Breaking News! ... Vatican Dispatching Cardinal Bernard Law To Penn State

Sources tell 'The Garlic', that after an all-night session, Pope Benedict XVI  is dispatching  Archpriest of the Papal Basilica of Saint Mary Major Bernard Law  to Penn State, to offer The Vatican's assistance in the burgeoning sexual abuse scandal.


 


Last night , Pennsylvania State University President Graham Spanier, and the school's legendary football coach Joe Paterno were fired by the Board of Trustees, over their handling of former assistant coach Jerry Sandusky's sexual abuse of, at least, eight young boys.


"Lights were burning all night ... Cars coming-and-going," offered one observer.


In a brief statement, Pope Benedict XVI said he "sympathized" with the Penn State officials, and is offering the Vatican's "complete playbook" on how to obfuscate and deny any knowledge or responsibility for sexual abuse.


"We know, and especially with this happening at a university, the Hippie Culture of the 1960's is to blame ."


The Pope added that "Bernie Law is just the guy they need at this time."


 


Unconfirmed reports say that Law is authorized to offer any, and all, Penn State officials caught up in the sexual abuse scandal, sanctuary at The Vatican, where they can benefit from the lack of Extradition, from any criminal charges that may come from this case.


More, as this story develops.





Bonus Riffs



Alyssa Rosenberg: The Shame Of Joe Paterno 


John Cole: Paterno Out 



Bob Ryan: Immediate removal was the correct step 


Eric Wilbur: State of idiocy 


My Boy Lollipop 


Beyond Repugnant 


Retro Garlic: "We Got An Eight-Page Layout With Viceroy ... The New Pope Is A Thinking Man ..." 



Update Bonus Riffs


John Scalzi: Omelas State University 


Steven L. Taylor: Witness to Assault Still on Penn State Coaching Staff 


Daniel Strauss: Pa. senators no longer support Joe Paterno for Medal of Freedom 

Top Ten Cloves: Other Pope Tweets

News Item: Pope sends first tweet, launching new Vatican site


10.  Can't wait to see Transformers 3 ... 


  9.  Anybody know how to upload some pics to FB? ... Shitass things won't take ...


  8.  Don't know bout this writer, but we doin fabulous with deals from Groupon ... Got this badass iPad with bomb of a discount!


  7.  Who looks better in his shorts, me or that Weiner guy?


  6.  Tell the Egyptians to "Get A Life!"


  5.  Follow Me! ... I want to make a run at Lady Gaga this month, for tops!


  4.  WTF NY? ... We'll have to reach out to our boy Pat Robertson, see if he can conjure up a hurricane or tornado ...


  3.  Here's a "Shout Out" to my boys in Philly ... Hang tough, we'll all get thur this (and use the Woodstock thing, it's the bomb)


  2.  I don't know about you, but I would $$ to see Bachmann and Palin mud wrestle!


  1.  Hey ChrisF on Haypi Kingdom, I'm cummin' after U MFer! ... U stole my crops!


 


Bonus Riffs


Blessed be thy tweeters: Pope issues praise in fewer than 140 characters

Know Thy Pope


Retro Garlic: "We Got An Eight-Page Layout With Viceroy ... The New Pope Is A Thinking Man ..."


Vatican Discounts "Bonfire Pope"; Says Flames "Not Hunched Over Enough"


Top Ten Cloves: Things The Vatican Has Done To Make Good Friday Even Better

My Boy Lollipop

"You'll get up to 2,000 euros ... Do not touch his balls. You need the money. Put on some music, take out the [inaudible], swallow the Viagra, and adelante!"

Oh no, those boys at the Vatican are at it, again ...

Vatican hit by gay sex scandal ...Vatican chorister sacked for allegedly procuring male prostitutes for papal gentleman-in-waiting

The Vatican was today rocked by a sex scandal reaching into Pope Benedict's household after a chorister was sacked for allegedly procuring male prostitutes for a papal gentleman-in-waiting.

Angelo Balducci, a Gentleman of His Holiness, was caught by police on a wiretap allegedly negotiating with Thomas Chinedu Ehiem, a 29-year-old Vatican chorister, over the specific physical details of men he wanted brought to him. Transcripts in the possession of the Guardian suggest that numerous men may have been procured for Balducci, at least one of whom was studying for the priesthood

We can look up the measurements, the square-miles Vatican City sits in, so, it's really well past time that they come out of the, undoubtedly, largest closet on the face of the earth.

I mean, they ship the the big wigs out of the United States, when the scandal of having sex with boys got too hot, and, what's waiting for them when the get there - a choir of dream boys, and people to procure them (no more of that messy business of running a parish).

They give them a veritable menu.

The Gay News Watch wasn't as demure as the Guardian, as our lead quote showed, on putting out the details;

The scandal now envelops Balducci, a well-known and powerful local figure who is married with two children, who despite all this is said to have taken remarkable risks in setting up sexual liaisons even in Chigi Palace, home of the Italian prime minister, or immediately after a private audience with a cardinal.

In 72 pages of transcribed wiretaps, Ehiem tells Balducci about one possible candidate: "Angelo ... I'll say no more. Two meters (6-foot-7), 97 kilos (250 lbs.), 33 years-old and completely active (top)."

In later calls, Ehiem offered fewer details: "I have a situation in Naples."

"I have a Cuban situation."

"I have a German who just arrived from Germany."

"I have two black guys."

"I have the soccer player."

"I have the dancer from RAI," the Italian TV network.

