New Barry Crimmins Essay - We Are Here

Another great, "must read" essay from Barry Crimmins, offering that there's a great deal of work to be done before we elect the next president.

"Gandhi said, “Fill the jails,” which was a brilliant strategy, meant to ball up the works of oppressive regimes. Now an oppressive regime has adopted the ‘ball up the works’ tactic with scandal overload, while perversely filling the jails with people other than themselves. Some of the jails are hidden beyond our borders and many of the prisoners are unidentified. But that’s getting too scandal-specific and I’m after the big picture here. Or big mug shot, anyway. "

"The ‘fill the jails strategy’ was tipped early with his choice of Dick Cheney as his vice-president. Right away watchdogs had two slimy trails to follow. In short order they led through a labyrinth of smoke and mirrors meant to obfuscate the most massive criminal enterprise ever to lay its hands on the government of these United States. "

Read We Are Here by Barry Crimmins








Barry Crimmins was the founder, and tirelessly producer, of The Ding Ho, legendary comedy club in Inman Square, Cambridge, MA, which launched Barry nationally, along with Steven Wright, Paula Poundstone, Bobcat Goldthwait, and many, many others. Barry also launched Boston's other fabled comedy club, Stitches, across the Charles River near Boston University.

Barry also been a featured commentator on CNN, NBC, MSNBC and The Phil Donohue Show and also appears in Fran Solimita's 'When Stand Up Stood Out', the critically acclaimed documentary about the Boston Comedy scene.

Barry received the Peace Leadership Award from Boston Mobilization for Survival. He has also been honored, along with Ms. Maya Angelou, with The Courage of Conscience Award from Wellesley College and The Life Experience School at The Peace Abbey in Sherborn, Massachusetts. Community Works gave the Artist for Social Change Award to Barry for his years of activism.

Barry is also a former writer for Air America Radio, writing and making commentary for the Randi Rhodes Show, including live reporting from Camp Casey.

In 2004, Seven Stores Press published Barry's first book, "Never Shake Hands With A War Criminal" and Barry's writing appears frequently in 'The Boston Phoenix' and the 'Cleveland Plain-Dealer'

Visit the Barry Crimmins website

Barry Crimmins news on The Garlic

Keith Olberman Follow-Up: AAN Presents First Annual Molly Ivins Award to Keith Olbermann

The Association of Alternative Newsweeklies (AAN) announced today that MSNBC news anchor Keith Olbermann is the winner of its first annual Molly Ivins Award.

My, My, My ...

Who is Rudy Guiliani going to complain to now?

"Describing her own style of writing, Molly Ivins once wrote, 'Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful.' That's the sort of journalism we recognize today, that which holds those in power accountable in the court of public opinion," said AAN President and Memphis Flyer publisher Kenneth Neill. "Keith Olbermann speaks truth to power with wit and style, just as Molly did."

Links

AAN Presents First Annual Molly Ivins Award to Keith Olbermann

Molly Ivins

Molly Ivins Tribute

Countdown with Keith Olbermann

MSNBC Anchor, “Countdown with Keith Olbermann”

Minced Garlic - New Keith Olbermann Special Comment Slams Giuliani: "Republicans equal life; Democrats equal death?"

A Thread Of Garlic - Hey AP, Hands Off Olbermann!

As many of our readers know, The Garlic is an unabashed fan of MSNBC's Countdown with Keith Olbermann, and the hero-anchor himself. With our Minced Garlic posts, we've highlighted his blistering, but very much needed, Special Comments (while adding in our own two cloves).

And you may be aware of the dust-up that began last week.

First, Olbermann layed into presidential wishful Rudy Guiliani, for his hijacking the Bush Grindhouse rhetoric of "vote Republican and you'll be safe, vote Democrat and you die".

This led Guiliani to complain to MSNBC, as to Olbermann's presence in anchoring on the coverage of the Republican Candidate's Debate and the charge that he is partisan.

This lead AP writer David Bauder to pen an article (MSNBC's Olbermann seeks delicate balance) suggesting that Olbermann is, indeed, not fair, that it is a source of trouble for MSNBC and, the whopper, of comparing placing Olbermann on the debate coverage is akin to the Fox News Network placing Bill O'Reilly similarly.

Olbermann and O'Reilly on the same level?

