Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Tuesday 9 August 2005

Bush Signs His Energy Bill With Call To Big 3

Wants Hybrid of Nuke/Coal/Wind-Powered Autos ASAP

Agitated, and wearing a polo shirt, jeans and flip-flops, President Bush yesterday broke from his vacation to travel to Albuquerque, New Mexico to sign the recently passed sweeping Energy Bill. The Senate approved the mammoth $12.3 billion legislation 74-26 just before their August recess.

"I don't see why this couldn't wait until I got back," the President was heard muttering under his breath as he signed the bill into law.

Despite some bipartisan backing, the bill did draw criticism from some that it granted too many subsidies to industry and that it did little to curb a growing national appetite for gasoline.

The bill will provide tax breaks and loan guarantees for new nuclear power plants, clean coal technology and wind energy. But, as the President was signing the bill, the cost of a barrel of oil was hitting an all-time high at $63, and the national average for a gallon of gasoline in the United States as at $2.29.

The President then surprised his staff, breaking from script in calling on the nation's automobile makers.

"Detroit needs to use this bill, use its' benefits and produce fuel-efficient cars. With the tax breaks and loans provided in this legislation, I don't see why we can't have a nuclear-clean coal-wind powered car. Energy that Americans can produce. Energy that Americans can sustain."

The President then cited the ''Batmobile' as one such automobile.

"I'm pretty sure that had some nuke power in it. I think if Hollywood can do it, we should be able to get some pretty smart people that can figure it out."

The President then added; "And, I don't know about you all, but I liked the Michael Keaton Batman the best"

Senator Pete V. Domenici, the Republican who leads the Senate energy committees, and who praised the bill before he introduced the president at yesterday's signing, quickly stepped in.

"Now, who would think that an energy bill would be about that? But it is."

Also in the Energy Bill is the extension of daylight-saving time by a month, beginning in 2007. The bill extended daylight saving time by four weeks: In 2007, our clocks will spring forward on the second Sunday of March and fall back on the first Sunday of November.

Critics deride the measure as ineffective. In nearly 100-years of experimenting with Daylight Savings Time, there has been no measurable proof that it saves energy. In 1974 and 1975, then-President Richard Nixon mandated Daylight Savings Time year-round, to battle the OPEC oil embargo and was heavily criticized, citing that the most the measure achieved was putting school children on buses in pitch-black mornings.

The President defended the extension of Daylight Savings Time.

"It's a boost for our economy, our sugar crops and candy makers. More daylight for Halloween means more kids trick-or-treating. Heck, Dick and I are talking about being Batman and Robin this year - and we're trying to talk Condi into being Batgirl."

At a recent fundraiser, White House Chief Strategist Karl Rove entertained the audience with his impersonation of Johnny Carson's "Carnac The Magnificent".

The question answered: "What person in this room is most likely to be indicted in the CIA Leak Case?"

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