Friday, May 05, 2006

Top Ten Cloves: Cinco de Mayo At The White House!

News Item: Feliz Cinco de Mayo!

10. For the heck of it, President has Joint Chiefs of Staff draw up plans to invade Mexico

9. President lets Look-Alike Steve Bridges issue a few Signing Statements, making every day “Cinco de Mayo Day”

8. Karl Rove does all of his smearing today in Spanish only

7. Distance the President from Congressman Tancredo’s bill, to ban May 5th and make it a felony to have on any calendars

6. Screw with the pensions of five retired generals who have criticized the President and Secretary Rumsfeld

5. Vamos Conseguir Loco! - Sabado Gigante Host Don Francisco gets to run White House Briefing Room for the day

4. Harriet Meirs has to bail out two White House interns, after they got caught cashing in some of Bill Frist’s $100 Rebate Checks to buy more beer

3. To make a point, President Bush, with the Capital Steps, will sing Mexico’s National Anthem in English

2. After one beer, Vice President Cheney dons his chemical-biological suit, roams the White House, scaring the bejeezes out of tourists

1. Afternoon cocktails and a Steven Colbert piñata

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Top Ten Cloves: Problems That May Crop Up With Post Office Issuing A “Forever Stamp”

News Item: Post Office Hopes Idea Of 'Forever Stamp' Sticks

10. Too late for Dan Rostenkowski - If they issued this Forever Stamp 10-years ago, he might still be in office

9. Budding disgruntled postal workers have new reason to go crazy

8. Yeah, but they’ll take forever to deliver it (Actually, no different now, using regular stamps)

7. Global Warming may wipe us out, but Forever Stamps will survive

6. So popular, you’ll wait in line forever to purchase them (Actually, no different than buying regular stamps now)

5. Post Office needs to wait until “Forever Glue” is invented before they can issue stamp

4. At next rate increase, you’ll be looking forever where you stashed them

3. Six retired Postmaster Generals have come out against the idea

2. May have problem with President Bush, who issues Signing Statement that he doesn’t have to use stamps

1. Potential disaster to the Time-Space Continuum – Using the Forever Stamp to mail a package of Twinkies

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Top Ten Cloves: Other Unannounced Measures White House Has For Pandemic Flu Draft Response Plan

News Item: Draft Report Outlines Plans for Pandemic

10. Since it worked in Iraq, after getting vaccinated, people will have to dip finger in purple ink

9. Just so media knows in advance, all exclusive scoops about pandemic flu go to Fox News first

8. So Sean Hannity doesn’t get riled up, all school buses will be used in case evacuations are necessary

7. Vice President Dick Cheney does have a chemical-biological suit, but he has no plans to share it with anyone

6. Anyone that gets the pandemic flu will receive $100 Rebate from U.S. Government

5. After Illegal Immigration and Border Security solved, will build special “Pandemic Flu Wall” around country

4. White House incorporating into plan Tom Cruise’s suggestion for silent Pandemic Flu Treatment

3. President Bush strongly believes that Iran is involved in Pandemic Flu, so he may have to make a preemptive strike on them

2. Coincidently, CIA has intelligence Iran has aluminum tubes that are used for creating Pandemic Flu

1. Right after Pandemic Flu Draft Response Plan released, President Bush issuing Signing Statement, exempting him from following it

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Top Ten Cloves: Problems The Illegal Immigrant Boycott Caused The White House Yesterday

News Item: Boycott Gives Voice To Illegal Workers

10. White House Tours cancelled – No one to set up the velvet ropes

9. Homeland Security jammed up, investigating hundred’s of “brown paper bags” that turned out to be lunches brought from home

8. Presidential Look-Alike Steve Bridges couldn’t get cab, so he worked the Oval Office with President Bush

7. Field Generals in Iraq badgered White House all day – Since they’re in country illegally, should they boycott and protest as well?

