Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Chopped Garlic - When In Doubt, Send The Marines

Well, it appears that our Court-Appointed Warmonger is determined to give the Iraqis the gift of Democracy, whether they really want it or not.

Over the past few days, the White House has turned on the Good Leak Machine, doling out tidbits of the upcoming, and long-delayed, unveiling of Bush’s New, New, New, New (actually, we’ve lost count) Iraq Strategy, while likely warming up the Bad Leak Machine, ready to pounce on anyone who speaks against it.

We have Mr. Democracy (excepting, of course, when it comes to adhering to his own country’s constitution) simultaneously trying to pre-sell Congress on the plans, as his official spokesperson, White House Press Secretary Tony Snow, is telling reporters;

"The President has the ability to exercise his own authority if he thinks Congress has voted the wrong way."

All the good Republican soldiers were making their Sunday Morning march across the television, supporting the administration’s forthcoming “surge”, all with pained faces, telling of the untold horrors that will befall Iraq - and us - if we don’t undertake the administration’s forthcoming surge, but not bothering to differentiate from the untold horrors currently taking place, under the banner of the previous “surges undertaken to secure the peace in Iraq.

Many pundits are referring to Bush and his Iraq policies as Alice In Wonderland”.

The Garlic prefers to remain with its Marx Brothers label, Bush forging ahead with his “Hello, I Must Be Going” policy.

Instead of pulling a Homeland Security Terror Alert of some obscure, not vetted, threat that gets the media all riled up, with talking heads piling up in the corridors, the White House Iraq Group is showing some spunk, filling the headlines with some fresh pelts, and calling on Osama’s gang to come out and take another bow on the War On Terrorism stage (see, just a hint, that’s all they need to place). Something for the “Commander-In-Chief” to hang his hat on during the speech - and pin the escalation of troop on and how desperately they are needed.

And what the big Dubya is doing is really the oldest trick in the Presidential bag of tricks.

When in doubt, send the Marines.

In fact, under a different administration, some 42-years ago, and under not-so dissimilar circumstances, Tom Lehrer, a college math professor turned singer/songwriter/satirist, captured it with his witty, sly tune “Send The Marines”.

When someone makes a move
Of which we don't approve,
Who is it that always intervenes?
U.N. and O.A.S.,
They have their place, I guess,
But first send the Marines!

We'll send them all we've got,
John Wayne and Randolph Scott,
Remember those exciting fighting scenes?
To the shores of Tripoli
But not to Mississippoli,

What do we do? We send the Marines!
For might makes right,
And till they've seen the light,
They've got to be protected,
All their rights respected,
'Till somebody we like can be elected.

Members of the corps
All hate the thought of war,
They'd rather kill them off by peaceful means.
Stop calling it aggression,
O we hate that expression.
We only want the world to know
That we support the status quo.
They love us everywhere we go,
So when in doubt,
Send the Marines!

So, when Bush gets cued tomorrow evening, to look into the camera and begin is lying spin once again, know that, and especially after all this time, that it isn’t the wisdom of great thinking that gives birth to his “surge”, it’s the old stand-by of putting more boots on the ground.

Democracy at the end of a gun barrel.

Oh yeah, and start humming Lehrer’s tune.

Links

Tom Lehrer Discography

Clip of Send the Marines (Intro)

Longer Clip of Send the Marines

















Our Court-Appointed President, with his legacy stuck in the sandtrap of Iraq, will be flailing away tomorrow evening with his speech on his new strategy, or as it known to most of the rest of the universe, his continued denial of being immersed in a quagmire

Monday, January 08, 2007

You Can Come Out Now, I Think The Ford Funeral Is Over ... The Results - The Garlic Week Poll

Our long, national funeral is over ... I think.

There are network sit-coms that don’t last as long as the send-off for our now, late, 38th President. For a guy that stumbled (literally, at times) into the Oval Office, serving a little over two-years, before being defeated for the office, five, long, tedious days of, essentially, the same service, but in different cities, was a bit much.

One has to cringe to think ahead, and what will happen when a real, full term (Carter, Bush I) or two-term President (Clinton, Dubya) shuffles off. It will make the Super Bowl look like a backyard pick-up game of touch football.

And while many attempted to scrub clean the record of Ford, now hailing his pardon of Richard Nixon, and going out of there way not to mention his endorsement of the massacre in East Timor, our Garlic Poll voters wiped the black bunting from their faces and stepped up to the plate.

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll January 1 - January 6, 2007

The most glaring thing missing from former President Ford’s funeral (all of them) has been...

