Breaking News! President’s Staunch Iraqi Progress Claims Based On Pentagon PR Firm Reports

Second Woodward Bombshell: Holds Back Postscript, Claims Cheney, Rumsfeld Feeding President Lincoln Group Writings

Pentagon PR Firm Reports Masked, As If From Spy Agencies For PDB’s, Other Meetings With President

The nation’s capital was hit with a second, Bob Woodward rocking late this afternoon.

Already reeling from the the news of Woodward’s new book, ‘State of Denial’, which depicts a confused and dysfunctional White House, hiding the true, grim news of the state of the war in Iraq, Woodward disclosed that he is holding back a postscript - possibly the makings of a new book - in which the President’s staunch defense that progress is being made in Iraq stems from being fed, by Vice President Dick Cheney, and Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, reports from the Pentagon PR firm hired to plant propaganda in Iraqi and Middle East media.

The reports from the Lincoln Group, summaries, and sometimes full articles written to promote the United States and the U.S. Military to Iraqis, are being reformatted to resemble reports from intelligence agencies. Cheney and Rumsfeld then present the faux reports to President Bush, at times including them in the President Daily Briefings, as well as in private and full cabinet meetings.

Ironically, just today, President Bush charged that critics of his war policy, who say the war is making America less safe, are embracing the “enemies propaganda” and that “the terrorists attack us because we're provoking them."

Woodward claims in his postscript that the Joint Chiefs of Staff may have also been fed the reworked Lincoln Group reports.

A spokesperson said that, if that is the case, it’s likely the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff would “immediately fire off a letter” looking for an explanation as well as demanding an end to the practice.

White House Friends Says “Maybe Woodward Was Fed The Lincoln Info”

The Lincoln Group, a private public relations firm, formerly known as Iranex, was hired by Rumsfield and the Pentagon in 2005, to launch a new, some say “Military PSYOPS” media program, of planting news stories that promote the United States and the U.S. Military in Iraqi media. At times, Iraqi journalists were paid by the Lincoln Group, as well as newspapers receiving payments to run Lincoln Group penned stories and editorials.

According to its’ President, Paige Craig, a West Point dropout and former Marine intelligence specialist, the company has some 12 contracts with the U.S. Government, worth more than $130-Million.

“This is a bombshell, if it’s true,” offered Hugh P. Varicator, a consultant with the conservative hawkish think tank, “Cry Wolf”, that is said to be closely affiliated with The Project for the New American Century (PNAC), and, some say, may be an adjunct to the White House Iraq Group, or WHIG.

“I mean, who’s to say Woodward wasn’t feed the Lincoln Group material,” said Varicator. “It was just last year that Woodward was said to be jumping over to the New York Times ... That he didn’t want to write breaking news anymore and now, here he is, writing a bombshell of breaking news ... Look, it would be farfetched that they gave Woodward the runaround, bad intel. You think the Pentagon is running only one media-planting program? Hell, they have so many programs that Woodward wouldn’t know what was what ... Whether to piss or wind his watch ...”

Just prior to the news of ‘State of Denial” hitting, with Woodward due to appear Sunday evening on ’60-Minutes, as well as the Washington Post running excerpts from the book Sunday and Monday, the White House was battling to get back on message after the leaking of the National Intelligence Estimate report that depicts "cause celebre" for jihadists, and the that the situation in Iraq is making things less safe, not, as the President offers, more safe.

The bleak N.I.E. report offers that global terrorism is being fueled by the war in Iraq, attracted to it by the U.S. presence and occupation of Iraq, not, as often stated by the President that “we have to fight them over there, so we don’t have to fight them here.”

A secondary brouhaha broke out, as news leaked that Vice President Dick Cheney objected to the President declassifying and releasing the N.I.E. report, without smearing or outing a CIA Agent or their spouse.

Plenty Of Stumbles Between The White House and Lincoln Group

And this would not be the first instance where President Bush was tripped up by the Lincoln Group. In fact, there’s been a series of snafu’s involving the specialty PR firm.

- In November 2005, it came out that President Bush’s first "National Strategy for Victory in Iraq" speech was written by the Lincoln Group and was intended for the Iraqi Media. A folder mix-up placed it with the President and in Iraq, residents picked up the morning newspapers and read on "the Democrats were undermining the war effort".

