Merry Christmas!
Joyeux Noel!
Felice Navidad!
The Garlic wants to wish all a very happy, healthy Merry Christmas.
Check in over the holiday lull, as we are planning on posting, and with a holiday surprise or two.
Once again, thank you for visiting The Garlic and have a very happy holiday
Peace
JTD
News Item: Lawmaker Stands Firm on Quran Criticism
10. Since Ellison has already been elected, doesn’t think he’ll have to ask new Congress for a fence or wall to be built around
9. Nothing wrong, now that there’s a Muslim in Congress, to reinforce the walls of his office and suggests other members do likewise if they want to enjoy future Christmas Holidays
8. Didn’t call or refer to him as a “Macaca”
7. As soon as he’s finished with Ted Haggard, would like to see Rep. Ellison sit down with James Dobson for some "Spiritual Restoration"
6. Denies that he said he wants, after a vote in Congress that Rep. Ellison walk around with purple dye on his finger
5. Hasn’t asked Rep. Ellison to prove he’s a good American by going out, as President Bush advocated, shopping
4. Sending new letter ... Instead of causing trouble, would like to see Rep. Ellison take his six imam constituents to the airport and sing Christmas carols
3. Wouldn’t think of defacing, in any way, the Koran Ellison will use for his swearing-in ceremony
2. Hasn’t called for any Danish cartoonist to draw anything that would insult Ellison
1. Willing to go up to
Didn’t call or refer to him as a “Macaca”News Item: Presidential Message: Christmas 2006
10. Miss
9. All of Scooter Libby’s Subpoenas have been hung by the fire with care
8. Everyone is mournfully reminiscing about the great gifts they used to get from Jack Abramoff
7. Josh Bolten has started coming to work dressed - completely - like an elf
6. President Bush took his own advice about shopping and is banging away on “The Google”, looking for some gifts
5. Staff is using the Iraq Study Group Report for wrapping paper
4. CIA decks out the plane and prison they use for Extraordinary Renditions to look like the Polar Express
3. Condi Rice has parked herself under some mistletoe, and mumbling about snaring herself a husband
2. Vice President Cheney is resigned to his usual Christmas - His stocking stuffed with stocks in Coal companies
1. President keeps calling the Postmaster General every hour, asking if his letter to Santa Claus has been delivered
News Item: Cheney Holiday Party Sponsored By Kazakh "Snow Queen" Vodka...
10. I asked for a Gin-and-Tonic and what I got was a Gin-and-Caffeine-Free Diet Sprite
9. Nice touch, sending out the party invitations in the margins of newspapers
8. I’m surprised Cheney didn’t come out and announce that Rumsfeld was in his final throes
7. I heard that right after Christmas, Cheney’s going to begin rehearsing his testimony for the Libby Trial
6. Don’t worry about Cheney having a cocktail, or two ... The guns are locked up in a different location
5. Bush wants to put his Presidential Library at SMU, where’s Cheney going to put his Vice Presidential Secret Bunker?
4. Too bad Judith Regan got fired, I heard Cheney was up for writing “If I Lied, Here’s How I Would Have Fabricated The Case For WMD’s”
3. If only the President had a “Bush’s Bush”, just like “Cheney’s Cheney”, we’d be a lot better off
2. You’ll find out who was in his Energy Meetings before you’ll discover who the father is of his daughter’s baby
1. You want to see fireworks? Get a few drinks into the wife and say the words “Wolf Blitzer”
Nice touch, sending out the party invitations in the margins of newspapers
On
With adding some introductory comments, Olbermann only had time to represent four of his Special Comments.
Visit Year of the Special Comments: Lies, Lessons, Cowardice and More for links, with video, to all of the Special Comments Olbermann has offered.
You can also scroll down the right sidebar to Garlictorials and view the Minced Garlic’s
To get into the swing of the season, The Garlic took a very informal survey of what people were listening to, in regards to Christmas Music.
We can trust that Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly is blasting it 24/7 but who else was out there groovin’ to the Sounds of the Season.