1. The Ambassador from East Timor Tally 29%

2. An enlarged, framed reproduction of his Pardon to Richard Nixon Tally 28%

3. Nobody stumbled carrying the casket Tally 26%

4. Some good, blaring R&B Soul riffs from James Brown Tally 16%


This week’s Poll - In President Bush’s long-delayed and overdue speech on a new Iraq Strategy, anticipated this week, he’ll likely reuse which over worn phrase the most...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote


Editor's Note

Good Morning Garlic Fans

Just a note to pass along apologies for the lack of posting this weekend, and the absence of our regular feature "Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves ". Yours truly was under-the-weather once again (curse those sinuses) preventing us from drawing the proper amount of energy, beyond extended periods of anchoring down the sofa and checking the eyelids for holes.

We should be back on track today, so stay tuned.

Thank you again for visiting The Garlic

Peace
JTD

Friday, January 05, 2007

Twelve Days of Dubya ...The Twelfth Day

Drum roll, please...

We made it!

Dubya is tapped out, unloading all his gifts this Christmas season. No doubt, he’s likely to toss a few more bonus tidings before the month is out.

And, I suppose, we have to wonder if he used his Executive Powers, and freshly-minted Signing Statement to snoop and open the letter Senate Leader Harry Reid and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi sent to him today.

As we have encouraged the past 11-days, keeping with the spirit of things, feel free to sing out loud.

Twelve Days of Dubya ...The Twelfth Day

On the twelfth day of Christmas,

my Dubya sent to me

Twelve numbing speeches,

Eleven goats a-petting,

Ten WHIGs a-fabricating,

Nine wards a-flooding,

Eight aides a-spinning,

Seven Signing Statements,

Six priests a-praying,

Five golden lies,

Four of Cheney’s birds,

Three French Freedom Fries,

Two Fed-Soc Judges,

And a backrub at the G8


Links

Twelve Days of Christmas (Or Twelvetide)

A Tip-of-the-Hat to Carols.org

Twas The Night Before The New Congress

Garlic Christmas Special - David Sedaris Christmas Letter







Thursday, January 04, 2007

Twelve Days of Dubya ...The Eleventh Day

Editors Note: We’re going Old School and stretching out this Christmas Season with a special Garlic rendition of the holiday classic, The Twelve Days of Christmas, with postings of a stanza each night, beginning tonight, and running through January 6, 2007.

Keeping with the spirit of things, feel free to sing out loud.

Twelve Days of Dubya ...The Eleventh Day

On the eleventh day of Christmas,

my Dubya sent to me

Eleven goats a-petting,

Ten WHIGs a-fabricating,

Nine wards a-flooding,

Eight aides a-spinning,

Seven Signing Statements,

Six priests a-praying,

Five golden lies,

Four of Cheney’s birds,

Three French Freedom Fries,

Two Fed-Soc Judges,

And a backrub at the G8


Links

Twelve Days of Christmas (Or Twelvetide)

A Tip-of-the-Hat to Carols.org

Twas The Night Before The New Congress

Garlic Christmas Special - David Sedaris Christmas Letter


Garlic Special - New Congress Theme Song: Across The 110th Congress

The Dittoheads and Freak Show have to be really stewing this evening.

In their, and our, lifetime, we have a DEMOCRATIC WOMAN SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE!

And the bonus of this truly historic day, is that Speaker Pelosi is merely an impeachment and heart attack away from crashing down another marble ceiling.

So, for such a festive day, the new Democratic Majority-led 110th Congress needs a soundtrack.

And The Garlic has one for them. A little retooling of some Bobby Womack funk.

Across The 110th Congress

We had to push, we had to strive,
Doing whatever we had to do to survive.
We’re not saying that all is right,
Trying to break out of the GOP swamp was a day to day fight.


Been down so long, getting up didn't cross our mind,
We knew there was a better way of life that we were just trying to find.
You don't know what you'll do until you're put under pressure,
Across the 110th Congress is a hell of a tester.


Across the 110th Congress,
RNC trying to catch a woman speaker they think is weak
Across the 110th Congress,
Lobbyists want the junkets to go free.
Across the 110th Congress,
Still putting on all that Red State Heat.
Across the 110th Congress,
We’ll find it all with Oversight when we meet


I got one more thing I'd like to y'all about right now.
Hey Bush, there's a better way out.
Debts that choke, Signing Statements you stroke, man you're copping out.
Take my advice, it's either live or die.
You've got to be honest, if you want the troops to survive.