- Due to the President giving the wrong speech, it was disclosed that the CIA was running a “Blue Hole Newspaper” operation, forcing detainees to write pro-American stories and Defense Secretary Rumsfeld was forced to disclose the contract and hiring of the Lincoln Group, and placing blame for the snafu’s with them.

- In March of this year, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice was forced to backtrack on her statement of “caught off guard” by the Hamas victory in the Palestinian elections. Again, the Lincoln Group was involved, and took the blame, as Rice indicated she mixed up her papers.

Already With Millions, Lincoln Group Wins New Contract

Ironically, just days before the Woodward bombshell, it was announced that the Lincoln Group won a two-year contract with the U.S. Military, worth over $6.2-Million, to monitor a number of English and Arabic news outlets and to produce public-relations products like talking points or speeches for American forces in Iraq

So far, no official comment from the White House, or the Vice President’s office.

When reached, Secretary Rumsfeld brusquely offered that “Do I talk to the President? ... Yes I do ... Do I share information and intelligence with the President? ... You betcha’ ... Will I continue to do so, to perform my duties? ... You can count on it ...”

When repeatedly asked by a throng of media if he, and Vice President Cheney, fed the President doctored assessments of the Iraq war, Rumsfeld squinted and dismissively asked the reporter “What planet are you from?”

With the news that Woodward is claiming, it’s likely the White House will firmly deny the charge and Washington insiders say it’s a toss-up as to where the material for the denial will come from - the White House Press Office, or from the Lincoln Group

“I think it will be safe to say,” lamented Varicator, “that the President will, simply, stay the course,”

A new Woodward charge claims President Bush was fed the upbeat Iraq War reports, by Vice President Cheney and Defense Secretary Rumsfeld, written the the Pentagon's PR firm, the Lincoln Group, who is contracted to plant pro-American stories in Iraqi media

Top Ten Cloves: Ways White House Will Spin The Over 400 Visits From Convicted Lobbyist Jack Abramoff

News Item: House Report Details 485 Contacts Between Abramoff Team and White House Officials

10. Jack who?

9. Abramoff? ... Abramoff? ... Oh yeah, I think he was that fellow that came in with Ralph Reed a few times

8. He was a real crack at filing Vice President Cheney’s newspaper column notes

7. Much like the President’s policy for Iraq, it was “Stay The Course” for Abramoff’s visits

6. Can’t comment, National Security. So we don’t give terrorists any strategic information, we recently classified the White House Sign-In Log Book

5. Thought we was working for Talon News, like that Jeff Gannon guy

4. He was the King of K Street and there is a longstanding tradition of welcoming royalty into the White House

3. Liked to have him around, as an advisor, in case any Indian Casino business popped up

2. Karl Rove wanted up-to-date reports on which Congressmen Abramoff was paying off, for Rove’s file on who to threaten with smears if they didn’t vote the way the White House wanted

1. Hey, you go into the visits from Jack Abramoff that you have, not the visits from Jack Abramoff that you wish you had

Much like the President's policy for Iraq, it was “Stay The Course” for Abramoff’s visits

Top Ten Cloves: Things About NY Post’s Page Six and Paula Froelich Making Fun of Keith Olbermann’s Death Threat

News Item: Aren't Death Threats Just Hilarious

10. Froelich endeavoring to get into more serious journalism and was testing using the word “acerbic”

9. Ruppert Murdoch, after his large donation to the Clinton Global Initiative, upset that Olbermann interviewed President Clinton, instead of himself, so he put the word out to Page Six and Froelich to bury him

8. Baiting Olbermann to name Froelich or Page Six as “Worst Person In The World” so they could slap a lawsuit on him

7. Wasn’t really about Olbermann - Getting paid by Lollipop Industry for plugs in the column

6. Since ABC didn’t broadcast ‘Path To Keith Olbermann’, someone had to throw some dirt on him

5. Fox News chief Roger Ailes says Olbermann’s response to Froelich’s piece represents "an assault on all journalists."

4. Froelich and NY Post believe making fun of media death threats is now covered by President Bush’s new Detainee Bill

3. Screed against Olbermann was Froelich’s 10th new tip that will make you rich and famous, and take you to the top (and hopefully crack an under-One-Million ranking on Amazon: Currently 1,926, 269)

