Saturday, November 24, 2007

Hello Dolly! ... Just In Time For Christmas ...

Well, this was a nice, easy way to softly land back into the grind, after two, much-needed, days' rest.

We hope our Garlic fans had a good Thanksgiving Holiday

In the event you also rested, and didn't take part in the MSM-and-Cable-News Cheerleading extravaganza of the "Black Friday" shopping frenzy (God, it was mind-numbing! Barry Crimmins covered the lead-in, the incessant loop of the travel reports, as if crowded airports the day before a holiday is a one-in-a-hundred-year event).

Apparently they're still following the Bush Grindhouse marching orders of "Go Shopping!".

The only thing that attempted to throw a cross-body block into the orchestrated push to the malls, was the seminal lost white woman story, the new developments in the Natalee Holloway case (which, going unreported, was the contribution of the news media flying to Aruba adding to those travel reports from a packed O'Hare in Chicago)

Too bad no new ripples jetted out of the late Anna Nicole Smith pool, otherwise, we may have actually seen our television sets go into spasms, with the news gatherers hyperventilating just how to divvy up those minutes of airtime.

So it was, over a nice cup of coffee, we espied the Christy Hardin Smith post, over on Firedoglake, "Your Holiday Shopping Conundrums Solved!"

Christy was riffing on an article by Al Karman, in the Washington Post, of a new Donald Rumsfeld doll ('Did You Push My Button? Yes. Am I Going to Talk? You Bet.')

That's right, a toy doll, in the likeness of ol' Rummy that, with the push-of-a-button, will speak classic Rumsfeldian.

Christy put in a call for "other ideas" ...

Sooooo ...

Here it is, The Garlic's recommended addition to your holiday shopping list.

The Bush Grindhouse Dolls

Dick Cheney: Comes with a group of secret playmates that you will be under court order not to divulge the names of and, a extra defibrillator, so you can perform an actual surgical operation, extending the life of your Dick Cheney doll (Coming Soon - The Deluxe Dick Cheney-Wolf Blitzer-Lynne Cheney Smack Down Set ).

I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby: Does whatever the Dick Cheney Doll tells him what to do

Condoleezza Rice: Sit Condo down at the piano (included), or have her storm around in her knee-high leather boots ... Be sure to order the half-completed, still-under construction U.S. Iraq Embassy (with new Blackwater USA helicopters), or the Condi-Private Home-Special Companion Doll House)

Rush Limbaugh: New and improved with memory chip ... Take Rush to school with you and get ready for gut-busting laughter as your Rush doll mocks and insults any non-white, or handicapped students in your class

David Addington: Cheney's Cheney ... Comes with a parental warning, as the doll is capable of rewriting your house rules, allowing your child to act in atrocious and despicable ways. Additional warning cautions to be sure about having your child play with the David Addington and John Yoo dolls separately

Colin Powell: Playing with this doll will be like having a pet parrot, as you can have the Colin Powell doll say anything you want it to say (The Whispering George Tenet doll is not included and must be purchased separately)

Tom Delay: Along with quoting Bible versus and uttering completely wrong statements, your home will be rodent-free, as the Tom Delay doll also functions as a working exterminator

Jack Abramoff: Truly a special addition to your child's toy chest, as you stand back and watch the Abramoff doll bribe and make illegal payoffs to all your child's other dolls (Indian Casino sold separately)

Bill O'Reilly: The doll of non-stop, idiotic bluster that's fun for the whole family (Parental Supervision is recommended if this doll was purchased for a girl; A glitch in the programming may have the doll questioning the young female in an inappropriate, sexual manner)

President Bush: The Deluxe Transformer Edition: You can take this Conservative Christian and change him into The Decider Guy, The Commander Guy (Flight suit sold separately), or The Shakespeare Guy.

Whatever you turn your President George Bush doll into, your doll will under-perform, to a high degree, including complete failure (Expect the Consumer Protection Agency and Mainstream Media not to report this, and continually pump up the George Bush Doll as being successful).

Ordering Note

The Ann Coulter Doll is currently unavailable, having been recalled for possible violations, including copyright infringement and plagiarism.

The Dennis Miller Doll has been discontinued due to not coming to terms with the Game Show Network

1 comment:

Bill Reichart said...

I have written a blog post that I think you may agree with, as I find the whole Black Friday thing a very sad affair…

Love to hear what you think.