Congress Acts On New National Driver's License
3-Point Turn Kept In 'Patriots with Wheels' Bill; Homeland Security To Issue Daily Hand Signals
Congress, yesterday, took sweeping, Orwellian steps towards creating a National Driver's License, that will, in effect, act as state identification cards. The bill will require states to verify and authenticate documents that applicants use to prove their identify and legal residency.
Known as the 'Patriots with Wheels Act', if passed by the Senate, as it is expected to, and signed by President Bush, May 2008 will be the date the states will be required to verify with issuers of birth certificates, mortgage statements, utility bills, Social Security cards, and immigration papers, the information provided by the applicants and keep the information for, at least, seven-years.
Existing licenses would remain valid until they expire, and drivers who want to renew would then have to undergo the new identity verification process.
The bills author, Rep. James Sensenbrenner (R-WI), said that "the 'Patriots with Wheels Act will prevent another 9/11-type attack by disrupting the terrorists" He also cited that it contains vital border security provisions.
Contentious debate broke out as Sensenbrenner and other House Republicans attached the 'Patriots with Wheels Act' to a supplemental appropriations bill funding US troops in Iraq. Senators from both parties, concerned that the bill did not receive a proper hearing, signed at letter of protest to Senate majority leader Bill Frist (R-TN).
State governments are concerned, and have voiced to Congress that it will cost hundreds-of-millions more that Congress is estimating and, with the cumbersome documentation, create longer lines at motor vehicle bureaus.
The most heated arguments came when Republicans voted to keep the three-point turn in the requirements to obtain a driver's license. Sensenbrenner defended the move as vital to security.
"I know that our intelligence people have heard a great deal of chatter about this. Those terrorist, particularly the Muslim one's just can't get the hang of it … They're petrified of having to make a three-point turn move … It will be a dead give-away".
Another aspect that created controversy is that Homeland Security will issue, based on the level of threats, new hand signals that will be required of all drivers to know and be able to execute. The new hand signals will be issued, along the color code of the threat.
"It's going to be awful hard for them", stated Sensenbrenner "for these extremists to, first know what the hand signal of the day is, and then, execute it while holding on to their bombs".
Sears, Nike Split Up
Retailer Tells Sneaker Company To Go USA
Sears, in very loud and clear terms, told Nike that "this is where America shops" and booted the Beaverton, Oregon sneaker maker off its shelves.
Lee Antonio, a spokeswoman at Sears Holdings in Hoffman Estates, Ill., confirmed reports that Sears will no longer stock, carry or sell any Nike products, as Sears, in part related to it being acquired by Kmart earlier this year, will focus on American-made products.
"We've listened to our customers" cited Antonio. "This is where America shops and we want to give them quality American products".
Nike has been dogged, despite its success, for running sweatshops in Asia and Mexico, often with poor working conditions and charges of exploiting overseas labor. Paying its works mere pennies, Nike products, like its popular Air Jordan sneaker, named for former NBA superstar, Michael Jordan, cost hundreds-of-dollars.
Phil Knight, the charismatic, and often brash, CEO of Nike said that "Sears was pandering to the Patriot Act … We'll do just fine without them … Jethro will now have to buy some cheap brand of shoe to go with his overalls"
Knight continued in his comments about Sears
"I hear their going to introduce a Kenmore Freedom Fries Fryer … And they're with Kmart now … Maybe, if Martha goes back to prison, someone can bake her cake with some Craftsman tools in it … I always hated doing our creative shots with them … I've seen mannequins that are better looking then the models they use …"
Ms. Antonio advised that Sears will continue to carry top brand shows, for companies like Reebok, New Balance, Adidas and Skechers. She also refused to confirm, or deny, reports that the Sears/Kmart venture are planning to open retail stores in Asia and Mexico.
"If that does occur", offered Antonio, "at least the Nike workers in those areas would be able to shop and purchase a quality shoe at a reasonable price".
Friday, May 06, 2005
Friday 6 May 2005
Top Ten Cloves: Things Ann Coulter Would Be Saying If She Were An Over-The-Top Liberal Democrat
9. I think anorexia should be classified as a disease and treatment should be covered by medical plans and HMO's
8. Let Bush have his daughters serve on the front lines and let's see if he keeps lying about the need for this war
7. "Woman like Kay Bailey Hutchison and Bay Buchanan are basically Anna Nicole Smith from the waist down - They're whores."
6. If we put one more innocent person to death, because of the archaic death penalty, we should execute the judge and jury too
5. I know what we can do with Tom DeLay - A public flogging … That'll get his ethics straight
4. We have to stop - at all cost, by any measure - the Republicans from dismantling the New Deal
3. You could say that George Bush is a dick with ears, but that may be an insult to penises
2. I don't blame that young bride-to-be from running away; Her husband-to-be looks like a bible-thumping Republican
1. Can't wait to start my new show on Air America Radio, with my co-host, Bill Clinton
Thursday, May 05, 2005
Thursday 5 May 2005
Texas Bill Banning Cheerleading Causes Panic, Confusion and Exodus
Teens Flee State By Thousands, Causing Gridlock; See Bill As Ban On Being Teen
The Texas House of Representatives approved a bill on Monday, by a vote of 65 to 56, that would allow state education officials to prohibit "overtly sexually suggestive" cheering and drill team routines.
And, as news of the bill reached schools, teenagers began fleeing the state by the scores-of-thousands, causing virtually total gridlock on the Texas Highway System.
Roads leading out of Texas into New Mexico, Oklahoma, Arkansas and Louisiana were jammed with automobiles packed with young teenagers. Texas Governor Rick Perry activated the National Guard and officials in the surrounding states were mobilizing resources to handle the immense influx of teenagers.
Many of the teens were loud and boisterous, some openly drinking beer and smoking marijuana.
"They're trying to kill our teen years", shouted one young girl.
"Sexy cheerleaders is what high school is all about", shouted a teen boy, wearing his football jacket.
The legislation was sponsored by Representative Al Edwards, a Houston Democrat and ordained minister, who attempted to add a rider that schools would lose state funding for permitting "racy" routines. Edwards once offered a bill that would allow the state to amputate the fingers of convicted drug dealers.
The bill followed heated debate about cheerleading, and the alleged influence of popular culture on young cheerleaders, notably, the legendary and often scantily-clad Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders.
Supporters of the bill cited provocative dances seen on television shows, like MTV, as well as movies, such as "Bring It On" and it's sequel, "Bring It On Again." Those against the bill argued it wasn't up to the state to decide what was "lewd" or "overtly sexual", pointing to the hard work, talent needed and skill involved in cheerleading.
