Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard At Democratic Candidates Debate

News Item: Setting the Stage: The First Democratic Presidential Debate

10. What time does 'Grey's Anatomy' come on?

9. If Dodd doesn't make it, he can always get work as ''The Man from Glad'

8. Please, please, please ... It's South Carolina ... No Confederate Flag questions tonight

7. Gee, I thought Brian Williams would be taller

6. Bill Richardson, if he feels like taking a night off, can always pull in the actor Oliver Platt to sub for him, they look so much alike

5. Thank God MSNBC fired that Rita Cosby - Man, it would be torture to have her badgering us after this thing

4. What do I do if, in his rebuttal, Obama asks me how many times I was on Imus's show?

3. Stifle urges to do any "IED" jokes, like that jerk McCain did the other night

2. I hope I can get out of here tonight without getting placed on Keith Olbermann's Worst Person In The World

1. If I were a betting man, I'd put my money on Kucinich as the one to turn and say "Hillary, you ignorant slut!"

Separated At Birth?

The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Warning - Bypass this post if you don't want to be discouraged.

"Oh, I know that very much," Laura Bush responded. "And believe me, no one suffers more than their president and I do when we watch this, and certainly the commander in chief, who has asked our military to go into harm's way."

Laura, Laura, Laura ...

Have you been peeking?

Are you going around the White House, ducking into empty rooms and sneaking on the television?

Are you and the Chief Decider really suffering more than anyone else, over the deaths in Iraq?

More than Jessica Lynch and the Tillman family?

You do understand that it is your husband, the Commander-in-Chief, the Chief Decider who has caused this suffering, and your discouragement?

After all, he was the one that ordered the troops (after, of course, the intelligence was cooked, and his buddies Andrew, and Karen, and Scooter, and Stephen and all the others, went out and sold this war) to invade and occupy Iraq.

And his latest Golden Boy, Army Gen. David Petraeus is talking about all of this continuing, that "clearly is going to require enormous commitment and commitment over time."

And now, and be sure to listen carefully, you can be a big help.

You want to get back to watching television, without the suffering, without the discouragement, right?

Well, you need to become the First Chief Decideress Veto Killer. You need to pigeon-hole that husband of yours and lay down the law. Don't let him leave until he's agreed to sign the new bill the Congress will be sending to him, the one passed today, that, yes, gives him the funding, but also starts to wind this thing down and bring home the troops.

You need to tell him that the both of you need to stop suffering, and that you want to get back to sitting down and watching your television without getting all upset and discouraged.

Get his father (the real one, not the Higher One) to help you. He can pitch that by signing the bill, it will go towards ending some of that "Bush Fatigue".

It's up to you Laura. Happy television viewing, or more suffering, it's in your hands.

Todays Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the-Day

Senate Approves War Spending Bill

Links

Laura Bush: Much Of Iraq Is ‘Stable,’ There’s Just ‘One Bombing A Day That Discourages Everybody’

Brookings Institute Iraq Index

CNN Larry King - Interview With Laura Bush/"The Lost Tomb of Jesus"

Laura Bush: My husband never misled about Iraq

Petraeus Ex Machina

New Feature - The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the-Day

Tuesday, March 06, 2007 The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Friday, March 09, 2007 The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Friday, March 16, 2007 The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Tuesday, March 20, 2007 The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Wednesday, March 28, 2007 The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Saturday, April 07, 2007 The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Wednesday, April 18, 2007 The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Remember Laura ... First Chief Decideress Veto Killer ... You can do it ... Go get'em girl ...

Minced Garlic - New Keith Olbermann Special Comment Slams Giuliani: "Republicans equal life; Democrats equal death?"

Maybe it was the couple of days off ... Or that baseball season is back ... Or, that he had to endure "America's Mayor" Rudy Giuliani for eight-years.

MSNBC Countdown host Keith Olbermann came out with a full head of steam with a new Special Comment this evening, "Republicans equal life; Democrats equal death? Rudy Giuliani exploiting fear for power and personal gain. A special comment about Rudolph Giuliani’s remarks at a Lincoln Day dinner in New Hampshire."

And it didn't take long for him to get the heat turned up - like, about 10-seconds into it;

"Only in this America of the early 21st century could it be true that the man who was president during the worst attack on our nation and the man who was the mayor of the city in which that attack principally unfolded would not only be absolved of any and all blame for the unreadiness of their own governments, but, moreover, would thereafter be branded heroes of those attacks ..."





Then, about a another 10-seconds later;









"And if you somehow missed what he was really saying, somehow didn’t hear the none-too-subtle subtext of “vote Democratic and die,” Mr. Giuliani then stripped away any barrier of courtesy, telling Roger Simon of politico.com:

“America will be safer with a Republican president.”

How ... dare ... you, sir?

“How many casualties will we have?” — this is the language of Osama bin Laden."

Now, something else is going on here, beyond Giuliani's pandering to the lowest common denominator (and do the heralded base Republicans really eat this up like happy soup? What fucking sheep they must really be if they do).

Bush and Cheney have been doing it the past week, or so. Now Giuliani.

Is Rove, and the RNC, spooked by the "lost emails" and the thought of getting their sorry asses hauled into a Senate hearing? Is the Lincoln Group and WHIG on Spring Break? Or are they just trying to save a few bucks by recycling old smears and spin?

"This is not the mere politicizing of Iraq, nor the vague mumbled epithets about Democratic “softness” from a delusional vice president.

This is casualties on a partisan basis — of the naked assertion that Mr. Giuliani’s party knows all and will save those who have voted for it — and to hell with everybody else.

And that he, with no foreign policy experience whatsoever, is somehow the messiah-of-the-moment."

Olbermann then skewers Giuliani, and the Republicans, with a gattling-gun list of "Which Party ... ", which I will let you read or watch (links below) to get the full effect.

"Call attention to the casualties on your watch, and your long, waking slumber in the years between the two attacks on the World Trade Center.

Become the candidate who runs on the Vote-For-Me-Or-Die platform.

Do a Joe McCarthy, a Lyndon Johnson, a Robespierre.

Only, if you choose so to do, do not come back surprised nor remorseful if the voters remind you that “terror” is not just a matter of “casualties.” It is, just as surely, a matter of the promulgation of fear.

Claim a difference between the parties on the voters’ chances of survival — and you do bin Laden’s work for him."

Links

MSNBC's Countdown with Keith Olbermann

Olbermann Special Comment: Rudy Giuliani exploiting fear for power and personal gain

Watch The Video of Olbermann Special Comment: Rudy Giuliani exploiting fear for power and gain

Program Alert! - Bill Moyers "Buying The Media" Tonight!

Greg Mitchell, of Editor & Publisher, calls it "The most powerful indictment of the news media for falling down in its duties in the run-up to the war in Iraq..."

Bill Moyers returns to PBS this evening, with a new entry to the Bill Moyers Journal titled "Buying the War" (Bill Moyers Journal will resume its' regular Friday night slot this week, on 27 April)

Check your local listing and be sure to tune in to see all the dwarfs, finks, phonies, and frauds who were the cheerleaders and water-carriers for the Bush Grindhouse in their lead-up to the invasion and occupation of Iraq.

Links

Preview: BILL MOYERS JOURNAL: BUYING THE WAR

Bill Moyers on Why the Press Bought the Iraq War

Top Ten Cloves: Ways To Tell If You Have "Bush Fatigue"

News Item: Bush Sr.: 'Bush fatigue' may be setting in

10. You trade in your Chrysler after discovering that Lee Iacocca bashed the President in his new book

9. Your friends start saying they're losing faith in you

8. Refusing to fire that problematic employee, insisting that they will follow you home

7. If your family and friends don't give you exactly what you want, you threaten to veto them

6. You start building a wall between your house and the neighbor you don't like next door

5. Inexplicably, at cocktail parties, you launch into tirades against Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid

4. You knew exacting what President Bush was talking about, when he went on about "marriage, chicken-plucking and polls that go poof"

3. What's wrong with reading Shakespeare and having an "Ek-A-Lec-Tic" Reading List?

2. You always referred to it as "The Google" too

1. There's a flightsuit in your closet and a "Mission Accomplished" banner in the garage


Unfortunately, the Chief Decider isn't fatigued, not with taking 409 vacation days since taking office

Obit - Avis Founder Pulls Off The Road at 92

Warren Avis, founder of the Avis Rent A Car company, passed away yesterday, at the age of 92.

Avis began the company in 1946, at the Willow Run Airport, Detroit - the first car rental operation at an airport location. He would grow the company, engaged in fierce competition with rival Hertz, selling it in 1954 for $8-Million.