2. Dissing Olbermann merely botched attempt to get Page Six back into the Extortion racket

1. Froelich trying to impress MSNBC Chief Dan Abrams, to get Rita Cosby’s job, was letting him know that she’s as “dumb as two suitcases full of rocks”

Read, or watch the video of Keith Olbermann’s response “Threatening letter no joke”

Froelich’s hoping that her making fun of Keith Olbermann’s recent death threat will help raise her book from it’s current #1,926,269 place ranking on Amazon.Com








Meanwhile, Mr. Olbermann’s book, ‘The Worst Person In The World: And 202 Strong Contenders’ is climbing the chart with a #63 Amazon.Com ranking. Click here to review and purchase

Developing Story! White House Fireworks As Cheney Explodes

Cheney Furious, Protests Releasing N.I.E Report Without Smearing Anyone

Fights President; Demands That New CIA Agent Or Spouse Be Exposed, For Either Leak Or Iraqi Assessment

Sources close to the White House has told The Garlic that a “terrific row” broke out in the Oval Office late yesterday afternoon, with Vice President Dick Cheney vehemently protesting and arguing with President Bush over the declassification and release of the National Intelligence Estimate report that depicts "cause celebre" for jihadists, and the that the situation in Iraq is making things less safe, not, as the President offers, more safe.

Cheney fought with the President, according to the sources, for a planned campaign, that would expose a C.I.A. agent, or their spouse, for either the leak or the assessment in the report, with a measured goal of political gain for the White House, and, more importantly Cheney argued, for GOP candidates down the stretch of the upcoming Midterm elections.

The bleak N.I.E. report offers that global terrorism is being fueled by the war in Iraq, attracted to it by the U.S. presence and occupation of Iraq, not, as often stated by the President that “we have to fight them over there, so we don’t have to fight them here.”

A portion of the report was leaked and published over the weekend, causing the uproar that had the White House scrambling to contain.

In a press conference at the White House yesterday, Bush, with Afghan President Hamid Karzai, addressed the furor over the leaked report and disclosed that he had directed John Negroponte, Director of National Intelligence, to declassify and release the key judgments of the report.

Cheney Explodes: “Find Me Someone To Hang This On”

Cheney, who was watching the press conference in his office exploded, according to sources, apparently unaware of the meeting between the President and Negroponte and the decision reached.

Cheney began, furiously, making notes in the columns of newspapers on his desk and barking out orders to his staff to “get cracking” and “find me someone we can hang this on”.

This surprised many, as the Vice President has been on light duty, following his brief hospitalization after his relentless spinning session on ‘Meet The Press’ earlier this month.

“Cheney can still pull it off,” said Hugh P. Varicator, a consultant with the conservative hawkish think tank, “Cry Wolf”, that is said to be closely affiliated with The Project for the New American Century (PNAC), and, some say, may be an adjunct to the White House Iraq Group, or WHIG.

“It will be a lot harder now, offered Varicator. “The horse is out of the barn, they didn’t control the story, like the one they ran on the Wilson’. That one was smooth, had everyone on-board from the get-go ... This one, it looks sloppy ... Cheney, Rove and all of them are going to have to do a lot of legwork now ... A lot of backroom whispers and cranking up the talking heads to get out there on radio and television to start selling the spin version of this.

The Vice President could not be reached for comment, and a staffer in the VP’s office said that the general belief there was that “the impact of the leak is in its’ final throes.”

Iraq To Be Back On ‘Axis of Evil’ List?

The White House refused comment and would neither confirm nor deny rumors circulating around the capital, that the White House is considering placing Iraq back on the ‘Axis of Evil’ list, to both, motivate the Iraqi government and to build public support for “staying the course”.

“That is a stark move, however, I believe it may be necessary,” said Holly Martins, Publisher of Axis of Evil Illustrated, a quarterly publication, that is rumored to be a house magazine for the Project for The New American Century

“We didn’t get our flowers and chocolates for the first liberation of Iraq,” offered Martins. ”If we can root out the terrorists and the democracy that most of the Iraqis want blossoms, then we have a bill due ... We will be greeted as liberators.”

“If not,” added Martins, “We’ll just have to do it all over again in Iran.”