Okay, I'll wait for you to stop laughing and pick yourself up off the floor.

Riding to the rescue, among others, was Salon's Joan Walsh and Glenn Greenwald (who The Garlic highlighted last Saturday), with two great posts yesterday.

Check it out!

Links

A hit job on Keith Olbermann

Brit Hume is a "journalist"; Keith Olbermann is "partisan"

AP Uncritically Reports Giuliani Campaign’s Efforts To Marginalize Olbermann

Olbermann Equals O'Reilly. Huh?

The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Warning - Bypass this post if you don't want to be discouraged.

"Oh, I know that very much," Laura Bush responded. "And believe me, no one suffers more than their president and I do when we watch this, and certainly the commander in chief, who has asked our military to go into harm's way."

Thank God the Queen of England blew into town, heh, Laura?

So much to do, so many distractions.

The guest list, the protocols, the food and, of course, getting The Uniter/The Decider/The Commander Guy into his white tie and tails.

Little chance of even catching a glimpse of a television screen, and getting washed over with all that discouragement.

Now, we know you're busy, but we do have a bone to pick with you.

A little over a week ago, we gave you a task. You were supposed to become the First Chief Decideress Veto Killer. You were supposed to work on that husband of yours, and not let go until he agreed to sign the Iraq War Spending Bill, so we - that is the American people - could start to see our brave soldiers begin making their way home.

Doesn't look like you made much of an effort there, girl. The Uniter/The Decider/The Commander Guy had his Mission Accomplished II, and signed, with gusto, the veto.

Look, you're part of the team there in the Grindhouse. And you're educated, a former liberian, been around a block, or two in the world of politics. Surely, you must be able to see that the ship is sinking. Even The Uniter/The Decider/The Commander Guy's wing men, the Republican Caucus, is beginning to look for the life rafts. Their not going to get their feet wet.

And you have the former CIA Director out there, running around the country, popping up on television (I know, that probably discourages you as well), selling his book, and making his money, politely slamming the The Uniter/The Decider/The Commander Guy.

And the polls, Laura.

28%

He's down there with Carter, at his worst moments, and, likely, he'll be chasing Hoover next.

Think about that Laura. You don't want to exit the Grindhouse in January 2009, with Herbert Hoover rated as a better President that your The Uniter/The Decider/The Commander Guy, do you?

There's still time to salvage this.

Perhaps, you can pull (well, you're not supposed to touch the Queen, so take that figuratively) the Queen aside and lay out the
First Chief Decideress Veto Killer plan with her. She's been through a few of these things during her reign, so, likely, she can offer a tip or two to help you out.

And you should have the Professor back pretty soon.

Wolfie will likely have some time on his hands and he might, just might, be looking to do something good of a change.

Hang in there Laura, a bright, beaming, discouragement-free television screen is just around the corner.

Todays Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the-Day

8 U.S. Troops Killed In Iraq Bomb Attacks

Links

Laura Bush: Much Of Iraq Is ‘Stable,’ There’s Just ‘One Bombing A Day That Discourages Everybody’

Brookings Institute Iraq Index

CNN Larry King - Interview With Laura Bush/"The Lost Tomb of Jesus"

Laura Bush: My husband never misled about Iraq

Petraeus Ex Machina

New Feature - The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the-Day

Tuesday, March 06, 2007 The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Friday, March 09, 2007 The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Friday, March 16, 2007 The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Tuesday, March 20, 2007 The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Wednesday, March 28, 2007 The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Saturday, April 07, 2007 The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Wednesday, April 18, 2007 The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Thursday, April 26, 2007 The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Top Ten Cloves: Potential Problems At White House Dinner Tonight For Queen Elizabeth II

News Item: Queen Elizabeth II Visits White House

10. President brings in Rich Little, unannounced, who does ten-minutes of bad Queen of England jokes and imitations

9. Queen badgers President all evening, to pardon Paris Hilton

8. Too many of the guests are on their Blackberrys, placing their bets on when Wolfowitz resigns

7. Queen in a foul mood, still miffed at getting blown off by Helen Mirren

6. Stephen Hadley goes around all night badgering the Queen, asking if she has anyone she can recommend for War Czar job

5. Prince Philip still hung over from Kentucky Derby parties

4. Queen insist on no photos of her and the President together; Doesn't normally have dinner with world leaders who are below 30% in public approval polls

3. Lynne Cheney gives the Queen some advice, in case he interviews her, on how to deal with CNN's Wolf Blitzer

2. Receiving line gets bogged down; Queen very nervous when approaching the President, not knowing how to address him- As Uniter, The Decider, or The Commander Guy

1. Queen shows up, toting an autographed copy of George Tenet's book


Wonder if the Queen is getting in on the action and placing a bet on when Paul Wolfowitz will resign?