6. Congressman Tom Tancredo picketed the White House, with sign that read “See, I Told You”

5. Press Secretary Scott McClellan had to change his line to “Can’t comment on an ongoing boycott”

4. Six retired illegal immigrants called for Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeldto resign

3. Bolten’s shake-up plans delayed – Can’t fire Treasury Secretary Snow until he finishes crunching numbers from boycott

2. Before morning briefing, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales pissed off the President by quietly singing National Anthem in Spanish

1. Had to cancel Mission Accomplished Anniversary plans – No one to hang the banner

Monday, May 01, 2006

Top Ten Cloves: How Josh Bolten Plans On Getting White House’s MoJo Back

News Item: Bolten: White House Must Regain Its 'Mojo'

10. Send Vice President Dick Cheney out hunting again, this time, for some rabbits’ feet

9. Get friend Bo Derek to hang around the White House

8. Like hockey players and their goalie, have staff tap their briefcases against President’s Desk in Oval Office to start each day

7. Have Secret Service change handle for President Bush to "Mr. Mojo Risin"

6. White House has been ‘White” far too long ... Paint it “Neutral Gray”, it’s the “new black”

5. Start posting White House Press Conferences on YouTube

4. President should wear his flight suit to work more often

3. Rally Ties – Mandate all staff to wear their ties backwards until something good happens

2. New Bills by the President will be delivered to Congress via a New Orleans-style Second Line Parade

1. Start spinning that indictments are a good thing and you’re gearing up to go for beating the Nixon Administration’s record

Sunday, April 30, 2006

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 30 April 2006

















Angelina Jolie, and husband Brad Pitt criticized fellow actor George Clooney, saying in an interview, "we came to Africa first and now he's trying to steal our thunder ... There's six other continents, he should go to one of them ..."

















Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld quietly changed military rules this week, mandating that any officer who wishes to criticize the Secretary, and/or call for his firing or resignation, must wear face paint. Said Rumsfeld "When I'm waking around the halls of the Pentagon, I don't want to be guessing who's for me or who's against me"













President Bush had to play referee this past week, keeping Senators Frist and Reed from going at each other during a meeting in the White House.

Reed later apologized to the President, and Frist, after learning it was Karl Rove, sitting behind him, that whispered "you're nothing but a little Nevada pimp"










Iran released their first promotional poster for their new Nuclear Development Program. Journalists who have seen the campaign say it borrows heavily from "Our Friend, The Atom " promoted by Walt Disney back in the 1950's









Fox News Network Host Sean Hannity indicated that the White House first approached him about filling the Press Secretary position, taken by colleague Tony Snow, but Hannity declined the offer so he could continue working on "important issues, like finding out why Mayor Nagin never used the buses during the hurricane











House Speaker Dennis Hastert (R-IL) denied he was getting into his large SUV, after a press conference promoting alternative energy and Hybrid cars, saying he was going to spray paint the vehicle with "gas-guzzler" until he noticed the press following him.

Hastert added that he got in to the SUV and drove to an undisclosed location, where he could commit the vandalism in private

Last Weeks Garlic Poll Results

Well, we had another week of spirited voting, for the Garlic Poll ...

For last week’s question, Before Scott McClellan Leaves His Job As Press Secretary, He Should ... the results

1. Announce that he wants to continue lying, so he’s joining Fox News 37%

2. Tell the media if Karl Rove lied to him about the Valerie Plame Leak 27%

3. Do his devastating impersonation of President Bush, reading My Pet Goat – Phonetically 20%

4. Have a Texas Steel Cage Death Match with David Gregory of NBC 17%


This week’s Poll - The Real Reason President Bush Wants National Anthem Sung In English Is ....

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Editors Note

Good Afternoon Garlic Readers

We wanted to pass along, that due to some minor technical glitches, and a whole lot of major allergies, we’re a bit off with our postings this week.

Stay tuned, as we’ll be back on track in the next day, or two.

Many thanks for visiting with us and enjoy your reading!

Peace

JTD

Top Ten Cloves: Things That Came Out In Karl Rove’s 5th Grand Jury Appearance Yesterday

News Item: Rove Testifies 5th Time On Leak

10. Found a new email – best places around D.C where to find cheap gasoline

9. Remembered that Viveca Novak and Bob Novak is not the same person and wanted to get that on-the-record

8. As part of his new duties, needed to poll the Grand Jury on how many of them want Donald Rumsfeld to resign

7. Just wants to get on good side of Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald, so he doesn’t grill him during the Scooter Libby Trial

6. Wanted to make absolutely clear he had nothing to do with the firing of CIA Agent Mary McCarthy; That’s strictly a CIA-Smear deal

5. Admitted he agreed with Keith Hernandez, that woman don’t belong in the dugout

4. Needed to testify, so that new Press Secretary Tony Snow could practice saying “Can’t comment on on-going investigations