Some of the young men were seminarians or attended ecclesiastical colleges in Rome. On one occasion, Balducci is heard saying, "He, when does he have to return to the seminary?"

Well, Angelo Balducci, c'mon down, this song is for you!

Take it away, Millie Smalls!

Millie - My boy lollipop 1973




Bonus Vatican Riffs

Top Ten Cloves: Things The Vatican Has Done To Make Good Friday Even Better

Know Thy Pope

Beyond Repugnant

Top Ten Cloves: Possible Problems With Suing God

Vatican Discounts "Bonfire Pope"; Says Flames "Not Hunched Over Enough" ...Late Pontiff's Bend Was Measured "Religiously"; Never Used Contingency "Roller Skate Gloves"

Know Thy Pope

I'm having a hard time finding it, but I could have sworn I heard someone - recently - refer to Pope Benedict as "The Vatican's Cheney".

It's quite likely this post will draw the wrath of the perpetual fuming smokestack, Catholic League President Bill Donohue, but hey, it might slip under the radar.

Donohue is, very likely, going to be going without sleep for about the next week (which could make him more dangerous), with the Head Honcho in-country ... So many comments to swat down ... So many critics to bully ...

Why would The Commander Guy be rolling out the red carpet for the Pope?

I mean, he would be doing this for Kim Jong Il, or Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, or any other monstrous criminal (Okay, I know he let's Cheney in the office every day)?

While, at first, I thought it odd, perhaps a blatant, feeble attempt to grab some approval ratings.

After all, getting your snapshot next to the man in PopeWear isn't bad for business ... Newspapers across the country will lap that up like Happy Soup!

Perhaps, his staff, to break up the day, of the lamest-of-lame President, trying to make him feel relevant, threw it on the schedule.

But then it hit me ...

Pope Benedict is Bush's kind of guy!

While The Commander Guy has his piddly, poltical scandals to lord over, PB is the Babe Ruth of ruthless, hardcore, monolithic stonewalling.

This guy wrote the book - literally!

Prefect of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith (1981–2005)

In his capacity as Prefect, Ratzinger's 2001 letter “Crimen Sollicitationis” which clarified the confidentiality of internal Church investigations into accusations made against priests of certain crimes, including sexual abuse, became a target of controversy during the sex abuse scandal.[14] While bishops hold the secrecy pertained only internally, and did not preclude investigation by civil law enforcement, the letter was often seen as promoting a coverup.[15]

This refers to the "Crimen sollicitationis", which, in a nutshell, was the Vatican's way of telling their corps, especially regarding sex scandals, to "shut the fuck up, or else!"

Where do you think that got that line from in 'The Godfather', when Don Corleone chastises Sonny with "Never tell anyone outside the Family what you're thinking again!".

"British documentary alleges pope linked to "child abuse cover-up"

Before becoming head of the church, the then cardinal Joseph Ratzinger enforced church doctrinal orthodoxy, including a "secret Vatican decree which seemed to shelter the perpetrators and silence the victims of abuse", the Panorama programme said.

This was the 1962 document Crimen Sollicitationis, which told top churchmen how to deal with priests who "solicit or provoke the penitent toward impure and obscene matters", according to a translation from Latin on the BBC website.

It imposed an oath of secrecy on victims, witnesses and those probing abuse claims and said that anyone breaking this would be excommunicated, the BBC said.

Boy, doesn't that just make your heart swell with spiritual inspiration, how they really hit the nail-on-the-head, spreading the teachings of Jesus Christ like that?

I think that's one of my favorite passages in The Bible, when JC, witnessing repugnant, immoral child abuse, tells his apostles to keep it on the QT.

What do they call these guys - Princes of the Church?

So, as the MSM takes a breather from the campaign (or, in another light, rearms itself to bash one or the other candidates), splashing the Papal "Up Yours" tour across our pages and screens (maybe even pulling in Peggy Noonan, to have her do her version of Je T'aime Moi Non Plus, [Note: This is the great rendition, of Serge Gainsbourg and Brigitte Bardot] live, on television, for the new Pope, though, a little piece of her heart will be singing it for Ronnie), here's a little tip for you;

Get To Know Thy Pope!

He's a thug, he had a direct hand in perpetuating (in case you need clarification, that means, scores-of-hundreds, possibly thousands of young children, mostly boys, were sexual abused) the Priest Pedophile Scandal, when he, and a vast many others, could have, just as easily, put a stop to it.

If you want to say "Forgive Them Lord, They Know Not What They Do", that's not exactly accurate.

And that, sure as hell, is one helluva of a test for someone's faith ...


Bonus Pope Riffs

BBC: Warm US welcome for Pope Benedict; Pope Benedict XVI has received an unprecedented presidential greeting from George W Bush after arriving for his first official visit to the US.

The Boston Globe was on top of the Pedophile Priest story from the get-go, and you can go here and you can go here to check out a ton of material on the scandal.

ABC's Brian Ross: Then-Cardinal Ratzinger's Hand Slap - Then-Cardinal Ratzinger Became Upset When Asked About Sex Abuse in the Church

YouTube: Boston Clergy Abuse Scandal - Geoghan Documents Released

Barry Crimmins: Child Abuse - Mea Maxima Culpa

Vatican Discounts "Bonfire Pope"; Says Flames "Not Hunched Over Enough"; Late Pontiff's Bend Was Measured "Religiously"; Never Used Contingency "Roller Skate Gloves"

News In Brief - OJ, Vatican Said To Sign Deal, Merge Hunts