Hey, No Whining There Tenet, It Was Your Job, You Silly Twit ... The Results - The Garlic Weekly Poll

Whatever you do, George, don't - repeat - don't pose for Vanity Fair, with your wife, sitting in a convertible Jaguar.

Trust me, as the overwhelming voters of the Garlic Poll did this past week, if your wife happened to be a covert CIA agent, the Bush Grindhouse would have had billboards up by now, and flooded the Sunday morning news shows, and cable programs, with everybody - including Barney - to announce it.

You got'em pissed off there, Georgie Boy, not to mention a whole lot of other people.

You kept your mouth shut when you could have saved lives, but are now blabbering away, pitching the book, in sound bites weighed down by sacks of money.

And you even got the Medal of Freedom, for Christ's sake!

Poor Georgie.

You had tough, gut-wrenching decisions to make ...People don't understand ... Everything was super-duper urgent.

Well, it was your fucking job, you silly twit!

The Director of the CIA doesn't just sit and push pencils around. If you wanted a cushy, easy gig, you should have transferred over to FEMA, or aced out Wolfie for the World Bank job.

And you might as well get used to the "Slam Dunk" thing. That's on you with a big, neon arrow hanging over your head, pointing down at you, wherever you go, whatever you do.

The goat horns are all yours, Georgie, even if they fill War Czar post, which has "Scapegoat, Apply Here" written all over it.

Then, in all likelihood, after a few years, we'll have to deal with that War Czar's book, whining about how tough it was, all the gut-wrenching decisions, et al.

And, for certain, that person's book will drag you back into it, the whole "Slam Dunk" thing, and how you could have saved lives if you had spoken out, and not waited, holding it in, marking "X's" on a calendar until you could hit the big payday.

And don't even think about whining how tough it is to count all that money.

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll April 30 - May 5, 2007

With all their dirty work and scandals bubbling to the surface, the Bush Administration surely must be wishing that former CIA Director George Tenent ...

1. Had a covert, CIA agent wife they could out Tally 49%

2. Took the World Bank job instead of Paul Wolfowitz Tally 20%

3. Worked for the Vice President; Cheney could have let him be convicted instead of Scooter Libby Tally 17%

4. Wrote a book about the Medal of Freedom Tally 14%

This week’s Poll - Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice's rather sudden flurry of diplomacy could signal ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote

The Politico's DNA ... The Other Iraq ... And He's a Bible-Thumper Now ... Around The Garlic Patch

Another installment (in what has been my bad, of being too infrequent) of Around The Garlic Patch

Must Read - Glenn Greenwald's Scoop On The Politico's DNA

Let's get this off the chest, first and foremost.

Can we not have anymore more presidential candidate debates held and hosted at presidential libraries? In in particular, the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library.

Between the debate itself (somewhere between 20-30 tributes to the old, doddering drooler), and the pre-and-post MSNBC television coverage, it became a veritable Reagan Love-In.

I didn't watch every minute of the coverage, but I suspect no one brought up the irony of having the debate in the hanger that housed the old Air Force One that Reagan (and other Presidents) traveled on.

The airplane of the union-busting President.

It was Reagan who broke up PATCO (Professional Air Traffic Controllers Organization), two-days after they began a strike for better working conditions. Not only did he fire them, but he also banned them from federal employment.

Since Reagan is, quite erroneously, credited with bringing down the Soviet Union (more like it happened on his watch, the cumulative effect of previous administrations maintenance of the Cold War), perhaps PATCO was his test run (Can't you just hear him, practicing "Tear down that control tower" over and over?).

There. Feel better.

The main purpose of this post is to bring your attention to, and encourage you to read through it, the exceptional reporting/writing of Salon's Glenn Greenwald on the DNA of the spanking new media outlet, the on-line political magazine, The Politico.

