Round Up The Usual Suspects ...

John Bolton to be target of citizen's arrest at Hay Festival

George Monbiot, the journalist and activist, is planning the action because he believes Mr Bolton is a "war criminal".

It's a start ...


Bonus Bolton

Bolton: Card Had White House In Coma; White House Shake-Up Causes Bolton Snafu; Fiery UN Ambassador Thought Bush Reaching Out To Him; Lambastes Card and “that little bean-counting pansy”

Breaking News! Zidane Signals New Era of “Hooligan Diplomacy”; Have Head-Butt, Will Travel - Mr. Zizou Goes To Washington;
World Cup Golden Ball Winner Wooed By Bush Team; Likely Will Be Assigned To Bolton at U.N.

Top Ten Cloves: Ways White House Will Try To Keep John Bolton At The U.N.


Update

Boo Hiss!

John Bolton escapes citizen's arrest at Hay Festival

Breaking News! Burma Junta Contracting Blackwater For Internal Security

Could Mean Exit From Iraq For Embattled Mercenary Firm; Radio's Limbaugh Charges "Phony Monks" Stirring Up Trouble

On the heels of it's CEO, Erik Prince, testifying before Congress yesterday, the Myanmar Junta Leader, of the country formerly known as Burma (Ed. Note: The term Burma, following Michael Stickings of The Reaction lead, will be used by The Garlic), Senior General Than Shwe announced today that he has contracted with Blackwater USA for "internal security".

"I don't know what the Iraqi's problems are," Shwe was overheard saying, following the announcement, "We certainly don't mind if these Blackwater soldiers take out a few civilians... In fact, I am expecting such results."

The pro-democracy protest, with 10,000+ demonstrators led by the country's Buddhist Monks that began last month, has been met with brutal violence by armed forces, including the killing, caught on television, of a Japanese journalist.

In the major city of Rangoon, shots have been fired into crowds and monks beaten. Reports coming from Burma, where the military junta has shut down the internet and have curfews in place, say that thousands have been murdered, including monks, whose bodies have been dumped in the jungles.

Led by Nobel Peace Prize winner Aung San Suu Kyi, who has been under house arrest for much of the past 12-years, Burmese citizens have called on the military junta to step down, following the 1990 election, the first in nearly 30-years, that elevated the pro-democracy party of Suu Kyi to a majority position, but then was annulled by the military rulers.

Shwe junta forces are continuing their repression, even at the United Nations attempts to intervene.

Blackwater USA, coming under fire in both Iraq and the United States, issued a brief statement, indicating they were pleased to serve the Government of Myanmar and look forward to the work of bringing order to the country.

A spokesperson for Blackwater refused to answer questions if the new Burma contract meant Blackwater would be exiting Iraq.

One element of the contract was leaked to the media, showing that the Myanmar Government will have a Blackwater liaison, who will be responsible for investigating complaints and writing official reports on the results of any queries.

When asked about Blackwater now working for Burma, Homeland Security Advisor Fran Townsend referred questions about Blackwater to the State Department, but added "I didn't know there was a Burma before there was a Myanmar."

And in a related matter, radio talkshow host Rush Limbaugh, already embroiled in a heated dust-up over criticizing U.S. soldiers opposed to the Bush Grindhouse's Iraq policy, charged today that much of the unrest in Burma was being lead by "phony monks".

"These guys," chortled the rotund, drug-taking Limbaugh, "shave their heads, put on orange clothes and start prancing around and we're all supposed to think this is something sacrosanct ... Hogwash! ... Seeing some of the news footage on this, I think I recognize some of these phony monks ... They hit me up at the airport recently, asking for money, or if I wanted to take a free personality test ... Yeah, right ... I got a personality test for them ..."

When a caller later in the hour chastised Limbaugh for making fun of the Burmese Monks, Limbaugh berated the caller, saying he was only speaking about one, particular phony monk.

More as this story develops

Bonus Burma

There's a bevy of good info on-line on what's going on in Burma, and we want to take the opportunity today to point out Joe Gandelman's The Moderate Voice and their tremendous Burma posts - and in particular, the Burma posts of Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés

Saxophonist Wayne Shorter wrote a tribute song to Aung San Suu Kyi

Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard During Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's Visit To Columbia University

News Item: Ahmadinejad, big man on campus; The Iranian leader's visit to Columbia provoked outcry, support and a twist on free speech: "We're glad you're here -- so we can tell you you're an asshole."

