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 23 July 2005
The New York Yankees have announced that former Secretary of State Colin Powell will be joining the club as their new Third Base Coach
At a press conference Friday, Senator Charles Schumer (D - NY) displayed some of the tools and resources he will be employing during the upcoming confirmation hearings for Supreme Court Nominee John Roberts
In recently declassified documents, from the early minutes following the shooting of President John F. Kennedy
, Dallas Police overlooked an important clue as to where the assassin was located. 
In a disturbing new trend, the U.S. Military has discovered that Al-Qaeda is beginning to use 'Suicide Camels' in Iraq on their terror attacks
The Garlic has obtained a rare photo of Vice President Dick Cheney entering his secret bunker.
Friday, July 22, 2005
Friday 22 July 2005
Rumsfield to Downgrade Iraqi Forces To 'Wannabes'
Says Couldn't Fight Way Out Of Paper Bag; Statehood Stalled Without Troops
In his most blunt assessment of the readiness of the Iraq Security Forces, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfield called the Iraqi forces "wannabes" and that, at present "couldn't fight their way out of a paper bag"
In a newly released Pentagon report, only two-thirds of the army battalions are "partly capable" of carrying out missions, and that only with U.S Forces assistance. Iraq's police battalions are in worse shape, with less than half the number established and unable to conduct operations.
"Goodness, I don't know what the problem is" stated Rumsfield. "We have our best trainers there. It's unfathomable why more Iraqis aren't prepared. Heck, we can take a young kid from some poke-town here and in six months, he's a mean, lean fighting machine".
Bush administration officials have repeatedly said the 160,000 American-led allied troops cannot begin to withdraw until Iraqi troops are ready to take over security.
The assessment is described in a brief written response that Gen. Peter Pace, the incoming chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, provided last week to the Senate Armed Services Committee
. The Defense Department is required to update the assessment every 90 days.
Rumsfield lamented that, without a significant number of Iraqi forces, combined with that Iraq is still without a constitution, the prospects of statehood continue to diminish (See The Garlic 12 April - Bush Moves On Making Iraq 51st State).
"That would be it … That's the ballgame …The return on our investment goes phooey", declared Rumsfield. "We've made overtures, we've been up front with them … Direct … Here it is … You want to be a state, this is what you have to do"
'These guys are wannabes … They got all excited when we came in … Saddam's gone and they can breath again. Truth is they would have a hard time … The couldn't fight their way out of a paper bag at this point in time".
Rumsfield cautioned that, without significant improvement, he may have to restate his earlier statements, and go beyond 12-years in which U.S. Forces would continue to be in Iraq.
"We’ll know we've reached the tipping point when we have a generational war … When father and son serve in the same war".
In a related matter, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice will make an unscheduled stop in Puerto Rico, upon her return from Sudan. Preparing for the possibility that Iraq will not become the 51st state, Rice is to gauge if Puerto Rico is still interested in the position. No talks have been schedule yet with Washington D.C.
Former Sports Arena Debuts As House of Worship
Video Screens and Cheerleaders Lift Services; Church Fighting CBA Ruling
Lakewood Church in Houston celebrated its' first service in its new church - America's largest - to a capacity crowd of over 16,000, including a Texas-sized welcome from Texas Governor Rick Perry last Saturday night.
Lakewood Church is the former Compaq Center, and former home to the NBA's Houston Rockets. It took more than 15 months and $75 million to complete the renovations, which included adding five stories.
The worshippers at the nondenominational Christian church did have to make a few adjustment to their service, which was also televised.
The service was broken down into four quarters, including a 20-minute halftime and a performance by the Lakewood Church Cheerleaders. Worshippers could watch giant video screens to follow along with the service, conducted by Pastor Joel Osteen and the words to the hymn.
In addition, rather than the traditional passing of the collection plate, the services are now ticketed (and available on Ticketron).
"We're hoping", stated Pastor Osteen, "that some other cities will yield old arenas that can be converted. We can start a league and begin competing against other congregations."
