Monday, November 13, 2006

Breaking News! Iraq Study Group: Iraq Do-Over To Come Before 2008 Race and Vote

Baker-Hamilton To Say “Start Over”; Reinstall Saddam And Retake Country, This Time With Plans

First Step Is To Reconstruct Baghdad To Pre-2003 Invasion Look; “Maintain a public front of “victory in Iraq

Sources have shared with The Garlic a classified, first-draft of the pending Iraq-Study Group report that, stunningly, will call on President Bush to “start over” in Iraq

This, according to the draft, translates into reinstalling the recently-convicted Saddam Hussein, reinvading the country, only this time, with a plan for reconstruction and containing the insurgency.

Meeting this morning with the Iraq Study Group, headed by former Secretary of State James Baker and former Democratic Congressman Lee Hamilton, President Bush was said to be “lifted” by the panel’s briefing but said following it that "I'm not going to prejudge" the report the panel soon will issue.

President Bush also offered that he is encouraged by the report to continue with his “Hello, I Must Be Going” policy and to keep up the appearances that he is seeking advice, from multiple parties, both Republican and Democratic, on a solution for Iraq.

Study Group Pitches Plans to 2008 Elections; Cautions Bush To Cease Adding New Punctuation Into Iraq History

All of this is to take place, the draft dictates, before the 2008 Presidential election, so that, whoever is elected, can begin making plans and preparations, right at the juncture of Baghdad falling again and the recapture of Saddam Hussein.

This time, the draft says, the U.S. Forces will be greeted as liberators.

Baker and Hamilton write that the U.S. should continue with their “training of Iraqi Army” and, the “liberated”

The “liberated” referred to in the report, and unknown to the general public, has been that a certain percentage of the training conducted in Iraqi has, in fact, been auditioning regular Iraqi citizens to act “liberated”.

The Iraq Study Group Draft labels this as “essential” and “important, for television news footage to run behind the sound bites trumpeting the mission”.

To that end, the report suggests authorizing a budget to rebuild Iraq to the pre-2003 invasion, and replace and erect new statues of Saddam Hussein, for the purpose of having them ripped down during the “Liberation Celebration”.

This, notes the report, could be a point, says Baker, for President Bush, before he leaves office, to begin troop withdrawal from Iraq in order to burnish his legacy. Hamilton, is a dissenting opinion calls on the President to leave any troop withdrawing to the President-Elect, in order for that Commander-In-Chief to kick off his term on a positive note.

Both Baker and Hamilton agree that President Bush should cease inserting any commas, or other punctuation marks into Iraq history

New Box of Strategies and Seeds of Democracy To Be Recertified

Another section of the Iraq Study Group Report deals with the Bush Administrations problem with strategies.

Following the Inspector General’s report earlier this year, that indicated the White House was “out of strategies”, the group will leave with the President, a full compliment of new strategies that he can have at-the-ready. It’s not specified that the President will need to enact any of the strategies, or share them with Congress, or the next President-Elect.

Additionally, Baker and Hamilton have solved another White House problem of having “worthless seeds of democracy”, partially covered by the box of new strategies that will come with the final report. With this portion of the draft being redacted, it is clear that any new seeds of democracy that are used after the final report is issued will be certified as “good”.

Report Calls For “Maintain a public front of “victory in Iraq”; No Material In Draft On Iraqi Government Role

A surprising element of the Iraq Study Group draft shows that suggestions and recommendations by the group have already been undertaken by the President.

First comes the firing of Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, most notably displayed in the report by references to “Secretary of Defense Gates”, that being former CIA Director Robert Gates, who is also a member of the Iraq Study Group.

Another calls for, in the event of the Republicans losing the Midterm elections, the White House to officially deny that the Iraq War was in any way responsible for the loss, and continue to put out “positive stories” and maintain a public front of “victory in Iraq, for this recommended plan to succeed.”

Lastly, it appears that security measures recently undertaken, and in coordination with DisneyBaghdad, came at the urging of the Iraq Study Group.

Although it was referenced in the Table of Contents with the draft reviewed by The Garlic, the corresponding section dealing with the Iraqi Government was missing or not included and there are sparse references to it in the other sections of the report.

The name “Ahmed Chalabi” appears frequently, as being part of the reinvasion of Iraq and there is one vague mention of “the opposition of Maliki” to a certain proposal in restaging the capture of Saddam Hussein and the implementation of an interim governing body.

It is widely speculated by those close to the White House and Pentagon, who has seen this draft report, that it remains a strong possibility the current Iraqi Government will be dissolved and the former Coalition Provisional Authority, L. Paul Bremer will be sent back to Iraq, to oversee the entire restaging of taking the country.

There’s also a reference to CIA Director General Michael V. Hayden, and that he continue to provide intelligence “in the manner the President has been accustomed to receiving.”

Report Has A Catch That Will Force Bush Into Action

The report wraps up with the advice to President Bush that he “strongly consider these recommendations” and acknowledges that he is under no obligation to do so, but with a catch.

If Bush does not enact the recommendations within 90-days, the Iraq Study Group will be free to market their plans to “any other third party”, opening the door for another country, possible the United Kingdom, or even Israel, taking over and being credited with downing Saddam Hussein and liberating Iraq.

“Oh, he’ll do it,” offered Harold "Ace" Larson, an analyst for the counterintelligence think tank, 'Book'em and Beat'em', and who has also seen the draft Iraq Study Group Report.

“He has too,” continued Larson. “He can’t have his legacy be both a failed domestic agenda, with Katrina being the flashing neon sign on that front, and then turning around and blowing Iraq ... Baker and Hamilton are bailing him out and it doesn’t matter how pissed off he may be about his father-thing, he’s gotta go with it.”

A leaked, draft copy of the Iraq Study Group Report suggests reinvading Iraq and authorizing a budget to rebuild the country to the pre-2003 invasion, and replace and erect new statues of Saddam Hussein, for the purpose of having them ripped down during the “Liberation Celebration”.

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