3. Pissed off about being demoted and wanted to lay down some dirt on Josh Bolton

2. Tried to make deal with Fitzgerald – For not indicting him, will tell him the date President Bush plans on invading Iran

1. White House has instituted a “Frequent Testimony Program”














Karl Rove testified to the Grand Jury yesterday that he agrees with Keith Hernandez that "woman don't belong in the dugout"

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Top Ten Cloves: Ways Tony Snow Will Improve White House Press Briefings

News Item: Fox News's Snow to Become New White House Press Secretary

10. On his first day, free gas fill-ups for the entire press corps

9. Press Briefings will now include updates on Natalee Holloway and Duke Rape Case

8. Promise not to call on Fox News reporters first (at, least on most days)

7. To return the favor, will use Rush Limbaugh as a fill-in on days he can’t do the briefing

6. On slow new days, will deliver the press briefing in the persona of Norm Crosby

5. Along with sign language interpretation, will offer new “Tourette’s Syndrome” version of press briefings

4. When Donald Rumsfeld gets fired, or resigns, he’ll be the first to crack wise about it

3. Will provide transcripts of President’s conversations with High Father

2. Borrowing from his colleague at Fox News, Bill O’Reilly, will frame each press conference with a “Talking Points Memo”

1. New, loud, ear-splitting, with floating graphics, intro video to press conferences, claiming White House Press Conferences are #1

Sunday, April 23, 2006

New Bush Theme Song - I'm The Decider

Last week was another milestone in the term of our Court-Appointed President, when he, with great authority and gusto declared that “I hear the voices, and I read the front page, and I know the speculation. But I'm the decider, and I decide what is best

Such a boast wouldn’t be complete without a theme song to it and, The Garlic is more than happy to supply one.

Now, everybody sing along, to the tune of The Beatles “Paperback Writer

I’m The Decider

Dear Sir or Madam, will you take my word?

It took me 4.5 years to write, to get it nice and blurred

Based on a group from the PNAC

It’s my job, because I’m the decider


It’s the dirty war of a dirty man

And clinging to a war we don’t really understand

But it’s a steady war, because I’m the decider

I’m the decider


It’s a thousand points of light, give or take a few

I’ll be writing more, over the next year or two

I can make them harsher, because, well, that’s my style

But I won’t change it round, because I’m the decider

I’m the decider


If I really want, I can take all your rights

I can make you an enemy combatant overnight

And if the generals complain, we’ll defend our war

And I won’t break, because I’m the decider

I’m the decider

I’m the decider

I’m the decider

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 23 April 2006









The White House refuted reports that China Protester Wenyi Wang was actually auditioning for the Press Secretary job, soon to be vacated by Scott McClellan















At the same time, the White House denied charges that President Bush grabbed China President Hu's coat, believing that he was stealing White House silverware















Kathleen Harris is said to have filed a law suit against President Bush, claiming trademark infringement. Ms. Harris claims that, when she decided, against advice, to say in the race for Florida Senator, she coined the phrase "I'm a decider"

















Along with keeping the use of nuclear weapons on the table, for possible war with Iran, a new report leaked from the Pentagon details an elaborate program to introduce the Bird Flu into the country














General Peter Pace is said to be having "second thoughts" on his continued endorsement of Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld and plans on "watching him very, very closely" in the days ahead

Garlic Poll Results

With another week of furious voting, the results are in for The Garlic's Weekly Poll of last week, April 16 - April 22, 2006

And the winner is for “In order to resign, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld will demand ...”

1. Since they haven’t formed a government yet, the King of Iraq 37%

2. He gets to drop first bomb on Iran before he leaves 29%

3. To be the new clean-up hitter for the New York Yankees 21%

4. Replace Simon Cowell on American Idol 14%

This week’s Poll - Before Scott McClellan Leaves His Job As Press Secretary, He Should ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote

Friday, April 21, 2006

Bolten Making The Keystone Cops “Look Organized”

White House Flooded With High Tension, As President Undecided Today

Early Morning Signs Leaned Towards Being “Uniter”; Bolten Having Second Thoughts About New Position

Sources tell The Garlic that the White House is, for all intents and purposes, shut down today, with no activity whatsoever, as President Bush has been decidedly undecided today.

