The Garlic

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Boy, And We Thought Russert and Williams Sucked

Boy, and we thought Russert and Williams sucked.

As I watched the debate last evening, I realized it wasn't a debate.

At least that wasn't the main event.

What we had, I think, was an ABC-produced infomercial on the U.S. Constitution.

That voice-from-the-heavens, off-screen, intoning on the various amendments of the Constitution, with the fancy-dancy graphics.

It played on like a bizzaro-world Hooked-On-Phonics, having a hard-on for David McCullough.

Apparently, to keep the audience from snoozing, or running over to another channel, they intercut this prime-time civic lesson with moments of two, poorly-prepared debate moderators (one who - God, and this is one of our major media companies? - was a former staff member of the husband of one of the participants in this so-called debate and, for Godsakes, what the fuck was he doing on it? Ever hear of "conflict-of-interest" ABC? Or, even, cutting you some unwarranted slack, "the appearance of a conflict-of-interest?) running through a dated checklist, acting the whole time like two little smarty-pants

With the War in Iraq going south, troops in Afghanistan, our economy melting down like a popsicle, sitting on a car dashboard, at high noon in mid-July, and, the heart-stopping revelations - just last week - and broken by - guess who - ABC News - that torture of prisoners was planned, in detail, by senior and cabinet members, inside the White House, and with the knowledge and approval of The Commander Guy, how did these two mannequin-brained television news readers handle themselves?

They spent, nearly the first hour of this so-called debate on ...

Drum roll, please ...

1. Barack Obama's "Bitter" remarks last week (and, By George, even if the voters aren't listening, we, the media are going to make this as big an issue as we possibly can).

2. Barack Obama's "Minister" (settled, "stick-a-fork-in-it-it's-done", oh, about a month ago)

3. Obama and the Lapel Flag Pin Bullshit (Apparently, they didn't want to check, to see if he had holes in his socks too; Somebody needs to research if the Manufactured News Story Association is collecting royalties everytime this comes up)

4. Hillary Clinton's Excellent Bosnia Adventure (Beaten to death and left by the side of the road to die off about, oh, 2.5-weeks ago)

Oh, yeah, and thanks to the guy, the former staff member of the husband of one of the participants in the so-called debate, who sandbagged a topic at the behest of a Fox News Nitwit, so that Obama will probably see a few headlines soon, that he's harboring 1960's radicals in his basement.

It would seem that Charlie Gibson can't anchor the evening news broadcast and be a debate moderator in the same evening.

And George Stephanopolous?

Must be news to the ABC suits that he's taking tips from Fox News Nitwits

For a punishment, for his dreadful work this evening, those ABC suits should work out a deal, loaning and assigning Stephanopolous over to Fox and Friends, and see if he still struts his stuff when he gets back.

Normally, this might be a moment, where we would kick it off to cue up Que Sera Sera.

But no, this was a Leonard Pinth Garnell evening ("Unrelentingly bad!") all the way, so we have to go highbrow, and let Harry Lime sign us off.

In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed - but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love, five hundred years of democracy and what did that produce - the cuckoo clock!

And it took, seemingly, forever, for the cuckoo clock to strike the evening over.

The Bonus Cavalcade-of-Links
(Apologies - Too tired to link and tag the way we normally do)

Katrina vanden Heuvel: A GOTCHA DEBATE...

Greg Mitchell: The Debate: A Shameful Night for the U.S. Media

Nicole Belle/C&L: Attention ABC: You’re HURTING America! UPDATED with VIDEO!

Keith Olbermann: Hannity Feeding Question To Stephanopolous; NBC’s Chuck Todd tells Countdown’s Keith Olbermann that Sen. Barack Obama ‘did not have a good night’ during the Democratic Presidential Debate in Philadelphia

Eli on Firedoglake: Sweet Jesus, I Hate Charlie Gibson Democratic Debate Wrap-Up

Chris Cillizza: Keystone Kerfuffle: First Thoughts

ABC (Read This One More For The Comment Section): Clinton, Obama Find 'Brotherly Love' at Philly Debate; Dems Last Chance to Settle Scores Before Pennsylvania Primary

Andrew Sullivan: After The Freak Show

Foon Rhee/Boston Globe: Clinton, Obama trade jabs on electability, honesty

Qualifications for Debate Monitor: Be a former staff member of the husband of one of the participants in this so-called debate

Know Thy Pope

I'm having a hard time finding it, but I could have sworn I heard someone - recently - refer to Pope Benedict as "The Vatican's Cheney".

It's quite likely this post will draw the wrath of the perpetual fuming smokestack, Catholic League President Bill Donohue, but hey, it might slip under the radar.

Donohue is, very likely, going to be going without sleep for about the next week (which could make him more dangerous), with the Head Honcho in-country ... So many comments to swat down ... So many critics to bully ...

Why would The Commander Guy be rolling out the red carpet for the Pope?