The party on the other side of the aisle,
Would catch hell without a GOP swamp around.
In every city you find the same thing going down,
K Street is the capital, even without DeLay the top clown


Across the 110th Congress,
RNC trying to catch a woman speaker they think is weak
Across the 110th Congress,
Lobbyists want the junkets to go free.
Across the 110th Congress,
Still putting on all that Red State Heat.
Across the 110th Congress,
We’ll find it all with Oversight when we meet


A woman speaker finally on the beat, ouh baby
Across the 110th Congress,
You can find it all the first 100 Hours.
Yes you can, oh

Look around you, just wait and see,
Look around you, we got what it takes to be.


Links

Listen To Bobby Womack and Peace

Across 110th Street


Madam Speaker!

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Twelve Days of Dubya ...The Tenth Day

Editors Note: We’re going Old School and stretching out this Christmas Season with a special Garlic rendition of the holiday classic, The Twelve Days of Christmas, with postings of a stanza each night, beginning tonight, and running through January 6, 2007.

Keeping with the spirit of things, feel free to sing out loud.

Twelve Days of Dubya ...The Tenth Day

On the tenth day of Christmas,

my Dubya sent to me

Ten WHIGs a-fabricating,

Nine wards a-flooding,

Eight aides a-spinning,

Seven Signing Statements,

Six priests a-praying,

Five golden lies,

Four of Cheney’s birds,

Three French Freedom Fries,

Two Fed-Soc Judges,

And a backrub at the G8


Links

Twelve Days of Christmas (Or Twelvetide)

A Tip-of-the-Hat to Carols.org

Twas The Night Before The New Congress

Garlic Christmas Special - David Sedaris Christmas Letter


Chopped Garlic ... Oh, The Irony

Nothing like a good rivalry to get the blood stirred up.

The Congressman-Elect Keith Ellison (D-MN) versus Congressman Virgil Goode (R-VA) took a deliciously ironic turn, as Ellison will use the Koran, formerly owned by, none other than, Thomas Jefferson, according to the Washington Post’s Reliable Sources column today, for his ceremonial swearing-in tomorrow.

You may recall, last month, Ellison drew the ire of Goode, after indicating he was selecting the Koran as his book of choice to pledge the ceremonial Oath of Office. Ellison is the nation’s first person of Muslim faith to be elected to Congress.

Goode, from the state that gave us Thomas Jefferson, along with the word “Macaca”, after criticizing Ellison, also stood by his criticism, despite calls from colleagues to back off.

With this kind of sparring going on - before the session starts - perhaps Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) can rethink her position and allow C-SPAN to place more cameras in the House. Either that, or open it up to Pay-Per-View.

Links

But It's Thomas Jefferson's Koran!

Top Ten Cloves: How Rep. Virgil Goode Believes His Letter and Comments Against Rep Ellison and Muslims Are In The Christmas Spirit



Rep. Goode is from the state that gave us Thomas Jefferson, along with the word “Macaca”.













Minced Garlic - Olbermann: Special Comment About ‘Sacrifice’










It must now be branded as propaganda — for even the president cannot truly feel that very many people still believe him to be competent in this area, let alone “the decider.”

Well, if anyone was thinking that, in 2007, our MSNBC anchorman-hero Keith Olbermann was going to sit on his laurels, they best think again.

The New Big “O” (sorry, Oscar Robertson will, forever, be The Big O) came out swinging in his first newscast since the holiday lull (or Gerald Ford’s funerals, if you will) with a Special Comment About ‘Sacrifice’.

Not only was it another hard-hitting rumination on our Court-Appointed Decider, it was, to some degree, breaking news.

Olbermann based his Special Comment on the BBC news reports that Bush is putting his chips down on the legacy, announcing next week that he will pour more troops into Iraq - for security, not training - in a speech themed “sacrifice.”

This is where we stand tonight with the BBC report of President Bush’s “new Iraq strategy,” and his impending speech to the nation, which, according to a quoted senior American official, will be about troop increases and “sacrifice.”

The president has delayed, dawdled and deferred for the month since the release of the Iraq Study Group.

He has seemingly heard out everybody, and listened to none of them.

And in another Administration classic, the White House Iraq Group must have worked straight through the holidays (and funerals), for we have another Madison Ave slogan in lieu of a real strategy.

But from our impeccable reporter at the Pentagon, Jim Miklaszewski, tonight comes confirmation of something called “surge and accelerate” — as many as 20,000 additional troops —for “political purposes” ...

Surge and Accelerate.

Sounds more like a direction, a motivation, from a Pilates or Spinning class.

And what focus group pitched in on this one? This crew seems stuck on the S&A combo - we all remember “Shock and Awe”, don’t we? Is there a list that they pull from?

Stand and Answer ... Smash and Annihilate (which would have to come from Cheney) ... Sack and Abuse ... Scorch and Accomplish ...