"We'll match our fire-and-brimstone against anybody" declared parishioner Mary Lou Smith
There is controversy brewing as Osteen and the church are fighting in court, a ruling that stipulates Lakewood must "respect and adhere to" the NBA's Collective Bargaining Agreement.
"Being a church, a house of worship, we should have an exemption for this" stated Osteen.
The ruling impacts Osteen and dictates a minimum salary for his other ministers. It also establishes free agency so that his ministers would have the right to move to another church, with Lakewood receiving no compensation.
The NBA contends that they have rights to the building, that were initially part of the agreement with the previous tenant, the Houston Rockets.
NBA Commissioner David Stern declined further comment.
Top Ten Cloves: How Hewlett Packard Told 14,500 They Were Being Laid Off
9. CEO Mark Hurd told the 14,500 to wear pink on Tuesday for a special announcement
8. Code words buried in President Bush's primetime announcement
7. Recruitment letter from Microsoft, expressing thoughts on "your recent job loss"
6. Looked on new Google Maps and saw that their offices were gone
5. Op-Ed piece by Joe Wilson in the San Jose Mercury News
4. Had Sudan President Lt. Gen. Omar el-Bashir's staff do it, roughing up a few employees in the process
3. Karl Rove leaked it
2 2. Secret program hidden inside Grand Theft Auto videogame
1. Brought back Carly Fiorina for a day
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Thursday 21 July 2005
White House Stresses Roberts' Wife "Not A CIA Agent"
No Knowledge of WMD's; No Plans To Send Husband To Niger
In announcing John G. Roberts to be his nominee for the next Associate Justice of the Supreme Court, President Bush stressed to reporters that "Mrs. Jane Roberts is not a CIA operative"
The President went further, saying "there are no planned leaks on Roberts, or his wife" and even chided reporters that "see, we're being up front with you all".
To further demonstrate the point, Chief of Staff Andrew Card released a Press Kit on Mrs. Roberts to the media, which included a detailed interview with the new nominee's wife, and a layout of Google maps, with street and routes outlined to demonstrate that Mrs. Roberts hasn't even traveled close to the location of the CIA Headquarters.
Card did admit that Mrs. Roberts has been near and in the FBI Headquarters, taking a public tour when she was in college. However, Card also stressed that Mrs. Roberts was not employed at any time by the FBI.
"As best as we know, the only thing she knows about Weapons of Mass Destruction is what she has read in the newspapers or seen on television", said Card.
Card advised the media that this actually has been a policy of the White House "for some time" and he wanted to take the opportunity of the prime-time announcement to "refresh" the media on it.
A source close to the White House believes there will be "a flood" of these announcements.
"It's a new strategy to downplay the Rove scandal. Blur the lines … Say we've always down it".
Critics believe Mr. Bush pushed up his announcement for the Supreme Court vacancy in order to push Rove and the growing investigation into the background.
Scott McClellan, White House Press Secretary, said that he was "aware" that Mrs. Roberts was not a CIA operative.
'Yes, they did tell me about this one, in advance".
Card and McClellan were asked if there are any plans to have Mrs. Roberts become a CIA agent, and, if so, will she have the authority to send her husband on secret, fact-finding trips.
"I am not aware of any such plans", stated McClellan. "I don't believe the President has any such plans. He's never stated such plans".
Card indicated, that in the Mrs. Roberts Press Kit, the Google maps will demonstrate that "Mrs. Roberts has never traveled in or near Niger".
Top Ten Cloves: Why Bush Announced Roberts Nomination in Prime Time
9. Roberts bet his old law firm partners he could get the President to do it
8. First Lady was supposed to do a 5-minute stand-up act to warm up crowd but networks said material too racy
7. Knew Justice O'Connor was on West Coast, probably stuck in traffic and couldn't give him grief for not naming a woman
6. Was really a pilot for new reality show - Extreme Legacy Makeover
5. Had to get the Robert's out of their house so FBI could bug it
4. Part of the deal for the advice he gave Brother Jeb on how to rig the 2000 Florida vote and get around the courts
3. Thought, by keeping Rehnquist up late, he'd be so tired, he would want to retire
2. Was a trap, to see if Karl Rove would leak the information as to who the President was nominating
1. Doing it at night, indoors, pretty much guaranteed Roberts wouldn't wear Flip-Flops
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Wednesday 20 July 2005
Editor's Note
The Garlic will not be posted today due to … well … disappointment and re-evaluation
I was riding a pretty good high yesterday, head-up, confident stride and feeling a little smug. So sure was I that President Bush was going to choose myself to be the next Associate Justice of the Supreme Court.