Ironically, Dallas, Texas is the home of the National Cheerleaders Association, founded in 1948, which conducts cheerleading camps and competitions around the country.
"We believe it's a very small minority of cheerleaders, not the 98 percent who do things right, that are being noticed at the suggestive level," said Karen Halterman, vice president for marketing at the association. "We've already been looking into this thing, since our focus has been not just on technical skills but on grooming tomorrow's leaders."
Though the bill does not yet have a sponsor or support in the Texas Senate, the teenagers, en masse, decided that they didn't want to wait around.
"First cheerleading, then they'll probably make us wear uniforms to school", offered one teen, fleeing to New Orleans.
The Governor's office had no official statement as of Wednesday and has given no indication if he would veto the bill if it does pass in the Senate.
One staff member, speaking unofficially and anonymously, indicated it wasn't just the jammed highways that was the focus of the Governor but the state's economy as well.
"Who's going to be serving the hamburgers and shakes? … We have some many sectors effected by this … Caddies at the golf courses … Movie theatre ushers…"
"Heck, if they stay away, and we loose the Fall football season, that's millions down-the-drain".
One teen, shouting as his auto was crossing over the border into Oklahoma;
"They want to stop us from being teenagers …"
DIY Network Has An Ad Campaign - Finally
Three-Years-Plus in-the-making; All Hand-Made Print Run
When you call yourself the DIY Network, and you want to run an advertising campaign, you can't pick up the telephone and call and agency. You have to roll-up your sleeves and get the job done yourself.
It took over three-years, but the DIY Network, the Scripps Network-owned cable program, has finally finished their first advertising creative, a print campaign that will begin running in the network's major areas of programming concentration (Home Improvement, Gardening, Woodworking, Auto, and Crafts).
To promote one of DIY's five annual sweepstakes, a full-page ad will capture a do-it-yourselfer engrossed in a project and a one-third page strip that appears opposite the full-page ad advertising the sweepstakes.
The DIY Network, along with the cable program, has a website with over 15,000 DIY projects and advice from DIY experts, and offers a newsletter with DIY projects, program and sweepstakes information.
DIY executive officers, as well as the television staff and crew all worked on creating the ad, according to a source close to the show.
"There were a lot of false starts, ups-and-downs … I mean, they didn't know B-Roll from a coffee roll … The first few cuts at it, it looked like stick people drawn by a preschooler".
Reportedly, the DIY staff, living up to it's name, created everything to do with the ad, by themselves.
One group was sent out to the Pacific Northwest to cut down a tree and process it for the paper they would need. Another group worked in a lab to create barrels of ink. Others took night courses, to learn copy and creative writing.
This took tedious amounts of time and the executives at Scripps, who ordered the ad campaign, were growing impatient. Tension between DIY and Scripps grew, as one-year rolled into another, with no ad copy or creative to show.
Still more staffers spent massive amounts of time in libraries and on the internet, to research ad rates and submission policies.
Once the materials were ready, the DIY crew built a replica ad agency office, to help get them in the spirit. This included a lounge, with a hand-made pool table, fully-tiled sauna room and a small kitchen.
Other material needed were provided by sponsors, in exchange for on-air credit and advertising, once a staffer read in a marketing newsletter that such transactions were commonplace.
About three-months into their fourth-year, they produced what will be used for the campaign run.
With the tagline, "This is my masterpiece. This is my network", the ad will run in Better Homes and Gardens, Cottage Living, Family Handyman, Handy, Midwest Living, Southern Living and This Old House.
Top Ten Cloves: What The Coma Fireman, Who Hasn't Spoken in 10-Years, Talked About When He Woke Up
9. Maybe, we can stop by Woolworth's on the way home from the hospital
8. Doesn't surprise me … I always thought that Katie Couric was alittle bossy and to big for her britches
7. Start chilling the beers and buying the pretzels … I woke up in time for some Stanley Cup action!
6. That has to be wrong …You must be talking about the plane that flew into the Empire State Building and that was years ago
5. Now, you're pulling my leg … You want me to believe the Boston Red Sox won the World Series?
4. How about, when I get out of here, we take a nice, exotic vacation … Maybe some island like Sumatra … Indonesia ...
3. You gotta be kidding me - O.J was innocent!?
2. How many home runs is the record now? … They gotta be juiced to hit that many!
1. You mean Bush's son is President!
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Wednesday 4 May 2005
Reality Show In The Wings
Vegas, Circuit Clamors For Laura Bush
Press Laments Daily Briefings Now With Headlining First Lady
Since her stunning, and controversial, performance Saturday night, at the White House Press Correspondents Dinner, First Lady Laura Bush has been barraged with offers from Las Vegas promoters, to comedy club owners and television producers.
Inside sources have told The Garlic that since Monday, the First Lady has appeared at the daily press briefings, insisting that Press Secretary Scott McClellan introduce her with the call, "Hereeeees, Laura!".
Yesterday, Mrs. Bush had Michael Buffer, the infamous boxing ring announcer, flown into Washington to offer his trademark delivery of "Let's get ready for Laura".
At the press briefings this week, Mrs. Bush has taken the podium and delivered, anywhere between five-to-ten-minutes of stand-up comedy and, as was the case Saturday night, taking aim at her husband, President Bush, other cabinet members and even press correspondents in the briefing room.
One reporter offered that the First Lady picked on ABC's Sam Donaldson yesterday.
"She looked down at Sam and let loose with a string of, what I consider, nasty comments".
Reportedly, Mrs. Bush said of Donaldson;
"…while your questions may better than Jeff Gannon's, let me tell you honey, with your looks, you can forget about the part of being a male escort"
She then added; "Don't lose hope, maybe ABC will do a show "Desperate Old News Reporters".
Numerous press correspondents have complained, privately, to McClellan, on being forced to stay for the First Lady's performance and not being able to write or give on-air comment regarding it. McClellan is enforcing a 'full lid" on the First Lady's comedy.
Las Vegas promoters and comedy club owners from around the country have been calling the White House, and offering the First Lady contracts, some as high as a half-million dollars, to appear and perform.
Reports have Reality Television kingpin, Mark Burnett, already signing a deal with NBC for a new show next fall, Last First Lady Standing. Burnett, allegedly, has agreements with former First Ladies, Roselyn Carter, Barbara Bush and Senator Hillary Clinton for a series in which the ladies will square off in a stand-up comedy battle.
NBC would neither confirm or deny the story.
McClellan offered no critical comment on the First Lady's routine, saying that "it always a good thing when we have the opportunity for the First Lady to speak out to the American people and press on issues that are important".
Clinton Joins Food Pyramid Protest
Says Won't Deter Child Obesity; Poll Shows Public Prefers The Sphinx
Former President Bill Clinton has joined Egypt in protesting the use MyPyramid, the new food guidance system released by Agriculture Secretary Mike Johanns last month, and going further by saying it will add to the increasing obesity of children.
Last month, as reported by The Garlic (21 April; Egypt Protests New U.S. Use of Pyramids) Nabil Fahmy, the ambassador of the Arab Republic of Egypt to the United States, lodged a protest the use of pyramids was a cultural insult to Egypt, who has pyramids going back to 4,600-years.
"Egypt is very pleased to see the former President joining us in this fight", declared Fahmy when apprised of Clinton's comments.
Clinton, speaking at a New York City Public School, rallied his William J. Clinton Foundation in speaking out against the use of pyramids to convey diet needs and cited that children would the most impressionable.
"I love pyramids", said Clinton. "The rich history and traditions of the Egyptian people that they represent shouldn't be put in front of young children in that light. For a young child to know what cheese they should eat will only know the pyramids for that, and that's a shame".
Clinton, who struggled with this weight during his presidency, and was overweight in his teen years, said it took his recent medical experiences to have him focus on his diet. Clinton looked fit and trim during his appearance at the school.
"Perhaps the Bush Administration should have used an operating room for the symbols of it's new guidelines".
Clinton's appearance was part of an emerging alliance, between the American Heart Association, the food industry, schools, health care providers and the media, to highlight to young children the important health factors in proper eating and how it effects their lives.
The Agriculture Department declined comment on Clinton's remarks, releasing the statement;
"MyPyramid was developed to carry the messages of the dietary guidelines and to make Americans aware of the vital health benefits of simple and modest improvements in nutrition, physical activity and lifestyle behavior".
In a related topic, a new CNN/Gallup poll released yesterday, over 54% of those polled about MyPyramind indicated they prefer the Sphinx over Pyramids and 17% responded that would rather take a boat ride down the Nile River. The poll also showed 84% indicated they would wait until the Bush Administration installed democracy in Egypt before planning a visit there.
Top Ten Cloves: What Jilted Fiancés Can Do If Your Bride-To-Be Runs Away
10. Good excuse to blow off work and sleep late
9. Time to try on her hot red dress that you've been dying for; If caught, act distraught that she's gone
8. Favorite breakfast you haven't had since you met her - Cheerios and beer
7. Realize you're in the clear - she'll never know now that it was a fake diamond
6. Okay to bring in your favorite old, smelly barker lounger from the garage and back into the house
5. Crack open the beers and click on to the Pay-Per-View Adult Section
4. Now you can hit on that cute little blonde that just joined the Bible Study group
3. Act outraged, just enough, that the police consider you a suspect so you can sell your story to 'Hard Copy'
2. Give the press the absolute worst photos of your bride-to-be to use for publication
1. Put a few calls into Tom DeLay and Bill Frist … Just in case she turns up in a persistent vegetative state
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Tuesday 3 May 2005
$5-Billion Sale Goes To Two Finance Groups
Neiman Marcus Sells Self Through Catalog
"Almost Threw Away Book In Recycling", Says Buyer
It sat, on Page 67 of the 2004 Christmas Catalog, a half page offering under the title; "If You Like The Catalog So Much, Why Not Buy The Company!
The listed price in the catalog, like so many other items shown in the legendary Neiman Marcus catalogs - the tanks, the desert islands, the jewels, the miniature sports cars - displayed a steep price tag - "Mid-Billions, Negotiable".
For nearly eight-months, no serious offers. A few loyal customers made cursory inquiries, however, Neiman Marcus Chief Executive Burton M. Tansky, had begun looking at other options.
Then the call came.
David Bonderman, Managing Partner for the Texas Pacific Group, had been cleaning out his home office and, after grabbing the Neiman Christmas catalog, to pitch it in the recycling bin, he thumbed threw it, landing, with surprise, on Page 67.
Texas Pacific Group, owners of J.Crew and other brand name companies, prides itself in rebuilding well-known luxury brands who have fallen on hard times. An active investor, with over $20 billion under management, Bonderman knew he had to make the move.
Bonderman reached out to Warner Pincus, Chairman and CEO of Warburg Pincus, a pioneer in raising investment capital from financial institutions rather than wealthy families, pitched a joint purchase of Neiman Marcus and the deal was set.
Tansky was quite relieved.
"More than any other item we've placed in the catalog, we worked that one over-and-over. I don't know how many rewrites we did …We wanted to get it … just right … Keeping in the tradition of the catalog".
"We looked at thousand of photos to use. We even consider putting out a special catalog, just on the company, lying out our assets, achievements, customer testimonials … much like the merchandise".
Bonderman bristled at the comparison to Victor Kiam, the late owner of Remington, maker of electric razors ("I liked the shaver so much, I bought the company").
"We're purchasing the crown jewel of American retail", he said
Neiman, with 37 stores across the nation, took an opposite approach when many big retailers were scaling back. Neiman abandoned its moderately-priced merchandise and went even higher upscale, to become the gold standard for luxury goods. The move helped Neiman Marcus maintain its most loyal and very affluent customer base.
"I know this", offered Bonderman, "that I'll be looking at everything - very carefully - before I toss anything way".
And Tansky?
"In the end, I wrote the catalog copy myself".
Visa Ends Triple Crown Sponsorship But Keeps Derby
Cites Pending Use of Child Jockeys As Means To Increase Brand
Visa is hoping that "Everywhere You Want To Be" will be at the Kentucky Derby, using your Visa Card.
Credit Card giant Visa announced yesterday that it will end its sponsorship of racing's Triple Crown and move over to an exclusive, five-year sponsorship of the Kentucky Derby.
Visa will be the only credit card accepted at Churchill Downs during this sponsorship period. Holders of Visa Signature cards will have exclusive perks, including access to tickets, the stable area and special events around the hoopla and pageantry of the Kentucky Derby.
Visa has sponsored the Triple Crown since 1996 and, to add to the luster, puts out a tantalizing offer of a $5 million bonus for any horse who wins the Triple Crown (The Kentucky Derby, The Preakness and the Belmont Stakes). Through the sponsorship, Visa has never had to pay the bonus. Six horses have won the first two legs of the Triple Crown, but all lost at Belmont.
No horse has won the Triple Crown since Affirmed in 1978.