They pulled in some big name journalists from The Washington Post, Time Magazine and other places and it was going to be a new day. There's also ties to Matt Sludge but that, more-or-less, is unofficial and not in their masthead.

Well, Greenwald lays it all out.

The Republican Candidates Debate Thursday evening was sponsored by MSNBC and (quick, take a guess), The Politico. How did a fledgling start-up media company score such a hit?

Greenwald, quoting Mike Allen of The Politico;

"She [Nancy Reagan] was escorted out of the hall by Frederick J. Ryan Jr., chairman of the Board of Trustees of the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library Foundation, and president and CEO of The Politico."

Not only is The Politico's DNA and money coming from a long-time Reaganite, but also from a long-time friend and supporter of Chilean Dictator and murderer, Augusto Pinochet. Friendship, plus business ties.

Links

Who funds and runs the Politico?

The Politico: Exhibit A for our broken political press

GOP Presidential Candidates Transcript

Of Dead Policies, Boxes in Boxes, Meme's, Links and Lazy Saturday Afternoons ... Around The Garlic Patch

Around The Garlic Patch ... A Few Good Links To Check Out

If he were alive and in business today, would Pinochet be a subscriber to The Politico?














This Wasn't In The Brochure

Perhaps you've seen the slick television commercial, promoting the campaign of "The Other Iraq".

Kurdistan. You know, those good Iraqis. The one's not fighting, or killing, U.S. soldiers.

In fact, as AntiWar.Com notes, the Kurdish Regional Government hired Russo Marsh & Rogers (RM&R) – a Sacramento, Calif.-based public relations firm with close ties to the Republican Party - to produce the campaign "... that will thank the American people for supporting the war in Iraq, and encourage Americans to visit and invest in the Kurdish region."

Well, there was a most disturbing (sickening, actually) article found on Memorandum today.

A teenage girl, in Kurdistan, from the minority Kurdish religious group called Yezidi, apparently fell in love with a Sunni Muslim boy.

And what did that bring about in "The Other Iraq"? The Good, Civilized, Enlightened Iraqis?

"The moment a teenage girl was stoned to death for loving the wrong boy"

If the Kurdish Regional Government truly wants to establish itself as "The Other Iraq", then they will move heaven and earth to bring this young girl's killers to justice.

Contact the Minister of Justice, Farouq Jamil Sadig to encourage their "investment" in this matter.

Links

Kurdistan hopes promotional push will increase foreign interest

Iraq Kurdistan to Tourists: Don't Confuse Us with the Rest of Iraq


If traveling to "The Other Iraq" beware of the water and bring your own rocks






Must Be The Cure

This past Thursday was, if you missed the parade (and let your imagination run with that - Macy-like giant floats of the Bible, characters from the Old and New Testament, ending with a Easter reenactment, where the cut loose the Jesus float, to have it ascend into the heavens), or were wrought with anxiety over the pending 45-day jail sentence issued to Paris Hilton, the National Day of Prayer.

Yep, complete with Presidential Proclamation and a little ceremony in the East Room of the White House.

Dana Milbank, of The Washington Post, had a piece on it yesterday.

What stood out was who has handling the press of the people putting on the "Bible Reading Marathon".

None other than that softball-throwing cheesecake, James Guckert, better known as Jeff Gannon, formerly of Talon News.

Also involved, running the National Day of Prayer Task Force, was Shirley Dobson, wife of fire-and-brimstone Focus on Family founder, James Dobson (you know, one of the guys that helped "cure" Ted Haggard).

I wonder, if Dobson and the gang, developed that cure with Gannon, before applying it to Haggard?

Links

What is Talon News, and why does it have press credentials?

Online Reporter Quits After Liberals' Expose

Jeff Gannon Admits Past 'Mistakes,' Berates Critics

It's not your father's Sunday School anymore

Top Ten Cloves: What Goes Into President Bush Giving Himself Nicknames

News Item: Lost in the Fog With Commander Guy

10. Does it to cover his tracks when leaking information to the press

9. He'd rather give himself a nickname here, then someone giving him one over there

8. Jots them down in a list and looks to see which ones will succeed and which ones won't succeed

7. Test nicknames by prank calling his secretary ... If she takes more then 10-seconds to know whose calling, it's a keeper

6. Simply his way of dealing with "Bush Fatigue"

5. Everytime he reads a book from his "Ek-A-Lec-Tic" reading list, he starts thinking of these nicknames

4. Believes, by giving himself nicknames, he's making it harder for Al Qaeda to follow him home

3. Helps in raising funds for the Bush Library, when they can say something like "The Decider" or "The Commander Guy" needs it

2. Fires a U.S. Attorney until he gets one he likes

1. Only thing Dick Cheney lets him do by himself










The Decider-Commander Guy has been known to name his policies as well. Remember his "Cowboy Diplomacy"?

Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard At The Republican Candidates' Debate

News Item: Setting the Stage: The Republicans' First Debate

10. Good thing Fred Thompson hasn't entered the race yet ... Between the size of his ego, and Tommy's ears, we'll be lucky if the camera evens catches us in a panning shot

9. I heard, just to make his point, Duncan Hunter climbed over a fence to sneak in here tonight

8. I hope they ask me ... I'll be darn sure if I'm President to get the Medal of Freedom back from Tenent

7. Man, why are they scheduling these things the same night when 'Grey's Anatomy' is on?

6. I wonder if McCain is going to sing all his answers

5. I'll bet these guys would scare the bejeezes out of Mike Gravel too!

4. Tancredo pulled a bullshit move ... He had his Lawn-Chair Militia out front, trying to intimidate the other candidates

3. Watch if things get heated ... Guiliani will blow his top and say he'd give his mother embryonic stem cells so she could get an abortion if it would get him elected

2. I'll bet Romney digitally researched JFK's tan, in the 1960 debate, so he could get just the right color

1. Jesus! ... Would Sam Brownback bore a room full of insurance salesmen, or what?

Money was on McCain singing his answers

Chopped Garlic ... Lightning Striking Twice ... Of Success ... Who's In Command ... Pentagon vs. Soldiers ... And Those Al Qaeda Guys - Again

The Chief Decider, yesterday, gave an Al-Qaeda-laden speech (to the Associated General Contractors of America, at the Willard Hotel in Washington D.C.) that I'm surprised the crowd didn't stampede out to the street in panic.

It was all but inferred that they were, perhaps, in the hotel, waiting to follow the conference attendees back to their rooms.

It was that Al-Qaeda-Iraq-Sept. 11th, throughly debunked tie-in that he, and the others in the Grindhouse, have so desperately clung to. If they can't find a War Czar that they can pin this disaster on, they gotta put the blame on somebody.

But there we're two gems in this speech, perhaps the equivalent of lightning striking twice, that leaves you shaking your head

In reference to the invasion and occupation of Iraq;

"...Either we'll succeed, or we won't succeed"

And on the question of command, who's running this war;

"And as you know, my position is clear -- I'm the commander guy."

We can also throw in the ever-evolving reason why we are still in Iraq, what the winning strategy is;

"Success is not, no violence. There are parts of our own country that have got a certain level of violence to it. But success is a level of violence where the people feel comfortable about living their daily lives. And that's what we're trying to achieve."

Amazing.

There's the answer, the whole apple cart on why our lives may be out of order - We haven’t struck the right balance of the proper amount of violence in our lives to feel comfortable. Do we have too much? Too little?

Maybe the endorphins were racing around his head, giddy and punch-drunk after doing his "I'm the commander guy" thing and signing the veto on the Iraq War Spending Bill

So it's gone from finding the WMD's, to putting a stop to Iraq's nuclear program, to taking out Saddam Hussein, to establishing a free Democratic Iraq, to allowing the Iraq people to vote, to "when they stand-up, we stand-down", to an Iraq that can govern and defend itself and now, to a level of violence where the people feel comfortable about living their daily lives.

We should, probably, be strapping ourselves in, for it is entirely likely the Bush Grindhouse will be pumping out more fear rhetoric, as he fights to save his failed policy while the rest of his administration explodes.

You have the Crony General Alberto Gonzales scandal sprouting spin-off scandals in time for Sweeps Month.

Turd Genius Karl Rove has more sights targeting him then an injured buck on opening day of hunting season.

And then there's the "My Sister-My Daughter" move by the Pentagon this week, announcing one day that they will be posting to YouTube their chip on the PR front, from war battles, to feel-good, uplifting stories coming out of Iraq (has the Lincoln Group opened up a film division?), and, on another day, shutting down blogs (and emails) of soldiers, who don't first submit their content to their superior officers for approval.