10. Is it me or does this guy have only one suit?

9. Look, over in the Media pool - Isn't that Bill Belichick? Is he videotaping Ahmadinejad?

8. What's the University of Florida Campus Police doing here?

7. I heard he was coming here to enroll

6. Someone said they saw Ahmadinejad talking with Isiah Thomas and then, a few minutes later, Ahmadinejad was walking around, practicing pronouncing the word "bitch"

5. I heard he was gay

4. Ahmadinejad? ... Isn't that, that Syrian apricot leather stuff?

3. I don't want to start anything, but I was just in the Mens Room and Ahmadinejad was in there, in a stall, furiously tapping his foot

2. Some said the Bill O'Reilly is going to take him to dinner ... That knows a great restaurant up in Harlem

1. Mr. President, I don't think it would be in our best interests to add Columbia University to the Axis of Evil List


Bonus Links

Dana Milbank: Live From New York, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's Unreality Show

Glenn Greenwald: Columbia to be punished for hosting the new Hitler enemy

Joe Gandelman: The Ahmadinejad Show: Less Horror Show And More Like Crossfire

I heard he was gay

Breaking News! Confusion, As Ahmadinejad Claims He's Enrolling In Columbia, Wants "Campus Life Experience"

State Department Says No Defection Or Asylum Requested; Levi's and Girls Gone Wild Videos Factor In Iranian President Decision

State Department officials are scrambling this morning, after reports surfaced that Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad made statements that he wasn't coming to speak at Columbia University, in New York City, but rather to enroll in the school.

Intercepted cables, which the government would neither confirm or deny were obtained via their illegal wiretapping program, and readings of the Iranian President's blog, as one State Department official close to the investigation characterized, that Ahmadinejad "longs for an American college campus life experience".

"He's obsessed with it," said the official. "All he talks about is wearing t-shirts and Levi's ... Hanging out in coffee shops ... And girls."

Reportedly, the Iranian President is a big fan of the 'Girls Gone Wild' videos and believes he's missing out on something. His desire to enter college, an American college, is the driving force to meet girls as depicted in the videos.

Ahmadinejad is said to be keen on "an Ivy League School", believing the girls he will meet will be "smarter and better breeders".

The Iranian President made no mention of his plans to enroll in Columbia during his '60-Minutes' interview broadcast last evening.

State Department officials say that Ahmadinejad has been working on this "for months", to coordinate the move with his trip to New York and General Assembly address at the United Nations.

It's not know when Ahmadinejad will formally ask for asylum, or even if he will. There are some indications, which officials won't divulge, that the Iranian President may simply just walk into Columbia University and enroll, without much fanfare.

Columbia University would offer no comment, however Dean John Coatsworth of Columbia's School of International and Public Affairs indicated, in an interview, that he would also admit Adolph Hitler, if the former Nazi Dictator applied for studies.

The university has refused to cancel the visit.

There is also unconfirmed reports that Ahmadinejad will be using his inflammatory rantings, such as the destruction of Israel, and his tirades against the United States as part of his admission essay, and is planning a double-major in Civics and Psychology.

There has been little to no news out of the Bush Grindhouse over this report of Ahmadinejad's plans, but sources have told The Garlic that, when apprised of the reports, Vice President Dick Cheney was livid.

"Hell, he can't do that," Cheney was reported to have fumed, as he was leaving to attend a meeting in Brooklyn, "It screws up all my plans."

More, as this story develops

Bonus Ahmadinejad Links

Daily Kos: Why I Have A Little Crush on Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

Ahmadinejad “Sort Of An Islamic Lyndon LaRouche”; Said To Have Made Offer To Mexico; Ahmadinejad Claims Letter A Hoax, Cites Propaganda, Prelude To U.S. Invasion; Other World Leaders Received Similar Tomes; Mexico Offered Iran National Guard Deployed on Their Side of Border


















The Garlic has obtained a rare photo of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, said to be practicing "The Wave", in anticipation of attending his first Columbia University football game after he enrolls in the school