More as this story develops

Vice President Dick Cheney is fighting for a quid pro quo from President Bush. In exchange for declassifying and releasing the N.I.E. report, Cheney wants a CIA Agent, or their spouse, exposed and smeared

Top Ten Cloves: In Words, What America Means Now To The International Community

News Item: On Rough Treatment, a Rough Accord

10. The first American President was known for ‘I cannot tell a lie” ... The 43^rd American President will be known for “I cannot tell the truth”

9. In God We Trust ... For everything else, we’ll beat the living shit out of you

8.

God Don’t Bless America
Land that I used to love
Don’t Stand beside her, put please guide her
Thru the term, with the torturer, that we’re sick of
From the mountain of lies, to the prairies of smears,
To the secret prisons, red with blood
God don’t bless America
Lest You’ll be dragged through the mud

7. Ask not what your country can do for you - But ask what your country will do to you - if you don’t tell us what we want to know

6.

Oh, say can you see - by the dawn’s early garrote
What we so frighteningly hailed anything the “aggressive interrogators” sought
Their broad straps and bright lights, thru the perilous beating,
O'er the waterboards we watched were so gallantly streaming?

5. Give us your poor, your tired, your huddled masses ... So we can work’em over...

4. Four scars, and seven waterboards ago ... Your current Fathers brought forth upon your country a new name - Torturers

3.

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the George Bush
He is trampling out the human rights and turning Muslims into mush
He hath loosed the fateful lightning of his terrible swift waterboards
His torture is marching on

2. Oh beautiful, for Secret CIA Prisons, and amber welts of pain ...Of purple bruises majesty, above the swelling brain

1. We the people of the Bush Administration, in order to form a more perfect secret prison system, establish injustice, injure domestic tranquility, provide for the offensive, promote the general warmongers, and secure the blessings of aggressive interrogations to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and destabilize this Constitution for the United States of America

"You were right, Dick, we're really pulling this thing off ..."

Minced Garlic: Brand New Keith Olbermann Special Comment - End Of The Free Pass

Once again, the Prince of Cable News, the Pundit-With-A-Punch, came out swinging tonight.

MSNBC’s hero host Keith Olbermann delivered his strongest, most damning Special Comments this evening, in defending former President Bill Clinton, against the growing attack and pile-on by the Fox News and all those others who aren’t “Nazi appeasers”, but more so, calling - perhaps more than anyone in the media to-date has - our President out on his lies and deceptions.

Now on paper, in print, the question host Chris Wallace posed to Mr. Clinton, in an interview taped last Friday and broadcast this past Sunday on Fox News, looks straightforward and one that any journalist would ask.

But what it doesn’t capture is the smug, accusatory tone Wallace asked “Why didn’t you do more to put Bin Laden and Al Qaeda out of business?", and followed with a longer set-up to drive home the point he was apparently trying to establish, being that September 11^th was Mr. Clinton’s fault.

The former President responded, defending himself and his administration, and doing so strongly and forcefully.

For that, Mr. Clinton was described as “crazed” and the he “freaked out”.

To which Mr. Olbermann offers;

Our tone should be crazed. The nation’s freedoms are under assault by an administration whose policies can do us as much damage as al Qaida; the nation’s marketplace of ideas is being poisoned by a propaganda company so blatant that Tokyo Rose would’ve quit.

Olbermann then lays out the case against Bush and his “gang that couldn’t lie straight” Administration, and the escorted, free pass the Congress and media of this country has given our great Decider.

Moreover, for the last five years one month and two weeks, the current administration, and in particular the President, has been given the greatest “pass” for incompetence and malfeasance in American history!

Olbermann then added that Bush was “our worst presidency since James Buchanan” before heralding former President Clinton with “He told the great truth untold about this administration’s negligence, perhaps criminal negligence, about bin Laden.

And, with the Midterm Elections roughly six-weeks away, Olbermann isn’t fooled (nor does he want any of us to be) by the “smearing by proxy” and, what must be absolutely coincidental, the reshaping and rewriting of our history with dealing with Osama bin Laden and Sept. 11^th, placing the blame at the feet of Clinton and his administration.

A week or so ago, we had the Disney/ABC, two-night extravaganza of "The Path to 9/11.", to which Olbermann offered “Disney was first to sell-out its corporate reputation, with "The Path to 9/11." Of that company’s crimes against truth one needs to say little. Simply put: someone there enabled an Authoritarian zealot to belch out Mr. Bush’s new and improved history.”