Visa will offer, for the last time, the $5 million Triple Crown bonus, beginning this Saturday, with the running of the Kentucky Derby.
Both racing and marketing industry observers say it was the Kentucky Derby's move to using child jockeys that likely tipped the deal (See The Garlic, Friday 15 April 2005'; Derby Considers Child Jockeys From Qatar)
"This opens all kinds of doors for Visa", offered one marketing executive. "Think of all the tie-ins with children - toys, food, candy, clothes … It's gigantic …Once the other tracks start using child jockeys … They'll be bigger then Disney before long"
"I heard", said one official at Churchill Downs who asked to stay anonymous, "that some states, and courses, are seeking special exemptions, that will allow children to wager - not for money, but prizes, merchandise, vacations … All tied in with Visa's network".
Some controversy still surrounds Churchill Downs and their move to use child jockeys.
Jockey clubs and associations, as well as racing purists and child advocates and agencies denounce the move and plan on protesting at the Derby.
Legendary jockey, Lafitt Pincay, was quoted as saying "first lampposts, and booze decanters … Now this - children …"
Both Visa's and Churchill Down's announcement of the new sponsorship did not mention the use of child jockeys or the surrounding controversy.
Top Ten Cloves: Other Than Saying They Were Kidnapped, Stories Runaway Brides Can Use
10. Have new job as Quality Inspector for Greyhound Bus Lines that requires travel
9. Got subpeona to testify before Congress on steroids in baseball
8. You know the saying; When you runaway to Albuquerque … You stay in Albuquerque
7. That Wendy's in San Jose is ripe - Say I found wedding ring in chili; Get enough cash for house downpayment
6. Hey, Tom DeLay can take trips and not have to answer to anyone!
5. Since you wouldn't buy me an iPod, headed to New York City, to ride the subway and steal me one ...
4. Had plans to move to Florida after the wedding, anyway, so I can shoot anyone I want
3. Julia Roberts is busy with her new kid - Thought to get a jumpstart on being cast in the sequel, Runaway Bride II
2. Taking trip to Alaska - before President Bush starts drilling the shit out of it ...
1. Didn't you hear? It's a new Reality TV show - Punk'd Fiances!
Monday, May 02, 2005
Monday 2 May 2005
Runaway Bride Influenced By Ad Campaign
Disappointed it "didn't stay in Vegas"; Vows Never To Return
Jennifer Wilbanks, the runaway Georgia bride, was strongly influence, and disappointed, by the advertising campaign, ''What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas', according to sources close to the investigation.
Wilbanks took off last Tuesday, just days before her pending marriage to fiancé, John Mason. She later admitted that she had 'cold feet' and boarded a bus in Georgia and headed to Las Vegas. After spending some time in Las Vegas, she took another bus to Albuquerque, N.M., as she sought to avoided the 600-guest wedding, which included 14 bridesmaids and ushers.
A source close to the investigation in Albuquerque leaked portions of the interrogation to The Garlic. In this passage, Wilbanks indicates she was strongly influenced by the Vegas ad campaign.
Speaking to Albuquerque detectives, Wilbanks said;
"I was scared, confused … I knew if I could get to Las Vegas, I would be safe … Nobody would say anything - just like in the commercial … It wouldn't go anywhere … Nobody would say anything …"
Wilbanks went on to describe that, in a coffee shop, in talking about her plight with the waitress, the server allegedly told her boss, who came over to Wilbanks and advocated she call home. Ms. Wilbanks stated she was devastated that her secret was told and fled the coffee shop.
The ad campaign, created for the Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Authority by of R&R Partners, a local Las Vegas ad house, depicts in it's campaign scenarios of a boxer and his manager and, ironically, another with a bachelorette party. All the spots conclude with the tagline, “What happens in Vegas… Stays in Vegas.”
It's to say that Vegas as a place that is “commitment-free, pressure-free, judgment-free,” according to Billy Vassiliadis, chief executive of R&R Partners.
According to the investigation source, it seems that Wilbanks is more upset about Las Vegas not keeping her secret, than about ruining the wedding plans.
"She told the Albuquerque detectives that she'll never go to Las Vegas again".
There are calls, in both Georgia and Albuquerque, to charge Ms. Wilbanks. Albuquerque Police Chief Ray Schulz said charges are unlikely and that Ms. Wilbanks is 'a person in crisis'
In Gwinnett County, Georgia, District Attorney Danny Porter is looking at possible charges of reporting a crime that didn't exist.
In Washington, Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA) said in an interview that Congress should look into this ad campaign.
"It's not beneficial to have television and ad agencies influencing people to commit crimes. I have been a strong supporter of protecting families and preserving family values. As the father of six children, I know that raising a family can be a struggle and the undo influence of liberal, sin-spouting television commercials have no place in our homes"
Santorum indicated he will look to form a committee to hold hearing on the 'What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas' ad campaign to "see if any other crimes have been committed"
First Lady Takes Swipes At Husband, Staff
White House Dinner Audience "uncomfortable' with jibes
First Lady Laura Bush, under cover of the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, took hard-hitting swipes at her husband, President Bush, as well as Vice President Cheney, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and other cabinet members, staff and those in the audience
The harshness of the jibes took many in the audience by surprise.
Mrs. Bush opened up by greeting the audience with "Looks like Bill Bennett lost another bet - I'm up here at the podium"
She then apologized the absence of the Vice President.
"I'm sorry Dick Cheney isn't here - he's in his secret bunker, working … No rest for the weary - or those planning the invasion of Iran"
Spotting Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld sitting with Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, Mrs. Bush noted;
"How would you like to be in a room with those two - if they ever went on 'Law and Order', it would be 'bad cop-bad cop' …"
The First Lady dispelled the constant rumors that her husband doesn't read books.
"He's read two or three of the Harry Potter series …And he likes to think of himself as a, sort of, magician … But of course, we all know what he's doing in Iraqi is just smoke and mirrors …"
"He recently told me he wants to read 'The DiVinci Code' but asked if it comes with a decoder ring …"
The First Lady went on to take swipes at NBC newswoman Andrea Mitchell ("only bride she knows who's registry offered senior citizen discounts"), Senator Bill Frist (he couldn't come tonight, his lips are chapped from kissing so many conservative Christian asses last week) to her recent appearance on the 'Tonight Show, with Jay Leno' ("My God, Leno's chin was the size of Mount Rushmore").
Many in the audience, a combination of high powered politicians, media moguls, television and film personalities, became noticeably uncomfortable as the First Lady rolled on. She nearly bumped the featured comedian of the evening, Cedric, The Entertainer, delaying his appearance by more than 17-minutes.