Here’s a brief sampling;
President Bush - Go Where I Send Thee
Mary Cheney - I’ve Got My Love To Keep Me Warm
Donald Rumsfeld - Little Drummer Boy
Condoleezza Rice - Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
Judith Regan - I’ll Be Home For Christmas
KKK, David Duke, Michael Richards - White Christmas
Al Qaeda - Sleigh Ride
Existentialists - What Is Santa Claus? (Stan Kenton version)
Emmanuelle - O Come O Come Emmanuel
Eddie Murphy - What Child Is This
Former Wal-Mart VP of Marketing Communications Julie Roehm - I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
Former Sectary of the Interior Gale Norton - O Tannenbaum
(We Wanna See) Santa Do the Mambo
In preparation for the President announcing his new
Following his dolphin-saving heroics last week, Bao Xishen, the world’s tallest man at 7-foot-9-inches, from
Unconfirmed reports have Rev. Pat Robertson, founder of the Christian Coalition of
Publishers of the Merriam-Webster Dictionary announced today that they will immediately edit both their on-line and hard-cover dictionaries to include Time Magazine under the word “Lame”, after the magazine named their 2006 Person of the Year as “You, Yes, You. You Control The Information Age. Welcome To Your World”
Other dictionary publishers indicated they were likely to follow with placing Time Magazine under “Lame” as well
If ESPN has anything to say about it, Senator Barack Obama will be joining the network’s Monday Night Football crew. Obama’s opening of the show last week, a tongue-in-cheek tease of the popular Senator possibly announcing his candidacy for President exploded over the Internet.
ESPN is said to be pursuing Obama “heavy” for ‘Monday Night Football’ and that it should be a “no-brainer” because “we’ll pay him a heck-of-a-lot more then what a president of the country makes”.
ESPN is also believed to be throwing at Obama, a package that includes his own show, a video game starring the Senator and ESPN will work with the NFL to see that Obama’s favorite team, the Chicago Bears, win the Super Bowl this year
Considering all the xenophobic rhetoric, phony terror alerts and smearing during their terms to-date, that it is all but certain President Bush and Vice President Cheney are the first two people that are the least happy with the House and Senate going over to Democratic Majorities in 2007, and our Garlic Poll Voters were, as usual, quite perceptive to that.
And with the Democrats promising a “back-to-business” in the new session, and Speaker-Elect Nancy Pelosi already announcing a return to the five-day work week, you can take all this talk about bipartisanship for what it is, and begin smelling the burning heat of those subpoenas being fired into the White House
While it would be fun to hear
Stay Tuned ... After all, 2007, in the Chinese Calendar, is the Year of the Pig...
The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll December 10 - December 16, 2006
With the Democratic-led 110th Congress planning on working a 5-Day week, we can expect...
1. Pissing-and-moaning from Bush and Cheney, because the new oversight is impeding the gathering of more Executive Power Tally 30%
2. New C-SPAN or
3. NBC’s David Gregory to become even grouchier; A lot more podium head-banging from White House Press Secretary Tony Snow Tally 28%
This week’s Poll - President Bush is delaying his new strategy for
Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote
Bush Launches New White House “Resolution” Group; Targeting Jan. 1 To Begin Changes
Plans Own 100-Hours; From Dealing With
Sources close to the President have told The Garlic, that the White House is “in a frenzy” as President Bush has personally set up a new study group, with a two-week time line, to compile a list of “resolutions” the President should consider for the new year.
The White House Resolution Group is spearhead by Chief of Staff Josh Bolten, and has a widely diverse membership, pulling from the White House Iraq Group, the White House Iraq and Iran Group, trusted confidants outside the White House and Vice President Dick Cheney.
Cheney’s role in the Resolution Group will be limited to an advisory role, as the Vice President is pressed for time heading his own Iran Study Group.
Former Iraq Study Group chiefs James Baker, Lee Hamilton, as well as any other members of the group, will not be brought in and will not be solicited for any potential resolutions that President can make.
The WHRG is to submit their final list of recommended resolutions to the President by December 30th, while the President works to compile his own list. The target of December 31st is circled for the President to take his own list, merge it with the WHRG’s list and come up with what will be his own New Years’ resolutions that will embrace both personal goals, as well as what his new plans for Iraq will be.
Pushing Back
President Bush was to address the nation with his new
White House Press Secretary Tony Snow said, before banging his head on the podium, he didn’t know if the announcement of the delay had anything to do with the new Resolution Group and, when pressed by reporters, indicated that “I’d recommend that President make a resolution, like I have, to apologize to NBC’s David Gregory.”
“I think,” added Snow, “that what we have here is a man, just like millions of other people around the country, that is going to, you know, make some resolutions for the New Year ... To be a better person ... And he’s doing, just like other people, both personal and professional resolutions ... He’s the Commander-in-Chief and some of those professional resolutions will be about policy and what’s best for the country ... “
Bush Resolutions To Be ‘I-Told-You-So” Proof
The White House is denying that the new Resolution Group is part of the plan to get their “mojo back” or that using resolutions are to be a rebuttal to the ISG Report.
The timing of the WHRG is extremely coincidental to the release of the report, in which the President seemingly blew it off, vowing to come up with “a new strategy for Iraq” saying "The American people expect us to come up with a new strategy to achieve the objective which I've been talking about."
“This is all the President’s.” said an aide in the White House. “The planning for the Resolution Group predated the release of the ISG ... The President wanted a plan, something, that was his own, and not be subject to a bunch of I-Told-You-So’s ...”
President Bush hasn’t ruled out at least two of the ISG’s recommendations, that that he reinvade
100 Hours and The
Sources have indicated that the goal is to come up with 100-hours of resolutions, which can be measured and tracked for progress and effectiveness.
This includes ordinary resolutions of losing weight, and increasing his "Ek-A-Lec-Tic" Reading List to, at least, four Shakespeares” to laying out a new strategy to deal with the crises in
The President will resolve, according to Hugh P. Varicator, a consultant with the conservative hawkish think tank, “Cry Wolf”, that is said to be closely affiliated with The Project for the New American Century (PNAC), and, some say, may be an adjunct to the White House Iraq Group, or WHIG, to begin whittling away at the Iraq Jar.
“He as to start dealing with that,” said Varicator. “The thing is overflowing with ideas and suggestions and who knows, there just might be a plan in there that can save his presidency, his legacy.”
The White House is bristling at the suggestion the President’s 100-Hours of Resolutions is designed to overshadow the planned 100-Hours of the 110th Congress, in which Speaker-Elect Nancy Pelosi says she will “drain the GOP swamp.”
“It is nothing of the sort,” said one aide. “It’s a matter of New Years’ Resolutions and you, if my memory is correct, begin or launch those at the beginning of the New Year ... They [Congress] have their plans, we have ours ...”
Outgoing Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, who was not invited to join the White House Resolution Group, weighed in on the matter.
“Gosh Golly ... Resolutions?... My goodness, what the heck do you think we’ve been doing for the last three years? ... We’ve being going with the resolutions that we had, not the resolutions we wish we had at a later time.”
The First Lady will be happy to hear that the new White House Resolution Group will see that the President deals with the overflowing Iraq Jar that sits in his officeHere’s a gift to kick off the spirit of Christmas, 12 Days-out ... Another stunning headline ripped from the pages of ... The Garlic!
Who knew there really was an Iraq Jar in the White House?
Today, from the
Bush Delays Speech on Iraq Strategy
Last Tuesday, from The Garlic;
President Putting New Policy Suggestions In “Iraq Jar”; Rarely Pays Attention To It
Cue the ‘Twilight Zone’ theme and fade out ...
To Serve Man. The government in that episode also had major problems with Intelligence
We have, from time-to-time, taken note of obituaries discovered. A few in the short past history of The Garlic include John DeLorean and former Stockholm Opera conductor, Sixten Ehrling.
Today, we descried another, and it brought out a grin and a laugh. It was the obit for the former pop singer, Her Nibs, Georgia Gibbs.
The humor found with the obit was not based in the death of Ms. Gibbs, but with instantly, upon seeing the headline, being taken back to the late, legendary satirist and comic, Lenny Bruce, and his routine ‘The Palladium’ (also presented in some instances as “Comic At The Palladium”)
This is one of Bruce’s enduring classic treasures, of a low-level comic badgering his agent (“The pool isn’t in yet, but the patio is dry”) to play the “big rooms” (“I want a class date ... I can’t keep going back to Montreal ...”), who, after trying to talk him down, gives into the comic’s demand and books him at the Palladium in London (“You open on the 19th with Georgia Gibbs ... Bobby Breen ... Helen Noga, .. And Bruno Hauptmann’s son ... For some insurance there...”)
The scatological references (and there’s a ton more in the routine) have Noga, who was a club owner and artist agent, handing Johnny Mathis at one point and Bobby Breen was a former child singing star. The point, lost on the comic, was he was being booked with a bunch of Has-Beens.
Now this was a rather extraordinary obituary, for someone who was a B-List entertainer, at best. Much of Ms. Gibbs success came via the policy of discrimination, with the major record labels pushing white people like Ms. Gibbs, Pat Boone and others, on records and into television, singing the hits of black artists.
I don’t want to spoil it for you, so read the obit, Singer Georgia Gibbs, 87; Performed With Big Bands and on Radio Shows, for the devastating, hysterically-funny jab LaVern Baker throws at Gibbs.
Links
Listen To The Palladium (On Rhapsody)
In the liner notes for Bruce’s recording, ‘The Berkeley Concert’, writer Ralph Gleason (no slouch in the Legend Dept. himself) says;
“Lenny didn't have to say the controversial words to be funny. Religions, Inc. and Comic at the Palladium will rank as classic American satires as long as we exist.”