I mean, he would be doing this for Kim Jong Il, or Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, or any other monstrous criminal (Okay, I know he let's Cheney in the office every day)?

While, at first, I thought it odd, perhaps a blatant, feeble attempt to grab some approval ratings.

After all, getting your snapshot next to the man in PopeWear isn't bad for business ... Newspapers across the country will lap that up like Happy Soup!

Perhaps, his staff, to break up the day, of the lamest-of-lame President, trying to make him feel relevant, threw it on the schedule.

But then it hit me ...

Pope Benedict is Bush's kind of guy!

While The Commander Guy has his piddly, poltical scandals to lord over, PB is the Babe Ruth of ruthless, hardcore, monolithic stonewalling.

This guy wrote the book - literally!

Prefect of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith (1981–2005)

In his capacity as Prefect, Ratzinger's 2001 letter “Crimen Sollicitationis” which clarified the confidentiality of internal Church investigations into accusations made against priests of certain crimes, including sexual abuse, became a target of controversy during the sex abuse scandal.[14] While bishops hold the secrecy pertained only internally, and did not preclude investigation by civil law enforcement, the letter was often seen as promoting a coverup.[15]

This refers to the "Crimen sollicitationis", which, in a nutshell, was the Vatican's way of telling their corps, especially regarding sex scandals, to "shut the fuck up, or else!"

Where do you think that got that line from in 'The Godfather', when Don Corleone chastises Sonny with "Never tell anyone outside the Family what you're thinking again!".

"British documentary alleges pope linked to "child abuse cover-up"

Before becoming head of the church, the then cardinal Joseph Ratzinger enforced church doctrinal orthodoxy, including a "secret Vatican decree which seemed to shelter the perpetrators and silence the victims of abuse", the Panorama programme said.

This was the 1962 document Crimen Sollicitationis, which told top churchmen how to deal with priests who "solicit or provoke the penitent toward impure and obscene matters", according to a translation from Latin on the BBC website.

It imposed an oath of secrecy on victims, witnesses and those probing abuse claims and said that anyone breaking this would be excommunicated, the BBC said.

Boy, doesn't that just make your heart swell with spiritual inspiration, how they really hit the nail-on-the-head, spreading the teachings of Jesus Christ like that?

I think that's one of my favorite passages in The Bible, when JC, witnessing repugnant, immoral child abuse, tells his apostles to keep it on the QT.

What do they call these guys - Princes of the Church?

So, as the MSM takes a breather from the campaign (or, in another light, rearms itself to bash one or the other candidates), splashing the Papal "Up Yours" tour across our pages and screens (maybe even pulling in Peggy Noonan, to have her do her version of Je T'aime Moi Non Plus, [Note: This is the great rendition, of Serge Gainsbourg and Brigitte Bardot] live, on television, for the new Pope, though, a little piece of her heart will be singing it for Ronnie), here's a little tip for you;

Get To Know Thy Pope!

He's a thug, he had a direct hand in perpetuating (in case you need clarification, that means, scores-of-hundreds, possibly thousands of young children, mostly boys, were sexual abused) the Priest Pedophile Scandal, when he, and a vast many others, could have, just as easily, put a stop to it.

If you want to say "Forgive Them Lord, They Know Not What They Do", that's not exactly accurate.

And that, sure as hell, is one helluva of a test for someone's faith ...

Bonus Pope Riffs

BBC: Warm US welcome for Pope Benedict; Pope Benedict XVI has received an unprecedented presidential greeting from George W Bush after arriving for his first official visit to the US.

The Boston Globe was on top of the Pedophile Priest story from the get-go, and you can go here and you can go here to check out a ton of material on the scandal.

ABC's Brian Ross: Then-Cardinal Ratzinger's Hand Slap - Then-Cardinal Ratzinger Became Upset When Asked About Sex Abuse in the Church

YouTube: Boston Clergy Abuse Scandal - Geoghan Documents Released

Barry Crimmins: Child Abuse - Mea Maxima Culpa

Vatican Discounts "Bonfire Pope"; Says Flames "Not Hunched Over Enough"; Late Pontiff's Bend Was Measured "Religiously"; Never Used Contingency "Roller Skate Gloves"

News In Brief - OJ, Vatican Said To Sign Deal, Merge Hunts

This Date ... On The Garlic

Garlic History - On This Day

16 April 2007... On The Garlic

Chopped Garlic ... Of Virginia Tech ... The Right To Bear Arms ... And Barry Crimmins

His Fly Is Down and Nobody Wants To Tell Him ... The Results - The Garlic Weekly Poll

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

McCain's Foodgate ... The Gift Keeps Giving ...

What did he eat and when did he eat it?

And, while he is committed, fiercely, to not torturing Americans, is giving them a meal from the McCain Family Recipe crossing that legal line?

This is just too much ...

The Garlic noted, and properly marked the occasion last week, of Stumblin' Bumblin John McCain becoming "The Gift That Refuses To Stop Itself From Giving".