It was just a week ago that President Bush boldly and confidently declared himself “the decider”.

In being forced to defend Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, the President stated;

I say, I listen to all voices, but mine is the final decision. And Don Rumsfeld is doing a fine job. He's not only transforming the military, he's fighting a war on terror. He's helping us fight a war on terror. I have strong confidence in Donald Rumsfeld. I hear the voices, and I read the front page, and I know the speculation. But I'm the decider, and I decide what is best. And what's best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the secretary of defense.

President’s Indecision Today “Will make what happened during Katrina look like a cat nap”

While, early this morning, there appeared to be signs from President Bush, that he was going to be in his “Uniter” persona, the moods shifted suddenly, after Mr. Bush announced that he was “undecided” about what he wanted to do.

West Wing staffers are said to be “edgy” and “walking on eggshells”. The White House switchboard has been turned off, with calls routed to the State Department. There are serious concerns of a ripple effect, into other areas of the government, possibly closing down offices, national parks and monuments

Unconfirmed reports have been coming in that other government employees have been emboldened by the President, and are declaring their own personal character strengths, announcing they are “deciders” too, or they know “what’s best” in their particular job position and are changing rules and policies.

“This is as bad as I have seen it,” said one White House staffer, who asked that their name not be used. “If the President doesn’t snap out of it, this will make what happened during Katrina look like a cat nap.”

It is being reported that, even with his iPod, the President has set it to “shuffle”, refusing to even decide on a song to hear.

Rumsfeld “Jonesing” For A Statement of Support

With the President being undecided today, there are rampant rumors that Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld has been frantically soliciting other Cabinet members, even a handful of foreign leaders, to issue statements defending him against the growing criticism and calls for his resignation.

“It like he needs a fix,” offered on Pentagon staffer, who asked their name not be used. “He’s Jonesing for it ...Pacing around, distracted ... Wolfing down candy bars ... He needs someone to say something today.”

With the activities surrounding the official visit yesterday, of China President Hu Jintao, President Bush had to drop from his schedule the daily backing of the embattled Secretary.

Rumsfeld reportedly met with Chief of Staff Joshua Bolten, asking him if there would any staff changes today, and, if so, if he could plug in “a word, or two” about Rumsfeld. Unconfirmed reports indicate that Rumsfeld badgered Bolten, to hire someone specifically to issue statements of support, perhaps, as a means to make-up for his glitch earlier this week.

Bolten Making The Keystone Cops “Look Organized”

Bolten, in what many in Washington consider a disastrous first week on the job, fumbled a Rumsfeld press conference, attempting to substitute FEMA trailers for vintage Army wagons to rally around the Secretary. That was followed with pushing Press Secretary Scott McClellan out the door out the door and beginning inching Deputy Chief of Staff Karl Rove closer to it.

Yesterday’s ceremonies for President Hu’s visit couldn’t have gone worse for the Chief of Staff.

“The gaffes they did yesterday,” offered Eddie Mars, editor of 'Please Shoot Me', the newsletter that tracks the Fox News Channel, “makes the Keystone Kops look organized.”

First, President Hu’s address was interrupted by an accredited White House Press Pass holder, Wenyi Wang, a member of Falun Gong, the spiritual sect banned in China.

Ms. Wang screamed at the two presidents, for nearly three-minutes, with calls for "President Bush, make him stop persecuting Falun Gong," and “to stop the killing” before she was hustled away by the Secret Service.

Shortly after this incident, at the playing of the two national anthems, the White House announcer introduced China as “The Republic of China”, the formal name of China’s dedicated rival, the island nation of Taiwan. Mainland China’s official name is “The People’s Republic of China,” and it is an extremely sore point between the U.S. and China, on the American support for Taiwan, as China considers Taiwan as part of their sovereign territory.

They couldn’t have offend President Hu, and China more,” added Mars, “if they practiced for it. This falls on Bolten”

Bolten With Second Thoughts? Bush Acting Nixonian?

Privately, longtime White House aides are concerned, that on one hand, Bolten may be having second thoughts about having stepped in as Chief of Staff. At the same time, they worry, that with Bolten in charge of the White House, how much worse will it get.

There’s also apprehension over the President indicating that he listens “to all voices.”