Offered one attendee, a magazine publisher who wished to remain anonymous;
"Either she had alittle too much wine, or we're seeing the debut of a new Laura Bush"
Top Ten Cloves: Ways Your Maypole Celebration Pissed Off Your Neighbors
9. Well it wasn't just the Maypole that bothered them; the pigs roasting over an open pit was what really did it
8. Just moved into town; How were you supposed to know it was the 300-year old historic elm the town's founders planted?
7. You explain you're a Texas A&M graduate and it is customary to have a 30-foot high bonfire with it
6. Instead of ribbons, you have piñatas attached to it; Say you're keeping up for Cinco de Mayo
5. Updating it, as a Def Maypole Jam, using rap music, was a bit overboard …
4. You're ribbon-tying so stimulating, Helmut Newton shows up to photograph it
3. For the dance around the pole, you brought in the June Taylor dancers
2. Way too much fun for one day; You announce that you're going to do it every first-of-the-month
1. Skin Heads and Homeland Security agents show up; You mistakenly put on the flyer it was a 'May Day' celebration
Friday, April 29, 2005
Friday 29 April 2005
Bush May Tap Coulter For Energy Source
Studies Cite Time Cover Girl "Has Enormous Capacity"
Following his Press Conference last evening, President Bush, when pressed by reporters for more details about his proposed Energy Bill, indicated that he is considering asking Congress for appropriations to develop Ann Coulter as an alternative energy source.
"She has enormous capacity" the President said. "Boy, if we could harness just about half of what she puts out, I'll tell you, I wouldn't trade in my SUV"
The right-wing, conservative commentator, recently featured on the cover of Time Magazine, has been a perpetual streak of energy, offering a wide range of criticism, aimed chiefly at Democrats and Liberals, on virtually any topic.
Coulter has attacked, among many, former President Clinton, the late Princess Diana, Ted Kennedy, former Ambassador Pamela Harriman, Vietnam veterans, National Review editor Richard Lowry, Rep. Christopher Shays (D-CT), as well as Hustler publisher Larry Flynt, actress/singer Barbra Streisand and rapper Sister Souljah
She ascribed that Princess Diana and Ambassador Harriman were "whores".
Following the September 11th attacks, Coulter advocated, referring to the terrorists, that we should "invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity." Coulter, when criticized for the remarks, defended them, adding further;
"Congress could pass a law tomorrow requiring that all aliens from Arabic countries leave....We should require passports to fly domestically. Passports can be forged, but they can also be checked with the home country in case of any suspicious-looking swarthy males."
President Bush offered that Department of Energy Secretary Samuel W. Bodman had his staff conduct a study of Coulter and, using a complicated formula, the results show that Coulter puts out nearly as much energy as a nuclear reactor.
"I think a lot of neighborhoods wouldn't mind if we built more Ann Coulter's around them", joked the President.
When pressed how he would go about employing Coulter as an energy source, the President stressed that "cloning" would not be involved. He did state that adult stem cells would be involved and the process would be well within Federal guidelines on the use of stem cells.
Bush stated that tapping Coulter as an energy source would be part of the package of the bill he will be sending to Congress. In his Press Conference, Bush challenged Congress to pass the Energy Bill by this summer.
Democrat Leaders were cautious in commenting on the President's proposal. Rep. Nancy Pelosi indicated that "let's wait and see the entire bill … If he's putting something that outrageous in it, there's likely something else that he really wants".
Republicans, upon hearing some of the details hailed the President's choice of Coulter as "bold"
Coulter's commentary and writings are often, over-the-top, cartoonish and very much based in the standard tirades of many other conservative pundits. Coulter often attaches to Democrats and Liberals certain tags and code words, meant to distort the issue and often defends conservatives, citing unending persecution.
Coulter could not be reached, however a representative did confirm the Ms. Coulter has been in talks with President Bush and is thrilled that she could be in position to become an energy source for the nation. The representative offered that Ms. Coulter asked the President if her "energy can only be used in strong, Republican districts"
More Steroid Hearings
The NFL Goes To Congress
McGwire Surprise Witness; Still Not Talking
The National Football League went before Congress on Wednesday, to give testimony as to it's Steroid Policy and the efforts they are employing to keep the illegal drug out.
Commissioner Paul Tagliabue told Congress that since 1989, 111 players have tested positively. Of that group, 54 were suspended and 57 chose to retire. Tagliabue defended the NFL policies, citing that they are effective.
Tagliabue did acknowledge that advances are being made in masking the use of steroids but that is a "overall problem", one not related solely to the NFL.
The Congressional panel complimented NFLPA Director Gene Upshaw, for his involvement and monitoring the league's drug program, highlighting the contrast versus Major League Baseball. In the hearing last month, baseball executives were often confused, or outright wrong, about what their steroid policy was and who was administering it.
In a surprise move yesterday, the panel called back former baseball slugger Mark McGwire. Citing he had the "size of a football player", the panel offered McGwire a second opportunity to offer his testimony as to his steroid use.
McGwire again cited that he doesn't "talk about the past".
McGwire went on to testify that he does watch NFL games, both on television as well as attending in person and is looking forward to the upcoming season this Fall. When pressed by the panel, McGwire did admit that he "occasionally" wagers on football games, both professional and college.
Top Ten Cloves: How President Bush Plans To Get His Energy Bill By This Summer
9. If he gets the Social Security Bill he wants, can throw in a few Private Retirement Accounts
8. To underscore his position, make all congressman and senators ride bicycles to work
7. Conveniently, invite Senate and Congress Leaders to discuss bill over lunch - at Hooter's
6. Start having 'Energy Renditions' - Invite Saudi Prince over again; Hold him hostage until they lower the price for crude
5. Ahhh, the hell with it … We'll just invade and occupy the entire Middle East
4. Forget filibusters; Arizona Minutemen will patrol Capital Hill, not letting anyone leave until the bill is passed
3. If Bolton gets confirmed, we'll have him deal with Annan - We have plenty of food we can trade for oil
2. Presidential Pardon to 'Kenny Boy' and have him get the old Enron gang together to figure it all out
1. Rally the Right and start having Energy Bill Sundays!
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Thursday 28 April 2005
Old Ethics Rules Back In Force
DeLay Now Facing Additional Charges
Stowaway On Air Force One Effort To Avoid House Investigation
After President Bush concluded his weekend meeting with Saudi Prince Abdullah at the Western White House, and as Air Force One settled into its flight pattern after take-off from Galveston, Texas, Secret Service agents discovered Rep. Tom DeLay huddled behind a food cart in the service area.
