Sunday, July 02, 2006

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 2 July 2006

After being hounded by the media, for his comments last week that “Valerie Plame was not a CIA Agent”, the indicted former Majority Leader Tom Delayadmitted that “I wasn’t really a Congressman, either”

DNC Leader Howard Dean joined the critics lambasting The New York Times, over their publishing of President Bush’s secret review of financial records.

Dean questioned “Why the Times didn’t sit on the story for a year, and print it after the elections, like they did with the NSA Wiretapping scoop ...”

Dan Abrams, recently elevated to the top post at MSNBC said this week that he is not daunted by the work that lay ahead of him.

“Summer just started and I’m pretty confident that some white woman will go missing, runaway, what have you ...Or, we’re bound to get some trivial celebrity trial that we can cover wall-to-wall”

Abrams also offered that, with the cable network changing to more taped programming, one of the first shows out-of-the-gate under his rein will be a two-hour special, based on a tip from one his stars, Keith Olbermann, host of the popular ‘Countdown” program, examining if fellow MSNBC host Rita Cosby is “dumber than a suitcase of rocks.”

It’s being reported that actress and comedienne Rosanne Barr has been “badgering” professional sports teams, arenas and other large events, offering to pay them to have cancelled MSNBC host Connie Chung sing the National Anthem “so I can get off that friggin’ monkey off my god-damned back.

Newly-named Juan Valdez Carlos Castaneda said he was disappointed with the National Federation of Coffee Growers in Columbia only minutes after being chosen.

Castaneda said that he had hoped to update the Valdez character to modern times, and ride around in a Jeep or Hummer, but due to the rising cost of gasoline, “they’re making me stay with that foul, awful-smelling donkey”

McDonalds Corporation announced this week that by early Fall, not only can you order lunch, you can get a haircut by Ronald McDonald himself, while you eat.

McCuts will debut at a limited number of locations before rolling it out nationally and McDonalds is looking into offering soon after, McNails, a manicure and pedicure service.

No word yet on how it will be offered on the menu, or if there will be any “Supersize Me” options

Barry Bonds, already under investigation by Major League Baseball, and, possibly facing charges related to his Grand Jury testimony in the Balco case, said that with the steroids and growth hormones he’s on now, “I can hit homeruns, to any part of the park, sitting down”. Bonds added that he’s hopeful that he can soon “hit homeruns without having to show up”

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