And, he's forking over presents again already this week!

Keep in mind, SB John is out there, pretty much footloose and fancy-free.

Clinton and Obama, while paying perfunctory attention to SB John, are to deeply engaged in hitting each other with kitchen sinks and anvils, far to obsessed in their warfare to bother with his gaffes.

Gift #1

McCain Takes Bold Stance On Torture: ‘We Cannot Ever Torture Any American’

Today, during the question-and-answer period of Sen. John McCain’s (R-AZ) address to the Associated Press, a journalist asked McCain about torturing terrorism detainees, saying “Don’t we stand for something better?” McCain seemed to get confused, talking instead about his opposition to the torture of Americans:

I’ve made it very clear, I’ve made it very clear in my statements and in my support of the Detainee Treatment Act, the Geneva Conventions, etc., that there may be some additional techniques to be used, but none of those would violate the Geneva Conventions, the Detainee Treatment Act…And we cannot ever, in my view, torture any American, that includes waterboarding.

HUH?

No Lieberman to whisper in his ear is getting to be pretty inconvenient for the Straight Talk Express, though, his policy of not torturing Americans doesn't go unappreciated

Steve Benen, over on The Carpetbagger Report, says it for all of us with "Well, there’s a bold declaration for Mr. Straight Talk. He does not believe that the U.S. government should torture U.S. citizens. What a relief."

Gift #2

Does he really eat this stuff, or, go through the motions and sticks to doughnuts?

Passion Fruit Mousse

Farfalle Pasta with Turkey Sausage, Peas and Mushrooms

Ahi Tuna with Napa Cabbage Slaw

These are but a few of the home-cooked meals SB John digs into, created from Cindy McCain's recipes.

Only ...

McCain "Family Recipes" Lifted from the Food Network

On a section of McCain's site called "Cindy's Recipes," you can find seven recipes attributed to Cindy McCain, each with the heading "McCain Family Recipe." Ms. Handel quickly realized that some of the "McCain Family Recipes," were in fact, word-for-word copies of recipes on the Food Network site.

At least three of the "McCain Family Recipes" appear to be lifted directly from the Food Network, while at least one is a Rachael Ray recipe with minor changes.

Oh My!

We all know the old adage of "Too many cooks spoil the soup", so, I guess, for the 21st century, the Digital Age, we'll have to update that to something like "Too many candidate's wives plagiarizing recipes from the internet spoil the talking points".

I wonder what names he called her last night for this?

And is this the cuisine of a Straight Talker?

Brilliant at Breakfast doesn't think so;

Besides, what does it say about a manly macho military manly manly man like John McCain that he's sitting down at the family table eating "Ahi tuna with napa cabbage slaw" and "passion fruit mousse"? Shouldn't a real man, a man's man, a Chris Matthews kinda man, sit down to something like wild boar with whole roasted potatoes and eat them with his hands while quaffing tankards of ale? ... I don't know, these recipes sound kinda French to me.

Hmmm ... We just noted in a Retro Garlic, the McCain-Is-Bob-Dole thing, so we'll have to do some research, to see if Libby Dole ever lifted or plagiarized anything, and put them out there as "Family Recipes".

He is going to need some good eats, to stay strong.

Those court hearings, about him weaseling out of Public Financing for his campaign, can be long and drawn-out.

Firing It Up - My Wall Street Journal

From Danny Shea, on HuffPo;

My Wall Street Journal, a parody of the Wall Street Journal on newsstands this week to mark the April 15 tax deadline, has rankled News Corp executives so much that they're trying to make sure no one sees it

Oh, this is rich!

Sticking to the WSJ is delicious of-and-by itself, but seeing Sir Rupert react to it .... Priceless!

Murdoch Freaks

And they (News Corp. cronies) have attempted to buy up the copies!

It was not supposed to go on sale until this week, but some newsstands began selling it early. Last Thursday, Alexander Laurence was working at one such stand in Los Angeles, chatting with a customer, David Metz, when, both of them say, a man in a shirt with a Journal logo asked if anyone had seen a paper that looked sort of like The Journal.

"This guy comes by all the time to bring promotional stuff for The Wall Street Journal -- bags, coin trays, stickers," Mr. Laurence said.

Sure enough, they found what he was looking for. "He grabbed them all, said, 'I need to buy all of these,' " Mr. Laurence said. "He had been going around to different stands, buying them."

The man paid with a corporate American Express card. "At first he's saying they have to make a correction or it's not supposed to be out yet," Mr. Metz said. "But then he said these are not published by The Wall Street Journal."

Priceless! ...

Bonus Links

My Wall Street Journal Website

Gawker: WSJ Trying To Suppress Parody?

NYT: A Funnier-Than-Usual Journal Gets Snapped Up Early

We're Waiting, John Fund ... For You To Take Your Head Out Of Your Ass ... Lieberman Abandoned The Democrats To Run As An Indie, He Wasn't Forced To

Clock's Ticking Again - Some More Heads To Be Pulled Out of Asses ... Step Right Up Dorothy Rabinowitz ... And Richard Cohen To

Oh Ronnie, How I Long For You ...