Now followed by the Wallace/Fox News slap, and, apparently today, or very recently (with Olbermann holding up a folder or book), an increase in RNC Talking Points pointing at Clinton.

But funny thing, as detailed in an earlier story of the same broadcast, the news of the National Intelligence Estimate report that cites it was and is the Bush-led invasion and occupation of Iraq that is fueling terrorism, not what was sold to this country (and the world) that we had to go into Iraq to get the terrorists.

With Bush and his Administration still tying in Saddam Hussein and Al Qaeda (and they do it so deftly, as earlier in the day, on Hardball with Chris Matthews, in an interview with Fran Townsend, DHS Consultant, Townsend, when pressed by Matthews, concurred, as President Bush admitted a few weeks ago that Iraq had nothing to do with Sept. 11^th, she followed that with the “everyone agrees that Saddam was a threat” thereby preserving the lie), Olbermann pulls the curtain back, exposing Bush and his Administration for what they are - liars and the purveyors of a style of government most un-American.

“We have,” Olbermann lamented to President Bush, near the end of his Special Comment, “nothing but your word, and your word has long since ceased to mean anything.”

Perhaps Mr. Olbermann, or better yet, our Congress, will stand up and get the answers, and hold those accountable for their actions.

It never was “bad intelligence" and it always has been, and, frighteningly, continues to be “bad ideology”.

Links

Read Mr. Olbermann’s Special Comment, “A textbook definition of cowardice” and watch the video of it

Crooks and Liars has a transcript of Clinton-Wallace Interview

ThinkProgress has a video of Clinton-Wallace Interview

Previous Special Comment Posts

Minced Garlic ... Keith Olbermann Special Comment - Feeling morally, intellectually confused?

Minced Garlic Redux! ... New Keith Olbermann Special Comment, - 'Have you no sense of decency, sir?'

Minced Garlic Trois - Special September 11th Special Comment By Keith Olbermann: “This Hole In The Ground”

Minced Garlic - New Keith Olbermann Special Comment - Bush Owes Us An Apology

Garlic Exclusive - Torture Compromise Follow-Up: Special Song Given To Cheer Bush Up

My Favorite War

Early last week, when it appeared that President Bush would likely lose his battle to have the ability to continue to torture suspected terrorists and enemy combatants, Bill, Rich and all the frisky neocon scamps over at the PNAC had a special song commissioned and sent over to the White House, to bolster the President spirits and urge him not to give the fight.

Sources close to the White House tell The Garlic that, after receiving the gift song, the President added to his iPod and listened to it endlessly, over and over. Aides say he was singing it before too long, as he went about his business in the Oval Office and West Wing. On a few occasions, the President had it blasted over the sound system in the White House, for all to hear and join him in boisterously singing ‘My Favorite War’

(Sing along with The President, to the tune of ‘My Favorite Things’)

My Favorite War

Bombs drop on Baghdad
Burn the whiskers off kittens
Bright copper missiles
Maybe ours, Maybe Britain’s
Bright bullets fired
That tear and that gore
These are the things of my favorite war . . .

Cream colored Humvees
Insurgents by the oodles
Terror cells meet Army shells
That turns them to noodles
CIA prisons with waterboards we adore
These are the things of my favorite war . . .

Girls in white burkas
With blood-stained sashes
Human ash flakes that stay on their nose and eyelashes
Molting white fire
That melts the iron door
These are the things of my favorite war . . .

When the Army fights
When the public opinion polls swing
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite war,
And then I don't feel so bad . . .

Bombs … Burning kittens
Copper Missiles … History rewritten
La dee da, la dee da,
La dee da, da,
These are the things of my favorite war . . .

When the Army fights
When the public opinion polls swing
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite war,
And little by little my heavy heart soars . . .

And then I don't feel so bad . . .

Other Tunes Heard In The White House

It’s A Fascist World After All

I'm The Decider

The Anti-Iran War Anthem?

