Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Top Ten Cloves: Other Things The Courts Are Letting United Airlines Do To Their Retirees

10. Retirees must stop calling male flight attendants "stewardess"

9. Food service on flights not required to give retirees cans of Ensure with their meals

8. Okay to make retirees ride in baggage hold, but must provide them something other than luggage to sit on

7. United Airlines is entitled to 50% of any supplemental income earned by retirees

6. Retirees must fake heart attack to cover long delay in cases where pilot shows up drunk

5. Retirees have to shell and bag the peanuts for the First Class Section

4. United can use their pension money for anything, even a fling on GoldenPalace.Com

3. If retirees owns home, must bequeath it to United Airlines in their Wills

2. Can continue to make retirees stand in O'Hare lobbies and hum 'Rhapsody In Blue' whenever PA system goes down

1. Retirees must use logo and tag line as-is; Not "Fly The Pension-Stealing Skies of United"

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