Retro Garlic: Bring In The Homicide Guys!

To bad "Homicide: Life on the Street" isn't still on, and Detective Steve Crosetti was still among the living cast, they, perhaps, could have wade into this;

Abraham Lincoln's death revisited

That's the controversial conclusion reached by Palo Alto physician and amateur historian John Sotos, who says that President Abraham Lincoln was suffering from a lethal genetic cancer syndrome when he was shot at Ford's Theatre 143 years ago today.

Many, over the years have speculated on Lincoln's health

Lincoln's health has fascinated medical sleuths. In 1962, it was suggested that his great height and long limbs were linked to a genetic disorder called Marfan syndrome. Others have proposed alternate ailments - Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, perhaps, or Stickler syndrome. Some say he suffered from depression or exhaustion.

Why have a fictional (but tremendously written and performed, as well as critically-acclaimed) cop show look into this?

As was standard with "Homicide", big and little storylines imbued the show, and one was, in the first two seasons, Crosetti having an obsession over Lincoln's assassination, including it being foremost in of the program's episodes.

The Retro Part

Three-years ago, the Washington Post ran the Lincoln death up the flagpole, with the article, "Science and Medicine: Could Lincoln Have Survived?", dealing with the how would things have been different with today's modern medicine and emergency care.

Naturally, The Garlic didn't let that one slip by;

Top Ten Cloves: Things About If Abraham Lincoln Were Shot Today

And to keep it in the current time of the Post article, our #3 Clove was;

"Remarkably, it would be nearly three days before the public hears about the Lincoln shooting, and it will come from Texas ranch owner, Katharine Armstrong

Hmmm ... I smell another Doris Kearns Goodwin book out of this

Robbins Keynote Blasts Broadcasters

It's in the air.

Right on the heels of Robert Reich and The Garlic giving a raspberry to the media, comes the news reports of actor/writer/director Tim Robbins' keynote speech at the National Association of Broadcasters event.

Robbins kicked ass and took names!

From Variety's "Tim Robbins delivers keynote at NAB; Oscar winner takes aim at issues with wit"

Robbins peaked with what he called a three-pronged proposal that broadcasters should adopt in order to eliminate "confusing, complex issues" such as diversity of thought and opinion.

"First, erase all diversity," he said. "You only need two opinions. Second, stay focused on sex scandals. We don't want any kind of reporting outside the soundbite. I don't know about you, but show me a drunk starlet getting out of a car with no panties on, and I think the world is a better place. Third, more distraction. The economy sucks? Chaos in Iraq? It is a moral responsibility to distract."

Robbins stepped on sensitive ground when noting that "just when we were getting close to a national music playlist, along comes satellite radio that actually plays music people want to hear." NAB battled to stop the proposed XM and Sirius merger, which the Justice Dept. recently approved. Despite NAB's ongoing, bitter protests, the Federal Communications Commission is likely to approve the merger, too.

Ouch!

From Broadcasting and Cable's "NAB 2008: Tim Robbins Decries Media 'Abyss' in NAB Keynote; Actor Tears Into Government, Media in Keynote at 2008 NAB Show:"

“Shouldn’t broadcasters see themselves as part of a larger picture, isn’t there an obligation to honestly report on what’s going on, to pursue stories past their headlines,’’ Robbins said. “Haven’t criminal acts occurred in government? Shouldn’t there be accountability for inept policy decisions? Shouldn’t someone be fired? And you know something? I didn’t hear any of that, because I am still thinking about that starlet getting out of the car without the panties."

But NAB executive vice president Dennis Wharton, the spokesman for the industry group running the show, said Robbins was not given the hook.

“"We found Mr. Robbins' remarks to be entertaining and thought-provoking, although we were not expecting the expletives not deleted," Wharton said. “We would obviously disagree with some of his characterizations but respect his viewpoints."

Rock That Cradle Tim! ... Rock That Cradle!...

Tim Robbins Website

Tim Robbins on Wikipedia

Tim Robbins on IMDB

The Date ... On The Garlic

Garlic History - On This Day

15 April, 2005... On The Garlic

Jackson Trial Nixes Tradition; Papal Conclave Party Moves To The Netherlands

Derby Considers Child Jockeys From Qatar; Bush Admn Offers No Child Left Behind Funding, Immigration Waiver

Top Ten Cloves: Ways Senate and Congress Republicans Will Overhaul Justice System

Monday, April 14, 2008

Robert Reich: "Old Politics ... Old Media Are Irrelevant Now"

I am surprised, in waking up this morning, that the Clinton Campaign hadn't worked up another faux outrage.

Who would think they would do such a thing?

I half expected that Howard Wolfson would be plastered all over morning cable, boiling over that Barack Obama insulted an American Icon and Hero, Annie Oakley, and that he should be fired, equating it to former Obama aide, Samantha Powers calling Hillary a monster.