It all was so completely under-the-radar.
Pundits were bashing about names like it was a warm-up at Wimbledon. Issues were thrown in the air like confetti. Speculation was endless, breathlessly hushed as we go to our next commercial break.
Boy, was Edith Clement and Mike Ludig in for a crash they never saw coming.
But then, at 7:22PM, the music stopped. The world was spinning, becoming foggy. That's when I saw the words.
"Don't give up your day job!"
An anonymous commenter posted to The Garlic those soul-changing words.
The clarity and profound vision of this hidden critic. Was a New York Times book reviewer surfing the net and happened upon The Garlic? Did a palm reader descry something in my fonts?
Oh my God! What if it was James Agee being channeled and, out of the billions and billions of postings on the World Wide Web, he tuned into The Garlic?
It was like having vertigo but while lying prone.
What have I done? The day job was long gone and it was too late to call to see if I could get it back
I could get similar work with another company but what if they didn't pay as well? Or offer benefits? And, what would I do if I had to relocate? I made a quick mental note of what cities I would live in and which one's I wouldn't.
Then it hit me, if I got a similar job back, what happens if the company I find myself working for gets sold? Or there's a mega-merger? Time to recalculate the mental note, and add China and India into the mix.
Did I still have a resume? Did I have to update it? Oh man, I'd rather get drilled by six dentists than to sit for hours and, painstakingly, update the resume.
Then, the other shoe dropped.
Breaking news, with such alacrity that my television was rumbling, came that John G. Roberts would be the President's choice to be nominated to the Supreme Court.
Oh well, I thought. Easy come, easy go. I was still under-the-radar and could hold out - there's the rampant speculation hovering over Chief Justice Rehnquist, after all.
To hell with the resume, I said. I didn't care where the comas and semi-colons went. Nor did it concern me if every "I" was dotted or every "T" was crossed. Day jobs, night jobs, full-time, part-time … Who cares!
Bigger and better fish were out there to fry.
And, all the better with a few cloves of The Garlic.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Tuesday 19 July 2005
Bush Cites Need For Proof, Video To Axe Staff
Says Position Hasn't Changed; Also Laments Not Making Goldberg List
President Bush, making remarks at a White House press conference, appearing with Prime Minister Manmohan Singh of India, says he now needs "irrefutable proof … videotape … getting caught red-handed" in order to fire anyone from his administration.
The President was addressing a question about his Chief Strategist Karl Rove, as mounting evidence points to Rove as being one of the leakers, exposing CIA Agent Valerie Plame as retribution for her husband, former Ambassador Joseph Wilson, writing a Op-Ed article at odds with the President contentions for going to war in Iraq.
President Bush defended his remarks, firmly stating that "they are not a shift, or anything different than I have said before".
Over the past months, Scott McClellan, White House Press Secretary, has indicated, and articulating he was speaking for the President, that the President " promises to fire anyone who played a role in the disclosure".
Recently, Mr. Bush's stayed with that statement, but adding that criminal conduct would have to be involved.
In 2003, soon after the identity of Ms. Plame was leaked, President Bush stated that anyone in his administration who had "violated law" would be dismissed
The latest shift in his policy came after consultations over the weekend, with his immediate staff and with Senate Leader, Bill Frist.
Sources close to the White House say the Senator Frist was adamant about demanding that videotape be a requirement. Frist advised the President of his countless examinations conducted by videotape, including his famous pronouncement on the state of health of the late Teri Schiavo, and the finality of proof that videotape offers.
"If this was happening down in Crawford", the President joked, "I'd set a few leg traps to catch the leaker. I'd like nothing better than to find out who in my staff is potential leaking information and even better, if I can catch them red-handed".