A decorated World War II veteran and an entrepreneur, Avis also enjoyed success in other fields, including electronics, sporting goods, and real estate.

In lieu of flowers, the family requests that you try harder (and not rent cars from Hertz)

Link

Warren Avis; remade use of rental cars

It's A Rovey Tuesday

My, My, My ...

What do we pick from today? ... Cheney, huffing and puffing, ready to blow the house down? ... Cheney getting impeached?

Or perhaps the Chief Decider, deciding to continue to sell the invasion and occupation of Iraq, and stay in the middle of their Civil War, with more fear mongering and three-year-old talking points?

Or Paul "It'll Pay For Itself" Wolfowitz, engaged in his own, little private, Dog Day Afternoon (And would Wolfie be the Al Pacino character, or is he Leon?).

No, we go with the little engine that could, via the Los Angeles Times report today - "Low-key office launches high-profile inquiry".

The Office of Special Counsel is going after the big cheese, Karl Rove, for violation of the Hatch Act, the missing White House emails, among other things.

Now, it could end up being nothing, or, perhaps, those five appearances Rove made before the Libby Grand Jury allowed Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald to build up a nice little file that, maybe, just maybe, he dropped into the In Basket, on his way out the door.

At any rate, we have a song for another member of the Bush Grindhouse

Throw on the Stones and sing along

Rovey Tuesday

He would never say where the next lie came from
Scooter don't matter, he's gone
While Bush isn't that bright
It is in Cheney's darkest night
No one knows
His lies that comes and goes

Goodbye, Rovey Tuesday
Who could hang an indictment on you?
When you lie with every new day
Still I'm gonna miss you...

Don't question why Iraq needs to be so free
He'll tell you it's the only way to be
He's just Bush's Brain
With a smear, ready to inflame
And everything's lost
If the Dem's don't pay the cost

There's no time to lose, I heard him say
Bashing the Dems is merely child's play
Crying all the time
About every silly crime
As he rubs their faces in slime
Ain't life unkind?

Goodbye, Rovey Tuesday
Who could hang an indictment on you?
When you lie with every new day
Still I'm gonna miss you...

Minced Garlic - Keith Olbermann, Paul Rieckhoff and Larisa Alexandrovna Expose Bush Giving Aid To The Enemy

"One of the things that did happen today that concerned me was that during Bush‘s press conference, he actually showed a graphic that showed 24 urban military outposts in downtown Baghdad ... Our enemies aren‘t stupid. They can look at that and figure out a grid coordinate and try to drop mortars on those exact locations ... "

All the spin, the smears, the lies, the attacks on anyone who opposed the Great Decider, labeling them as giving aid and comfort to our enemies.

When an opponent does, they're a Nazi Appeaser, or worse.

When Bush, or one of his henchman do it, why they are supporting the troops and fighting the global war on terror.

It was an unguarded, unprompted, unplanned moment last Friday evening, on MSNBC's Countdown with Keith Olbermann.

Olbermann was interviewing veteran, veteran advocate and 'Chasing Ghost' author Paul Rieckhoff regarding the continuing growing scandal over the death of Army Ranger Pat Tilman.

Near the end of the interview, Olbermann ask Rieckhoff to comment on the Harry Reid "The War is Lost" statement made in the Senate the day before.Rieckhoff briefly addressed that and then turned to the bombshell of President Bush, complete with slides, showing off military position around Baghdad at a speech in Ohio.

Larisa Alexandrovna, of at-largely, and also an investigative journalist, essayist and poet, managing news editor of Raw Story, and contributor to Alternet, and The Huffington Post, picked up on it as well.

"My good friend Paul Rieckhoff just made an interesting point on Countdown regarding a speech given by the Decider today. I had not noticed this, but apparently our beloved leader put a big red X on where US are positioned in Iraq, showing once again that his version of supporting the troops is at best political theater and at worst, dangerous to our national security."

Links

Note: The video of the Olbermann-Rieckhoff interview, the Bush giving aid to our enemies comes at the very end of the video. And Alexandrova's link offers a transcript of Bush giving his speech and spilling the beans on where troops are located.