Between abandoning his domestic agenda, the horrific results in the War in Iraq and subsequently, the steep drop in polls, the looming legal battles over his illegal spying and eavesdropping on American citizens, the indictments and scandals surrounding his administration, as well as the Republican Party, more than a few staffers are thinking the President wasn’t referring to paying attention to the media.

“We could be looking at,” one senior West Wing staffer offered somberly, “Nixon, walking around the halls, talking to the portraits here.”

















With President Bush "decidedly undecided" today, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld is said to be "jonesing" for a statement of support

Top Ten Cloves: Ways Queen Elizabeth Plans On Celebrating Her 80th Birthday

News Item: Queen Elizabeth celebrates the big 8-0

10. Set up a profile on MySpace.Com and see what all the fuss is about

9. Hang out the “Do Not Disturb” sign on Windsor Castle – The Manchester United team team is coming to visit!

8. Remind the Duchess of Cornwall, Camilla Parker-Bowles, that the Queen Mother lived to be 101

7. Make some prank calls to Silvio Berlusconi and taunt him for losing

6. Take note of Bush gaffe – It’s “The People’s Republic of China”, in case President Hu stops by

5. Two Words – Pub Crawl

4. See if Kate Moss scored anything good that they can party with

3. Dig in to the new Ben & Jerry’s Black and Tan Ice Cream

2. Make some prank calls to Donald Rumsfeld and tell him to resign

1. Ignore Prince Charles’ suggestion to place gift radio in edge of bathtub, so she can listen to BBC while bathing

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Bolten Wielding Hammer In Shaping New White House

More White House Bombshells - New Chief of Staff Takes Rove’s Place In WHIG, WHIIG

Longtime Bush Aide Said “Devastated”; After Shouting Match, Left Way To Get Back In By Performing Special Task

New Chief of Staff Joshua B. Bolten continued his molding of the White House today by dropping, not a shoe, but a steel-toed, heavy workboot, , announcing – internally – that he is replacing Karl Rove on the influential White House Iraq Group (WHIG) and the newly formed White House Iraq and Iran Group (WHIIG)

Just yesterday, Rove had his title and position of Senior Advisor and Chief Policy Aide to the President stripped away, in what many in the Beltway view as a demotion. Rove, at present, remains as Deputy Chief of Staff, but will be repositioned to focus on a new smear campaign for the 2006 Congressional Midterm Election.

Sources are telling The Garlic that early this morning, as the bulk of the West Wing staffers were arriving to work, Rove and Bolten were engaged in a heated shouting match inside Bolten’s office.

“Man, they were really going at it,” offered on official. “They had to be toe-to-toe, by the sound of it.”

Reportedly, Rove, in the course of the shouting, threatened Bolten with “I’m taking this to the president!”, only to have the new Chief of Staff slam back “I’ve already talked about this with him, brainy boy!”

With that, the shouting stopped and Rove emerged a few minutes later looking, according to one staffer, “devastated.”

Bolten Wielding Hammer In Shaping New White House

The tension between Rove and Bolten has been simmering since Tuesday, Bolten’s first day on the job.

With the White House in disarray, over the heavy criticism of, and the calls for his resignation, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld. The President was forced into making strong statements in defending Rumsfeld, and then, a planned press conference, with vintage Army wagons surrounding the Secretary fell through, when a snafu cropped up in procuring them.

Bolten, reportedly ordered FEMA trailers to be brought in, and be painted Army green, but was overruled by Rove.

Since then, Bolton has been wielding a hammer in shaping a new White House staff, pushing out Press Secretary Scott McClellan, and naming two aides with allegiances to himself - Joel Kaplan as new White House deputy chief of staff for policy, and Rob Portman to succeed Bolten as director of the Office of Management and Budget (OMB).

Bolten Used Early Meeting To Boot Rove Out Of WHIG

And that, according the West Wing staffers that spoke to The Garlic, is what the shouting match was all about.

Bolten was using the early morning meeting, according to one source, to inform Rove that he was being removed from both WHIG and WHIIG.

It is with a hint of irony that Bolten now joins the groups, as it was his predecessor, Andy Card, who launched WHIG, as a means to market the United States invading and occupying Iraq.