Which, in the nature of the Clinton Campaign, and as Wolfson has done previously, he would actually be dissing his own candidate, connecting those dots.

It's all "Bitter ... Small Town ... Working Class Voters" in the news cycle today.

Over ...And Over ... And Over ...

Not that the MSM and Cable New Nitwits are actually contributing to the discussion, offering enlightening information on the subject ... It's more bouncing around between the three presidential candidates, to poke-and-prod them into a "Gotcha" moment ... Throw out a jab or make a gaffe, they need fill their afternoon and evening loops, so they can bring in more talking heads, and rehash everything they babbled on about in the morning.

And it was pretty much like that yesterday.

Little Timmy Russert had on his MTP yesterday, the likes of Bob Shrum, whose career work is on par with jumping out of a boat and still, not being able to hit the water, and, the couple Most-Voted-To-Inhabit-Haunted-Houses, Mary Matalin and James Carville, carping and fuming about Obama and the small town/bitter comments.

To some, being there was a woman in the mix, the thought of diverse comment and opinion might filter in?

More, and more, MTP is looking like a cross between the a Country Club's Early-Bird Special and the Dead Poets Society.

"Must-See-White-Man-TV"

Scarecrow, over on Firedoglake, in his "Bitter? Why Should Americans Be Bitter?", had a good riff;

It's a shame the Clintons are reduced to telling such important truths in private to Harris and Vandehei . . . and to voters in Indiana and Pennsylvania, . . and somehow it just came up on CNN, NBC (wasn't having McCain/Clinton surrogates Matalin/Carville on MTP to attack Obama a clever metaphor?), and ABC's This Week (who can beat George Will explaining "condescending" and "out of touch" with ordinary Americans?). It's a relief we won't need to hear this from the right wing freak show.

However, all is not lost, for there was one voice out there - Robert Reich - that seemed to "get it"

It it brought a smile to me, for I do enjoy, the not-too-often times, when someone bigger, more famous than I, basically says something that I wrote about.

On Saturday, The Garlic jumped into the Obama/Small Town mess (See "Obama Minister Wants To Nuke Small Towns!") and in it, offered;

"It's one thing for the MSM to jump on this ... They have an agenda ...Gotta serve the Corporate Party Line ... They have to keep truth out of the news, better just to offer campaign fluff and pap, like MSNBC the other day, with Tweety (and, disappointingly, David Shuster) jumping up-and-down on Obama's back over orange juice.

Orange Juice!

We just had Petraeus and Crocker in Congress, continuing to sell Bush's Iraq War (and the new one, against Iran) and there was bombshell breaking news, on how all the big cheeses in the Bush Grindhouse met regularly to map out the Torture Program, all this on top of the bleak economics of the country and these lint-heads get all lathered up over orange juice.

Help Me Mister Wizard!

Okay, not earth-shattering commentary, picking out the dolts in the media.

If you played that as a game, you'd become bored inside of an hour

Here's what Reich promulgated yesterday, in his "Obama, Bitterness, Meet the Press, and the Old Politics";

Listen to this morning’s “Meet the Press” if you want an example. Tim Russert, one of the smartest guys on television, interviewed four political consultants – Carville and Matalin, Bob Schrum, and Michael Murphy. Political consultants are paid huge sums to help politicians spin words and avoid real talk. They’re part of the problem. And what do Russert and these four consultants talk about? The potential damage to Barack Obama from saying that lots of people in Pennsylvania are bitter that the economy has left them behind; about HRC’s spin on Obama’s words (he’s an “elitist,” she said); and John McCain’s similarly puerile attack.

Does Russert really believe he’s doing the nation a service for this parade of spin doctors talking about potential spins and the spin-offs from the words Obama used to state what everyone knows is true? Or is Russert merely in the business of selling TV airtime for a network that doesn’t give a hoot about its supposed commitment to the public interest but wants to up its ratings by pandering to the nation’s ongoing desire for gladiator entertainment instead of real talk about real problems.

Hmmm ... Not bad, if I say so myself ...

And Reich wrapped up with this, a nice, clean, Louisville Slugger, swing-of-the-bat;

Bitter? You ain’t seen nothing yet. And as much as people like Russert, Carville, Matalin, Schrum, and Murphy want to divert our attention from what’s really happening; as much as HRC and McCain seek to make political hay out of choices of words that can be spun cynically by the mindless spinners of the old politics; as much as demagogues on the right and left continue to try to channel the cumulative frustrations of Americans into a politics of resentment – all these attempts will, I hope, prove futile. Eighty percent of Americans know the nation is on the wrong track. The old politics, and the old media that feeds it, are irrelevant now.

Amen, Brother Reich!