Never Can Say Dubai

I Shot The Hunter (But I Didn’t Shoot No Deputy)

Dick, The Magic Vice Prez

















President Bush, listening 'My Favorite War', on his iPod, a gift song from the folks over at the PNAC to lift his spirits during the Torture Debate last week

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 24 September 2006

House Speaker Dennis Hastert (R-IL) said that he hasn't seen the latest N.I.E. report, that shows the U.S. invasion and occupation of Iraq is fueling terrorism, and that he stands firmly behind President Bush and his decisions, saying that he wouldn't change anything, including being considerably overweight

Fox News Anchor Bill O'Reilly, who disclosed this past week that he is on Al Qaeda's 'Death List', said he is planning to counter the move, and is announcing a "War On Groups That Put Bill O'Reilly On Their Death Lists", modeled after his successful 'War On Christmas' campaign last year

Shamed author James Frey (Seen here with Oprah Winfrey, on her show, and only hours before, as Frey claimed, he was kidnapped and beaten by Winfrey and her staff) announced today that he has struck a deal with Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez to hold up Frey's debunked memoir 'A Million Little Pieces' next time Chavez speaks at the United Nations





















Comedian and HBO host Bill Maher also announced a deal with Chavez. After being rejected by Katie Couric and the CBS Evening News' 'Free Speech' segment, Maher will soon appear on a Caracas, Venezuela evening newscast to deliver his 'Free Speech' tome' that he had planned to deliver on Couric’s broadcast





















Former Hewlett Packard CEO Carly Fiorina said she was surprised at the spying scandal that has erupted in her former company.

Fiorina said he was just "sloppy work" of the Pretexting scheme that was undertaken in an effort to root out a corporate board member who was leaking sensitive information to the media.

"They should have done what I did - just bug everyone's office ... That's how I stayed on top of things ... That’s how I knew they wanted to push me out and that is how I was able to leave with millions"

Mr. Powell? ... Ms. Coulter is here to see you ... The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll September 17 - September 23 2006

WOW!

It seems that Karl Rove really is losing power.

Did we ever have a blowout this past week, with The Garlic’s Weekly Poll ... Nearly half the voters believe that Ann Coulter, not Karl Rove, the blonde doyenne of the Right Wing, and favorite Fox News guest pundit, will take retribution on former Secretary of State, and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Colin Powell with one her patented (we didn’t say “plagiarized”) articles, targeting Powell with some level of bodily harm, or even death, for his stance in speaking out against President Bush, in that little faux debate last week over torture and passing the President’s Detainee Bill.

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll September 17 - September 23 2006

For coming out against President Bush and his Detainee Bill, that would reinterpret the Geneva Conventions, and siding with Senators Warner, McCain and Graham, former Secretary of State, and Army General Colin Powell can likely expect...

1. An article by Ann Coulter, backing the President and calling for the fragging or poisoning of Colin Powell Tally 47%

2. A smear campaign from Karl Rove Tally 24%

3. The Extraordinary Rendition of himself, along with Senators Warner, McCain and Graham to one of those CIA prisons that don’t exist any longer Tally 15%

4. Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld calling him an appeaser Tally 14%

This week’s Poll - With the new National Intelligence Estimate report, disclosed today by the New York Times and Washington Post, saying that it is the U.S. invasion and occupation of Iraq that is fueling the war and terrorism, not the other way around, we can expect President Bush and the White House to ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote

Ann Coulter, one of Keith Olbermann's Countdown programs' top 'Worst Person In The World' title winners, was a huge, runaway winner in this past week's Garlic Poll, with nearly half the voters believing she will be the one to take retribution on Colin Powell for speaking against the President

Garlictorial: Cut ... Print ... That’s A Wrap...

Cut ... Print ... That’s A Wrap...

With Compromise Scene In The Can, Midterms On The Horizon, It’s On To The Next Fabricated Crisis

About the only thing missing from yesterdays’ “Breaking News” bulletins, and the anxious, breathless stand-ups from reporters in the hallways of the Capital Building was the big Liberty Bell swinging into the screen, and the title “Liberty Film” dissolving into the frame.

A Capraesque moment it wasn’t.

Since late summer, when the White House began its’ determined effort to change the conversation (i.e. headlines) from the fiasco in Iraq to the larger, more uncertain and ambiguous ‘Global War On Terror’, we’ve had a very fast-paced shooting schedule, complete with flashback scenes (Nazis) and other un-Capraesque dialogue from the President, right through his cabinet members, including Vice President Cheney, Secretary of State Rice and Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld (whose acting was on par with yet another movie, ‘The Three Amigos’)

Now we move up in the script, be it straight from Central Casting, whether culled and improvised from Karl Rove’s Playbook, or Tony’s Snow Job, Bush took the lead in this little comedy-drama, titled in the script simply as “Torturer”.

