Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Possible Evidence of Iranian-Named Streets

Reports Show Iraqis Confused; Can’t Find “Road To Democracy”

Google Maps Comes Up Empty; Scores of Thousands Say Adds “Hours” On To Their Travels

As President Bush continues along with his Bushapalooza Tour, attempting to lift continuing plummeting approval numbers, and leading the chorus of voices from the Administration that Iraq is not engaged in a Civil War, a new problem has surfaced.

Reports coming out of Iraq, with the country following nearly every word coming out of Washington, Iraqis are complaining that they can’t find the “Road To Democracy” that is constantly referred to by President Bush.

“We look and look,” said one Iraqi citizen. “Many areas have been torn apart by bombs and fighting, so, maybe the street signs haven’t been put back up yet.”

“It sound like a wonderful place,” said an Iraqi woman, traveling by bicycle. “I have many map books, but I can not find this road and I get very tired just riding around to nowhere.”

McClellan Charges Media Reporting On Streets, “The one’s with fighting and IED’s”

White House Spokesman Scott McClellan admitted that the Administration is aware of the issue, and took another shot at the media.

“You have to understand,” said McClellan, “You have over 11-million people who are used to getting their news from one, government controlled source. From a dictator and torturer, who had weapons of mass destruction and ties to Al-Qaeda. And now they have all kinds of media available to them – when there is electricity – at their fingertips.”

There’s, basically, two realities– the old Iraq, and the new, American-run Iraq,” added McClellan.

“Of course,” McClellan went on, “the media is going to concentrate on the streets the Iraqis can’t find, the ones with fighting and IED’s, instead of reporting on the wonderful, heartwarming streets the Iraqis have access to, and can walk down. The President remains very optimistic that the Iraqis will have the freedom to walk down all the streets”

Rumsfeld: “Goodness, it’s there, large as life”

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld weighed in on the troubles that have been reported about finding the Road to Democracy.

“Goodness, it’s there, large as life, as big on the noses on their faces,” said the Secretary. “For the life of me, I don’t understand how they can be missing it. It’s almost inconceivable that such a situation exists.”

Pentagon spokesperson Navy Lieutenant Commander J.D. Gordon conceded that both the Defense and State Departments have been “besieged” recently, over where the Road to Democracy is. Gordon stated that even members of the new Iraq Government have been calling, saying that even using Google Maps, the location cannot be found.

“Apparently, Google Maps, and even Thomas Guides, don’t list the location,” Gordon said.

New Lincoln Group Contract For “Democracy Court” and “Freedom Avenue

Gordon would not confirm or deny the reports that the Lincoln Group, the PR firm contracted by the Defense Department to plant pro-American stories in the Iraqi media, are working on a new map layout of Baghdad, and other large Iraqi cities.

“Lincoln Group is in there,” offered Holly Martins, Publisher of Axis of Evil Illustrated, a quarterly publication that is rumored to be a house magazine for the Project for The New American Century.

“They’re redoing all the maps in the city, giving new names to places, like “Democracy Court”, and “Freedom Avenue”. They are completely ignoring Iraqi input and it’s a mess. They’ve had to go back and start planting stories about themselves in the media there, on how good the new street names are.”

Possible Evidence of Iranian-Named Streets

Martins said that there is concern from the commanders in Iraq, as well as back in Washington, that terrorists, and other outsiders, are bringing in their own street names.

“That dog-and-pony show they did last week, Operation Swarmer, or whatever it was.” said Martins, “Well the scuttlebutt is that they found a cache of street signs – written in an Iranian dialect – and that has them scrambling back in Washington.

Martins says that President Bush is giving this his full attention.

“He’s talking about bringing Iran before the U.N.,” said Martins. “They have no authorization to be naming streets in Iraq.”

McClellan said that the President “is aware of the situation.”

“The President remains committed and is not going to abandon his commitment, “ said McClellan. “We have to establish for the Iraqis, this Road to Democracy and continue the battle. It’s better for the terrorists to be naming streets over there, then naming them here.”

One Penatagon plan calls for the U.S. Military to install banks of television screens, displaying maps of the city streets, to assist the Iraqis in finding the Road to Democracy

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