Bonus Bitter, Small Town Links

YouTube: Barack Obama on Rural and Working Class America, Circa 2004

Hunter/Daily Kos: Obama Orange Juice Watch... Day Whatever

ABC News: Rev. Wright: Fox's Hannity 'Stuck on Stupid'; Obama's Former Minister Breaks Silence, Rips Fox News During Funeral Service

Creature/State of Day: Annie get your gun

Arianna Huffington: John McCain Should Go on Vacation, Hillary Clinton is Doing His Job for Him

Retro Garlic: We Knew They Would Come Around

My, My, My ...

We had strong suspicions, that the longer Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain goes in this campaign, it will become more-and-more obvious, the similarities between Fly Boy and the former GOP flag-carrier, Bob Dole.

And today (yesterday, actually) author and journalist John Heilmann has a very thorough (i.e. long) article in New York Magazine;

Is John McCain Bob Dole?; Or is he Dwight Eisenhower? (Actually, that may depend on whether Barack Obama is Mike Dukakis or John Kennedy.) A handicapping

Here's a few clips;

So if McCain is no longer the bracing iconoclast he was in 2000, who the hell is he?

“I’ll tell you,” this person says. “He’s morphed into Bob Dole.”

This was not my first encounter with the McCain-is-Dole meme. I had first run across it back in January, on the night of the final Republican debate, in Simi Valley, California, when McCain’s crabbiness and sarcasm on stage had prompted a former GOP player now tilling the corporate field to make the comparison over dinner. As it turned out, the idea was also being promulgated sub rosa by a number of Mitt Romney’s senior strategists. A few days later, on the morning of Super Duper Tuesday, it popped out of Mitt’s own mouth. “There are a lot of folks that tend to think maybe John McCain’s race is a bit like Bob Dole’s race,” Romney snarked on Fox News. “That it’s the guy who’s the next in line; he’s the inevitable choice and we’ll give it to him, and then it won’t work.”

But few of the other likenesses between McCain and Dole can be spun so benignly. There’s the septuagenarian-ness (McCain is 71; Dole was 72 when he ran). There’s the physical frailty, courageously earned in war, that nevertheless serves as a constant reminder of his advanced years. There’s the legendary shortness of his fuse. (McCain has yet to have a full-on “Stop lying about my record” moment on the trail, but his testiness was on display the other day in a widely YouTubed confrontation on his campaign jet with the Times’s Elisabeth Bumiller.) There’s the firm conviction, as Time journalist Mark Halperin has noted, that “being on Meet the Press is more important than going to church—actually, that being on Meet the Press is going to church.”

Arizona Bob, perhaps, can be applied for SB John.

The Retro Part

The Bob Dole For The New Millennium

For, if they get Obama, it will be the Kennedy-Nixon Debate every single day of the campaign, McCain tripping over his Father Time beard, a skeletal-dust-filled suit laying in front of the voting stations by the time election day rolls around.

The youth and exuberance, the oratory skills, of Obama will paint the Straight Talk Express bus into a hearse, McCain's campaign posters into The Picture of Dorian Gray.

Hmmm ... Didn't Bob Dole have his own bag of war heroism, and his own deep Senatorial experience?

Once we get past the Dem's Primary, this is going to be so much fun ...

Bonus Stumblin' Bumblin' John Riffs

I Missed Home Ec For This!

Breaking News! MLK, Posthumously, Pardons McCain

Perrin On McCain, Clinton and Pornographic Ringtones

The Gift That Refuses To Stop Itself From Giving

This Date ... On The Garlic

Garlic History - On This Day

14 April 2005... On The Garlic

Minutemen Heading To Wisconsin Cat Hunt; 'Can't Shoot Illegal Aliens', Says Leader

Hooters Applauds FDA Breast Implant Vote; Opens Doors For More Woman To Become 'Hooter Girls'

Top Ten Cloves: Tax Deductions People Will Try To Get Away This Year

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Barry Crimmins Is Giving Away The Store!

Okay, a slight exaggeration, but Barry Crimmins is offering free - absolutely no strings - his first recording "Kill The Messenger", to any-and-all, for the downloading.

Recorded in 1991, this has Crimmins coming off the decade-plus that saw him run the legendary Ding Ho Comedy Club, in Inman Square, Cambridge, MA, as well as establishing himself as the best political satirist in the country.

He also would have been, around this time, fresh off tours with people like Steven Wright, Billy Bragg and Jackson Browne.

In October of that year, before the most memorable of the Clarence Thomas hearings had taken place, the Boston Baked Theater (later to become Jimmy Tingle's Off-Broadway Theater) in Somerville, Ma. filled to capacity two nights in a row for performance that were recorded by Green Linnet Records. Howard Zinn graciously introduced political satirist Barry Crimmins. The audiences were wonderful, Barry was on top of his game. Scathing humor lacerated deserving targets.The result was the critically acclaimed album, Kill the Messenger. Considering how many of the problems of 17 years ago still exist today, it's no surprise that this recording remains quite relevant. There is one one major change -- back then you had to spend plunging American dollars to buy Kill the Messenger. But as of today, this classic recording is available for free via download as a gesture of solidarity and generosity by former Green Linnet CEO Wendy Newton and (obviously) by Barry, as well.