News Item: Saudi Ambassador Abruptly Resigns, Leaves Washington
10. Made reference to “Iraq Civil War” in the presence of President Bush and was promptly deported back to Saudi Arabia
9. Wanted to leave earlier but stayed to collect his year-end dividend from The Carlyle Group
8. Didn’t feel safe in USA, after reports of State Department using Google to gather their Intelligence
7. Leaving early, so he doesn’t get called to testify at Scooter Libby’s trial next month
6. Heard a rumor that blogger Michele Malkin was getting ready of accusing him of exaggerating the violence in Iraq
5. Bush has been badgering him for a New Way Forward
4. Panicked ... Heard rumors that Saudi Arabia was considering trading him for Alan Iverson
3. Lost a bet ... Said he’d leave and go home as soon as Bush’s ratings dropped below 30%
2. Was outraged that Tom DeLay started blogging and is leaving in protest
1. Really liked eating at Taco Bell restaurants and with the latest E. Coli breakout...
Lost a bet ... Said he’d leave and go home as soon as Bush’s ratings dropped below 30%In The Garlic’s ongoing quest, to keep our Court-Appointed-President bathed in theme music, we found ourselves humming the Nat King Cole gem, ‘Nature Boy’ most of the day. The plaintive tone of the tune seemed most appropriate for The Decider as he charts a
Hence, we offer ...
Nature Bush
There was a Bush
A very strange Executive Powered Bush
They say he wandered very far, very far
Over land and sea
A little smug and mad of eye
But Stay The Course was he
And then one day
A magic day the ISG passed his way
And while they spoke of many things
Fools and kings
This they said to Bush
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is just to leave and have the troops return"
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is just to leave and have the troops return"
Links
Listen To A Clip of Nature Boy
Scroll Down The Right Sidebar To Check Out Other Songs ... On The Garlic
We had to do a double-take today, when we noticed the headline of an article appearing in The Washington Post .
Pretty close to the zone of life imitating The Garlic
Seeking Iran Intelligence, U.S. Tries Google
Back in early October, The Garlic had the scoop on this;
Google Crashes! Besieged With “I’m Feeling Lucky” Searches From White House, Congress
Rice In, Rove Out
With reports of a riff between President Bush and White House Advisor Karl Rove, over Rove’s use of “The Math” to miscalculate the 2006 Midterm elections, Rove is now regulated to walking behind the President and is often ignored by President Bush, and other cabinet members.
With President Bush all but ignoring the Iraq Study Group Report, and waiting for suggestions from the Pentagon, as well as internally, from the White House staff, a classified memo leaked indicates the that President Bush is considering employing Indian Snake Charmers to help stem the violence in Iraq.
Due to a government crackdown , the private Bush memo states there are “more then enough snake charmers to cover most of
As cited by the Iraq Study Group, the poor infrastructure and reconstruction of
In the Good-Timing Department, Jason Lee, star of hit NBC comedy “My Name Is Earl” announced that the show will adopt the Iraq Study Group Report into the show’s storyline. Lee indicated that they were running out of ideas on how his character could keep making good on past misdeeds and that “the 79 recommendations sure gives us a lot to work with”
Well, it plays out that the Honorable Congressman from
Running away with the Run-Off Election yesterday,
You remember, don’t you? The deliciously-rich discovery of $90,000 stuffed into his freezer.
Retro Garlic points you to;
With President Bush all but coming out and defiantly saying “Blow Me” to James Baker and Lee Hamilton, following the release of the now “My Sister- My Daughter” Iraq Study Group Report, you have to place high odds, as did this past weeks’ Garlic Poll voters, that Vice President Dick Cheney and his jolly staff are burrowing their way through tons of government records, looking for something to smear and/or expose about any member of the group.
But in dismissing the report, the White House is blinded from the gift they have been given.
While the ISG Report does document what about 50% of the country has known now for nearly three-years, that “Bush and Cheney’s Excellent Iraq Adventure” is a historically unprecedented disaster, the focus has been less on that and what our AWOL Flyboy -Turned Bankrupt Oilman -Turned Gadfly Baseball Team Owner -Turned Death Machine Governor - Turned Court Appointed President is going to do.
So, Bush has another two-or-three-weeks before he’s exposed again of being a grinning incompetent. And what’s that old adage about even a blind squirrel gets an acorn once in awhile.
The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll December 3 - December 9, 2006
After President Bush receives the Iraq Study Group Report this week, he’ll...
1. Have the State Department leak another memo, this time saying how incompetent the Iraq Study Group really is Tally 26%
2. Get one of the White House interns to check out how much it will fetch on eBay Tally 24%
3. Put Dick Cheney and his staff to work, combing over it to see there’s no erosion of Executive Power Tally 19%
4. Take the points from it and apply them to his plans to attack and occupy
5. Give James Baker and Lee Hamilton Medal of Freedom Awards Tally 14%
Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote
Even a blind squirrel gets an acorn once in awhile
Even before the Paris attacks, the Clown Car Candidates had already unleashed a torrent of racist, homphobic, and xenophobic remarks. ...