The President refused comment on Lewis Libby, Chief of Staff to Vice President Dick Cheney, who has surfaced with new evidence as the second source of the leak to Time Magazine reporter Matthew Cooper.
"I wouldn't want to be a lizard on the wall for that one" stated Mr. Bush. "Dick, on a good day, is pretty ornery".
The President was then asked if he has read the Bernard Goldberg book, '100 People Who Are Screwing Up America'.
"Geez … What's a guy got to do to get on that list? I think I have a pretty good resume to qualify for it, don't you think".
Rumsfield Said To Be Exploring Gitmo Options
Believes Love In Action Group Can Convert Enemy Combatants
Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfield, after months of hearings and criticism over the detention and treatment of prisoners at the Guantanamo Bay prison camp, is said to be close to a controversial deal that will turn over a certain number of the detainees to the group Love In Action International, based in Memphis, Tennessee.
Love In Action has gained worldwide recognition as a leading authority on healing from sexual brokenness. Founded in 1973 by Frank Worthen, one of the groups' boasts is that "there is a way out of homosexuality!"
Love In Action runs a religion-based program, with the intention to change the sexual orientation of gay men and women. Known as reparative or conversion therapy, such programs took hold in fundamentalist Christian circles in the 1970's. The group is often used as a referral by ministries such as Focus on the Family and The 700 Club.
Rev. John J. Smid, the executive director of Love in Action, himself once gay but now renounces homosexual behavior, believes the principles of the various Love In Action programs would work "quite well" in converting enemy combatants and terrorists into "more civilized members of society".
"And, if they happen to be gay", stated Smid, "we can take care of that as well. Our experience in this field tells us many of these people are dealing with quite a few repression issues".
Rumsfield is optimistic that the Love In Action program will be effective.
"Goodness, it better be", smiled the Secretary. "I'm signing the contract today. I suppose it could all go wrong … Blow up on us and we get back some sort of Muslim version of the Village People.
Representative Duncan Hunter, a staunch supporter of Rumsfield and the current Gitmo policies, was holding back on his endorsement of the Love In Action deal, pending an on-site inspection of their cafeteria and food services.
"We have a standard to preserve. The lunches .. food at Gitmo is fantastic".
'If it does work", said Rumsfield, "I'm sure the President will be interested. It might be something for him to cure all those leakers with".
Top Ten Cloves: Other Pay and Revenue Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger Will Give Up
9. Subscription revenues from his special 'Conan The Barbarian' newsletter
8. Well, Ballco is just about out-of-business, so was going to lose that anyway
7. Winnings he gets off special tips at Bay Meadows
6. Can't get paid anymore for being bodyguard when wife is working on assignment
5. The $5 Friday Feel Up where anyone can come into the Governor's office and touch his muscles
4. Will have to take his used, smelly gym clothes off eBay
3. 15% Fee imposed for managing his children's allowance
2. Can't get out of automobile to scrounge for loose change dropped at the Golden Gate BridgeToll Booths anymore
1. No more charging tourists visiting Capital to hear him say "I'll Be Back"
Monday, July 18, 2005
Monday 18 July 2005
Goldberg Book Gets Heat From Govt, Conservatives
Publishers Considers Changes In Face of Pressure; Calls Come For New Slant To Push Abstinence
Harper-Collins, publisher's of the Bernard Goldberg book, '100 People Who Are Screwing Up America', is pulling the book out of stores and off of the internet, after increasing and mounting pressure from Secretary of Education Margaret Spellings and other conservative groups.
"We believe Mr. Goldberg has acted irresponsibly in promoting this level of sexual promiscuity", said Secretary Spellings. "This is far worse than anything Buster could do."
Spellings, of course, was referring to her letter and pressure from last January, to PBS CEO Pat Mitchell, expressing "strong and very serious concerns" about the "Postcards From Buster" episode. The episode in question, "Sugartime!", was when the 8-year-old animated Buster visited two families in Vermont who made maple syrup and cheese; one of the families was headed by gay parents.