So, go to the post "The too recent past", where the links lay, for you to download one cut, or all, of "Kill The Messenger".

Free! ... Nada! ... No strings, No catches! ... Again, absolutely FREE!

You'll be happy that you do so.

Otherwise ...

Visit The Barry Crimmins website

Barry Crimmins on The Garlic

Cavett and Rich Take On Petraeus and Crocker

Martin and Lewis... Rogers and Hammerstein ... Sandler and Young ... Sonny and Cher ... Evans and Novak (or better known, Errors and No Facts) ... Tom and Jerry

I think you get the idea.

Alas, after this past week, we add the dynamic duo of Petraeus and Crocker to the list, which, as it were, played out more along the lines of Fric and Frac, or Tweedledee and Tweedledum

The pomp and circumstance, the glorious fanfare was, well, rather muted this time around.

It's getting harder and harder, no matter how many medals and scrambled eggs you have on your uniform, to spin the disaster that is Bush's Iraq War.

When the biggest buzz word to come out the hearings this year was “fragile and reversible,” as the Golden Boy General spoke of Iraq, you know its big-time sucksville happening over there.

Which leads us to two, rather entertaining, Op-Eds today in the NYT.

First up, was the regular Sunday Column of Frank Rich, calling our new hearings' stars on stage with "The Petraeus-Crocker Show Gets the Hook", and lamenting how much the country has tuned out of Iraq.

Speaking on a screening he attended of the new Errol Morris documentary, "Standard Operating Procedure”, on the horrors of Abu Ghraib, Rich cites how poorly any number of the Iraq War films have performed.

This is not merely a showbiz phenomenon but a leading indicator of where our entire culture is right now. It’s not just torture we want to avoid. Most Americans don’t want to hear, see or feel anything about Iraq, whether they support the war or oppose it. They want to look away, period, and have been doing so for some time.

Then Rich lays out how its all, but over in Iraq;

The original stakes (saving the world from mushroom clouds and an alleged ally of Osama bin Laden) evaporated so far back they seem to belong to another war entirely. What are the stakes we are asked to believe in now? In the largely unwatched House hearings on Wednesday, Representative Robert Wexler, a Florida Democrat, tried to get at this by asking what some 4,000 “sons and daughters” of America had died for.

The best General Petraeus could muster was a bit of bloodless Beltway-speak — “national interests” — followed by another halfhearted attempt to overstate Iraq’s centrality to the war on Al Qaeda and a future war on Iran. He couldn’t even argue that we’re on a humanitarian mission on behalf of the Iraqi people. That would require him to acknowledge that roughly five million of those people, 60 percent of them children, are now refugees receiving scant help from either our government or Nuri al-Maliki’s. That’s nearly a fifth of the Iraqi population — the equivalent of 60 million Americans — and another source of our shame.

Grim stuff but a good read just the same

"Try talking English, General. You mean more soldiers."

Going a different route with our newly-crowned pair, was the legandary Dick Cavett, the erudite writer, talkshow host and man of great wit.

Cavett weighs in - hysterically - with "Memo to Petraeus & Crocker: More Laughs, Please", where he with great mirth, and a fine ear, surgically cuts through the "sesquipedalianism" of P&C;

But back to our story. Never in this breathing world have I seen a person clog up and erode his speaking — as distinct from his reading — with more “uhs,” “ers” and “ums” than poor Crocker. Surely he has never seen himself talking: “Uh, that is uh, a, uh, matter that we, er, um, uh are carefully, uh, considering.” (Not a parody, an actual Crocker sentence. And not even the worst.)

These harsh-on-the-ear insertions, delivered in his less than melodious, hoarse-sounding tenor, are maddening. And their effect is to say that the speaker is painfully unsure of what he wants, er, um, to say.

Cavett was just warming up.

Petraeus commits a different assault on the listener. And on the language. In addition to his own pedantic delivery, there is his turgid vocabulary. It reminds you of Copspeak, a language spoken nowhere on earth except by cops and firemen when talking to “Eyewitness News.” Its rule: never use a short word where a longer one will do. It must be meant to convey some misguided sense of “learnedness” and “scholasticism” — possibly even that dread thing, “intellectualism” — to their talk. Sorry, I mean their “articulation.”

No crook ever gets out of the car. A “perpetrator exits the vehicle.” (Does any cop say to his wife at dinner, “Honey, I stubbed my toe today as I exited our vehicle”?) No “man” or “woman” is present in Copspeak. They are replaced by that five-syllable, leaden ingot, the “individual.” The other day, there issued from a fire chief’s mouth, “It contributed to the obfuscation of what eventually eventuated.” This from a guy who looked like he talked, in real life, like Rocky Balboa. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

Who imposes this phony, academic-sounding verbal junk on brave and hard-working men and women who don’t need the added burden of trying to talk like effete characters from Victorian novels?