And, as anticipated by the White House, entering on cue were the Dumas’ heroes - Athos, Aramis and Porthos, later aided by the aspiring D'Artagnan in the persons of McCain, Warner, Graham and Powell, swashbuckling through the Senate, on the ready to save the day.

We should note here that there is no doubt to the sincerity of our heroes and their actions, it’s just that they are on a completely different script.

In fact, this movie has played before, most recently, at the very end of 2005.

Close-Up: Calendar - December 30th, 2005

Cut to: Statement on Signing the Department of Defense, Emergency Supplemental Appropriations to Address Hurricanes in the Gulf of Mexico, and Pandemic Influenza Act, 2006.

It was on this day that President Bush issued one of his now, infamous, Signing Statements, to a bill authored by Senator John McCain (Amendment on (1) the Army Field Manual and (2) Cruel, Inhumane, Degrading Treatment, amendment #1977 and also known as the McCain Amendment 1977.) that banned torture.

The bill was passed by the Senate in October 2005, by a vote of 90-9.

However, a few weeks later (Cue the Vice President: Enter, Stage Right) the games began, as Vice President Cheney led a charge to propose changes in the bill that would exempt CIA employees from it.

And, on that day of December 30, 2005, in his Signing Statement, the President noted;

''The executive branch shall construe [the law] in a manner consistent with the constitutional authority of the President . . . as Commander in Chief," Bush wrote, adding that this approach ''will assist in achieving the shared objective of the Congress and the President . . . of protecting the American people from further terrorist attacks."

Basically, the President improvised his own lines in the script, thumbing his nose at McCain and the Senate, saying, essentially, looking into the camera, “I’ll do what I want, whenever I want”

Hopefully, someone in the media will ask this trio of heroes that, with the experience and evidence of the past five-years, on this President’s invasion and occupation of Iraq, or, more to the point, his mishandling of it - yes, the White House cites “bad intelligence” , while the rest of the world already has read reams of documents that show it to be “bad ideology ” - how they can believe and have faith that the President is going to listen to them, and that he is going to follow their laws? Especially, bringing up the Signing Statement on the McCain Torture Bill.

Now we fast-forward to September, after the string of Presidential speeches leading up to his ”non-political” nationally-aired politics-laced remembrance for the 5th Anniversary of 9-11, aided, conveniently by the ABC network, and their two-day, no-commercial interruptions broadcasting of the ‘The Path To 9-11’, that seemed to be running on the same White House script, leading us to the President’s fierce press conference a week ago, challenging the Congress to “give me my torture bill”.

His alleged new “bullhorn” moment.

In fact, we watch this president stumble awkwardly for another “bullhorn moment”, from ”Mission Accomplished””, to ”Purple-Fingered Iraqi Voters”, to “Final Throes”, to, “I’m the Decider”, to what now seems like, the “government-less new Iraqi Government”.

Only trouble is that for every “bullhorn moment” he reaches out for, he comes off more playing like Foghorn Leghorn (to, perhaps Cheney’s Yosemite Sam). Always boasting, and looking for the “gag” or “prank” rather then investing in more noble and substantive actions.

There are still a considerable number of scenes left to shoot in this movie. Now that the “Compromise” situation has been handled, it’s on to the next fabricated crisis.

And look at all the plot lines we have to choose from, be it new terrorism alerts, the immigration crisis, or the fabled “October Surprise” that is waiting in the wings.

Don’t hold your breath, waiting for some “great new day” coming out of this Compromise scene.

In fact, it’s very likely to be stock footage, of too many scenes we’ve viewed already, and that a majority of Americans are already giving this movie the “thumbs down”.

Other Garlictorials

Special Commentary: Welcome To Bushville …

Happy 4th of July - To Be A Fly On The Potato Salad Up In Kennebunkport Today

"Only trouble is that for every “bullhorn moment” he reaches out for, he comes off more playing like Foghorn Leghorn"

Breaking News! Pontiff In Major Spread, Popemobile Giveaway

Oprah Lands Pope Benedict XVI For Huge Tell-All Over Muslim Flap

Either Apology or Conversion To Islam Promised In Teasers; Pontiff Turned Down By CBS News Free Speech

Scoring over every other news, cable news, talk or magazine show, Harpo Productions announced this morning that their mega media star Oprah Winfrey has landed embattled Pope Benedict XVI for the “Oprah Show”, set to air, over two-days, during the November Sweeps.

