Friday, April 21, 2006

Bolten Making The Keystone Cops “Look Organized”

White House Flooded With High Tension, As President Undecided Today

Early Morning Signs Leaned Towards Being “Uniter”; Bolten Having Second Thoughts About New Position

Sources tell The Garlic that the White House is, for all intents and purposes, shut down today, with no activity whatsoever, as President Bush has been decidedly undecided today.

It was just a week ago that President Bush boldly and confidently declared himself “the decider”.

In being forced to defend Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, the President stated;

I say, I listen to all voices, but mine is the final decision. And Don Rumsfeld is doing a fine job. He's not only transforming the military, he's fighting a war on terror. He's helping us fight a war on terror. I have strong confidence in Donald Rumsfeld. I hear the voices, and I read the front page, and I know the speculation. But I'm the decider, and I decide what is best. And what's best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the secretary of defense.

President’s Indecision Today “Will make what happened during Katrina look like a cat nap”

While, early this morning, there appeared to be signs from President Bush, that he was going to be in his “Uniter” persona, the moods shifted suddenly, after Mr. Bush announced that he was “undecided” about what he wanted to do.

West Wing staffers are said to be “edgy” and “walking on eggshells”. The White House switchboard has been turned off, with calls routed to the State Department. There are serious concerns of a ripple effect, into other areas of the government, possibly closing down offices, national parks and monuments

Unconfirmed reports have been coming in that other government employees have been emboldened by the President, and are declaring their own personal character strengths, announcing they are “deciders” too, or they know “what’s best” in their particular job position and are changing rules and policies.

“This is as bad as I have seen it,” said one White House staffer, who asked that their name not be used. “If the President doesn’t snap out of it, this will make what happened during Katrina look like a cat nap.”

It is being reported that, even with his iPod, the President has set it to “shuffle”, refusing to even decide on a song to hear.

Rumsfeld “Jonesing” For A Statement of Support

With the President being undecided today, there are rampant rumors that Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld has been frantically soliciting other Cabinet members, even a handful of foreign leaders, to issue statements defending him against the growing criticism and calls for his resignation.

“It like he needs a fix,” offered on Pentagon staffer, who asked their name not be used. “He’s Jonesing for it ...Pacing around, distracted ... Wolfing down candy bars ... He needs someone to say something today.”

With the activities surrounding the official visit yesterday, of China President Hu Jintao, President Bush had to drop from his schedule the daily backing of the embattled Secretary.

Rumsfeld reportedly met with Chief of Staff Joshua Bolten, asking him if there would any staff changes today, and, if so, if he could plug in “a word, or two” about Rumsfeld. Unconfirmed reports indicate that Rumsfeld badgered Bolten, to hire someone specifically to issue statements of support, perhaps, as a means to make-up for his glitch earlier this week.

Bolten Making The Keystone Cops “Look Organized”

Bolten, in what many in Washington consider a disastrous first week on the job, fumbled a Rumsfeld press conference, attempting to substitute FEMA trailers for vintage Army wagons to rally around the Secretary. That was followed with pushing Press Secretary Scott McClellan out the door out the door and beginning inching Deputy Chief of Staff Karl Rove closer to it.

Yesterday’s ceremonies for President Hu’s visit couldn’t have gone worse for the Chief of Staff.

“The gaffes they did yesterday,” offered Eddie Mars, editor of 'Please Shoot Me', the newsletter that tracks the Fox News Channel, “makes the Keystone Kops look organized.”

First, President Hu’s address was interrupted by an accredited White House Press Pass holder, Wenyi Wang, a member of Falun Gong, the spiritual sect banned in China.

Ms. Wang screamed at the two presidents, for nearly three-minutes, with calls for "President Bush, make him stop persecuting Falun Gong," and “to stop the killing” before she was hustled away by the Secret Service.

Shortly after this incident, at the playing of the two national anthems, the White House announcer introduced China as “The Republic of China”, the formal name of China’s dedicated rival, the island nation of Taiwan. Mainland China’s official name is “The People’s Republic of China,” and it is an extremely sore point between the U.S. and China, on the American support for Taiwan, as China considers Taiwan as part of their sovereign territory.

They couldn’t have offend President Hu, and China more,” added Mars, “if they practiced for it. This falls on Bolten”

Bolten With Second Thoughts? Bush Acting Nixonian?

Privately, longtime White House aides are concerned, that on one hand, Bolten may be having second thoughts about having stepped in as Chief of Staff. At the same time, they worry, that with Bolten in charge of the White House, how much worse will it get.

There’s also apprehension over the President indicating that he listens “to all voices.”

Between abandoning his domestic agenda, the horrific results in the War in Iraq and subsequently, the steep drop in polls, the looming legal battles over his illegal spying and eavesdropping on American citizens, the indictments and scandals surrounding his administration, as well as the Republican Party, more than a few staffers are thinking the President wasn’t referring to paying attention to the media.

“We could be looking at,” one senior West Wing staffer offered somberly, “Nixon, walking around the halls, talking to the portraits here.”

















With President Bush "decidedly undecided" today, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld is said to be "jonesing" for a statement of support

No comments: