President, forcefully, announces “I’m the decider”

White House Stumbles, Late Providing Wagons To Circle Around Rumsfeld

President Said To Be Irate With Paperwork Snafus, Vendor Shortages; FEMA Asked To Appropriate Katrina Trailers

Staking his legacy on the success of the War in Iraq, President Bush, and the White House, has stumbled with embarrassing missteps, being forced in taking the extraordinary step last week, and again this morning, of issuing a statement of support for the embattled Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld,

Sources tell The Garlic that Bush “is going nuclear” over the Pentagon “dragging their feet” in circling the wagons around the Secretary and, in kind, exasperating his staff.

With the Easter Holiday weekend approaching, and the growing likelihood that wagons would not be provided, the White House took the course to have President Bush issue a “strong” statement of support for Rumsfeld.

In the statement released last Friday, the President firmly stated that "Secretary Rumsfeld's energetic and steady leadership is exactly what is needed at this critical period. He has my full support and deepest appreciation."

President Was Expecting To See Wagons Around The Pentagon

“The President,” offered one staffer who stated a need for anonymity, “was – literally – expecting to see wagons in front of the Pentagon.”

Reportedly, according to this staffer, and other sources, Rumsfeld, working with the White House, had ordered vintage World War I wagons to be placed in front of the Pentagon, for a Rumsfeld press conference. It was said a “high-priority” request from the President went out to a range of military museums, private owners and the U.S. Military itself.

Due to paperwork snafus, and vendor shortages, the wagons never arrived.

“Classic Washington,” sniffed another source. “They didn’t have an official purchase order, or procurement order and number. None of these places are going to move a paperclip without that sheet and official stamp.”

Unconfirmed reports say that even Vice President Dick Cheney got involved, physically showing up, ranting and raving, issuing threats, and demanding the release of the wagons, but was rebuffed, due to the lack of official protocol.

“We've wasted three years in Iraq”

Rumsfeld has come under heavy criticism from, at least six, retired generals, saying he has harsh management style and that he has mishandled the War in Iraq. The retired generals have called for Rumsfeld’s resignation or firing.

Retired Marine Lt. Gen. Paul K. Van Riper labeled Rumsfeld’s decisions “disastrous", citing the planning and execution of the war and poor command climate.

In an interview with CNN last week, retired Army Maj. Gen. John Batiste called for a “fresh start” and that "We need leadership up there that respects the military as they expect the military to respect them. And that leadership needs to understand teamwork."

Speaking about Rumsfeld direction of the war, retired Marine Gen. Anthony Zinni, author of a new book, "The Battle for Peace", and longtime critic of the Bush Administration’s handing of the war, said "the problem is that we've wasted three years in Iraq” and believes “absolutely” that Rumsfeld should resign.

President, forcefully, announces “I’m the decider”

This morning, Rumsfeld held sway at a rambling press conference, in which he said “no” in answering a question if he would consider resigning to take the heat off President Bush.

"The president knows, as I know,” said the Secretary, “there are no indispensable men ... He knows that I serve at his pleasure, and that's that."

President Bush, speaking at a ceremony in the Rose Garden, announcing new staff changes, said "I'm the decider and I decide what's best. And what's best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the secretary of defense."

New Chief of Staff Ordered FEMA Trailers; Rove Had Smear Campaign Ready For Generals

Washington skeptics have been glued to this drama, framing as the first crises for new Chief of Staff Joshua Bolten.

Reports are circulating that Bolten, in learning of the problem of getting wagons to the Pentagon, called Homeland Security Chief Michael Chertoff and ordered the unused FEMA trailers be brought to Washington, and to have them painted in the olive green of the Army, for the show of support planned at the Pentagon.

Chertoff, according to sources, placed a call to Special White House Council Karl Rove, to verify the order, and Rove nixed it cold and could be heard shouting to his secretary to “get Bolten in here, now!”

Unconfirmed reports say that Rove has readied a smear campaign against the retired generals, and is waiting for the President, or Vice President, to give the signal to let them out.

“This wouldn’t have happened if Andy [Card, recently resigned Chief of Staff] was running the show,” said Holly Martins, Publisher of Axis of Evil Illustrated, a quarterly publication, that is rumored to be a house magazine for the Project for The New American Century.

“Card would have had a whole marketing campaign laid out to beat down the retired generals. The President would never have had to release that statement last week and Rumsfeld would have come out of this with a tickertape parade ...You would be seeing talking points out the ying-yang, with the pundits tossing Rummy’s name into the 2008 hat ... that is, if Andy was in control.”

In his first crises, new Chief of Staff Joshua Bolten was said to have his plans to bring in FEMA trailers to rally around Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, in leiu of wagons, nixed by Karl Rove

Top Ten Cloves: What Would Be Different If Rumsfeld Was A Dog, But Still Secretary of Defense

News Item: Memo Shows Officer's Shift on Use of Dogs

10. Secret Service changes Camp David name to Camp Kennel whenever Rumsfeld visiting for the weekend

9. McLaughlin Group finally right about something when they lament politics has gone to the dogs

8. Asks the other Cabinet Members if they have to travel in a cage, down in the Baggage Storage. when they fly on Air Force One

7. First order of business: Use Military to abolish all Leash Laws around the country

6. PR Department can’t spin that his “bark is worse then his bite”

5. First time in U.S. History we have a Defense Secretary that can lick his own butt

4. Celebrity dogs, Lassie, Rin Tin Tin, Benji and Beethoven placed on the Joint Chiefs of Staff council

3. Walter Reed doctors now have to check for rabies during the annual physical

2. Could get more work done: Abuse suspected terrorists and manage War on Terror at the same time

1. Press Conferences frequently interrupted when he hears a fire truck passing Pentagon and chases after it

Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard At The White House Easter Egg Roll

News Item: Rain Can't Dampen White House Tradition

10. I think the President overdid it in his opening remarks ... “The eggs will greet you as liberators?”

9. We’ve already got four generals protesting the rolling of eggs

8. Tancredo, and his buddies are here... They want to make sure only kids that are American citizens get to roll eggs

7. I don’t believe we need to do a Press Release because you “rose out of bed” today, Sir... The Press won’t get it

6. Isn’t that that guy from the State Department? I didn’t know he had a gay family

5. Better call the lawyers; Scooter Libby just did another filing, to subpoena all the eggs

4. Look, she doesn’t give it a rest ... Condi Rice is standing over there, writing down all the “tactical errors” with the egg roll

3. Good thing we didn’t have FEMA get the eggs ... The kids would be picking weeds today if that was the case

2. Why so few eggs this morning? You didn’t let Rumsfeld set it up, did you?

1. We may have to ask the Vice President to go inside, he’s beginning to frighten the children

I think the President overdid it in his opening remarks ... “The eggs will greet you as liberators?”

Garlic Poll - Bush Declassifying Results

And the winner is ...

Another week of heavy voting in The Garlic Poll ...

For last week’s question, When President Bush Decides To Declassify Intelligence In Order To Leak It, He First ..., the results

1. Saves the little arrow tabs that Dick Cheney put on, showing him where to sign 44%

2. Becomes riled up, saying it needs to be taught in schools, next to Evolution 26%

3. Puts on his flight suit 17%

4. Gets excited when he pulls out the special Presidential ink pad and stamp 13%

This week’s Poll - In order to resign, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld will demand ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote

Happy Holidays!

Good Afternoon Garlic Fans

The Garlic, with the various holy holidays upon us, is going to take a (much-needed) mini-break, and will resume our usual posting on Monday, 19 April 2006 (Patriot’s Day, here in the Hub, or, for the sports fans, Boston Marathon Day)

Before you leave, don’t forget to place your vote in this week’s Garlic Poll.

And, you can catch up on our archives, or peruse the linked posts below

Happy Holidays (all of them)!

Peace

JTD

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Breaking News - Rice Grilled; Shouting Match With Bolton

U.N Questions Rice On Iran Intentions

U.S. Urges ‘Strong Steps”; Council Presses Secretary If Adding To “Thousands Of Errors” Or Starting New Tab

Shortly after Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice asked the United Nations Security Council today, to take "strong steps" against Iran, for their expansion of their nuclear technology, Rice was grilled in a private session over U.S. intentions.

“We got the short end of the stick when it came to Iraq,” said Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov, as he emerged from the session. “We want to get the full story, the true story in advance this time.”

Sources say Rice was “surprised” by the Council asking for the private session, and hopes that the delay in taking action against Iran, won’t “come in the form of a mushroom cloud.”

Rice was pressed on how far the White House has gone with planning for war with Iran and, if this is an extension of their Iraq operations, or a stand-alone, separate effort.

President Bush said yesterday, that reports of Iran War plans were "just wild speculation".

Neither the White House, nor the United Nations would confirm reports of an altercation between Secretary Rice and U.S. Ambassador John Bolton.

Witness report of a shouting match between the two, before Rice addressed the Security Council, with Bolton “red-faced and screaming” that Rice “walk in there, get the sanctions, get the war approval”.

Then U.N. was also seeking, for possible future policies, if the pending Iran actions will be added to the “thousands of tactical errors” Rice has already admitted the United States committed in Iraq, or if they are “starting a new tab.”

“We hope, “said French Foreign Minister Philippe Douste-Blazy, “that the United States now knows the difference between real, functioning nuclear facilities, and broken down trailers strewn about the desert.”

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice was grilled by the U.N. today, if the pending Iran actions will be added to the “thousands of tactical errors” Rice has already admitted the United States committed in Iraq, or if they are “starting a new tab.”

Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard While Iran Was Enriching Uranium

News Item: Iran Announces Plans to Expand Nuclear Program

10. I hope that, if they do sanctions on us, that the don’t block that “American Idol” show on satellite

9. I’m pulling a double-shift tomorrow ... I have to drive a bunch of terrorists into Iraq before I come in here

8. I don’t know how good their equipment will be, but the Russians sure can make some good Vodka

7. Don’t worry about safety – I’ve been watching and studying that Jane Fonda film about “Three Kilometer Island”

6. I heard that the Americans are going to make all their Illegal Aliens join the Army so they can invade us

5. Hey, were your shoes glowing when we first came in here?

4. I wonder why Aljazeera didn’t go after Katie Couric ... She’s not going to fit in there at CBS

3. If something happens, and we get killed doing this, how many virgins do we get?

2. How many broken down trailers are we going to place around the desert for Bush to find?

1. When do we announce that we’ve signed a contract with Halliburton?

“They’re coming here for the American experience”

Rumsfeld Weighs In On Immigration Battle; Won’t Tie It To War With Iran

Suggests Army Recruiting Woes Could Be Solved With Mandatory Service By Illegal Aliens

In a freewheeling exchange with reporters this afternoon, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld suggested that “a stint in the Army” would solve the immigration problem facing the country.

With growing demonstrations – hundreds-of-thousands of pro-immigration marchers descended on the nation’s capital yesterday, with upwards of a million, or more, in other cities around the country - and fierce, contentious battles in Congress over legislation, around border security, guest workers, amnesty or criminal charges, Rumsfeld says there’s “much too fuss over all this.”

“Any Joe can rile up a bunch of people and get them to march down the street. That’s nothing new.”

“Simply a logical solution”

Asked a follow-up question, Rumsfeld said flatly, “Conscripts,”

“We simply make it a policy, if you want to enter this country, or, if we find out you’ve entered illegally, you serve a stretch in the Army, or go back to whatever village or bungalow you came from.”

With recruitment for the Army, and other military services, down so far this year, following the worst year in recruiting since 1979, Rumsfeld said that “it simply a logical solution” and “would see no problem” in mandating undocumented workers to serve in the U.S. Armed Forces.

Rumsfeld bristled at that this would be unfair, or that it was comparable to Representative Dana Rohrabacher’s (R-CA) plan to “let the prisoners pick the fruits," while endorsing legislation that would place felony criminal charges on over 12-Million illegal immigrants.

“They’re coming here for the American experience”

‘That’s absurd,” Rumsfeld squinted. ““They’ll get three-squares-a-day and it pays a helluva lot better then picking lettuce, or grapes, or whatever it is they do ...”

“I mean,” added the Secretary, “they’re coming here for the American experience ... the American Dream ... What could possibly embody that more than by serving in your country’s armed forces?”

Asked if he, or the Pentagon, would make special accommodations for such illegal immigrants to enter the military, such as bi-lingual instructions, or the need for interpreters, Rumsfeld glared at the reporter.

“Now think about that for a second,” Rumsfeld shot back, dripping with disdain. “In the heat of battle, you, or some other bleeding-heart liberal, is going to expect the U.S. Army to issue dictionaries, with bullets flying overhead, and bombs bursting in front of you, so the commander of the unit can issue orders in two languages? What planet are you from?”

Rumsfeld said he would expect any such conscript to learn English, before they get to boot camp.

“I suspect a great many of them already speak English. The busboy at the restaurant I like to go to knows all the television shows ... the sports scores. Sure, he has an accent, but he speaks English fine.”

We leave that kind of thing to the Vice President and his crew

Rumsfeld was asked if he would push for legislation to enact his illegal alien conscript plan in time to bulk up the military for the War in Iran.

“Ah ha,” grinned the Secretary.

“You’re trying to get me to say something I don’t want to say. You want me to leak some secret plans or something.”

“We don’t play that game over here at the Pentagon,” added Rumsfeld, “Something of that nature could be the difference between life and death ... We leave that kind of thing to the Vice President and his crew.”

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, on the massive pro-immigration demonstrations said that “Any Joe can rile up a bunch of people and get them to march down the street ..."

Top Ten Cloves: Things The Washington Nationals Will Have To Worry About With Dick Cheney Throwing Out First Ball

News Item: Washington Nationals announce Vice President Dick Cheney to throw Opening Day ceremonial first pitch

10. Have to make sure he doesn’t selectively leak signs to New York Mets

9. Will make some lame speech about how good the Nationals are and the league is in its’ final throes against them

8. During Secret Service security sweep of stadium, need to hide, out-of-sight, any workers who are illegal aliens

7. Have to allow Halliburton and KBR run the concessions while Cheney is in the stadium

6. All the extra security they have to post around the stadium, looking out for mushroom clouds

5. Big screen Jumbotron must be tuned into Fox News

4. Have to explain, like last year with President Bush, if game ends in tie, extra innings played - he doesn’t get to break tie

3. Getting any elderly fans out of the throwing area by the Vice President

2. Will have to demonstrate to Vice President, many fans wear T-Shirts to game, it’s not a Cindy Sheehan protest

1. Starts badgering the ballplayers - For the right amount of money, can get President Bush to classify their drug tests

CIA Memo Aimed At Protecting Agent and Agency

White House Iran War Rhetoric Has CIA Nervous, Taking Precautions

Gallows Humor Sprouts “Outted Pool” At Langley; Agents Suggested To Warn Spouses Of Writing Critical Op-Eds

According to high-level sources, the Central Intelligence Agency has launched an internal program to protect themselves from the White House, as the Bush Administration begins building up plans to invade and go to war with Iran.

The Garlic has been told, that with the leaker of Valerie Plame’s identity still not apprehended, top officials at the agency don’t rule out that person, or persons, striking again, crippling additional covert agents and operations.

Wilson Demands White House ‘Come Clean”

It was Plame’s husband, former Ambassador Joseph Wilson who launched the White House into action, defending their reasons to go to war in Iraq, after Wilson wrote and Op-Ed article that appeared in the New York Times, critical of the Bush Administration’s claims that Saddam Hussein was seeking to purchase nuclear materials.

In the process of discrediting and smearing Wilson, the name of his wife, Valerie Plame, covert CIA Agent, was leaked to the media. Wilson, appearing on the ABC News program "This Week with George Stephanopoulos” said "I think it is long past time for the White House to come clean on all of this."

One element of the precautions, ordered from Director Porter Goss, is that the CIA hasn’t ruled out giving the Bush Administration doctored, or dummied information, to see, first, if they cherry-pick or leak portions of it to bolster their version of any “threats”.

“They got burned pretty bad by the prelude for Iraq,” said Harold "Ace" Larson, an analyst for the counterintelligence think tank, 'Book'em and Beat'em', “and the Plame thing, They know it and they aren’t going to be put in that same position again.”

Larsen offers that steps have already been taken, from as early as when the Plame story first broke.

“Cheney is all but persona non gratis at Langley. Any calls from the Vice President, as well as Hadley [Stephen; Assistant to the President For National Security Affairs], and, formerly, Scooter Libby, were rerouted and monitored. They want a paper trail and documentation on any requests coming in from this crew.”

I. Lewis ‘Scooter” Libby, Vice President Dick Cheney’s former Chief of Staff, is currently awaiting trial, on Federal charges of lying and obstructing justice related to the leaking of Valerie Plame’s name.

Gallows Humor and New Pact With Reporters

Larsen, as well as additional sources say that the threat from the Bush Administration is viewed internally by the CIA as “above critical” and that gallows humor has set in among the agents in the field.

Covert agents have begun an “Outting Pool”, betting that, in the build-up to invading Iran, one of them, or their operations, will be disclosed by a member of the Bush Administration. The pool is said to be in the “high six-figures” and that intelligence agencies in Great Britain, Germany and Israel have similar pools.

Reportedly, the CIA has negotiated terms with Chicago Sun-Times Columnist Robert Novak that he will not plant in any of his writings the identity of undercover agents. It was Novak’s column that first disclosed Plame’s identity.

A similar agreement was reached with Time Magazine’s Matthew Copper, however, efforts to reach a similar accord with former New York Times reporter Judith Miller are stalled, apparently, on Miller’s refusal to commit to spending time in jail again, if subpoenaed by the Justice Department.

The Washington Post’s Bob Woodward refused to talk with the CIA, and would not confirm if he already has information that President Bush is planning on invading Iran, if he knows that the Bush Administration is planning on outting a CIA Agent related to war with Iran, nor would he say if he will write about it, or when he would write about it, if the situation were to develop.

CIA Memo Aimed At Protecting Agent and Agency

A memo circulated to all personnel last Friday suggested precautions agents and management could take, as the Bush Administration regurgitates its Iraq war rhetoric and applies it to Iran.

Among the actions highlighted, included;

- Don’t write, or have your spouse write, Op-Ed articles critical of the Bush Administration

- Don’t appear on any cable news programs (we’re still checking about Fox) and offer evidence refuting Administration claims

- Absolutely do not accept any fact-finding missions, or other assignments, from Vice President Dick Cheney

- If the White House puts pressure on you for intelligence, and no supervisors are present, provide them the G5 Shadow Scenarios until such time proper verification of the request can be made

CIA doesn’t know who to trust in the White House

One of the biggest threats the CIA fears is the newly launched White House Iraq and Iran Group (WHIIG).

This new group, and offshoot of WHIG – The White House Iraq Group – which was formed in the summer of 2002, to market the Iraqi War, or, as the group stated, to provide "public education" about Iraq's "grave and gathering danger" to the United States.

The White House has not publicly acknowledged WHIIG, and it is not known who the members are, or what their stated goals may encompass.

“What really worries the CIA,” said Larsen, “is that WHIG, or WHIIG, is a marketing group, it’s not policy ... And being based in the White House, or the Vice President’s office, they have, what amounts to, unlimited resources and budget ... The CIA can’t compete with that, even with their black holes and undercover business operations.”

“Right now,” added Larsen, “the CIA doesn’t know who to trust in the White House.”

Vice President Dick Cheney is said to be "persona non gratis" at CIA Headquarters

Top Ten Cloves: Ways The White House Celebrated Iraqi Freedom Day

News Item: Iraqi Freedom Day

10. Served cake in the shape of a mushroom cloud

9. Former CIA Director George Tenet come in for symbolic slam dunk of Oval Office Nerf Basketball

8. Watched the first screening of White House Iraq Group’s new special highlights DVD

7. Had new banner made – “Mission Almost Accomplished”

6. Played drinking game – Everyone had to name one of the “thousand tactical errors” or down a Jello shot

5. All business - Ordered everybody in on a Sunday to work on plans for “Iran Freedom Day”

4. For entertainment, had Vice President Cheney do his “Insurgency In Final Throes” routine

3. Played along as President Bush kept classifying and declassifying the party

2. Asked Judge in Hussein trial for One-Day Pass, so Saddam could be toppled, live, for Iraqi television reenactment

1. President Bush sought input about naming Harriet Meirs to replace Ibrahim al-Jaafari as Prime Minister

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 9 April 2006

"No, you see, when I do it, it's for the good of the country... That means, for all the American citizens ...Everybody ... Not just a few ... For all ... Everybody ... See what I mean ... It's what I do ... The type of decisions I have to make ... Decisions for everybody... Good decisions for all Americans ... For everybody in the country ..."

In Iraq, former dictator Saddam Hussein, said he agreed, in principle with President Bush, that a leader should be able to do anything he wants, but disagreed about leaking classified information to rebut critics.

"I just simply execute them,” said Hussein

World Bank Leader Paul Wolfowitz took some time off recently, to enjoy one of his favorite activities - Indigenous Dancing

























“As soon as this thing is over, I'm gonna show you a thousand errors, little Miss Stateswoman, and not one of them will be figurative ”














"Hmmmm .... With Frist screwing up as he is, and I've always thought Harry was a pretty good guy ... If I stay out of the Immigration fight, and stick with the Wiretaps, maybe I become the Senate Leader ..."


Katie Couric said she can't wait to become CBS Evening News Anchor and hopes the President's Leak story is still a hot issue, saying she has a wonderful expose she can do, on 'How To Handle Leaks and Other Pesky Household Projects To Keep Those Handyman Bills Down"

Garlic Poll Results

With another week of furious voting, the results are in for The Garlic's Weekly Poll of last week, April 2 - April 8 2006

And the winner is for what “President Bush Believes That Global Warming Is Really ...”

1. A setting on new, high-tech microwave ovens 46%

2. The hot punk-ska band White House interns are listening to 28%

3. The next Steven Spielberg blockbuster 16%

4. One of the subjects from the “No Child Left Behind” policy that the DOE tossed out 11%

This week’s Poll - When President Bush Decides To Declassify Intelligence In Order To Leak It, He First ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote

Special Essay - 2006: A First-Quarter Scorecard from Barry Crimmins

Author, political satirist and Air America writer Barry Crimmins has an essay in this weeks edition of the Boston Phoenix.

Schmucks Unlimited

Barry Crimmins, was the founder of The Ding Ho, the legendary comedy club in Inman Square, Cambridge, MA,

Mr. Crimmins was awarded the Peace Leadership Award from Boston Mobilization for Survival, and also been honored, along with Ms. Maya Angelou, with The Courage of Conscience Award from Wellesly College and The Life Experience School at The Peace Abbey in Sherborn, Massachusetts.

Mr. Crimmins has been a featured commentator on CNN, CSPAN, NBC, MSNBC and The Phil Donohue Show and has also appeared in Fran Solimita's 'When Stand Up Stood Out', the critically acclaimed documentary about the Boston Comedy scene.

Visit Barry Crimmins Website

Purchase "Never Shake Hands With A War Criminal"

Visit Seven Stories Press

Libby As Enemy Combatant Unlikely, But Treason Charges Could be Leveled

White House Quiet But Signs Indicate May Mount Offensive Against Libby

Sources Say ‘Everything Is On The Table”, Including Enemy Combatant Status; Rove Working On “Special Smears”

“Well, he can, most likely, kiss his Presidential Pardon away,” offered David Aaronson, editor of 'What Color Is My Coat Today?', the Capital Hill Newsletter that tracks politicians who turn on their own party.

Aaronson is referring to I. Lewis ‘Scooter” Libby and the bombshell news yesterday, released in court documents, that President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney authorized Libby to leak classified information to New York Times reporter Judith Miller.

The sensitive intelligence information, contained in the classified National Intelligence Estimate, was used to build-up the case for war against Sadam Hussein, that Iraq sought nuclear material in Niger and rebut former ambassador Joseph C. Wilson IV, who challenged the Administration’s position in an Op-Ed article in the New York Times.

Subsequently, Libby, as well as possibly Special White House Counsel Karl Rove, and others in the Bush Administration, leaked information to Miller, Chicago Sun-Times Syndicated Columnist Robert Novak, and Time Magazine reporter Matthew Cooper, that Wilson’s wife, Valerie Plame was a covert CIA Agent.

President Bush has consistently and steadfastly, criticized leaks of classified information, most notably, over his NSA Wiretapping, or what that White House calls Terrorist Surveillance Program, and the disclosure of CIA “Black Hole” prisons.

With the release of the court papers, detailing Libby’s testimony to the Grand Jury, regarding his charges of lying and obstruction of justice, placing the President and Vice President directly involved in the political and public relations campaign against a critic of the Administration, there has been an explosion of media, across television and blogs, hurling charges of “hypocrite” and “Leaker-in-Chief” at the President.

White House At Full Throttle; Bush On Libby: “He’s Clearly Against Us”

The White House has said little, citing their policy of not commenting on on-going court cases.

However, sources have told The Garlic, that, behind the scene, it’s been “all-hands-on-deck’, to deal with the Libby charges.

“The West Wing is in fourth gear, full-throttle on damage control,” said a Capital Hill veteran.

There has been an unconfirmed report, of President Bush arguing with Communication Director Dan Bartlett, with the President being heard saying “but he is clearly not with us ... He’s against us and we need to deal with that.”

Also unconfirmed is that the White House has known for months about Libby’s testimony, having conducted surveillance on Libby, and his lawyers.

“It was rather curious timing yesterday,” said Sonny Earl, editor of a Supreme Court newsletter that monitors the court's activities, 'OMIB" ('The Original Men In Black'), “of Attorney General Alberto Gonzales telling the House Judiciary Committee, on the question of wiretapping communications between Americans, that happens in the United States, without a warrant, that "I'm not going to rule it out."

Cheney “Livid” and Rove Working On Special Smears

One White House staffer, with the need to speak anonymously, indicated that Vice President Dick Cheney was “livid” when the news broke yesterday.

“He erupted,” said the source. “He started rampaging around the office, breaking furniture, smashing things against the wall, cursing Libby ... It took Addington and three Secret Service guys to wrestle him to the floor and calm him down.”

Cheney, according to the source, shouted at one point about getting his shotgun and “shooting Libby’s balls off.”

Numerous sources have told The Garlic that Karl Rove, possibly from direct order of the President, is to work up a batch of “special smears’, aimed directly at Scooter Libby, and his lawyers.

“If they let Rove loose on him,” said one person, inside the White House, “man, it’s going to go to Defcon 5 on the nastiness scale. There’s not much love lost between the West Wing and the VP’s office.”

Libby As Enemy Combatant Unlikely, But Treason Charges Could be Leveled

The activity in the White House appears to be completely focused on how to handle the Libby allegations. The White House Iraq Group is meeting to sift through their records and notes, to find anything that can damage Libby’s credibility.

“WHIG could provide some good dirt for them to use against Libby,” said Aaronson. “You’d have a whole batch of unfiltered comments and notes that could be massaged to read that everything is Libby’s fault.”

They’re looking at everything, according to Aaronson. “Brainstorming, looking through files, you name it, they’re considering it.”

Aaronson indicated that Justice Department lawyers were seen entering the West Wing, and not leaving until nearly three-hours later.

“Our reporters are telling us, from their sources in Justice, “ offered Aaronson, “that the President asked to examine charging Libby with being an “enemy combatant” and taking him completely out-of-play. Gonzales, reportedly, would back the President on such a move, but the long-time staffers, the career lawyers there, are casting serious doubts making the case for such a designation.”

“They may,” added Aaronson, “just tweak some things to throw treason charges at him.”

“Hell, they did just about everything except slip a few nuclear warheads into Saddam’s coat pocket”

“Look,” said Aaronson, “It’s obvious to just about everybody, except the Administration and their supporters, that the pre-war intel was manipulated to boost their script for taking Iraq ... Hell, they did just about everything except slip a few nuclear warheads into Saddam’s coat pocket ... And now you have Scooter Libby, seemingly, giving credence to that.”

Aaronson says this could all be “another smoke and mirrors” maneuver by the White House.

“With this Administration, and their history for, shall we say, distorting the facts, is Libby talking out of school? Or, is this part of a calculated defense - with the participation of the White House?”

Hypocrite or Leaker-in-Chief? President Bush is said to be in favor of designating Scooter Libby as an "enemy combatant" in an effort to prevent further disclosures of the White House's campaign to silence war critics

Top Ten Cloves: Things White House Will Say To Claim President Didn’t Leak Classified Information

News Item: Leaker-in-Chief?

10. Thought they were discussing classified ads in Washington Post

9. We think this occurred before we ran the Ethics classes, so you can’t really count this one

8. The day VP Cheney came to him, thought he was signing his lunch order

7. You’re kidding, right? Most days, President can’t find the pen on his desk, let alone declassify a document

6. It’s the liberal media again, not reporting on the good things happening in the White House

5. Expanding probe of former aide Claude Allen, that he might have done more then just shoplift

4. Couldn’t have done it when they said it was done; President was talking with Higher Power all day that day

3. If it’s not in Bob Woodward’s book , then it didn’t happen

2. Its all Andy Card’s fault, that’s why we pushed him out

1. As soon as Senator Mitchell finishes his Baseball Steroids Investigation, we’ll hire him to look into this matter

Look What They're Saying!

Readers Write In On Baseball Piece

We don’t, as a rule, toot our own horn here on The Garlic. However, the calls, emails and letters have been flying in since we posted “Could You Please Tell Me, What Is This Thing Called Baseball?

Here’s a small sample of what we’ve received.

“This is a great article – especially since it doesn’t mention me.”Barry Bonds, San Francisco Giants

“I haven’t had time to read the complete article yet. It’s been a very busy period, getting the Mitchell Investigation into steroids off the ground, but as soon as things calm down, I’ve got it bookmarked to read.”Bud Selig, Commissioner, Major League Baseball

P.S. Let me know if you want someone from our Rules Committee to help you out with the Infield Fly Rule question

“While we have had some difficulties in forming a unified Government, I can tell you, everyone here – Sunnis, Shiite and Kurds all loved Could You Please Tell Me, What Is This Thing Called Baseball?”Ibrahim al-Jaafari, Prime Minister, Iraq

“As you may know, I had to make a pretty big decision this past weekend and your baseball piece really helped chill me out and relax – Thanks!”Katie Couric , NBC Today Show ... CBS Evening News

“After reading ‘Could You Please Tell Me, What Is This Thing Called Baseball?’, I wish now, that Abramoff had taken us to a baseball game, instead of golfing.”Tom DeLay, Former Majority House Leader, U.S. Congress

“I took some time off from spying on K.T. McFarland and read ‘Could You Please Tell Me, What Is This Thing Called Baseball?’ – Great stuff!”Hillary Clinton, U.S. Senator

“While I enjoyed reading your ‘Could You Please Tell Me, What Is This Thing Called Baseball?’, I fear it could fuel an upswing in illegal immigration, unless this government starts protecting our borders.”Lou Dobbs, CNN

“Nice article. I hope it motivates the media to actually go and report the good things that are happening at ballparks, and not just sit in their hotel rooms and watching it on television, writing about all the errors that are committed.”Laura Ingraham, Conservative Radio Host

Great piece! I’d like to ask if I can record ‘Could You Please Tell Me, What Is This Thing Called Baseball?’ for my next Spoken Word project?”
Barack Obama, Senator, U.S. Senate

“Since I quit South Park, they’ve kept a pretty tight leash on me ... What I watch, what I read, what I eat ... But I was able to sneak on line and read ‘Could You Please Tell Me, What Is This Thing Called Baseball?’ ...Man, you are one, bad mother ... “Isaac Hayes, Singer/Composer and, formerly the voice of Chef

Read it yourself

Could You Please Tell Me, What Is This Thing Called Baseball?