The surge is self-explanatory, but what, exactly, are we going to accelerate? The Iraq Civil War? Lighting up the entire Middle East? More world condemnation?

As Sen. Joseph Biden has pointed out, the new troops might improve the ratio our forces face relative to those living in Baghdad (friend and foe), from 200 to 1, to just 100 to 1.

“Sacrifice?”

No.

A drop in the bucket.

The additional men and women you have sentenced to go there, sir, will serve only as targets.

Hopefully, which Olbermann also posed, the BBC report is wrong, in error. Perhaps paperwork got mixed up and the “surge and accelerate” is about the fund raising for Bush’s post Imperial reign library, or Bush was talking about how he’s going to ride his bicycle next time down in Crawford.

The equation is simple. This country does not want more troops in Iraq.

It wants fewer.

Go and make it happen, or go and look for other work.


Links

Read Olbermann: Special Comment About ‘Sacrifice’

Crooks and Liars has the video

Garlic Special: A George Bush Dream - The Victory

Scroll down the sidebar to read other Minced Garlic posts

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Twelve Days of Dubya ...The Ninth Day

Editors Note: We’re going Old School and stretching out this Christmas Season with a special Garlic rendition of the holiday classic, The Twelve Days of Christmas, with postings of a stanza each night, beginning tonight, and running through January 6, 2007.

Keeping with the spirit of things, feel free to sing out loud.

Twelve Days of Dubya ...The Ninth Day

On the ninth day of Christmas,

my Dubya sent to me

Nine wards a-flooding,

Eight aides a-spinning,

Seven Signing Statements,

Six priests a-praying,

Five golden lies,

Four of Cheney’s birds,

Three French Freedom Fries,

Two Fed-Soc Judges,

And a backrub at the G8


Links

Twelve Days of Christmas (Or Twelvetide)

A Tip-of-the-Hat to Carols.org

Twas The Night Before The New Congress

Garlic Christmas Special - David Sedaris Christmas Letter


Top Ten Cloves: Things President Bush Is Thinking Of Doing To Have A Better 2007

News Item: Bush taking more time to craft Iraq plan


10. If I can just stall things until next month ... Once I get the reading on what Punxsutawney Phil comes up with, then I can set up what the way forward will be...

9. Go for all the marbles. Take the winner of the B.C.S Championship between Ohio State and Florida and challenge the insurgents to a Winner-Take-All Bowl Game


8. Instead of Press Conferences, institute “Media Scavenger Hunts”. The Press will have a ball, running around Washington, trying to find pieces of your policies, Tony Snow won’t have to bang his head on the podium, it will leave David Gregory winded and less grouchy and I’ll be freed up to do more serious Iraq thinking... or clearing brush ...


7. I scored some points with plastering that Zarqawi Photo all around... Maybe I should do the same thing with one of Saddam Hussein


6. Still stuck on coming up with the new Iraq Strategy? Then pull a Steinbrenner and fire Robert Gates immediately. Sure, he hasn’t been in long enough, but you can bellow he’s acting too slow. At minimum, it gives me another 30-60-days to come up with something on the new ideas for Iraq. And, to stay in the Steinbrenner mode, bring back Donald Rumsfeld


5. Find a really obscure cleric - we’re talking the Dan Quayle of Iraq - and have him announce he’s converted the U.S. Troops to Islam and adopted them as HIS militia ... Now I can start fighting on militia terms and really kick some ass


4. Since that first face transplant, over in France, seems to be a success, I’ll have the Secret Service stage a terrible auto accident, that requires me to have a face transplant. Because of the damage from the accident, and my facial bone structure, doctors can only work it out that I look exactly like my brother, Jeb ... Yeah, yeah, now you see where I’m going with this ... Jeb gets his playing time in the big leagues ... I go chill out in Crawford for the next two-years, where, miraculously, due to advances in the procedure, the doctors are able to restore me back to my original face at the end of the term


3. Gotta start using “The Google” more... Do my own research ... Can’t trust what these guys are telling me half-the-time... And I can’t understand them the other half...


2. Bite the bullet and meet with Cindy Sheehan. No, not Cindy Sheehan, but Cindy Sheehan, age 74 of Lima, Ohio. Go in with the big guns - Air Force One, big motorcade, lunch in the local diner and lots of photos of me and the elderly Sheehan. Next day, tens-of-millions of people see somewhere - newspapers, on-line, television - that I met with Cindy Sheehan and the issue goes away (P.S.Talk to “Turd Blossom” on this, he’ll know what to do with it)


1. Start hanging out with Paris Hilton and Britney Spears. They’ll only think it’s cool for awhile, so I have to take advantage of it while I can. Hit a lot of clubs, don’t wear any underwear and get tons of paparazzi coverage, perhaps building a new “Tabloid Constituency”


I scored some points with plastering that Zarqawi Photo all around... Maybe I should do the same thing with one of Saddam Hussein

Monday, January 01, 2007

Twelve Days of Dubya ...The Eighth Day

Editors Note: We’re going Old School and stretching out this Christmas Season with a special Garlic rendition of the holiday classic, The Twelve Days of Christmas, with postings of a stanza each night, beginning tonight, and running through January 6, 2007.

