Top Ten Cloves: Things About U.S. Plans to Shoot Down Broken Spy Satellite

News Item: U.S. Plans to Shoot Down Broken Spy Satellite

10. Only reason Bush gave authorization? ... Another opportunity to throw on the flightsuit!

9. Arlen Specter is making waves; Wants investigation of satellite, to be sure it isn't part of Bill Belichick and New England Patriots spying operation

8. Grounding all astronauts around the time of the shooting ... Don't what them drunk and flying into the line-of-fire

7. Plans call for shooting it at the angle so the debris will fall to earth, directly over Iran

6. Mark McKinnon changing his mind - Now leaving McCain Campaign, not over Obama, but for the shooting down of the satellite

5. Thinking about outsourcing this to Blackwater, but fearful Blackwater will shoot down 17 innocent satellites

4. After its' shot down, White House will suddenly claim that's where all their emails were stored

3. Mike Huckabee has offered to loan the Navy Chuck Norris - If that happens, satellite will shoot itself down, just so it doesn't have to deal with Chuck Norris

2. Navy competing with Dick Cheney, who is going to be with his hunting buddies, at the Armstrong Ranch, taking shots at it

1. How do we know this isn't just another Filipino Monkey scam?


UPDATE - Bonus Riffs

Noah Shachtman, at Wired Blog Network: Experts Scoff at Sat Shoot-Down Rationale (Updated)

Public Service Announcement - Dick Cheney Hunting Alert

If you are traveling in the Poughkeepsie/Duchess County, New York area, this is for you.

Courtesy of Think Progress:

"The Poughkeepsie Journal in New York reports that “Vice President Dick Cheney is coming to Duchess County again to go hunting.” On Monday, Cheney is “expected to leave Poughkeepsie and head to the Clove Valley Rod & Gun Club.”

People there should worry about the Vice President, not drinking, but falling asleep.

Bonus Meditating VP Riffs

White House To Manage Media; New White House Press Strategy On VP Shooting Deemed "Smashing Success"; Expect More Reports From Average Citizens, Local Papers Breaking News; President May Board Up Press Room

Bush To Change Legal Landscape; White House Primed To Replace "Miranda" With New, "Cheney Decision"; Says Still Tough On Crime; Won't Be Applicable For Rounded-Up Terror Suspects - "That's What Patriot Act Is For"

News In Brief! Cheney Woozy After MTP, Failed To Continue Nazi Thread; Cheney Briefly Hospitalized After Television Appearance Yesterday; Vice President Complained Of Dizziness After Relentless Spin Session on ‘Meet The Press’

Cheney Slated For Surgery; Halliburton Gets No Bid Contract; $26M For Operating Room Clean-up; "Can't have VP's DNA Floating Around" Says White House

Libby Trial Update - The Scooter and Cheney Show Theme Song