So, in a nutshell, here's what the Chief Decider wants you to do.

Be afraid, remember who the commander guy is, get the right balance of violence in your life, watch the Military YouTube channel, don't read the soldier's blogs or emails that haven't been approved and, with whatever you do, maybe you'll succeed, or maybe you won't.

Bonus Links

State Dept: Iraq Has Been ‘Good For The Effort To Reduce Terrorism’

The right's explicit and candid rejection of "the rule of law"

White House Plunges Into New Iraq Strategy; Moving From ‘Keystone Cops To ‘Marx Brothers’

Disney, With Secret Contract, Working With White House, Military On Building Baghdad Moats


"Whatta ya think there, Harriet, either we'll succeed, or we won't succeed"

Garlic Special: A George Bush Dream - The Victory II

In a new series, The Garlic has, occasionally, taken a look (and liberty) with the somnolent state of our Court-Appointed President.

A George Bush Dream - The Victory II

Location: Cross Hall

Sunlight is beginning to fade, and the Jefferson Memorial stands deep in the background, framed nicely by the window.

President Bush is standing at a microphone, position dead center of the hallway, flanked on either side by Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.

President Bush: "... And that's why I took this action, to win the broad, bipartisan support of Congress, so we can support our troops, save our civilization and win this war ... Senator Reid? ...."

The President takes a step back, smiling at both Reid and Pelosi. Reid, as he steps to the microphone, gives the President a collegial, affectionate tap on the arm.

Reid: "Thank You Mr. President ... This is a great day for America ... For our soldiers ... For the Iraqi people... It was an extraordinary gesture ... Check that - vision ... For the President to come up to the Hill today, say that he wants to avoid a veto fight, roll up his sleeves and say "Let's get this done, so the soldiers and the people are secure" ... The President was very persuasive ... He talked about what would happen if we didn't provided him the tools and resources to fight this war ... To support our troops ... He hit it home, talking about images of soldiers, on the battlefield, having to boil their shoes in order to have something to eat - all because some politicians here in Congress had their heads filled with crazy ideas ... (turning and nodding to the President) Thank you Mr. President ... Thank you for showing us the light ... "

The President nods back at Reid, and with a sweeping hand motion, ushering Speaker Pelosi to the microphone.

Pelosi (nodding to both the President and Reid): "Mr. President ... Senator Reid ... I echo the Senate Leader's comments that this is, indeed, a great day, not just for America, or Iraq, but the entire world ... Mr. President, the Congress proudly gives you a blank check ... We want to win this war ... We want to fight them over there, and not here ... It has been the President's vision since the beginning, which at times we doubted, but now, have been shown how correct that vision was all along.

(Pelosi turns and smiles at the President)

Pelosi: Another generation had a terrible war they had to win ... And their leader pulled himself up out of a wheelchair to lead them to victory ... It took this President marching up the Hill today to pull us all together ... This was our generation's moment today ... We have a similarly great leader - President Bush - who is stepping up to lead us to victory ..."


"Mr. President ... Mr. President ..."

A White House aid gently shakes the President's shoulder, and the President snaps his eyes open.

"Mr. President, you've been napping ... I have Mr. Wolfowitz on the telephone for you and he says it is urgent ... And, you should start getting ready to go downstairs, to sign the veto ..."

The First Lady walks in.

"C'mon George, up-and-at'em ... Time to go to work ..."

The President slowly raises himself from the chair, rubbing his eyes, yawning.

"And George, don't forget to bring the new DVD's upstairs with you when you finish ... Since I can't sit and watch the television, I need something new to look at ..."

Bonus Links

Transcript - Bush Discusses Veto of Iraq Bill

Who's the Enemy?

Senator Reid And Speaker Pelosi: If You Believe In What You Passed, Send It Back

Fresh Lies From Our Government

Garlic Special: A George Bush Dream - The Victory

Breaking News! President To Reject Bill Under "Veto Accomplished" Banner

White House, To Counter Dems, Planning Own Elaborate Signing Ceremony

VP Office May Issue Update "Last Throes" Declaration; Military Bands and Wounded Vets Expected To Attend

Looking to gain the upper hand in upcoming talks, the White House hastily announced plans to push back against the Democrat Majority with their own elaborate signing ceremony, that will see President Bush reject the Iraq War Spending Bill, as promised, penning his name under a large "Veto Accomplished" banner.