Keeping with the spirit of things, feel free to sing out loud.

Twelve Days of Dubya ...The Eighth Day

On the eighth day of Christmas,

my Dubya sent to me

Eight aides a-spinning,

Seven Signing Statements,

Six priests a-praying,

Five golden lies,

Four of Cheney’s birds,

Three French Freedom Fries,

Two Fed-Soc Judges,

And a backrub at the G8


Links

Twelve Days of Christmas (Or Twelvetide)

A Tip-of-the-Hat to Carols.org

Twas The Night Before The New Congress

Garlic Christmas Special - David Sedaris Christmas Letter


Happy New Year!












Happy New Year!


Bon Année!


Feliz Año Nuevo!


Here’s to our Garlic Subscribers, Readers and Visitors ... I hope you and yours are having a very happy New Year Holiday, and that 2007 plays out to be a very good year for you.

Thank you, again, for your readership and support.

Happy New Year!

Peace

JTD

Sunday, December 31, 2006

Twelve Days of Dubya ...The Seventh Day

Editors Note: We’re going Old School and stretching out this Christmas Season with a special Garlic rendition of the holiday classic, The Twelve Days of Christmas, with postings of a stanza each night, beginning tonight, and running through January 6, 2007.

Keeping with the spirit of things, feel free to sing out loud.

Twelve Days of Dubya ...The Seventh Day

On the seventh day of Christmas,

my Dubya sent to me

Seven Signing Statements,

Six priests a-praying

Five golden lies,

Four of Cheney’s birds,

Three French Freedom Fries,

Two Fed-Soc Judges,

And a backrub at the G8


Links

Twelve Days of Christmas (Or Twelvetide)

A Tip-of-the-Hat to Carols.org

Twas The Night Before The New Congress

Garlic Christmas Special - David Sedaris Christmas Letter


Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 31 December 2006












A rather surprising development has come out of President Bush's extended deliberations as to coming up with a new policy for his Iraq Occupation.

The brainstorming sessions have produced a new singing group - Dubya and the Neconettes. The group plans on recording military and religious tunes that will be sent to the troops over in Iraq for inspiration in carrying out the new strategy.



The rumor mill is blazing with the reports that, beginning in 2007, Gayle King is out and Julia Roberts in as Oprah Winfrey's "special friend"




























Michael Jordon announced this week that he is divorcing his wife of 17-years..

Jordon, a notorious gambler also said that he will be flying off to Las Vegas as soon as the divorce is official, to collect on a $5-Million bet he made, that his marriage wouldn't last 20-years.






















In the "N0-Luck Department", ousted publisher Judith Regan said that she worked "right up to his first step on to the gallows" with landing now-deceased and former Iraq Dictator Saddam Hussein, for a "tell-all" blockbuster, "If I Was Guilty, Here's How I Would Have Gassed The Kurds"



Jason, who never put any stock in making New Years Resolutions, thought, perhaps now was the time ... He would stop wearing his matador outfit on first-dates as means to, hopefully, land that elusive second date

Buck Up Rick, There'll Likely Be Better Days Ahead ... The Results - The Garlic Week Poll

It’s probably no surprise, to anyone, that our Garlic Poll Voters had a horse race this week on who would top Santa’s naughty list.

But for former Senator Rick Santorum, it’s gotta be kind of depressing when you finish dead last in an obscure blog’s weekly poll. He has to be thinking that so few had so little Christmas spirit that they wouldn’t even give him a dirty, dusty piece of coal

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll December 24 - December 30, 2006

When it is all said-and-done this Christmas, who will have ended up with more coal in their stocking?

1. Vice President Cheney Tally 35%

2. President Bush Tally 34%

3. Conservative Pundit (Oooh, has that phrase been used before?) Ann Coulter Tally 15%

4. Former Congressman, nee Blogger, Tom DeLay Tally 10%

5. Former Senator Rick “Man Bites Dog” Santorum Tally 6%


This week’s Poll
- The most glaring thing missing from former President Ford’s funeral (all of them) has been ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote















Keep the headphone on Rick, you don't want to hear that you finished dead last in an obscure blog's poll