Larisa Alexandrovna - Bush to terrorists: Here is a map of our troop movements

Video: Keith Olbermann - Paul Rieckhoff Interview - New details in Tillman investigation

Transcript of 'Countdown with Keith Olbermann' for April 20

'Chasing Ghost' author Paul Rieckhoff

Minced Garlic: Another Stellar Keith Olbermann Special Comment - “A special comment about lying”

Minced Garlic Redux! ... New Keith Olbermann Special Comment, - 'Have you no sense of decency, sir?' This Time, Slapping Down The Decider, Himself

VIDEO COMPILATION: Bush Fear-Mongering Reaches Fevered Pitch In


"He who laughs first, laughs last"

Top Ten Cloves: Reasons President Bush Decided Not To Be Funny At WHCA Dinner

News Item: Bush Passes Up Comedy at Media Dinner

10. Overcome with fear that members of the audience was going to follow him home

9. Hard time concentrating on writing material with that new War Czar job still sitting open

8. Worried also about the French elections; Offered to give candidate Ségolène Royal a neck rub if she was too tense

7. Cheney said he'd kick his ass if he told any jokes

6. Wanted to save his good ones to tag the new Baghdad wall with

5. He was too bummed out after seeing the private performance, at the White House, by Rich Little

4. Tested material last week - the chicken-plucking, marriage, and, polls, going poof-thing - and it didn’t' go over too well

3. Well, After Scooter Libby was the one staff member who used to give him good jokes and he's .. Well ... He's not around anymore

2. President silently protesting the media continuing to call what's going on in Iraq a Civil War

1. Only thing he could think of was to do that "Looking For WMD's In His Office" gag again

Bonus Links

Arianna Huffington's "Frayed Nerves, Excruciating Punchlines, and Sanjaya: My Night at the White House Correspondents' Dinner"

After the Correspondents' Dinner, Parties Are Icing on the Cake


Well, he could have done a visual, and come to the dinner dressed like this ...

Retro Garlic ... Bonds Bashing and Landis Landing ... In The Lab ... Again

Not a dead-on retro look but pretty darn close ....

We have the Steroid Boys back in the news today, as the San Francisco Steroid Slugger is closing in on Hank Aaron's homerun record, while the Cycling Steroid Man is trying to close the door, as he is back testing positive - again.

Bonds hits No. 740, now 15 shy of tying Aaron

Landis Tests Positive on Follow-Up Tests

And on The Garlic last August ...

Breaking News! ... Baseball Bombshell Expands Steroid Scandal; Giants’ Bonds Tests Positive For Landis Testosterone; Cyclist Said To Be Kingpin Of Lucrative Doping Ring, Selling His Own DNA

Stay Tuned ... It ain't over until the fat (by way of steroids) lady sings

WHCA Dinner - Hey, Check That Guy For A Pulse!

Rich Little ... Frank Dell ... Frank Dell ... Rich Little

In an iPod, downloading world, the White House Correspondents Association, for their annual dinner last night, brought out the old 45 player (though, it could be argued it was an original Philco radio, with the tubes still in the process of warming up).

Smarting and stinging from their choice of entertainment last year, Stephen Colbert, the WHCA didn't exactly steer clear of controversy, when back in January, they announced the choice of impressionist Rich Little as the entertainment for this years' dinner.

Rich Little? The same Rich Little of Las Vegas? Johnny Carson's buddy?

Rich's website, and the list of impressions he does, one big clue is that the only people on it born after 1950 are Fozzie Bear, Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy.

People howled, Keith Olbermann placed the WHCA on his "Worst Person in the World" list and comedian Lewis Black offered that "It's like going from Jackson Pollock to paint-by-numbers. God love Rich Little, but he's not in this decade. He's in no position to pose any threat to anyone. He makes Bob Hope look like Lenny Bruce."

And, somewhat ironically, Lenny Bruce is what they got last night.

It was Bruce's 'Comic at the Palladium' character Frank Dell come-to-life ... You half expected Little to shout out, not "Screw Ireland" as Dell desperately grabbed at to save his sinking routine, but "Screw Iran" in an attempt to win over the crowd, who struggled throughout Rich's set to muster even basic, polite applause.

They weren't quite the oil painting that Dell mocked his audience about, however, even Lewis's "paint-by-numbers" analogy would be too generous. It may even be likely that C-SPAN, who televised the event, digitally-enhanced the broadcast by showing a few people chuckling and green-screened hands coming together in a clapping motion.

Rich looked less like wearing make-up and a lot more like being embalmed.