"It's not quite to the level of our past Bushapaloozas," an excited Dan Bartlett, White House Communications Director, exclaimed, "but it will be significant."

Plans for the Veto Signing include having military bands pounding out a medley of patriotic music, to an audience of wounded veterans bused over from the Walter Reed Medical Center out in the Rose Garden, with the President, surrounded by the Republican leadership, signing the veto under the "Veto Accomplished" banner.

"The President want to let these heroes know," offered Bartlett, wiping a tear from his eye, "that, even if the Democrats in Congress don't support the troops, the President does."

Bartlett indicated that it has not been decided if the President will be attired in his usual business suit, or if he will don the flighsuit for the signing. Sources have told The Garlic that there was a discussion of having the President, in flighsuit, parachute into the Rose Garden for the signing ceremony.

The thrown-together ceremony is a direct response, and raising of the stakes, to the Democrats, who staged their own signing statement in preparing the bill to be sent over to the President.

Privately, the White House was bristling, with the Democrats intentionally sending over the bill on the 4th Anniversary of President Bush's infamous "Mission Accomplished" debacle.

"We want to show them," huffed Bartlett, "that two can play this game ...We're no strangers to banners and we have the bigger bully pulpit in which to hang it"

Vice President Dick Cheney is expected to be at the veto signing ceremony and may, The Garlic has been told, offer an update of his "Last Throes" declaration. No word from the White House, or the Vice President's office on who is now in their last throes.

"It wouldn't surprise me," offered Hugh P. Varicator, a consultant with the conservative hawkish think tank, “Cry Wolf”, that is said to be closely affiliated with The Project for the New American Century (PNAC), and, some say, may be an adjunct to the White House Iraq Group, or WHIG, "that Cheney tweaks'em, and names Reid and Pelosi. He's been laying it on thick the last few weeks."

Bartlett wouldn't say what the White House strategy is beyond the veto signing ceremony.

When questioned by reporters, Bartlett, while not offering any information, did not rule out new terror alerts, announcements of the terror plots foiled and the arrest of Al-Qaeda members, or the further good news progress reports on the Surge Policy while downplaying the increase in deaths of U.S. soldiers and Iraqi citizens.

"Nothing is off the table," declared Bartlett.

Bonus Links

Perino: If Americans Don't Agree With Bush, They're Showing Bad Character

Four Years After 'Mission Accomplished'

‘Mission Accomplished’ By The Numbers















No hum-drum signing today for the Chief Decider ... Military bands, wounded vets, all under a "Veto Accomplished" banner

Top Ten Cloves: Lengths White House Staff Will Go Today To Avoid Reminding President Of "Mission Accomplished"

News Item: Mission Accomplished?

10. Call MSNBC and see if there's some new, Anna Nicole Smith story they can break

9. Checking Congress rules to see if entire Democratic Caucus can be sent ouf of the country on a junket

8. Vacation Day! - Send'em down to Crawford for 24-48-hours

7. All U.S. aircraft carriers ordered out-to-sea, with strict orders to stay out of the news

6. Get the First Lady to bite-the-bullet and, even though she may get discouraged, make President sit and watch television with her

5. Lobbying Ann Coulter to call one of the other Democratic Presidential candidates a faggot

4. All Military pilots today will wear business suits, not flightsuits

3. If necessary, Vice President Dick Cheney will do live, on-air telephone call to his friend, Scooter Libby, who he hasn't spoken with since Libby's conviction

2. Have Crony General Gonzales - or one of his underlings - fire another eight U.S. Attorneys

1. Hope someone on the staff gets outted in DC Madam Scandal

Bonus Links

Bush Remarks on "Mission Accomplished" Banner Embarrass White House

White House pressed on 'mission accomplished' sign; Navy suggested it, White House made it, both sides say

White House Caught Doctoring "Mission Accomplished" Video

Happy Law Day!

I suppose, a copy of the Constitution might be an appropriate gift to give the Chief Decider (if you're on a budget, you can go with the just the Bill of Rights)

A Law Day Unto Himself; Beyond Presidential Power, What Is Bush Upholding?