Those that regular attend WHIG meetings include Chief of Staff Andy Card (who started the group), Special Council to the President Karl Rove, I. Lewis "Scooter: Libby, Vice President Cheney's former Chief of Staff, special media advisor to the Vice President Mary Matalin, former cabinet member, now World Bank leader Paul Wolfiwitz, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and Under Secretary of State Karen Hughes, and policy advisors James R. Wilkinson and legislative liaison Nicholas E. Calio

There was no indication that Rove would have to step down from Vice President Dick Cheney’s Secret Cabal, if , in fact, Rove is a member of that group.

Bolten Says Rove Back In – If He Ties Iran To 9-11

All is not lost for the man dubbed “Bush’s Brain”.

According to Harold "Ace" Larson, an analyst for the counterintelligence think tank, 'Book'em and Beat'em', Bolton offered Rove the opportunity to “earn his way” back into WHIG and, more importantly, WHIIG.

“The buzz going through the grapevine,” said Larson, “is that Rove has to come up with a plausible connection of Iran being behind, or involved in the September 11th attacks. And there’s an unspecified bonus if he comes up with documented evidence of it.”

Larson says that Rove is “jumping” at the task, gleefully and “full of purpose.”

“He’s already putting out feelers to his contacts at State, the CIA, DIA ... He’s made it known he wants anything and everything.”

Larson says that with Bolton, there’ll be no “mushroom clouds” or “aluminum tubes”, and that he wants “fingerprints.”

“Andy was a marketing guy, and everybody saw the job they did with creating the illusion of a threat with Iraq. Joshua is much more pragmatic, he’s not going to bite on the glitz.”

While not much is known about WHIIG, Larson offered that they will likely “have something in the cooker by September, October.”

“They’ll want to have something to put out in time to affect the Fall Midterms.”

Rove, Potentially, Turns Into ‘Bush’s Drain”

Larson also added that “Bolton’s a smart cookie.”

“This will keep Rove occupied for awhile, and, in the process, out of his hair. And there’s also the indictment thing. What Josh is doing is building up some distance between Rove and the West Wing, in case the you-know-what hits the fan.”

Bolton, according to Larson, saw how close Scooter Libby was to the Oval Office and he is going to do what he as to do, to not let that repeat itself with Rove.

Rove, it has been widely reported, remains under investigation by Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald, with new rumors circulating that evidence is being presented to a grand jury for criminal charges against Rove.

If Rove gets indicted,” said Larson, “he quickly becomes “Bush’s Drain”.

Longtime Aide Karl Rove quickly goes from "Bush's Brain" to "Bush's Drain" if indicted

Top Ten Cloves: Things Bush Administration Will Do About Valerie Plame Attending White House Correspondents Dinner

News Item: Valerie Plame To Attend White House Correspondents Dinner

10. Leak her table location

9. Plan a Homeland Security Terror Alert that requires changing the color chart for the night of the dinner

8. Scratch the fake Vanity Fair cover with the President and First Lady in the sports car from President’s monologue

7. See if they can get MC Steve Colbert to pepper her with some “truthiness”

6. Plant a WMD in her coat pocket so she can’t get through the security detectors

5. Make sure they aren’t serving Yellow Cake for desert

4. Claim her tickets to the dinner are forged

3. Smear her husband, claiming he said the VP Cheney authorized her attending dinner

2. Get Tom Cruise an invitation and have him make it a “silent dinner”

1. Remind the White House Correspondents Association that the President is “The Decider” and he’ll decide if she gets in or not

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Breaking News! McClellan Points Finger At Bolten, Says Rough Period Ahead For White House

McClellan Surprised Resignation Accepted; Miffed No “Vigorous Defense” From President

Guesses “You Have To Screw Up A War” To Be Protected: Rove Moved, Will Concentrate Fulltime On Smearing

More discord in the White House this morning as Press Secretary Scott McClellan announced his resignation, and Deputy Chief of Staff Karl Rove had his duties adjusted, taking away policy oversight so he could devote his full energies in developing smear campaigns for the Fall’s mid-term Congressional elections.

While President Bush complimented McClellan, saying that he "handled his assignment with class, integrity," McClellan was both surprised and disappointed that his resignation was accepted.

McClellan Points Finger At Bolten, Says Rough Period Ahead For White House

Speaking candidly to a group of reporters following the announcement, McClellan stated that he, “as a gesture to the new Chief of Staff” submitted his resignation. It had been reported earlier this week that Joshua Bolten suggested to the Administration that, if they were thinking of leaving soon, now was the time to exit.

