Sunday, March 19, 2006

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 19 March 2006

(Editors Note: We apologize for the late posting of the Weekend Special. Technical difficulties prevented access for most of the day)

A new ban on organ grinders in India has left street corners quiet and thousands without work.

A compromise was worked out to allow the use of drums, however, the monkeys just stood by motionless, not knowing what to do

Days after announcing a new $15 charge for aisle seating, Northwest Airlines said they would begin charging $250/ per bag, to fliers who travel with luggage. For business travelers, there is only a $100 cost for briefcases.

Despite strong customer protest, Northwest is standing by the $25/per customer charge to open the door at the completion of the flight

After criticizing the $100, "One Laptop per Child Project”, for developing countries, some which come with a hand-crank for one source of power, Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates reversed himself and indicated the company would begin manufacturing their own version of the computer, with their Microsoft’s Internet Browser - and their new Windows hand-crank - as proprietary, pre-installed features.

When asked about the possibility of lawsuits, Gates was dismissive, saying that “We’re not worried ... It will probably take them about four-years of hand-cranking to get just the first page of the complaint printed.”

"Hey, don't worry about it fellas ... You just stay cowering... Keep your heads in the sand ..."

Katherine Harris announced last week that she will stay in the Florida race for the U.S. Senate, after rampant speculation she was dropping out.

Harris indicated that she "momentarily forgot, we know how to count votes down here" and stated that she can "pretty much, declare victory at this point"

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said that, so as not to be caught off-guard again, and surprised, she has had a cell phone surgically attached to her left ear, so she can "be kept in the loop, up-to-the-minute, in real time"

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