A White House source, who was present on the flight, indicated that there were tense moments, when the Secret Service discovered the uninvited passenger and issued a 'lock-down' on the President, staff and other passengers.
Apparently, a flight attendant tipped the Secret Service by indicating the something was amiss, as there was food missing. Soon after the lock-down, agents emerged from the rear of the airplane, with DeLay in handcuffs, and he was escorted into the President's cabin.
"He was disheveled, sweating and glassy-eyed", said the source. "Clearly, he was in a panic".
The Secret Service, and the White House refused comment on the situation, saying it was an on-going investigation.
Other witnesses, including a cadre of the traveling press described the situation as 'bizarre'. Rumors quickly circulated, some saying that DeLay may have been on the airplane all weekend.
At the time, on the ground at the Capital, House Speaker Dennis Hastert was paving the way to overturning the contentious rule changes made to the House ethics process and reverting to the old rules, likely opening the House investigation into persistent questions as to the ethics of Mr. DeLay
At question is DeLay's overseas travel, and his cozy and beneficial relationships with prominent lobbyists. Some of those lobbyists are under federal investigation on other matters. Delay is already facing a grand jury investigation in Texas as to his fund-raising operations.
The Democratic House leader, Rep. Nancy Pelosi, hailed the move back to the old rules, saying it "avoided a significant political embarrassment for the majority". For the second time this year House Republicans have had to backtrack. In January, a rule was restored that prohibits leaders from staying in the posts if they are indicted, The initial rule changed was widely criticized as directly trying to protect leader DeLay.
Despite the glowing photo op's of a smiling President Bush walking with a smiling DeLay after landing in Washington, DeLay now faces a battery of federal charges for his stowaway attempt.
"Even if he wanted to", the source offered, "Bush can't help him. There's too much light shining on DeLay right now. Even his lobbyist buddies don't have enough money to make this one go away".
Books Pulled From Retailer May Be Related
Police Investigate Arson Incident At Apple
CEO Jobs, Others Questioned Over Small Fire
As the Cupertino Fire Department doused a small blaze on the sprawling campus of Apple Computer, the police department was called in to join the state's Fire Marshall in launching an arson investigation and was seen questioning CEO Steve Jobs, and other Apple executives.
Reportedly, numerous witnesses have given statements indicating that Jobs was standing over a pile of burning books.
This comes on the heels of Apple pulling all titles from the shelves of Apple stores from publisher John Wiley & Sons over a upcoming release of an unauthorized biography of Jobs, ``iCon Steve Jobs: The Greatest Second Act in the History of Business,'' by author Jeffrey S. Young.
Included in the removal of the Macintosh-related titles, was the popular "Macs for Dummies, 8th Edition'' by New York Times columnist David Pogue. Also pulled were a series of books, including the latest, ``The Mac OS X Panther Book", by Andy Ihnatko.
Apple is currently in a legal fight, over the release of company-related news and pending product announcements, with three websites.
The Garlic first reported back on March 6th (Apple Takes Blog Ruling As New Club On Criticism and Dissent) of Apple's efforts to control news and opinion about Apple and its' products. Apple has established a hotline - iSqueal - for people to phone or email in tips as to who may be leaking, or disparaging Apple, or any Apple products. Newer iPods have the capability of detecting criticism, shutting down and giving a signal for Apple to dispatch a lawyer to serve lawsuits.
Numerous marketing executives have cautioned that, should Apple protest to strongly over the Young book, it could backfire and increase sales.
Apple refused comment on the arson incident, beyond stating that a small fire was discovered and the fire department was called. A brisk "no comment, was offered when asked about ``iCon Steve Jobs: The Greatest Second Act in the History of Business" book.
It had been reported that Apple, and Jobs, did secure an advance copy of the book.
Investigators from the Fire Marshall's office could be seen sifting through the still-smoldering pile and collecting evidence. At one point, it did appear that a singed and charred dustcover of a book was placed into a bag.
Top Ten Cloves: Other PBS Reality Shows In The Works
9. Tucker Carlson Unwired - Sans the bow tie, Tucker lets his hair down and shares his favorite music each week
8. Suzie Orman's Treasure - Constants search for buried stock certificates worth millions, but must endure Suzie's harping advice on how to spend/invest it
7. Lost! - A priceless artifact of a rich-and-famous celebrity is hidden and we go along for anxious, panicked search
6. Lidia's Dysfunctional Family Table - Lida lets Uncle Tony out of the attic and her kitchen will never be the same
5. This Extreme Old House - Kevin O'Connor and the boys take a completely modern house and turn the clock back to 1789
4. Washington Weak - Guest Journalists and Politicians go through a grueling Obstacle Course
3. Last Charlie Rose Standing - First contestant not to fall asleep at the table is the winner
2. Un-American Experience - Average citizens, plucked at random, accused of being terrorists; Warning - Some graphic scenes from Special Renditions may be shown
1. McLaughlin Groupies - Contestants compete with arcane political trivia for a seat with the raucous group
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Wednesday 27 April 2005
Bush Plan For Iraq Statehood In Jeopardy
No New Government Yet; Window of Opportunity Closing
Late Tuesday, Iraqi's political leaders delayed for another day the naming of it's new government, indicating that they may leave some posts vacant for the time being.
This has the Bush Administration worried, as Iraqi is already behind the schedule President Bush has laid out and, at the moment, puts Bush's plans for Iraqi statehood in jeopardy (See The Garlic, Tuesday 10 April; Bush Moves On Making Iraq 51st State)
"Cheney and Rumsfeld are steaming", offered one source close to the administration.
Sources say that Bush is worried that the move to Iraqi statehood could get bogged down by the Iraqi's inability to establish their government, and drafting an Enabling Act.
With the Congress preoccupied by the protracted debate in the Senate over judicial nominee voting, the DeLay Scandal and the stalled hearings on Bush's appointment of John Bolton to the U.N., the window of opportunity is closing to grant Iraqi statehood under-the-radar.
"Andy (Chief-of-Staff Andrew Card) is really juggling a lot of balls. He's got Cheney and Rumsfeld breathing down his neck, the loose cannon that DeLay is, now Frist playing like Elmer Gantry and the Bolton thing sinking faster than his Social Security plans … They'll be lucky if the Iraqi cabinet doesn't start shooting at each other".