“It surprised me that Mr. Bolten took my resignation letter right away, directly into the President,” said a chagrinned McClellan.

In a matter of minutes, Bolton emerged from the Oval Office and coldly announced “Okay, you’re gone.”

“For all I know, the President may not have been in the office,” McClellan added. “It seemed pretty quick.”

McClellan hinted at, what could be, a very rough period for the White House, with Bolten serving as Chief of Staff.

“Look how, on his first day, or two, how he messed up rallying the wagons for Rumsfeld,” offered McClellan, referring to the snafu in which Bolten, reportedly, ordered unused FEMA trailers from the Hurricane Katrina relief effort, and ordered them to be painted Army green.

McClellan pointed to the smooth, efficient, professional operations of former Chief of Staff Andy Card and disparaged that “those days are long gone.”

McClellan: “No generals have complained about me at all ...”

McClellan admitted to being more that “a little disappointed” in the, seemingly, lack of support from President Bush. He cited how Defense Secretary Rumsfeld submitted his resignation to the President on two occasions, with the President not accepting it.

“I didn’t really expect the President to accept mine,” offered McClellan. “I mean, no generals have complained about me at all ... Sure, I’ve had a few headbutts with the Press Corps, but that goes with the territory of a very tough job ...”

“I guess,” added the now former Press Secretary, “that you have to screw up a war in order to be vigorously defended.”

Rove Being “Let Loose” For Fall Midterm Smear Campaign

Also announced this morning was that longtime Bush friend, confidant and adviser Karl Rove, currently the Deputy Chief of Staff, as well as carrying the titles of Senior Advisor and Chief Policy Aide to the President, will have his workload reduced (or increased, depending on your perspective) with the vague assignment of “focus more on politics” with the approaching midterm Fall elections.

“This isn’t, necessarily, good news for the Democrats,” offered David Aaronson, editor of 'What Color Is My Coat Today?’ the Capital Hill Newsletter that tracks politicians who turn on their own party.

“This looks like a signal that, despite a potential indictment hanging over him in the Scooter Libby case, they’re going to let the “old Karl Rove” loose ... And that means down-and-dirty politics and a few healthy smear campaigns in some key states.”

The White House offered no additional comments on the Rove move, and Rove himself could not be reached for comment.

Rove, Santorum Taking A “Hit” Out On Sopranos?

There was running speculation that Rove was in Pennsylvania today, meeting with Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA), to consult on a possible smear campaign against actor James Gandolfini.

In the most recent episode of HBO’s “The Sopranos”, Gandolfini’s character, Tony Soprano, in speaking with his psychiatrist about homosexuality, offered his agreement with the Pennsylvanian Senator, saying that “Sen. Sanatorium, who says if we let this stuff go too far, pretty soon we'll be fucking dogs."

Santorum has offered comparable sentiments about homosexuality in past speeches.

Facing a very tough campaign, against Democratic challenger Bob Casey, Santorum is looking at recent polls, showing the incumbent Republican trailing by 11-points, or more.

Santorum’s staff refused to comment, both on the “Sopranos” reference, or confirming meeting with Rove.

It was listed on the Senator’s schedule, a campaign speech on the “Immorality In Hollywood”, highlighting the “very famous actors conducting in gross practices, such as bestiality”

I guess,” complained the now former Press Secretary Scott McClellan, “that you have to screw up a war in order to be vigorously defended

Top Ten Cloves: Reasons John McCain Is Cozying Up To President Bush and Jerry Falwell

News Item: Political risk of John McCain's rightward pitch

10. Being called a “maverick” is too dicey now, with that nut job Tom Cruise shooting his mouth off about everything

9. Due to a clause that kicked in, from his Keating Five Scandal involvement

8. Was shown old CIA file Bush’s Dad had on him

7. Bush promised to teach him the secret Skull & Bones handshake

6. Part of strategy: When Cheney resigns, or gets indicted, Bush will pick him to serve out Vice Presidency

5. Four-year, full scholarships at Liberty University for the grandkids

4. Bush finally used the trigger word McCain was programmed with while POW

3. Needs help with the payments for the Straight Talk Express Bus

2. Hoping to get the Kennebunkport place for the month of August

1. Chose Falwell over Pat Robertson because, if he does win Presidency, Falwell won’t ask him to assassinate anyone