The deal with Pope Benedict will be a cross-promotional one, with an interview and photo spread running in “O, The Oprah Magazine”, Oprah’s publication. Harpo would not confirm or deny speculation that a precedent will take place, with the Pope appearing on the cover of the magazine, which has, since its inception, featured Ms. Winfrey. Sources in Oprah’s Angel Network are reporting that the two will appear together.

No details of the agreement between Oprah and Pope Benedict were released.

Sources close to the “Oprah Show” say that the programs have already been taped, with the Pope being secretly flown into Chicago, and hosted at Oprah’s private residence for security purposes.

Teasers provided to The Garlic hint that either another, stronger apology to Muslims from the Pope will be the “money” segment, or Oprah may have the scoop of the century, with the Pope announcing his conversion to Islam.

Pope Benedict has come under fire, with fierce Muslim anger growing against him since last week, after giving a speech at Germany's University of Regensburg, which quoted a 14th Century Christian emperor who said the Prophet Muhammad had brought the world only "evil and inhuman" things.

With a certain amount of irony, after being installed as Pope, Benedict sought to build “bridges of friendships”, and viewed making terrorism the major focus of his dialogue, with Muslims.

The Pope has since apologized for the remark, saying he was "deeply sorry" and that the remark does not reflect his personal views. The Vatican, and Pope, has offered at least three statements and apologies in an attempt to quell the protests and furor that has erupted around the world.

Violence has broken out in the Middle East and yesterday, Chinese Muslims added to the growing chorus denouncing the Pope.

Some Muslims are asking, and demanding, that as a show of sincerity, and good faith, that the Pope convert immediately to Islam. The latest call to convert came from the elder son of Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi, Mohammed Gaddafi.

For Oprah, all this gives the promise of sky-high ratings

In addition to the two-day television interview, and the magazine spread, sources say that Oprah, and her friend Gayle King, have filmed new footage of their “Oprah and Gayle’s Big Adventure”, with Oprah behind the wheel of the Popemobile.

Another source is telling The Garlic that Oprah, much like her highly publicized promotion with Pontiac in 2004, has struck a deal with Mercedes-Benz and DaimlerChrysler, and will give audience members of the Pope’s taping their very own Popemobile.

All of this adds up to a huge loss for new CBS Evening News anchor Katie Couric.

Reportedly, in a situation similar to that of ‘HBO's Real Time with Bill Maher’ host Bill Maher, the Pontiff was turned down for a spot in the ‘Free Speech’ segment Couric and CBS news offers, over the issue that the Pope would be speaking about religion.



















In landing the scoop of Pope Benedict XVI, Oprah Winfrey, and her friend Gayle King, were able to shoot footage for their "Oprah and Gayle's Big Adventure" driving around in the Popemobile

Top Ten Cloves: Ways Spinach Industry Plans To Overcome E. Coli Setback

News Item: E. Coli Probe Focuses on 9 Calif. Farms

10. Make deal with with Apple to release new iPod in “Spinach Green” color

9. See if they can get Pope Benedict to diss spinach; People will rise up in protest and demand he eat some on television

8. Have Harvard and Princeton reinstate Early Admission, but for Spinach-Eaters only

7. Lobby Warner, McCain and Graham to add eating spinach to their Detainee Bill

6. Wouldn’t it be a hoot, that at the end of this Hewlett Packard Spying Scandal, it was all about which board members ate spinach?

5. Since their in, kind of, an experimental mode, have CBS News Anchor Katie Couric add “Spinach” segment to broadcast

4. Flood YouTube with videos of Lonelygirl15 eating spinach

3. Make new “Popeye” cartoons, and have Wimpy say “I’ll gladly pay you Tuesday for some spinach today”

2. Get President Bush to say he also has an "Ek-A-Lec-Tic" diet and loves eating spinach

1. Launch new Ad Campaign - Photos of famous people with green moustaches and the tag line “Got Spinach?”

New Popeye cartoons produced by the Spinach Industry will feature Wimpy, moaning , not for his trademark hamburger, but "I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for some spinach today"