If, God forbid, Little, or the President or someone else on the dais went into cardiac arrest, it wouldn't have been one of the beautiful doctors of Grey's Anatomy the WHCA had on hand to rush to the stage, but rather the old heart throb Ben Casey.

Little opened with a string on exceptionally lame Canadian jokes, including bringing the campaign-imploding John McCain into it. With the audience unshaken, you could almost see in his eyes that Little knew the ship was sinking. This wasn't bus loads of tourists looking to laugh off the Early-Bird Special, but rather the Washington Press Corps, media elite and an assortment of celebrity guests.

Some more banter, another lame impression, this of Arnold Schwarzenegger, and it was time for Little to reach down and pull out the show stopper - Johnny Carson.

Likely, a high-percentage of the audience was in grammar school when the former 'Tonight Show' host went off the air - 15-years ago (and died two-years ago). Little tried to rev up the crowd with a tired, old lawyer-as-assholes joke that bombed. Stinkeroo, as Carson might have self-mocked.

At this point, you half expected to see Dan Aykroyd, in his old Leonard Pinth-Garnell character, of SNL's 'Bad Theatre', sitting in the wings, getting ready to lugubriously offer his assessment of Little's performance.

With virtually every impression he did, including his big finale, "Six-President Medley" about half of it was in his own voice.

Little might have finished with a bang, if he donned a white wig and glasses. He could then speak in his own voice but be presented to the audience as Admiral Stockdale.

Little was, allegedly, cautioned not to be "controversial" and layoff joking about Bush or Iraq. So, perhaps the only fair thing that could be said of Little last night follows yet another reference to Bruce's Dell

Dell, after begging the house booker to let him perform on the second show, had to contend with following singer Georgia Gibbs, who, as Bruce lays it on, "has been on now for two-hours ...". As an encore, she asks "for a moment of silence, for all the poor boys who went off to Dunkirk, and never came back ..."

Little's introduction last night came from President Bush, who announced "I was looking forward to doing a little poking myself but in light of this tragedy at Virginia Tech I decided not to be funny." He then brought up Little and the night's carnage was on.

The WHCA should have hedged their bet on Little and built a "retro night", around him, perhaps, rather then having President Bush, bringing in Topo Gigio to open for him.

Links

Bush Doesn't Joke at WHCA Dinner Due to Virginia Tech Killings -- But Rich Little Says 'Nuts'

White House Correspondents' Dinner: Pres. Bush & Rich Little (4/21/2007)


The WHCA didn't want another "Colbert" night and boy, did they get what they wanted

Move Over Fonzie, McCain Wants A Crack At That Shark ... The Results - The Garlic Weekly Poll

Arthur Fonzarelli, move over, you have company.

Quite the spirited week of voting this past week, on The Garlic's Weekly Poll. Our voters believe that Senator, and Presidential Candidate, John McClain (R-AZ) has jumped the shark.

Maybe he's a maverick or maybe he's now just mush, McCain is freefalling in his bid for the GOP nomination, which Newsweek noted last week in 'McCain's Meltdown'.

Money woes has him trailing two other candidates and he remains attached to President Bush's Iraq freefall, including penning an Op-Ed to keep hold of his grip on that free fall

Then came the stroll, his jumping the shark moment, which McCain has exacerbated by pulling a "my sister-my-daughter" on.

And now he's singing little ditties that only cause him to spend more time pulling his foot out of his mouth.

In any case, it sure is going to fun watching him campaign. All the snippiness, the boiling rage just barely kept in check.

Stay tuned as McCain, likely, hasn't finished jumping over sharks just yet.

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll April 15 - April 21, 2007

Despite his absurd and misleading statements about conditions in Iraq, and his third-place, 1st Quarter fund-raising finish, Senator John McCain's meltdown won't be complete until ....

1. He goes water skiing, wearing a leather jacket Tally 32%

2. Turns the Straight Talk Express bus into a mobile casino to help raise campaign cash Tally 29%

3. Relaunches his campaign, using John Ashcroft's' "When Eagles Soar" as his new theme song (with Ashcroft appearing to sing it live) Tally 20%

4. Starts campaigning, accompanied by 100 Soldiers, 3 Blackhawks helicopters and 2 Apache Gunships Tally 19%

This week’s Poll - With the disastrous appearance and testimony of Crony General Alberto Gonzales last week, the White House, likely, has a short list of replacements for when Gonzales, either voluntarily, or is forced, resigns (assuming he isn't indicated beforehand)

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote

Bonus Links

Fonzie Jumps The Shark

Michael Ware: “I don't know what part of Neverland Senator McCain is talking about…”

Top Ten Cloves: Most Likely Graffiti Tags That Will Soon Appear On New Baghdad Wall

News Item: US builds Baghdad wall to keep Sunnis and Shias apart

10. Look, Bush invades Iraq and all he gets is this lousy wall

9. Sunnis Suck

8. Oh good, something new to blow up

7. Shiites Eat Shit

6. Hey Tancredo, where's your wall?

5. Who's paying for this wall - Iraq or Wolfowitz?

4. Kilroy Was Here

3. Here's my purple finger, right here!

2. Hey Cheney, gives us a few days and you can declare your wall here in its' final throes

1. Hey Americans .... Write down your names and addresses, so we know where to find you when we follow you home

Bonus Link

Disney, With Secret Contract, Working With White House, Military On Building Baghdad Moats


"Cool idea, huh? ... A wall ... That's why they call me The Decider"

Breaking News! Gonzales To Shift Testimony, Has New Excuse

AG To Cite 'Circuit City' Policy, Claim Replacement Attorneys Costing DOJ Less; Fired USA's Can Reapply in Ten Weeks

In yet another stunning twist to the growing scandal, sources tell The Garlic that Crony General Alberto Gonzales will abandon the expected testimony he was to deliver today, when he testifies before the Senate Judiciary Committee, and instead, deliver a brand new excuse for the firing of eight U.S. Attorneys.

Gonzales will tell the committee that he actually was implementing what now has become known at the "Circuit City Policy".

The eight U.S. Attorneys fired were replaced with attorneys who are willing to work for less money, saving the Department of Justice, tens-of-thousands of dollars in their budget.

Gonzales will stop short of saying the fired attorneys were overpaid, as Circuit City cited when they implemented their policy, and the Crony General will announce that the fired attorneys can reapply for their jobs - at the lower pay scale now in place - in 10-weeks.

When apprised to the shift planned by Gonzales, Judiciary Committee Chairman, Senator Pat Leahy (D-VT) rolled his eyes and threw up his hands.

"We've gone from the dog ate my homework, to do you want fries with that order," huffed Leahy. "I suppose this means now that the DOJ attorneys now get an employee discount if they purchase a new stereo."

Circuit City, the third largest electronics retailer in the United States, with revenues over $11-Billion, caused an uproar last month, when they fired over 3,400 employees for the reason of they were paid too highly, and replaced then with lower-paid workers.

Much like the fired U.S. Attorneys, Circuit City justified the move, saying the firings had nothing to do with job performance, but rather, to improve the company's bottom line.

The Gonzales shift comes against a backdrop of the Senate committee considering offering immunity to former Gonzales aide, Monica Goodling, to testify. Goodling had previously stated she would plead the 5th Amendment if called before the committee.

Additionally, millions of email messages, between the White House and DOJ, are missing, some of which may be related and/or specifically dealing with the fired U.S. Attorneys. White House staff, such as Karl Rove and others, used an email system provided to them by the Republican National Committee, which has fueled speculation that they did so to avoid investigations.

Gonzales himself is said to have been "studying" over the past two weeks, as preparation for his appearance today.

The Crony General, in shooting a shot across the Senate committee's bow, penned an Op-Ed in The Washington Post this past weekend, offering little new information and citing he has done nothing improper or has anything to hide.

Gonzales gave no indication in the Op-Ed of the new 'Circuit City Policy' that he will, apparently, offer in today's testimony.

Leahy indicated he would wait to hear the Crony General's testimony, before making any decisions on subpoenaing Circuit City executives or emails.

Links

Bush, Gonzales Reportedly Discussed Fired Prosecutor

Aborted DOJ Probe Probably Would Have Targeted Gonzales

Top Ten Cloves: How It Would Be Different If Alberto Gonzales Was The Head of March Madness

Alberto Gonzales Sings 'Justice For Sale'

Did Crony General Alberto Gonzales come up with the 'Circuit City Policy' for firing eight U.S. Attorney's, or did the White House?

The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Warning - Bypass this post if you don't want to be discouraged.