Cavett goes on, cutting the Generalspeak to ribbons (no pun intended, as you will read, at the beginning of the essay).

Now, if we can only get a few more of these mismatched pairs up in front of Congressional and Senate committees

Like Miers and Rove ... Addington and Yoo...

And, of course, the super mega, Top A-List, war-launchers and torture choreographers ... Cheney and Bush!

Bonus Links

Think Progress: ‘I don’t even know who Petraeus and Crocker are.’

Logan Murphy/C&L: Bob Schieffer Commentary: “No Longer Any Good Answers” On Iraq

Ambassador Crocker Meets Eddie Izzard

Maybe He Should Try Monster.Com ...

I could while away the hours
Conferrin' with the flowers
Consultin' with the rain
And my head, I'd be scratchin'
While my thoughts were busy hatchin'
If I only had a job.

I'd unravel ev'ry riddle
For any individ'le
In trouble or in pain

With the thoughts you'd be thinkin'
You could be another Lincoln,
If you only had a job.

Oh, I could tell you why
The ocean's near the shore,
I could think of things I never thunk before
And then I'd sit and think some more.

I would not be just a nuffin'
My head all full of stuffin'
My heart all full of pain.
I would dance and be merry
Life would be a ding-a-derry
If I only had a job--Whoa!

Well, Alberto Gonzales's head may well just be full of straw, being he sure as hell didn't show much, if any, smarts while he was the Crony General.

Let's see ... The Commander Guy (and Cheney) made all his decisions, and Karl Rove, essentially, ran the Injustice Department, so "Fredo" was, basically, an extremely well-paid hat rack.

And, it still causes a shudder to think, at one point in time, he was being touted for the Supreme Court!

What prompts this additional scorn (not that any particular reason is really needed) on the former Crony General?

It is a delicious sentence in the NYT article today ("In Searching for New Job, Gonzales Sees No Takers") on the trials and tribulations of post-Crony General life;

What makes Mr. Gonzales’s case extraordinary is that former attorneys general, the government’s chief lawyer, are typically highly sought.

Man, that's pretty bad.

How many other nitwit henchman have vamoosed the Bush Grindhouse, only to land in fat cat jobs?

I mean, even Fox News hasn't picked him up!

Wow, he really a sorry-ass case.

Cliff Schecter, in his post "Alberto Gonzales can’t get arrested" cites "I guess lying under oath and helping to destroy what was once a thriving democracy just didn’t pay off, huh Gonzo?"

And Jeff Fecke, over on Shakeville, relishes the karma in his "Alberto Gonzales Will Work for Food", but does offer Fredo a good tip on finding work.

More from the NYT article;

Despite those credentials, he left office last August with a frayed reputation over his role in the dismissal of several federal prosecutors and the truthfulness of his testimony about a secret eavesdropping program. He has had no full-time job since his resignation, and his principal income has come from giving a handful of talks at colleges and before private business groups.

The greatest impediment to Mr. Gonzales’s being offered the kind of high-salary job being snagged these days by lesser Justice Department officials, many lawyers agree, is his performance during his last few months in office. In that period, he was openly criticized by lawmakers for being untruthful in his sworn testimony. His conduct is being investigated by the Office of the Inspector General of the Justice Department, which could recommend actions from exonerating him to recommending criminal charges. Friends set up a fund to help pay his legal bills.

Yesiree Bob, nothing closes the deal like telling your prospective employer that you may need some time off, because you're likely to be indicted.

Doesn't some conservative, or some Right Wing Freak Show person need a new hat rack?

Bonus Fredo Follies

"He aggressively and successfully pursued public corruption ..."

Top Ten Cloves: How It Would Be Different If Alberto Gonzales Was The Head of March Madness

Alberto Gonzales Sings 'Justice For Sale'

New Additons To The Garlic

A bit of housekeeping here.

We've added two new features to The Garlic, for your reading, searching and viewing pleasure.

First, thanks to updates by Blogger, a Google Search Bar has been added to search through, what else, The Garlic!

Hone in on a specific target of Garlic satire, or check to see what we've done with a specific topic or news item.

It works just like Google (Or "The Google", if you, The Commander Guy, happens to be online here), so I trust you won't have any difficulties using it.

Second is the addition of Veracifer, aka TPM TV!

This is the exceptional crew of Josh Marshall and the gang at TPM - Talking Points Memo

Led by the fiercely independent and original journalism of Joshua Micah Marshall (Talking Points Memo), Veracifier isn’t content to just put a another spin on the day’s headlines. And we’re not mere blog-tificators either, pouring out opinions by the pound. We’re the CSI of news, painstakingly piecing together strand upon strand until we get to the bottom of a story—which sometimes turns out to be way up there at the top.

If you're not hip to TPM, get hip to TPM!

You'll find both in the rightside sidebar

As always, mucho Thanks! For visiting and reading The Garlic