And, speaking of budgets ...

IRAQ WAR: Price tag for war in Iraq on track to top $500 billion

Links

Proclamation by the President: Law Day, U.S.A., 2007

Bill of Rights Institute

The Constitution of the United States

Email the President a Happy Law Day greeting

Movie Industry Titan, and LBJ Lackey, Rolls His Final Credits - Jack Valenti Obit

Jack Valenti, 85, both a political confidant and movie industry power, passed away on April 26th, at his home in Washington, D.C.

Valenti, a World War II veteran, began is career as an oil industry ad executive, before riding the coattails of a Texas Senator, Lyndon Johnson, eventually becoming a Special Assistant to President Johnson.

Valenti was in the infamous Dallas motorcade on November 22nd, 1963 that saw the assassination of President John F. Kennedy and can be seen in the ubiquitous photograph of Vice President Johnson being sworn in as President aboard Air Force One following the shooting.

In 1966, Valenti left the world of politics to take over as President of the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) and, in 1968, instituted what became a controversial rating system of movies that has endured to this day.

At his wake, standing guard around the open casket were floral arrangements in the shape of his beloved rating system - "G", "R" and "X"

As a final tribute to the movie biz titan, the MPAA issued a special, one-time only "JV" rating for Valenti's funeral, saying that is was for conservative, prudish, Mature Audiences only.

And, in another tribute to Valenti's commitment to the commerce of the motion picture business, a Director's Cut DVD of the funeral will be released in approximately three-weeks.

Links

Jack Valenti, 85; former Hollywood lobbyist pioneered film ratings system

Jack Valenti's rating system changed movies

Jack Valenti's Long Goodbye

Yes, Wolfie, People Will Be Talking, For Years, About You ... The Results - The Garlic Weekly Poll

There will be head-turning, whispers, and mumbling, as you walk into the restaurant ... When you're lining up to tee off at the country club ... Standing in line for your double, low-fat latte ...

Some if it will be over Iraq, and your involvement in the planning of it ...

But most of it will be about your World Bank stint and, invariably, the words "fucking up a free lunch" will be in the hushed conversations about you ... And directed at you ...

And it won't be just here, in the good, ole U.S. of A ...

No Wolfie, this will be reverberating all over Europe, Asia ... The entire world ...

The World Bank and "fucking up a free lunch" will be uttered over and over, in multiple languages ...

The World Bank, Wolfie ... The most taxing thing is just having to attend all those meetings ... Looking good in tux ... Doling out millions of dollars ...

To your credit, there is a small level or irony here, when you put the World Bank and ethics in same sentence.

Author and satirist Barry Crimmins offered "The World Bank of all places ... Ethics ... These are the guys that shakedown water drinkers in Africa ... "

You have your hearing today. Maybe you can pull it out with documents, and an impassioned plea ... Act innocent and use the standard training you got from the Bush Grindhouse, and accuse your accusers ... Perhaps you can even throw in the tried-and-true belief that you feel your girlfriend, with her generous raise in salary, would pay for herself ... You know the drill, just like you said about Iraq ...

Most importantly, you get the same advice we offered the Crony General earlier this month - at the hearing, make sure your fly is up and zippered ...

But, to play it safe, start preparing your self for the whispers ... And getting used to hearing the "fucked up a free lunch" thing ...

And fear not Wolfie, the Garlic Poll voters are already scouting out a new gig for you ...

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll April 15 - April 21, 2007

With the disastrous appearance and testimony of Crony General Alberto Gonzales last week, the White House, likely, has a short list of replacements for when Gonzales, either voluntarily, or is forced, resigns (assuming he isn't indicated beforehand)

1. Paul Wolfowitz (he needs someplace to land after the World Bank gives him the boot) Tally 40%

2. Condi Rice (allows Bush to move BlackBag Job Specialist John Negroponte up the ladder) Tally 22%

3. Bring Back John Ashcroft (but he's gotta leave the statues uncovered, and no singing) Tally 21%

4. Mike "Helluva A Job" Brown (between Brown, Gonzales, Miers and others, we know experience doesn't matter) Tally 17%

This week’s Poll - With all their dirty work and scandals bubbling to the surface, the Bush Administration surely must be wishing that former CIA Director George Tenent ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote