Friday, July 01, 2005

Friday 1 July 2005

DC Holiday Fireworks To Feature Bolton

Park Service Officials Livid At New Novak Leak

A new bombshell hit the nation's capital today, as Columnist Robert Novak has leaked in his column that Ambassador nominee John Bolton will be the feature in the Washington DC Fireworks program on Monday Evening.

U.S. Park Officials, who organize the July 4th celebration and fireworks on the National Mall are livid. The Bolton display was a tightly-guarded secret.

"Apparently, Mr. Novak feels emboldened now that others are going to jail for him", said one Park Official.

The allusion was to the recent Supreme Court ruling, deciding not to hear the case of reporters Judith Miller and Matthew Cooper, who are being forced to reveal their confidential sources in the Valerie Plame case, or face contempt of court charges and jail time.

The July 4th celebration in Washington is a day-long happening, beginning with parade along Constitution Avenue and ending with one of America's largest fireworks displays over the reflecting pool on the National Mall. The National Symphony Orchestra performs and the event is broadcast nationwide over PBS.

With the heated and contentious debate over Bolton's nomination to the United Nations, Park Service officials thought it would add a extra level of excitement to set off Bolton during the program.

On Sunday, Bolton will be taken out and set-up along with all the other fireworks. He is expected to exploded just before the grand finale.

A back-up plan is in place in the event that Bolton isn't angry enough.

A special videotape has been prepared, featuring a montage of congressman and senators who have lambasted the diplomat. Park Service official acknowledge that Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist came up with the video idea.

"He's all pent up and ready to burst" said a Park Service spokesperson. "I don't think we'll need to use the video.

GoldenPalace.Com Rumored To Win Lunch With Buffet for $351G's

Funds Go To Charity; Extra's Included Oracle of Omaha Being Tattooed With Casino Logo

Reports coming out of Omaha, Nebraska are indicting that GoldenPalace.Com, the Canadian on-line casino known for its famous publicity gimmicks, has placed the winning bid for a lunch date with the legendary billionaire investment wizard, Warren Buffet.

The winning bid, of over $350,000, goes to charity, the San Francisco-based Glide Foundation.

GoldenPalace.Com renowned for its publicity stunts, a campaign to bypass restrictions on gambling advertising, that includes paying boxers to wear the casino's name in the ring, paying over $75,000 for the McDonald's commercial prop - a french fry that looked like Abraham Lincoln and nearly $30,000 for a grilled cheese sandwich that was auctioned on eBay

Some extra benefits that go with the winning bid is that GoldenPalace.Com gets to bring up to seven additional people to the lunch. Additionally, Buffet will have his forehead tattooed with "GoldenPalace.Com" and must keep it for at least one-year, wearing to board meetings and his annual shareholder gathering. A photo of Buffet with the tattoo must appear in Buffet's infamous, folksy annual Chairman letter.

The casino also gets to post an image of Buffet, welcoming gamblers, on its' website.

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