Prime Minister Ibrahim al-Jaafari is anticipated to submit a cabinet to the National Assembly today but it is expected to be incomplete, putting pressure on President Jalal Talabani, who is already under fire, from both Iraqi's and the Bush Administration, for not having a government formed.
At play is the role of the Sunni Arabs, who boycotted the January elections. Shiite and Kurdish alliances have fear that former Baathists, who were the oppressing force, will be included in the Sunni delegation.
Vice-President Cheney is eager for Iraqi to become the 51st State, believing that the congressmen elected from Iraq to serve will be conservative Republicans, adding to the majority and thereby enabling the President's agenda
A spokesperson for Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld indicated that Rumsfeld understands that "the business of government and launching a new state is untidy".
"We shouldn't expect miracles", offered the Secretary in a statement released to reporters. " But, My God, if I had been oppressed … If I was living under a dictator and suddenly breathed the air of democracy … I'd be damned sure to get my house in order as soon as possible …I wouldn't lollygag around"
Syria Leaves Lebanon After 29-Year Stay
Bill Unpaid; Towels and Soap Missing
The United Nation yesterday, verified that Syria has finally left the country of Lebanon after a 29-year stay, leaving in its wake, an unpaid bill and the theft of towels, soaps, bathrobes and mint candies.
"They had the best rooms, and they still trashed us", sighed Gen. Michel Suleiman, commander of Lebanon's army, who watched the last of the Syrians leave.
It was 1976 when Syria first came to Lebanon, as part of a Arab peacekeeping force following a civil war. Others left but Syria stayed. Over the years, various efforts were made to have the Syrians leave, with talks and sanctions from the United States, Israel and the U.N. and, including intervention from the International Hotel & Restaurant Association.
A spokesperson for the IHRA, Guy Franchot, confirmed their participation but admitted that it had little effect.
"Over the years, we had drawn up, from experience with rock bands, boisterous conventions and the like", offered Franchot. "A number of policies in dealing with unwanted guests. The Lebanon situation was quite unique".
As Syria began leaving Lebanon, thousands of Lebanese discovered missing towels, soaps, and bathrobes. Grocery stores and retail shops were stripped of their mint candies.
Gen. Ali Habib, leader of the Syrian Army, denied the claims that Syria left without paying it's bill, or the theft of any items.
Franchot indicated that the policy in such cases was "next time they come in, you can refuse to accommodate them or accept any reservations. Or, you can also require a deposit in-advance"
Top Ten Cloves: Early Signs That Steroids May Be Out of Baseball
9. Haven't received a congressional subpoena in weeks
8. Hitting and scoring is down; Pitchers now have lob ball in underhand
7. Barry Bonds is down to just sulking, and hissing at the media
6. No more dirty syringes on the locker room floor
5. It now takes two players to hold the bat
4. Mark McGwire is talking again
3. Fans are doing steroids now; One recently had a fight with Gary Sheffield in Fenway Park
2. Only grandslam sluggers seen recently are at Denny's
1. Any player caught giving another player a shot in the ass, well, that's something entirely different
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Tuesday 26 April 2005
NHL Bombshell!
NHL Owners Prepared To Go With Robot Players in 2005
Players Stunned, Outraged; Issued Ultimatum To Take CBA
The NHL owners stunned its Players Association yesterday, abruptly halting the recently restarted talks with an ultimatum - Take the Collective Bargaining Agreement (CBA) or the league opens with robot players in the Fall of 2005.
Commission Gary Bettman gave the order to NHLPA President Bob Goodnow in a late afternoon session. Goodnow, visibly shaken, sat stunned as Bettman calmly walked out of the room, witnesses say.
The NHL was the first North American sports association to lose an entire season due to a labor dispute.
The Players Association was clearly caught off-guard. Hanging over the negotiations was the prospect that the owners would use replacement players, from their minor league system and open tryouts, to start the 2005-2006 season in the event an agreement wasn't reached. The use of robots was never looked at.
Bettman declined comment last night. A spokesman for the NHL owners stated that the owners began looking at robots, fairly recently, with the news Qatar is switching to robots for their camel races and that this year's Kentucky Derby considered robot jockeys (See The Garlic, Friday 15 April: Derby Considers Child Jockeys From Qatar).
The nation of Qatar recently, and successfully, replaced its child camel jockeys with robots.
Very quietly, a small committee of owners was put in place to study the use of robots for NHL play. They met with the Swiss manufacturer to discuss the needs, which included hard-hitting and rough play, as well as skilled and finessed passing and shooting. The manufacturer indicated that their robots could be adjusted for the physical nature of the NHL play and it was a matter of reprogramming their software to accommodate the skills needed.
Reportedly, an exhibition game was played, in a small town in Northern Italy, pitting a team of robots against a Swiss junior team and the robots competed surprisingly well, losing by a score of 6-5. The owners, noting the crisp, pinpoint passing by the robots, walked away satisfied that they could recommend the move to robots to the other owners.
The owners deferred questions as to how records would be kept, being, would the existing records be broken by robots or if the league would start with a blank slate.
The NHLPA also refused comment last night. Reports indicate that they have hastily called a meeting, bringing in current stars, as well as retired former greats, to strategize a response to the owners and to condemn the use of robots to replace them. It was said, they are targeting August as having a proposal in place to counter the owners offer.
Said one owner, who wished to stay anonymous, on hearing the news on using robots;
"I guess, unless you program them, we won't have any candy-asses or big ego jerks anymore"
Amazon Earnings Due Today; Modest Bump Up
Adjusts DVD Profits To Come Early in 2017; Overall Black Ink in 2045
Amazon.Com, the on-line retailer, will be reporting its quarterly results at the end of today's market session and CEO Jeff Bezos predicts that all will be happy
After the dismal last quarter, in which Amazon missed its estimated earnings by a significant margin, analysts are anticipating a modest bump, perhaps in the 25-cent-a-share range, with revenue growing by roughly 20% to nearly $2-billion.
Last year Amazon was NASDAQ's best performing stock
Bezos gave analyst a bit of surprise when he adjusted the sales projections for Amazon's anticipated entry in the DVD rental market.
Amazon has reached out to its competitors, including Blockbuster Inc and Netflix Inc, seeking a partnership. Amazon has such revenue sharing agreements with other major retailers, like Target, The Gap, Toy's 'R Us and Circuit City (Ed.Note: Amazon recently ended it's partnership with Circuit City and is in litigation with Toys 'R Us to end their agreement)
Amazon originally pegged profit for DVD sales in 2025. However, with a pending partnership, and factors that Amazon cites, such as the continued growth of digital entertainment, Bezos felt that profits will likely come sooner, in 2017.