Spellings sent a similar letter to both HarperCollins and Mr. Goldberg.
In a copy of the letter obtained by The Garlic, Spellings expressed "a concern for young school children seeing this book cover, and the explicit language and act inferred". Spellings included a computer print out, as a sample, of New York City, listing bookstores near schools.
Spellings also noted in her letter that the specific word, "screwing' and added "I thought we nipped this kind behavior following the Janet Jackson incident".
Spellings ended the correspondence with "I hope that Mr. Goldberg can imbue his work with some strong, Christian values, including the equal promotion of abstinence".
HarperCollins issued a statement that "we are re-evaluating our marketing and campaign for Bernard Goldberg's latest work".
Goldberg has also published 'Bias: A CBS Insider Exposes How The Media Distort The News' and 'Arrogance: Rescuing America From the Media Elite' and also appears on HBO's Real Sports, as a reporter.
Goldberg, at a press conference, was livid.
Clutching the letter from Spellings, he angrily denounced the "implied censorship".
"She wants me to include abstinence? … Fine - We call the new book '100 People Who Give Blow Jobs To America'!"
Along with the Spellings letter, conservative Christian groups and organizations have also called for the book to be changed or edited.
"We really can't have a title like that", stated Tony Perkins, leader of the Family Research Council.
"If we have to, we'll call a massive 'Bernard Goldberg Sunday' and have ourselves a big bonfire".
Denny Pattyn, leader of the Silver Ring Thing, a group that hold events for young teenagers and gets the message of abstinence across through music, activities, and 'The 7 Stages of Silver Ring Thing', supports the call for the Goldberg book to be taken off the market.
'We can't be waving that in these teenagers' faces"
Pattyn set up The Silver Ring Thing to "attract the attention of the typical 21st century teenager and offer them protection from the destructive effects of America's sex obsessed culture". Teens in The Silver Ring Thing take a voluntary pledge to abstain from sex until marriage.
Pattyn is planning a new product to market - The Silver Bookmark - to the members of his group. The Silver Bookmark is to be used in classics and other books that don't focus or promote sexual activity.
"You won't find any of our teens with The Silver Bookmark in Bernard Goldberg's book".
The ACLU has gone to federal court against The Silver Ring Thing and Federal Government, in an attempt to strike down federal funding for an abstinence-based sex education program, calling it an unconstitutional endorsement of religion.
The Union of Concerned Scientists charges that the Bush Administration has ignored, and actually distorted scientific evidence regarding performance measures that test whether abstinence-only programs were proving effective. The UCS also says that the Bush Administration has suppressed other data that is at odds with their preferred policies.
Ironically, in ''100 People Who Are Screwing Up America', Goldberg takes a conservative position and 97% of the people listed are liberals.
And the reviews?
One Amazon.com Customer reviewer calls Goldberg a "balding 'Ann Coulter in a suit" Another writes that Goldberg "exposes his own flagrant bias by writing a nasty piece of work where he blames liberals for everything that is wrong with America".
Goldberg indicated that he did receive a letter of support from White House Chief Strategist, 'Karl Rove, who, himself, is also under fire.
Goldberg said that Rove told him to "hang in there" and also asked if Goldberg "knew that Joe Wilson's wife worked for the CIA".
Top Ten Cloves: Ways To Tell Your Next Door Neighbor May Be Involved In The CIA Leak Case
9. Scott McClellan has no trouble telling media you were involved
8. Bloggers are saying nasty things about you and have posted photos of your house
7. President Bush deems you haven't been loyal enough and gets you fired
6. Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald threatens you with jail if you don't give up your neighbor's sources
5. Reporters are badgering you for your wife's name
4. Karl Rove writes an Op-Ed piece, accusing you of helping your neighbor trying to sell yellow-cake uranium to Iraq
3. You get a note from Judith Miller, telling you not to worry, she won't give you up
2. Bernard Goldberg says he's going to list you in the squeal - 'Another 100 People Who Are Screwing America'
1. Neighbor comes over to borrow a cup of suger and stays an hour, smearing Joe Wilson