Poor, poor First Lady Laura.

Her DVD rental bill must be astronomical by now, if she is staying away from watching the television - in order not to be discouraged.

It's bad enough that those darn terrorists over in Iraq give her such discouragement, but yesterday, she had to travel with the Chief Decider down to Blacksburg, Virgina, to attend the Convocation following the terrible gun-caused violent tradegy there.

At least her husband got out in front of that early, and firmly, letting his base and supporters (you know, all those potential Bush Library donors) that he stands tall behind the 2nd Amendment.

Many believe the 2nd Amendment, and the "right to bear arms" means defending the country against invaders, or their own tyrannical government.

And many Iraqis (no, not all of them) are "bearing arms" to defend their country against invaders and occupiers.

The irony.

Laura, perhaps, is hoping beyond hope that her husband, and the others in the White House, can get one of those generals, or someone, to take the nice new War Czar job and figure all this out.

If the War Czar, and the surge, work out, the First Lady may be able to go back watching television, sans the discouragement, just in time for summer reruns.

Todays Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the-Day

Baghdad Bombings Kill at Least 131

Links

Laura Bush: Much Of Iraq Is ‘Stable,’ There’s Just ‘One Bombing A Day That Discourages Everybody’

Brookings Institute Iraq Index

CNN Larry King - Interview With Laura Bush/"The Lost Tomb of Jesus"

Laura Bush: My husband never misled about Iraq

New Feature - The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the-Day

Tuesday, March 06, 2007 The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Friday, March 09, 2007 The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Friday, March 16, 2007 The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Tuesday, March 20, 2007 The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Wednesday, March 28, 2007 The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Saturday, April 07, 2007 The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day


"If I don't get to watch my television pretty soon, someone's going to get it!"

Top Ten Cloves: Ways President Bush Can Sweeten The Offer To Secure A New War Czar

News Item: Why I Declined To Serve

10. First guy to find the missing emails gets the job!

9. Since we'll be pulling all the strings anyway, what about if we give him both the job of War Czar and Attorney General?

8. To make sure the War Czars wars are funded, will launch new policy program, "No Czar Left Behind"

7. If single, and with the Secretary of State being single, will throw in White House Wedding if the two hit it off

6. Blowjobs. the I know we're Republicans, but isn't there an intern or someone here somewhere that can give the guy blowjobs.

5. How about we just say we have a War Czar? ... Just like we said we had proof Saddam was buying uranium and in bed with Al Qaeda

4. No restrictions; New War Czar is free to say what he likes, maybe come up with those colorful, pithy sayings like Rumsfield did

3. New War Czar would get to move his girlfriend into a high-paying State Department job - Just like Paul Wolfowitz

2. New War Czar gets to fire three additional U.S. Attorneys and replace them with his friends

1. Will put it in the contract that the new War Czar doesn't actually have to go or visit Iraq or Afghanistan


"Howdy, Pardner ... You wanna be my War Czar?"

Chopped Garlic ... Of Virginia Tech ... The Right To Bear Arms ... And Barry Crimmins

First and foremost, The Garlic wants to extend our prayers and sympathy to the victims and families of those killed and injured in today's - and yet another - senseless outburst of gun violence.

There was an interesting merger this afternoon, as I watched the wall-to-wall cable news coverage of the horrible tragedy that took place at Virginia Tech today.

CNN's Jack Cafferty just finished rattling off a list of school shootings, going back to the 1966 and Charles Whitman and then noted that he could not cite a single instance of such carnage being reported in other countries. Cafferty declared such shootings as uniquely American and, rhetorically asked what made that so.

Well, Jack, for one right off the top of the head, is the readily and easily accessibility of handguns in this country.

With an army of politicians, corporations, organizations and good ol', flag-waving, gun-toting, red-blooded Americans, who resist any controls or bans, they keep said guns flying off the factory production lines and into the hands of anyone that wants one.

No word if the First Lady was "discouraged" by what happened today, but earlier in the day, the Chief Decider had to weigh in and assure the base, that despite the horror and mounting death toll coming out of Virginia Tech, he still stands for the American Way, and "As far as policy, the President believes that there is a right for people to bear arms, but that all laws must be followed."

What a loaded line that is ... "All laws must be followed".

Then, the telephone rang and it was friend, and America's best satirist, Barry Crimmins, who was watching the same news.

Crimmins, who penned a most heart-felt letter-to-the-editor in The Boston Globe this past weekend, over the passing of Kurt Vonnegut, had written a fall-on-the-floor-laughing comedy routine back in the 1970's on gun control.

In the opening of the routine, Crimmins would announce that he was a proponent of gun control, and then, parenthetically, and remedially, explain to any NRA members in the audience, that meant he was for it.

Crimmins would go on, saying that, yes, the 2nd Amendment of the Constitution says we have the right to bear arms.

Fine. Then make it so that whoever wants to bear arms, bear arms from 200-years ago.

He would riff that it would be pretty difficult to walk into a 7-11 with a concealed musket under your coat. And, on the plus side, if you were going to commit a crime with a musket, you probably would only get off one shot before being subdued, due to the cumbersome mechanics of reloading a musket.

But Crimmins didn't just make jokes about the deadly gun violence, he also offered a sensible alternative.

Baseball Bats.

With baseball bats, he pointed out, some three-or-four-year-old, when he or she digs around in Dad's closet, pulls out a baseball bat, and, at worse, gets a lump on his or her head, rather then having a bullet blaze through it.

What a far, far better world it would be, if Crimmins' concept had been adopted.

Schools would make the national news and cable blizzards, perhaps, for the academic accomplishments of their students, not for - and yet again - setting a new standard for death by gun violence.


Links

Barry Crimmins

Barry Crimmins On The Garlic


It hasn't been your cold dead hands, Charlton, but rather thousands of innocent peoples', who've had their lives snuffed out

His Fly Is Down and Nobody Wants To Tell Him ... The Results - The Garlic Weekly Poll

Poor, Poor Alberto.

With so may monikers being attached to him lately, from "Dead Man Walking" to "Gone-Zo", it seems more that he is the simple-minded dolt at the party, who goes around all evening with his fly down, and nobody wants to tell him.

Our Crony General just doesn't get it, which, after all, isn't so shocking for a member of the upper Bush Management team.

Everytime he opens his mouth, it seems, there's one or two new revelations, contradicting his new position and what he did or didn't do in the firing of the eight U.S. Attorneys.

Take yesterday, for instance.

The Crony General promulgated an Op-Ed in The Washington Post, claiming, among other things, he has nothing to hide.

Then, today, like clockwork, came the blaring headline - "Ex-Justice Official's Statements Contradict Gonzales on Firings"

And this - "Conservatives to Bush: Fire Gonzales"

Now, we've been told that the Crony General has been practicing, rehearsing and beefing up to prepare for his testimony, scheduled for tomorrow but now postponed until Thursday, due to the gun violence at Virginia Tech (cue the conspiracy; Bush needed something huge to get Iraq - and the Crony General - out of the headlines) and you have to wonder if he had the radio on ... Or was watching television with a cracked book open in front of him.

And why would the White House want him to testify again? Is it to score some talking points for the cameras? You'll have to fly across many a hurricane-ravaged city to find anyone who doesn't believe the firings were political.

Or is the White House resigned that they have to keep him on. Maybe, like their search for a War Czar, they can't find anyone to take the job. Nobody wants to jump on a sinking ship and, likely, no lawman worth his handcuffs wants to take a position that has them, not battling statutes, but rather being a stodge for the White House, running their agenda and not handling the citizen's business.

With the DOJ's morale at rock bottom, and their integrity now off that table, perhaps that's what it is all about.

Little Alberto has been, and is to be, more Crony and less General.

And that suits Bush & Co. just fine.

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll April 7 - April 14, 2007

Crony General Alberto Gonzales is said to have cancelled his vacation in order to practice for his upcoming testimony before Congress. Gonzales is likely to rehearsing most, the phrases ...

1. Hey, this is all Karl Rove's doing ... Get him up here and grill that bastard ... Tally 31%

2. The U.S. Attorneys serve at the pleasure of the President and there was nothing illegal or wrong about removing them Tally 29%

3. Senator, I have no recollection of that Tally 23%

4. No Senator, I don't recall saying that Tally 17%

This week’s Poll - Despite his absurd and misleading statements about conditions in Iraq, and his third-place, 1st Quarter fund-raising finish, Senator John McCain's meltdown won't be complete until ....

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote


When you get to the hearing room, Mr. Crony General, make sure you check your trousers and be sure your fly is up