Bezos kept in place the overall profit for Amazon coming in 2045.
Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard At Bush-Saudi Prince Meeting In Crawford, Texas
9. Ahhh shit …Look what's sticking out of his briefcase … Invoices for all those Special Renditions we did last month ...
8. Mr. President, my sources tell me that everyone at the U.N. will file for a handgun permit if you push Bolton through
7. He's calling again? … Tell DeLay I'm busy …. Tell'em that me and the Prince are out on the horses - all day long!
6. Don't forget to give the prince that wallet, for the Bin-Laden's … You know, the one they lost on that Sept 12th flight
5. Stick an Exxon decal on my flight suit and get the gas tanker ready! … He's talking about lowering by a nickel, or more!
4. Tell me more of your No Child Left Behind …The Kingdom would be glad to take some - they make excellent camel jockeys
3. Yes, I know their Jewish, but Ari's in a bind … Besides, they're handy .. They can build whole towns in, like, a weekend
2. I don't think I could answer that Mr. President … Everybody, kind of, has a Private Retirement Account in Saudi Arabia
1. I got me a Justice Sunday hangover this morning boys and I'm lovin' it!
Monday, April 25, 2005
Monday 25 April 2005
Thousands Overwhelm Justice Sunday Rally
Sick and Infirm Disappointed; Came Seeking Faith Healers
'Justice Sunday', a program by conservative rightwing Christians calling for an end to liberal judges by Democrats, was marred as tens-of-thousands of sick and infirm people - some coming from as far away as Indonesia - overwhelmed the Kentucky megachurch, spilling out into the streets and setting off chaos.
They had mistakenly taken the rally as a faith-heeling session and refused to leave until they saw Dr. Bill Frist.
Sponsored by Tony Perkins and his Family Research Council, 'Justice Sunday' had a theme of "The Filibuster Against People of Faith". Posters for the event depicted a young man holding a Bible in one hand and a gavel in the other.
"I don't understand this" offered a beleaguered Perkins, as he worked with event security and local police in an attempt to control the crowd. "We exploited the rhetoric … We targeted the judges and the Democrats … It was very clear what tonight was supposed to be …"
Shortly after the program began at the Highview Baptist Church in Louisville, Kentucky, with 3,000 already in attendance and speakers defending Rep. Tom DeLay, bashing Democrats and judges, calling the Supreme Court "unaccountable," and "out of control," streams of people began pouring into the church, disrupting the program.
They came with crutches and wheelchairs. One man carried his teenage daughter, who had braces on her legs. There were young children and elderly. They came clutching videotapes and DVD's, crying out for Dr. Frist and asking, begging that he heal them.
Frist, last month had correctly diagnosed the late Terri Schiavo and Pope John Paul II, from watching videotape, and live broadcasts (see The Garlic April 5th - Frist Concurs With Vatican Diagnosis)
As the crowd grew, with bus loads of new arrivals pulling up at that church throughout the evening, local police were called in. Traffic for blocks surrounding the church was gridlocked. Police estimate the crowd at 10,000. Organizers hastily erected a tent awning and rigged up speakers in a section of the parking lot to accommodate the overflow crowd.
Frist, who participated in 'Justice Sunday' via a pre-taped video statement was tracked down by the event's organizers and, through a conference call, broadcast to the attendees, urged those who came seeking healing to be peaceful, and not disrupt the night's program any further.
Frist also offered that those with video's and DVD's could send them to his Washington office, where he will review them and offer his recommendations for treatment and healing.
Some of the sick and infirm left the church and, as of late last night, were camped out at the main post office in Louisville. The rest of the crowd remained at the church, conducting a vigil, and praying. Many of the 3,000 who came for 'Justice Sunday' joined in the vigil. Others left and game back with food and water.
There were unconfirmed reports that Perkins and his Family Research Council were making arrangements to bring in the family of Terri Schiavo to address the crowd. Paul O'Donnell, a Franciscan monk and the spiritual adviser to the Schindler family was said to en enroute to Kentucky.
When reached late in the evening, Perkins looked at the event optimistically.
"Maybe we have a new cause to mount here … We can start bashing the Democrats on healthcare and activist doctors …"
Overweight Protest New Study Results
Says Confused Over Health and Where Self-Esteem Should Be
Many overweight and obese people are protesting the new findings of a study released last week, saying that people who are a little overweight are likely to live longer than people who are underweight or obese. They say they are deeply confused as to where their self-esteem is, as well as what is healthy for them.
Reporting in the Journal of the American Medical Association, a team of doctors from the American Centres for Disease Control U.S. took data from three U.S. surveys about health and nutrition practices that spanned three-decades, from the 70's, through the 90's. The study only looked at how long people lived and not at obesity-related disease.
Using a measurement called Body Mass Index (BMI), with a range of 18.5 to 25 considered normal, that the people who had BMIs higher than 25 but lower than 30, which meant they were moderately overweight but not obese, did not have a reduced life expectancy.
A spokesperson for Jenny Craig, a provider of weight loss programs and diets, was dissatisfied with the findings of the study, saying "it left a lot of overweight people in limbo, not knowing if it was a good thing, or a bad thing". The spokesperson went on to say that it wasn't expected to see any loss of sales because of the study findings
Kirstie Alley, star of the popular cable program, 'Fat Actress, on the Showtime Network worried about the study
"God, what should I do? Should I worry about being a Fat Actress or start boasting that I'm going to live longer and be fine with it …And what's this going to do the show? … We may have to rewrite and reshoot scenes … I suppose we have to address this …"
Alley later stated that, looking at it in a different light, it could mean additionally work for her, perhaps extending the 'Fat Actress' series.
A spokesperson for the American Centres for Disease Control declined to address the concerns, indicating that all persons should maintain the best practices of a balance of healthy diets and exercise, and to maintain their proper body weight.
Top Ten Cloves: Signs That You May Be A Fat Actress and Don't Know It
9. Your dry cleaner starts charging you double, to cover the extra chemicals needed
8. Liz Taylor is calling you out
7. On your day off, you visit Sea World; Shamu is intimidated and won't perform
6. Only half of you face can fit on the jumbo screen at the ballpark
5. Tom Arnold starts hitting on you
4. Your Spinning Class instructor has you walk to the fictitious location of the exercise
3. You're confused - Is the mirror in your dressing room a regular mirror or a fun house mirror?
2. Bakeries keep sending you heavily frosted layer cakes, looking for a product placement
1. Okay to be fat; New study shows it!
