Retro Garlic: "Google Wallet" ...We Were Close

We espied news today that Google will be introducing their long-teased "Google Wallet", an application for cellphones;

While this will be the official launch, the product itself will likely still be quite limited. The only officially compatible phone is the Nexus S 4G, which is only available on Sprint in the U.S. Google has an NFC sticker product to bring tap-and-pay to other phones, but it’s not clear if that will be ready at launch or not. Hardware to enable the payments on the merchant end is also needed. And again, MasterCard has been the only official partner on the credit card side of things so far. Perhaps Google will have more to say on that tomorrow. But the above documentation still points to PayPass-enabled Citi MasterCards as the only way to use the service for now.


It also makes sense for Google to get Wallet out there now before their next flagship Android phone, the Nexus Prime, launches next month. It too will have NFC capabilities built in and will bring the Wallet functionality to the much larger Verizon customer base.

Oh boy!


Can't wait for those news reports to pile up about these "Google Wallets" being hacked ...


And, the Retro part;


Tuesday, June 21, 2005 - Google Drops Bombshell - Will Compete With U.S. Treasury ...Markets Close Early and Troops Activated; eBay Said To Be Dumping PayPal

A day after news leaked of the 'Google Wallet', a pay system said to rival eBay's PayPal, Google late yesterday afternoon dropped a bombshell when they announced they will begin a new monetary system for the United States and compete with the U.S. Treasury.


[snip]


In a memo provided to The Garlic, by a person close to Google who wishes to remain anonymous, or would otherwise be terminated, shows that Google's money units will be called "Googlets" For higher denominations, a hyphen and Roman Numeral is added.


Ten Dollars in Googlets will be known as 'Googlets-X', $20, as "Googlets-XX, and so on. For odd denominations, a combination of Roman Numerals and regular numbers will be employed, such as $7 as 'Googlet-V2 or $23 as 'Googlet-XX3. There will be no metal coins in the Googlet Monetary System.

Oh well, we were close ...


 




Bonus Retro Garlic Google


Garlic Exclusive! ...Google Launches Search for Famed Woman Aviator


Stymied By Publishers, Google To Digitize Bazooka Joe Comics ...If Impasse Prolonged, Google To Continue With Baseball Cards, Shopping Coupons


Breaking News! Giant Search Engine Downed By GOP and RNC Staffers  ...Google Crashes! Besieged With “I’m Feeling Lucky” Searches From White House, Congress   ...Amazon, D.C. Novelty Stores Hit With Run On Magic 8-Balls


Top Ten Cloves: Other Great Things You'll Get Using Google's New Retooled Search Engine


Top Ten Cloves: Ways Google Can Provide Better Day Care


Life Imitates Art ... Or, Did Burt Lancaster Invent Google Earth?

Tuesday 12 July 2005

Cheney Says Rehnquist is in "Final Throes"

Everybody Swears "Today Is The Day" Resignation Comes

Vice President Dick Cheney said in an interview yesterday that Supreme Court Chief Justice William Rehnquist is in his "final throes".

Washington has been steeped in speculation on the pending retirement of Rehnquist, with administration sources, pundits like Robert Novak and Russ Limbaugh, all offering daily predictions that the Chief Justice was retiring "today".

Novak had Rehnquist standing on the tarmac at Andrews Air Force Base last week, resignation letter in-hand, to give to President Bush as he returned from the G8 Summit.

Instead, what the mob got was the retirement announcement of Justice Sandra Day O'Connor.

Cheney, himself rumored to be a candidate for the high court (See The Garlic 6 July - Cheney Emerging As Next Justice Pick By Bush Feared), was blunt in his assessment of Rehnquist being in his "final throes"

"We've set up an panel and there's a constitutional process in place now. Later this year there'll be a vote. I think the months immediately ahead will be difficult months. We're making progress".

Cheney believes the democrats will "do everything they can to disrupt that process, but I think we're strong enough to defeat them."

Rehnquist has given no indication of his plans.

By mid-day yesterday, there were 17 different reports on the retirement of Rehnquist, all saying it would be conducted before the end of the day.

Cheney denied all reports that his chief of staff, I. Lewis Libby, leaked any speculation on the judge's retirement.

"No, Lewis wouldn't do that", said the Vice President. "He only leaks classified information"


Did You Mean Low Market Share and Worse Prospects?

Google Goes For Hot Red Star Searching But Beijing Cool To New Money System

Along with censorship issues, being forced to set up a local office, and having the country's hottest search company about to go public, Google's venture into China may be as tall and long as the Great Wall.

Sources close to Google say the Chinese government has rejected Google's new monetary system of 'Googlets' (See The Garlic - 21 June - Google Drops Bombshell - Will Compete With U.S. Treasury ).

Google had high hopes of establishing the 'Googlet' in China, believing the huge Chinese marketplace of billions would accelerate the acceptance of the 'Googlet' throughout Asia and into Europe.

The San Jose Mercury News reports that Google won't exactly say what they are doing in China, quoting Google spokeswoman Debbie Frost on Google's strategy;

``Google is interested in China and is working to learn more about the Chinese market,'' she said.

Frost wouldn't comment on Google's purchase of a 4% stake in Baidu, the leading search engine among seven others in China and has been rebuffed from gaining a larger stake in the company. Baidu's offers an interactive search platform, known as zhidao.baidu.com.

Recently, the Chinese government would not let Google take its portion of advertising revenue unless Google had a local office. Last May, Google obtained a license to operate in China and also set up a local office in Shanghai.

After overcoming these hurdles, Google learned that the Chinese Government rejected the Google Monetary System, leaving in doubt if Google will force the issue and stay in China, or pull out and look for another landing spot in Asia.

One observer of business in China suggests a solution to Google's troubles.

"Since Disney caved in and won't serve it, perhaps Google can offer Shark Fin Soup with their searches."

Good Post Alert: How Google Got Its Colorful Logo

The Garlic has gotten a lot of mileage with Google (one such post - our first Google riff - is in today's This Date ... On The Garlic), including a good one, on their infamous "I'm Feeling Lucky" bar.

Earlier this week, The Garlic stumbled onto a post (H/T to Good Morning Silicon Valley), on the development, and numerous iterations of the infamous logo

From Wired Magazine's Sonia Zjawinski "How Google Got Its Colorful Logo";

"In just a few short years, Google's logo has become as recognizable as Nike's swoosh and NBC's peacock. Ruth Kedar, the graphic designer who developed the now-famous logo, shows the iterations that led to the instantly recognizable primary colors and Catull typeface that define the Google brand. Kedar met Google co-founders Sergey Brin and Larry Page through a mutual friend nine years ago at Stanford University, where she was an assistant professor. Page and Brin, who were having trouble coming up with a logo for their soon-to-launch search engine, asked Kedar to come up with some prototypes. "I had no idea at the time that Google would become as ubiquitous as it is today, or that their success would be of such magnitude," Kedar says.

It's an eight-page image display, with descriptions of each iteration, what was right or wrong about it, some of the changes so infinitesimal, it's like a head-scratching WTF!.

In all, it's an entertaining look at something that has become so engrained in our daily lives, our every minute on the World Wide Web, the logo encompassing the company name, that, much to Larry and Sergey's consternation, has become a verb all over the globe.

Check out "How Google Got Its Colorful Logo"


Bonus Google Riffs

ThinkProgress: Bush says he uses “the Google.”

Google Fires Executive Chef; Caught Searching Recipes On Yahoo, MSN

Stymied By Publishers, Google To Digitize Bazooka Joe Comics

Google Launches Lobbyist; As Usual, In Beta-Mode and By-Invite Only

Top Ten Cloves: Reasons Google Needs A Lobbyist

Google May Come To Terms With Publishers; Will Digitize Cliff Notes Only

Google Begins Talks With White House To Digitize Wiretaps

Top Ten Cloves: Things About New Google Chrome Operating System

News Item: Google developing a PC operating system that would compete with Windows

10. Based on one specific inquiry, Google Chrome OS will work in Argentina

9. Google tried to develop Sarah Palin version, but the OS kept quitting on them

8. May be a delay, in getting your computer to "invite" you to use operating system

7. Other users of Google Chrome OS can use Google Earth to read your computer screen

6. Google Chrome OS will be Twitter-Friendly, so Gmail on it limited to 140 characters, per email

5. Some super application is bound to make its way into the vernacular - "Can suck the chrome off a Google Operating System"

4. Google Chrome OS is so promising, Senator John Ensign's mother is going to buy it, and give to his ex-mistress as a gift

3. With built-in Google Flu Tracker, Chrome OS let's you know when you are sick

2. New feature on boot-up: "I'm Feeling Lucky"

1. To gain market-share, Google issuing a special edition Michael Jackson Chrome OS, that will run endlessly, and come with automated Diprivan dispenser


Bonus Links

Elise Ackerman: Google's Chrome OS a direct shot across Microsoft's bow

Michael Arrington - Google Chrome: Redefining The Operating System

Joe Trippi: Google announces netbook OS. What next?

MG Siegler: Google Drops A Nuclear Bomb On Microsoft. And It’s Made of Chrome

Google: Introducing the Google Chrome OS

Breaking News! Beta-Mode Settlement By Google Draws Disappointment

Fine Print Reveals Google Click Fraud Settlement Only In Beta Mode

No Money Being Paid Out; Advertisers Will Get Special, Unused Key Words and See Gmail Invites Double To 100

Thousands of advertisers, as well as a packed courtroom, were shocked yesterday, when details of the agreement to end the Google Click Fraud lawsuit were read into the court record.

The proposed settlement by Google is only a “beta-mode” offer, with no money or refund credits being paid.

Google will offer Lane's Gifts and Collectibles, who initiated the lawsuit on behalf of the Google advertisers, a batch of special, never-used key words, and double their Gmail Invitations to 100 during the beta-mode period.

“No big surprise here,” offered Daria Pannesi, editor of 'In The Loot', the newsletter for high tech dollar traders. ‘The plaintiffs should have seen this coming.”

There was no indication that Google’s Beta-Lobbyists were connected with the lawsuit, or the Beta-Mode Settlement.

The Google's money units, "Googlets" use a hyphen and Roman Numeral.

Unconfirmed reports are circulating that Google offered to settle the case with their "Googlets", the monetary system they launched last June, to compliment their 'Google Wallet', the pay system said to rival eBay's PayPal.

Ten Dollars in Googlets is known as 'Googlets-X', $20, as "Googlets-XX, and so on. For odd denominations, a combination of Roman Numerals and regular numbers is employed, such as $7 as 'Googlet-V2 or $23 as 'Googlet-XX3. There are no metal coins in the Googlet Monetary System.

The offer was rejected, according to court observers and soon after, the Beta-Mode Settlement was put into motion.

The lawsuit alleged Google, the online search engine leader, had overcharged thousands of advertisers who paid for phony sales referrals generated via Google’s “Adsense” program, in a practice known as "click fraud", and sought to conceal the magnitude of click fraud to avoid making refunds.

“There is a sense of disappointment,” said a spokesperson for Lane's Gifts and Collectibles, “however, we’ll hold off on making any official comments until after we see these unique key words.”

Beta-Mode Accident Shows Peek of Financial Projections

The news of the Beta-Mode Settlement come on the heels of Google accidentally releasing on its’ website, internal financial projections , showing AdSense, Google's core Internet advertising business, would see revenues grow by 55-percent in 2006, going from $6.1 billion last year, to $9.5 billion this year.

Google quickly released a statement, saying that “These notes were not created for financial planning purposes, and should not be regarded as financial guidance.”

The company would neither confirm nor deny that posting the revenue information was a “beta-mode accident” or a tease to Wall Street analysts, who have pressured Google for more financial information that they say is “a common practice” for public companies.












Until the appropriate "entity" is found, Dubai Ports World will employ specially trained birds to manage the six U.S. ports, pending approval, they say, by President Bush - "if he has such powers"

Wednesday 12 October 2005

Apple Announcement Today May Unveil Miers iPod

Two Colors Offered and Pre-Programmed With Unknown Songs; Possible Video iSqueal Also Talked About

After teasing reporters for weeks, Apple Computer's press conference today, at the California Theatre in San Jose, is expected to announce a new addition to the popular iPod line - a Harriet Miers edition, available in two colors and pre-programmed with unknown songs from unknown artists.

Steve Dowling, a spokesman for the Cupertino company, declined to comment.

The Miers iPod will be available in 'Supreme Court Black' or 'Government-Issue Green' and with a new power system in which the owner will need to change the battery the Frist Monday in October.

One caveat is that the owner of the Miers iPod must play all the song programmed before they can be erased or recorded over.

There is also speculation that certain features of the Miers iPod may be integrated into the Roker, the new iTunes-enabled cell phone from Apple and Motorola, with the user being able to download Supreme Court decisions. The text decisions can be saved and transferred to a hard drive or emailed to friends, with an iTunes song attached as a personal soundtrack.

The prerecorded songs from unknowns may be a nod to Apple's growing battle with the music labels.

Sources tell The Garlic that a majority of the unknown artists are from Warner Music. Warner has been at odds with Apple and its iTune program, believing the music labels should have flexibility and control over the pricing of their music.

Apple has maintained its .99 price for iTunes songs.

Another long anticipated move by Apple may be forthcoming, as there is speculation that Apple will also debut the new Video iSqueal.

As first reported by The Garlic, Apple launched iSqueal back in March, as a means to root out leaks over new Apple product announcements and dissent aimed toward Apple.

The program, allowing users to call a special iSqueal Hotline or email their information, has been hugely popular and, at times, completely overwhelming Apple's iSqueal team and operators.

"They have," says Ralph Centanni, author of "I Scream For iPod", "gotten a lot of information on the objective but they've also gotten a lot of junk as well."

Centanni says the iSqueal Hotline has become a dumping ground for "every complaint imaginable".

"You've got people reporting traffic accidents, divorce cases, people complaining about products that aren't even Apple's … It's been a very challenging program for them."

With Video iSqueal, Apple hopes to root out the nonsensical complaints, believing people will be less inclined to leave such complaints if they have to identify themselves.

"It also gives Apple the opportunity to sell more video tools and software," says Centanni.

Centanni believes the Miers iPod concept came out of the iSqueal files.

"It started with the Roberts nomination, the calls and emails to iSqueal. I think Steven Jobs saw something and, with his flair, came up with the Miers offering. Either that, or he's going after the Conservatives, an older but prosperous market. Maybe there's some kind of blockbuster deal that will follow, like having a big push of Christian Rock on iTunes … It's a market … It's out there."


Webster's Dictionary confirmed debunking a longtime adage, as proof emerged that pigs do not fly, but swim

Google Launches Lobbyist; As Usual, In Beta-Mode and By-Invite Only

May Signal Move To Broaden Google Wallet and Googlets With Expanding Empire

Google confirmed last week that the company has, in its' tradition, quietly launched a Washington Lobbyist to look out for the company's interests and "defend the Internet as a free and open platform for information, communication, and innovation."

The lobbyist, technology-law expert and Washington veteran Alan Davidson, is only operating in beta-mode at the time and Google has not made any predictions when they will unveil the lobbyist as a full running program.

Additionally, only users of Gmail and Google Talk have access to Davidson and only those users can invite friends and family into the Lobbyist program. Each user has 25 invites to offer.

As lobbyists are nothing new, Google's beta-lobbyist is said to be lacking some features and is "no way near" most of the complete and functioning lobbyists dotting the Capital, according to sources.

Google shied away from purchasing an already established lobbyist, preferring to build one from the ground, up, as with most of their programs. And it's also not clear if the lobbyist will be a independent program, or integrated into the Google Desktop Tool Bar

The need for a lobbyist comes at a time as Google expands its' empire.

There's speculation that Google is going to take on the Telecom industry. Google has already launched its' Google Printprogram and has run into trouble as publishers and the Authors Guild has filed suit over copyright infringement.

However, some insider say that it is the Google Wallet, and their new monetary system, Googlets, that may be at the heart of the lobbyist beta program.

In June, as reported by The Garlic, Google launched a pay system to rival eBay's PayPal and, took the extra step to seek having it also serve as legal tender. Googlets are wired with sensors so that a user can pull up Google Maps to research which vendors in their area accept Googlets as payment.

"It's a smart move," says Daria Pannesi, editor of 'In The Loot', the newsletter for high tech dollar traders. "If they're going to establish these 'Google Bars', or whatever they’re called, they are going to need a point person in Washington to get this pushed through."

In the beta-mode, Google's lobbyist will be located on J Street in Washington, not K Street where most of the other lobbyist firms are located. He'll have most of the tool used traditionally by lobbyists and a few extras, such as having the entire history of case law and Supreme Court decisions available for reference via his Google Desktop Search.

"He'll have all those things," says Pannesi, "plus a couple-a-few billion dollars to throw around."
"

Tuesday 16 August 2005

Stymied By Publishers, Google To Digitize Bazooka Joe Comics

If Impasse Prolonged, Google To Continue With Baseball Cards, Shopping Coupons

Rebuffed last week by publishers and trade groups, forcing them to suspend scanning copyrighted material of some of the world's largest libraries and universities, Google announced today that they will move forward with their Google Print project and begin digitizing the Bazooka Joe comics.

Bazooka Bubble Gum became famous for its' Bazooka Joe comics that they included in each piece of gum sold. Bazooka Joe was first introduced in the gum in 1953 and now has over 700 comic strips strips in its' archives.

"It's a start," lamented Adam Smith, a senior product manager at Google. "We want to scan the world, so this is as good a place to start as any."

Google had to temporarily halt its' Google Print program, that will make searchable, digital copies of the vast contents of three university libraries, to give publishers and other copyright holders the chance to opt out of having their protected works copied.

Google has reached agreements to scan digital copies of some of the world's largest university library collections, including Harvard, Stanford, the University of Michigan, as well as with Oxford University and the New York Public Library.

Publishers and a publishing trade association called the opt-out offer inadequate, saying that the search giant is trying to upend copyright law.

Patricia Schroeder, the former Colorado congresswoman who is president and chief executive of the Association of American Publishers, the trade group, said one concern is "How is an author even supposed to know that his or her work is being copied?"

Ms. Schroeder said that the publishers were in favor of expanding access to the content that they publish, but that some publishers have said they were concerned that Google might begin to sell advertising related to the results of searches of copyrighted material without sharing the revenues with the copyright owners.

Google defended its project as a benefit to all parties.

``These copies are permitted under copyright law,'' said a Google spokesman in an e-mail interview Friday. ``By participating in the Google Print program and making the full text of their books searchable via Google, publishers and authors can attract new readers and increase book sales.''

Google has arbitrarily set a November 1st deadline for publishers to respond, advising which copyright material it can't use.

Bazooka, through a company spokesperson, said it is "thrilled to be scanned" and indicated that it may integrate it into the storyline of the Bazooka Joe comics.

Smith indicated that, if the impasse with publishers isn't resolved, the Google Print program will continue with its mission, and take on scanning baseball cards, shopping coupons and fortune cookie strips.












After clearing Paula Abul, rumors are circulating that American Idol is planning on replacing Rueben and Simon as judges with Carl Bernstein and Bob Woodward


Male Chefs To Join Crawford Protest

Will Demand Answers Why Female Named To Exec White House Position

Hundreds of male chefs plan to arrive in Crawford, Texas today, to begin protesting the White House naming Cristeta Comerford as
the first woman to be the White House executive chef.

The group of male chefs say that the President had not been "upfront" with them during the lengthy selection process and they want answers.

"We have a long tradition to protect," offered Rafael Chenzo, a deserts chef from Richmond, VA.

Former White House Executive Chef Walter Scheib III was "pushed out" this past February by Mrs. Bush. Susan Whitson, the first lady's press secretary said that the "mission was accomplished" as to the quality of the White House cuisine and it was "time for a change."

"Picking Cris as the first woman chef is a good publicity move, I expect," said the ousted Scheib.

The chefs want to ask to ask the President if he knew of the move and when he knew it. They also want answers if there are plans to move other male chefs out of government positions.

The male chefs will be joining the protest of Cindy Sheehan, the mother of a slain U.S. soldier who has been camped out in Crawford for over 10-days, demanding to talk with President Bush and find out what "the noble cause" is that her son died for in Iraq.

Sheehan said that she "welcomes" the chefs to "Camp Crawford" and wished them well in their protest.

"We'll be out there, with our signs, toques and aprons," said Scheib. "We won't be leaving until the President talks with us."

Scheib indicated that the male chefs will run a food concession, for the other protesters.

"It will be a well-fed protest," said Scheib. "And we know some dishes, that, once they start cooking, and the President gets a whiff, he'll coming running to us.

Monday 12 September 2005

Patronage Group Protests Brown Demotion

Says President Knew of No Qualifications; Three Association Rules Broken

The Political Patronage Association (PPA), a non-profit organization based in Chicago, has condemned President Bush for his demotion of FEMA Director Michael Brown and plans on filing a complaint with the U.S. Department of Labor over the action.

"We're extremely disappointed with the President," state PPA Director Joe "Lazyboy" Warchenski.

"Not since Ronald Reagan has a President been so committed to stocking his administration with political appointees, friends, donors … We're very upset with this action by President Bush."

The PPA claims to have over 200,000 members in the U.S. and over 500,000 worldwide and was formed in the mid-1960's, by a group of former Chicago Mayor Richard Daly's cronies.

The PPA represents everyone, from political appointees, political hacks, No-Show employees and generations of relatives hired for government positions in which they are not qualified.

Brown, whose background was that of being director of horse trade group, has been lambasted over the slow response to New Orleans and the Gulf Coast after Hurricane Katrina demolished and flooded the area.

Last Friday, Michael Chertoff, Homeland Security Director, and, as Warchenski pointed out, also a PPA member, removed Brown as the on-site leader in New Orleans, sending him back to Washington, replacing him with Coast Guard General Thad Allen.

General Allen is not a PPA member.

"It's true," Warchenski offered, "that most of our members don't like the glare of the media."

Warchenski claims that the President should have done more to shield Brown from the criticism.

"The President fully knows that Brown wasn't qualified for the job. To leave him hanging out there like that, that is against, at least, three of our guidelines."

Warchenski indicated that the PPA is monitoring the situation very closely and plans on filing a complaint with the Department of Labor. Should Brown end up being fired, the PPA will work with him to find another position, in either local, state or federal government.

"We have a high percentage of getting our members paychecks," said Warchenski.

Warchenski refused to comment if President Bush is, or ever was a PPA member.

The White House is denying charges that President Bush was late in reacting to Hurricane Katrina because he mistakely flew to Cape Canaveral, believing there was a disaster there.


Google Fires Back At Ballmer
Microsoft Omitted From Searches; Google Maps Highlight Home

After having its' CEO threatened by Steve Ballmer, Google announced this morning that they have updated their main search algorithm so that it wipes out any search results for Microsoft and all Microsoft products, services and news, excepting court cases in which Microsoft has lost.

Court documents opened last Friday reveal that Microsoft CEO Ballmer threatened to "kill" Google CEO Eric Schmidt, after a senior engineer advised Ballmer that he was leaving Microsoft to go work at Google.

The courts documents show that after Mark Lucovsky, back in November 2004, told Ballmer he was leaving, Ballmer reacted angrily, including hurling a chair across his office.

The sworn statement says that Ballmer launched into a tirade about Google and CEO Schmidt.

"I'm going to fucking bury that guy, I have done it before, and I will do it again … I'm going to fucking kill Google."

Microsoft sued to keep Lucovsky from joining Google.

In addition to taking Microsoft out of their search program, Google has also programmed their 'Google Maps' to highlight, with address and phone number, the home of Ballmer.

Schmidt decline to comment on the threat or actions taken by Google.

Google released a statement, that said in part;

"We realize that the omission of Microsoft from our searches will have little impact on their financial performance, we do regret that it may cause problems for Microsoft OEM's and resellers. We believe that falls into the area of who you choose to partner with and the consequences of those partnerships."

Microsoft, so far has refused to comment on the situation.

Insiders say that they expect Microsoft to use their considerable resources and respond to Google in some fashion.

"Ballmer's hot," said one analyst. "This isn't going to go away soon."

It is expected that Google Print will have an announcement this week, indicating that they will drop any and all Microsoft printed matter from their digitization program.












Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer reportedly repeated his threat to Google CEO Eric Schmidt. At a recent conference, Ballmer said; "I'm going to kick his ass and then knock his teeth out for mumbling about it".

Tuesday 21 June 2005 - Happy First Day of Summer!

Google Drops Bombshell - Will Compete With U.S. Treasury

Markets Close Early and Troops Activated; eBay Said To Be Dumping PayPal

A day after news leaked of the 'Google Wallet', a pay system said to rival eBay's PayPal, Google late yesterday afternoon dropped a bombshell when they announced they will begin a new monetary system for the United States and compete with the U.S. Treasury.

Wall Street, and markets around the world, racked by the news, closed early, causing some investors huge losses.

President Bush, called Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice back from her Mid-East trip and had the rest of his cabinet report to the White House immediately. Also, on the advice of Treasury Secretary John Snow, and as a precaution, the President activated National Guard outfits and U.S. Marshalls to stand guard of the Treasury buildings around the country.

Industry executives and Google's chief competitors, such as Microsoft, Yahoo, and Amazon, had only just begun to analyze the news of Google's new "Wallet' system when this new announcement hit them.

"This could be the beginning of an effort by Google to, essentially, pull a corporate coup", offered Microsoft Chairman, Bill Gates.

"It's very troubling", said Jeff Bezos, Amazon's CEO.

Yahoo offered no comment but reports say they went out and secured, with six-figure retainers, the top lawyers in the country and may mount a legal challenge to Google.

Or, as one veteran speculated, "maybe they're going to come out with Yahoo Dollars".

eBay, reeling from the news of the pending Google Wallet, made a series of moves following Google's announcement that may indicate they are positioning to dump PayPal, who, along with 72-million accounts, took in over $6.2-Billion in the first quarter this year.

In a memo provided to The Garlic, by a person close to Google who wishes to remain anonymous, or would otherwise be terminated, shows that Google's money units will be called "Googlets" For higher denominations, a hyphen and Roman Numeral is added.

Ten Dollars in Googlets will be known as 'Googlets-X', $20, as "Googlets-XX, and so on. For odd denominations, a combination of Roman Numerals and regular numbers will be employed, such as $7 as 'Googlet-V2 or $23 as 'Googlet-XX3. There will be no metal coins in the Googlet Monetary System.

The memo goes on to show that thousands of Google Ad Word clients have agreed to transact business in the new Googlet money system and, for up to two-years, will also be allowed, without penalty, to also accept U.S. Treasury-issued money.

A unique aspect of the Googlet Monetary System is that Google is implanting sensors in their Googlets and users of Googlets can track where their Googlet goes after they spend it on the new Google Maps feature, but only to a general location of city and street - no private identity information will be given to someone that searches their Googlets

Secretary Snow, red-faced with anger, emphatically stated that "Googlets is not legal tender and will not be accepted by any U.S. or Federal Reserve Bank".

The White House late last night issued a statement that seemed to show more of a 'wait-and-see' attitude.

When questioned about the statement, White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan said that "The President and his staff are examining this very carefully".

"While, at first, it is very startling, however, the President wants to look at all angles and, if there is an application for this new money with the President's plan for Private Social Security Accounts, it may be something he will look at".



F.B.I. Finally Gets Photos, Files On Terrorism

Senior Agents in Counterterrosim Thought Osama bin Laden was Illinois Senator

As a follow-up to the bombshell news released yesterday, that F.B.I. Officials in charge of counterterrorism lacked training, CIA Chief Porter Goss copied photos and files and sent them to F.B.I. Director Robert Mueller to "get his guys up to speed".

Lawyer Stephen Kohn, interviewing top level F.B.I. Counterterrorism officials in connection to a lawsuit, wrote in a letter to three senators, that these official - both current and former members - lacked training and understanding in terrorism and had been, more-or-less, routinely promoted to their positions despite the lack-of-experience.

Goss, yesterday, announced that he knows, or has a "pretty good idea" where Osama bin Laden is hiding.

"If I had known", said Goss, "that they didn't know very much about terrorism, I could have shared the files and photos earlier. Mueller should have said something - he knows I have a huge, big files … actually rooms-and-rooms full of files on terrorism".

One person close to the F.B.I. Indicated that in a survey of top agents, 67% of the agents thought September 11th was the start of the National Football League Season and 87% thought Osama bin Laden was the freshman senator from Illinois.

Kohn's interviews uncovered that F.B.I officials had little knowledge as to basic links between Al Qaeda and a Southeast Asian terror group, Jemaah Islamiyah. Or the connection between Osama bin Laden and Sheik Omar Abdel Rahman, the blind sheik already convicted of terrorism.

"Wow" was Mueller's reaction. "I guess we got a lot of catching up to do"

Pasquale J. D'Amuro, a former F.B.I. Official who recently retired, stated that "experience in counterterrorism was helpful for managers but added that it was one of a number of leadership qualifications that were important in filling crucial posts"

"Filing reports on time, filling out paperwork properly, staying on top on new fingerprinting and check forging techniques are important also".

Cassandra M. Chandler, assistant director for public affairs at the F.B.I., said in response to the charges that the F.B.I. Agents in charge of terrorism, knew little about terrorism;

"The F.B.I.'s post-9/11 transformation involves nothing less than the complete reshaping of our work force"

Asked if the reshaping of the work force involved gaining knowledge in terrorism, Chandler said that she "doesn't know" and that "You'd have to ask Director Mueller that question".

"We do know the different colors for when they elevate the terrorism threats", she added

Google Reciprocates ...

Earlier this month, we brought to you the news that Topeka, Kansas, in their channeling of Truth or Consequences, New Mexico, was changing their name to Google, Kansas, in an effort to land a fiber optic deal Google is rolling out.

So, today, Google CEO Eric Schmidt returned the favor;



A different kind of company name

Early last month the mayor of Topeka, Kansas stunned the world by announcing that his city was changing its name to Google. We’ve been wondering ever since how best to honor that moving gesture. Today we are pleased to announce that as of 1AM (Central Daylight Time) April 1st, Google has officially changed our name to Topeka.

[snip]

A change this dramatic won’t happen without consequences, perhaps even some disruptions. Here are a few of the thorny issues that we hope everyone in the broader Topeka community will bear in mind as we begin one of the most important transitions in our company’s history:

• Correspondence to both our corporate headquarters and offices around the world should now be addressed to Topeka Inc., but otherwise can be addressed normally.
  

• Google employees once known as “Googlers” should now be referred to as either “Topekers” or “Topekans,” depending on the result of a board meeting that’s ongoing at this hour. Whatever the outcome, the conclusion is clear: we aren’t in Google anymore.
  

• Our new product names will take some getting used to. For instance, we’ll have to assure users of Topeka News and Topeka Maps that these services will continue to offer news and local information from across the globe. Topeka Talk, similarly, is an instant messaging product, not, say, a folksy midwestern morning show. And Project Virgle, our co-venture with Richard Branson and Virgin to launch the first permanent human colony on Mars, will henceforth be known as Project Vireka.
  

• We don’t really know what to tell Oliver Google Kai’s parents, except that, if you ask us, Oliver Topeka Kai would be a charming name for their little boy.
  

• As our lawyers remind us, branded product names can achieve such popularity as to risk losing their trademark status (see cellophane, zippers, trampolines, et al). So we hope all of you will do your best to remember our new name’s proper usage:

Michael Arrington wasn't amused, but Boing Boing jumped into the spirit of things;

Also, Googlers are henceforth to be known as Topekans. Employees of Topeka who were originally from Kansas, be prepared for long, confusing conversations with your parents. No word on how this will effect stock holders. But if things go poorly, and you end up owning a hunk of the Sunflower State, the Konza Prairie is lovely this time of year. Just saying.

Additionally, Vladislav Savov, over on Engadet has a round-up of AFD hijinx, and it is hysterical.

We were rather partial to the "World's First Inflatable Lap Top" and "Real Helicopter Controlled by Nokia N900".

Happy April Fool's Day!

Bonus Google Riffs

Top Ten Cloves: Possible Reasons Google Flu Tracker Didn't Pick Up Swine Flu

Life Imitates Art ... Or, Did Burt Lancaster Invent Google Earth?

Breaking News! Giant Search Engine Downed By GOP and RNC Staffers ...Google Crashes! Besieged With “I’m Feeling Lucky” Searches From White House, Congress ...Amazon, D.C. Novelty Stores Hit With Run On Magic 8-Balls

It's Not Global Warming, It's Google Warming!

In the "Now, What Do We Have To Worry About?" Department;

Revealed: the environmental impact of Google searches

Performing two Google searches from a desktop computer can generate about the same amount of carbon dioxide as boiling a kettle for a cup of tea, according to new research.

Holy Hot Search Bar, Batman!

I'm destroying the planet, just for my searching for discounted lambs wool sweaters!

While millions of people tap into Google without considering the environment, a typical search generates about 7g of CO2 Boiling a kettle generates about 15g. “Google operates huge data centres around the world that consume a great deal of power,” said Alex Wissner-Gross, a Harvard University physicist whose research on the environmental impact of computing is due out soon. “A Google search has a definite environmental impact.”

[Snip]

Google is secretive about its energy consumption and carbon footprint. It also refuses to divulge the locations of its data centres. However, with more than 200m internet searches estimated globally daily, the electricity consumption and greenhouse gas emissions caused by computers and the internet is provoking concern. A recent report by Gartner, the industry analysts, said the global IT industry generated as much greenhouse gas as the world’s airlines - about 2% of global CO2 emissions. “Data centres are among the most energy-intensive facilities imaginable,” said Evan Mills, a scientist at the Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory in California. Banks of servers storing billions of web pages require power.

[Snip]

Nicholas Carr, author of The Big Switch, Rewiring the World, has calculated that maintaining a character (known as an avatar) in the Second Life virtual reality game, requires 1,752 kilowatt hours of electricity per year. That is almost as much used by the average Brazilian.

“It’s not an unreasonable comparison,” said Liam Newcombe, an expert on data centres at the British Computer Society. “It tells us how much energy westerners use on entertainment versus the energy poverty in some countries.”

Hmmm ... Perhaps the first volley in what will be an epic battle down the road, "the colonisation of real space by virtual space"?

Okay folks, this means you have to cut down on your searches for Jennifer Lopez's butt, or Carmen Electra, and you can wait to see the newspapers to find out the score, or latest news, from Manchester United.

And solar power your tea ...

We've got average Brazilians to save!


Bonus Google Riffs

Garlic Exclusive! Google Launches Search for Famed Woman Aviator

Breaking News! Giant Search Engine Downed By GOP and RNC Staffers ... Google Crashes! Besieged With “I’m Feeling Lucky” Searches From White House, Congress ...Amazon, D.C. Novelty Stores Hit With Run On Magic 8-Balls

Google Fires Executive Chef; Caught Searching Recipes On Yahoo, MSN

Life Imitates Art ... Or, Did Burt Lancaster Invent Google Earth?

Stymied By Publishers, Google To Digitize Bazooka Joe Comics

Retro Garlic ... Food Fight!

There was a food fight, of sorts, recently, out in the Land of Silicon.

Seems the young upstarts at Facebook wanted some better grub and one place they knew they could get some, was from the older, more established upstarts, Google.

We'll let John Murrell, from GMSV take it;

Facebook poaches Google chef: There's always a danger when a key employee leaves for a new company that he or she will stir things up by taking a few co-workers along, but some defections can be particularly grating. Looking to coddle its growing workforce a bit more, Facebook started shopping for its own executive chef in January. And when Sheryl Sandberg came over from Google to become COO last month, she said she knew just the guy at her old place. Everything panned out and now, as Carolyn Jung (until recently, the Merc's food editor) reports at Food Gal, Josef Desimone has been whisked away to become the new Facecook. Valleywag tells us that Sandberg and Desimone blended well at the Googleplex, quoting one ex-employee saying, "Josef was Sheryl's favorite chef at Google. Every time she moved buildings, so did he." Apparently, though, not everyone is steamed at the departure. A health-conscious Googler tells Valleywag, "Everyone hated his cafes. He had the worst heavy, everything-fried menus." We await the reviews from the new venue. Now the question is whether Google will retaliate -- maybe Sergey Brin will hire away Mark Zuckerberg's personal ski waxer or something.

My, My, My ...

(Then, Facebook went out and knocked Google's teeth out, for mumbling about it.)

There's something about being a chef at Google ...

The Retro Part;

Google Fires Executive Chef; Caught Searching Recipes On Yahoo, MSN

Oh well, that's the way the cookie (digital or edible) crumbles, I guess ...


Bonus Google Moments

Garlic Exclusive! Google Launches Search for Famed Woman Aviator

Stymied By Publishers, Google To Digitize Bazooka Joe Comics

Google Launches Lobbyist; As Usual, In Beta-Mode and By-Invite Only

Breaking News! Giant Search Engine Downed By GOP and RNC Staffers

Google Crashes! Besieged With “I’m Feeling Lucky” Searches From White House, Congress

Amazon, D.C. Novelty Stores Hit With Run On Magic 8-Balls

Millions of computer users around the world this morning where stunned to find that the Google Search Engine was unavailable, that it had crashed. A one-line message, on an even more barren home page than the usually sparse Google offering, read “Unavailable To Perform Task; Server Down”

The cause, according to a Google executive, was due to a “tsunami of searches”, concentrated on Google’s infamously whimsy “I’m Feeling Lucky” search bar, from IP addresses traced back to the Capital Building, the White House and an undisclosed alcohol and drug rehabilitation clinic.

Google, as of the time of this report, has not been successful in restoring service, as a flood of “I’m Feeling Lucky” searches continue to stream from the Washington, D.C. area

‘This is really unprecedented,” offered a beleaguered Marissa Mayer, the company's vice president for search products and user experience. “We’ve never really experienced this before ... The system was strained around the time Princess Diana died, but that was when we were very young and not nearly as big ... We’ve had some other scary spikes - we get clusters of people looking for when Rosanne sang the National Anthem... Or, very recently, Senator Allen’s Macaca incident... Also, our “I’m Feeling Lucky” on Google Iraq has been running at near capacity for the past three-years.”

Mayer says that company engineers are “on the case”, and that Google is contemplating firing up new servers, in their still-under-construction server farms up in the Pacific Northwest.

Other search engines, including Ask.Com, MSN and Yahoo report average, to slightly above-average search inquiries.

Among the “I’m Feeling Lucky” searches that crashed Google, include;

- Crisis + Save Job?
- Plausible Alibis
- Hastert home address
- Democrats + IM’s + Congressional Pages
- Woodward home address
- Meeting denials
- Timmy + Congressional Page + Florida
- New Smears
- Scandals + Best + Placing Blame
- Gay Democrats
- Images = Nancy Pelosi + Barnyard Animals
- Famous Nazi Appeasers

Mayer indicated that “Gay Democrats” and “Images = Nancy Pelosi + Barnyard Animals” were the two most searched items, from late yesterday afternoon, into the early morning hours, and just before the system crashed, “Crisis + Save Job?” was flooding the “I’m Feeling Lucky” search bar.

Mayer was emphatic that the crash of Google has nothing to do with any type of “click-fraud” and, that it won’t affect the planned Google Government Search program that is in the works.

“I knew they were burning the midnight oil,” offered David Aaronson, editor of What Color Is My Coat Today?, the Capital Hill Newsletter that tracks politicians who turn on their own party, “but for something like this to happen, they must have bused the entire RNC in here.”

Coincidently, Amazon.Com, as well as novelty stores in the nation’s capital, and the surrounding D.C. area, have reported an unexpected run on Magic 8-Ball’s. An Amazon spokesperson said that the company “came pretty close” to setting a new record for overnight, next-day deliveries, while the novelty stores indicated a steady stream, beginning yesterday morning, and staying strong from the moment they opened their doors today.

Along with the crash of Google, due to a "tsunami of searches" in its' "I'm Feeling Lucky" bar, Amazon.Com and D.C.-area novelty shops had a massive run on Magic 8-Balls

News In Brief 19 January 2006

Google To Fight DOJ On Record Search Subpeona

Will Comply If Bush Releases Abramoff and Energy Meeting Records; Also Wants Rights To Digitize Case

Did You Mean: Turn over all our records?

The Departmen of Justice, and the Bush Administration, filed papers yesterday, in U.S. District Court in San Jose, demanding that Google comply with subpeona issued last year, and turn over search records, to determine how often pornography shows up in online searches.

The records the DOJ is seeking contains over 1-million random Web addresses and records of all Google searches from any one-week period.

Google has refused to comply to the subpeona, citing privacy rights and trade secrets.

The government is seeking to revive an Internet child protection law struck down two years ago by the U.S. Supreme Court. The law was drawn up to fine, punish and potentially shut down online pornography sites that make their content accessible to minors.

Nicole Wong, an associate general counsel for Google, said the company will fight the government's effort ``vigorously.''

Wong went further, offering a comprise to the Bush Administration. Evoking one of Google's corporate principles of "don't be evil", Google would be willing to produce the records, "as soon as the White House releases the log of Jack Abramoff's visits, and the notes from Vice President Cheney's secret energy meetings".

Additionally, having learned their lesson with book publishers, Google is seeking, upfront, to get the rights from the Federal Court, to digitize the proceedings

Google is the country's most popular search engine, netting nearly 50% of all searches conducted in the U.S.

The DOJ has not decided what their next move will be and the White House has offered no comment on Google's comprise request.

"You'll probably see," says Sonny Earl, editor of a Supreme Court newsletter that monitors the court's activities, 'OMIB" ('The Original Men In Black'), "the Bush people add the Google people to the NSA's list of phones to tap and moniter. They'll look to get information that they can use to either squeeze, or smear, Google."

News In Brief 15 November 2005

Google May Come To Terms With Publishers; Will Digitize Cliff Notes Only

Response To 'Bazooka Joe' Strong; Customers Want Shorter Read, Synopsis Over Full Text

Google announced today that they have come to an agreement with Cliff Notes, to digitize the entire catalog of the popular literature study guide series, as an effort to ward of the growing number of lawsuits from publishers.

Major publishers, including McGraw-Hill, Wiley, Penguin, and Simon & Schuster have joined the Authors Guild in filing suits to block Google, and their programs, Google Print and the Google Library Project, from moving forward with the digitization of their works and collections.

Major libraries, such as those at Stanford University, Harvard University, Oxford University, and the University of Michigan, as well as The New York Public Library have signed on with Google.

Google Chief Executive Eric Schmidt, in a brief statement released, said that he was "pleased" to come to terms with Cliff Notes and "looking forward to bringing their content to the digital world."

There's more to the Cliff Notes deal than Google is letting on, according to John Ruffing, editor of a the newsletter 'Did You Mean Everything?', that monitors Googles activities.

"After all the fuss to develop Print and the Library Project, the months of research, software development and testing, Google discovered that people want less, not more, as to print, books, etc."

Ruffing says Google's offering of the Bazooka Joe Comics, which they digitized earlier this summer "has gone through the roof".

'They've come close to crashing the Google system for Bazooka Joe, and that says something," said Ruffing. "Follow-up research, much to Google's surprise, kept coming up with people wanted less, not more, to read."

Ruffing says that the Cliff Notes deal may pave the way for the publishers and authors to, eventually, come on-board.

'If I'm a published author, do I want someone quoting me, or Cliff Notes?"

News In Brief 20 December 2005

Google Begins Talks With White House To Digitize Wiretaps

Once Declassified, Can Pair With Google Earth So Users Can See If Neighbors Were Under Surveillance

Google, The Garlic learned today, has quietly begun talks with the Bush Administration and White Housel, seeking to secure the rights to digitize the secret wiretaps ordered by President Bush.

According to John Ruffing, editor of a the newsletter 'Did You Mean Everything?', that monitors Googles activities, Google senior executive and lawyers have been in Washington since last Wednesday, and meeting with senior White House officials.

"They're looking to keep the Google Print program moving forward," said Ruffing. "They're not leaving any stone unturned.

Ruffing speculated that the wiretaps could come into play with Google's new partnership investment with America On-Line.

"More likely," said Ruffing, "they'll wait until they become declassified and merge them with Google Earth. That's where the money will be. People will flood them, to see if any of their neighbors were being watched by the government."

Google has been slowed in launching their Google Print program, due to lawsuits filed over copyright issues by publishers and a publishing trade association.

Back in August, Google did score a victory for their Google Print, winning the rights to digitize the Bazooka Joe comics.

Thursday 19 May 2005

Google Fires Executive Chef
Caught Searching Recipes On Yahoo, MSN

The Google campus in Mountain View, Calf. was rocked yesterday when long-time Executive Chef, Charlie Ayers, was fired. Google officials would only say that "Mr. Ayers has left the company" but insiders say that he was terminated after being discovered searching for recipes on rivals Yahoo, and MSN's search engines.

Ayers, who once was the cook for the Grateful Dead, and with Google for over five-years, was said to be stunned by Google's actions. In a statement released through a friend, Ayer's said that "he always searched everywhere … It was never an issue"

Ayers said he was proud of his work at Google and never considered his work as "corporate"

In a recent interview with the San Jose Mercury News, Ayers said that ``I always wanted to provide something better than the restaurant down the street.''

Ironically, after being fired, Ayers had to wing his way to Chicago, to accept an award from Food Management Magazine for Best Menu Concept.

Ayers served over 2,000 people daily in what came to be called "Charlie's Place", and grew famous for Ayer's exotic and skilled cooking and far from a traditional corporate cafeteria. Googlers were treated to fares such as duck sausage, Israeli couscous, wood-fired pizzas and pumpkin chili.

"He was right up there", offered one Google executive, "with Larry, Serge, Eric"

One source close to Google says that, since Google went public, some tensions have surfaced and Ayers is not the first person let go because of using a competitor's program.

"They track every single search that goes on in that building" said the source. "It's almost that they can tell if you are even thinking about using a search engine not named Google".

Reportedly Ayers will soon open his own restaurant or healthy food store.

Google plans to use it's own search engine to seek out another high-quality chef



Rumsfeld Dismiss Call For Space Weapons Program

"Happens every time a new Star Wars or some other Sci-Fi film comes out"

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld dismissed the Air Force's call for a new space weapons program yesterday

"For heaven's sakes, they really come up with some doozy's, don't they".

On Tuesday, General Lance Lord, who leads the Air Force Space Command, sought out President Bush's approval of a national security directive that would have the Air Force closer to fielding offensive and defensive space weapons, according to White House Press Secretary, Scott McClellan

"The President asked if it was ready yet and if it could be aimed at Newsweek" deadpanned McClellan.

Col. Lord, at a recent Congressional hearing, stated that "The Air Force believes we must establish and maintain space superiority. Simply put, it's the American way of fighting."

Air Force doctrine defines space superiority as "freedom to attack as well as freedom from attack" in space.

Rumsfeld once embraced the concept of a space weapons program.

Fresh from his appointment in 2001, Rumsfeld led a commission that recommended the military should "ensure that the president will have the option to deploy weapons in space."

Rumsfeld has since changed course, embracing a quick, flexible military force and is forging ahead with privatizing the military, as with the recently announced military base closing recommendations, and his deal with U-Haul (See The Garlic, Tuesday 17 May 2005 - Base Closings Tied To New U-Haul Self Storage Contract)

"This kind of thing happens every time a new 'Star Wars' or some other Sci-Fi film comes out" scoffed Rumsfeld. "Everyone gets all excited, running around, talking this weapon or that weapon … Really outrageous things that will cost … Billions … I mean Billions …And who knows how many years to develop, and test, and tweak and deal with all the deer-lovers and all that …

Rumsfeld's reference was to the new installment, 'Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith', due to open on Friday.

"I'm just an old-fashion, John Wayne, Smith-and-Wesson kind of guy anyway".