Faith-Based Offices To Be Part of Bush Private Government

Bush Punishes Revolters; With Signing Statement, Creates “Faith-Based Congress”

New Legislators Pledge Support To Bush Agenda; Sees Clear Sailing For Port Deal, Wiretaps, “Whatever He Wants”

After receiving a rebuke from House Republicans, promising to kill the Dubai Ports World's acquisition, President Bush stunned Capital Hill last night, making two bold moves, with a dose of criticism aimed at his detractors, that will further insulate him and clear the way to have unimpeded sailing in fulfilling his agenda.

After making a tour yesterday, of New Orleans and the Gulf Coast, and squarely blaming the Congress for the slow progress in funding the repairs and clean-up, the President ordered the Department of Homeland Security to create, within 45-days, a center for faith-based and community initiatives that will eliminate obstacles as to providing federal funds to religious groups to deliver social services.

The bombshell came shortly after signing the Executive Order for this new office, when Bush then added a “Signing Statement” to it, creating a “Faith Based Congress”, that “supersedes any other elective congressional body and will be the only legislative body recognize by the Office of the President.”

While not citing any specific law or precedent, President Bush, according the White House statement released this morning, indicated the White House believes they are on solid legal footing, via the Constitution dealing with Presidential Powers, as well as the Powers of War that Congress has already given to the President.

“We see no reason, legal or otherwise, that prevents the President for taking this action,” said White House Spokesman, Scott McClellan.

Congress Stunned, Angry and Given 30-Day Notice To Clear Premises

Both Senate and House leaders were shocked by the news, after receiving a copy of the Executive Order and Signing Statement, and with that, a 30-Day Notice to “clear the premises”.

“I’m reviewing the videotapes on this today,” said Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist (R-TN), “and I can tell you right now, we may have to pull the Nuclear Option to save this august body. I would have never envisioned, much like the stocks I sold tanking, that we would have to use this harsh measure against the White House.”

“This is purely vindictive,” said Minority Leader, Senator Harry Reid (D-NV). “This is an unauthorized, preemptive strike against the Congress, much like his War in Iraq. I don’t know all the details yet, but it sounds like he’s planning an illegal occupation of the Congress.”

Senator Susan Collins (R-Maine) was dismissive of the President, as well as the two, new faith-based offices.

"If you still have poor leadership and inadequate resources, you're going to have the same results," Collins said.

Challenge To Save Congress May Come From Signing Statement Challenge

While most member of Congress believe the Nuclear Option will be ineffective in challenging the President, a growing number of legislators are looking at the use of Bush’s Signing Statements, and using the courts to bat down the orders.

“He’s using these Signing Statements as, essentially, a Line-Item Veto,” said Representative and House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA). “He’s been acting like a kid in a tree house, writing his own laws and rules.”

John Dean, lawyer and convicted felon of the former President Nixon Administration, writing for FindLaw.Com, believes the Bush Administration has been abusing and misusing the Signing Statement provision.

While saying that Signing Statements are “old news” and that previous Presidents’ use of them was, typically, commentary or criticism of laws passed by Congress, Dean offers that President Bush has employed them to, essentially, extend the powers of the Executive Office.

Dean cites the book, By Order of the President: The Use and Abuse of Executive Direct Action, by Phillip Cooper, a leading expert on signing statements.

Dean writes;

“By Cooper's count, George W. Bush issued 23 signing statements in 2001; 34 statements in 2002, raising 168 constitutional objections; 27 statements in 2003, raising 142 constitutional challenges, and 23 statements in 2004, raising 175 constitutional criticisms. In total, during his first term Bush raised a remarkable 505 constitutional challenges to various provisions of legislation that became law.

That number may be approaching 600 challenges by now. Yet Bush has not vetoed a single bill, notwithstanding all these claims, in his own signing statements, that they are unconstitutional insofar as they relate to him.”

Faith-Based Offices To Be Part of Bush Private Government

It is expected, according to sources close to the White House, that the two new, Faith-Based departments will become part of the private government that President Bush owns, as reported by The Garlic last month.

Speaking to reporters at a Cabinet Meeting, addressing a question about the furor over the Administration's secret approval of a $6.8 billion sale that will allow a United Arab Emirates company to control six critical ports, the President said;

"The more people learn about the transaction that has been scrutinized and approved by my government, the more they'll be comforted that our ports will be secure."

The White House stated that the President’s Cabinet would not change, but would not comment on, if the Center for Faith-Based and Community Initiatives and the Faith-Based Congress would be Cabinet-level status

Holy Rollers and Favorite Contractors Lining Up For Seats in Faith-Based Congress

The White House has not released yet just how large the Faith-Based Congress will be, or how many members it will have.

A list, with no notes or designations, was obtained by reporters, and it showed a wide-range of friends of the Administration, as well as Halliburton that may be the body of the Faith-Based Congress.

Halliburton, according to one source, is creating a “bevy of new subsidiaries” that would meet the parameters and qualifications for the two new Faith-Based Bush initiatives.

The list included Focus On Family and the Family Research Council, who sources said would likely oversee the Justice Sunday and other Sunday Rally programs, as well as Reverend Pat Robertson's Operation Blessing, the Catholic Charities, the United Methodist Committee on Relief and the Southern Baptists.

Unconfirmed reports have longtime Bush friend Grover Norquist’s Americans for Tax Reform and Project for the New American Century (PNAC) being guaranteed seats in the new Faith-Based Congress.

“All we had to do,” said a source who claims to be a member of the Faith-Based Congress, “was to pledge our support of the President’s agenda. The War in Iraq, the Dubai Port Deal, the Illegal Wiretapping, it’s all good. As long as we get our funding, the President can do anything he wants.”

Bush Administration friends and favorites have been lining up to be part of the new "Faith-Based Congress" the President issued a Signing Statement on last evening

Top Ten Cloves: What Rick Santorum Meant To Say About Not Meeting With Lobbyists

10. Before I say anything on this subject, you don’t have me on tape, or anything, do you?

9. It’s been through the aid of lobbyists that we have been able to make progress on giving Boston some morals

8. My leadership PAC, America's Foundation, some people from there might have seen a lobbyist or two, no big deal there

7. People know I wouldn’t meet with any homosexual or pro-abortion lobbyists

6. No one expected a breach in lobbying ethics

5. Maybe we should be talking about what what lobbyists’ pockets Robert P. Casey Jr., has his hands in?

4. Sure I know Karl Rove, and he knows lobbyists … What are you trying to infer, that the White House is helping me?

3. Really, I don’t know any Jack Abramoff … I know a “Hiram Abramoff”, a nice, little tailor in Philadelphia but no Jack Abramoff

2. Not technically a meeting; Just happen to be in same room together, at the same time

1. I think I said I wouldn’t meet with any lobbyists, who were found to be supplying Barry Bonds with steroids

South Dakota Not Waiting, Bans All Home Runs

MLB Mulling Changing Status Of Home Runs In Wake Of New Bonds Allegations

Will Go Retro, Adopt Stickball Rule of Three-Outs If Hit Over Fence; South Dakota Not Waiting, Bans All Home Runs

In a swift and stunning move, Major League Baseball has called an emergency meeting of its’ owners, and Rules Committee, putting on the table a change to official home runs in the wake of new allegations that home run hitter Bobby Bonds has been taking illegal steroids and human growth hormones since 1998.

Bonds, who holds the single-season home run record of 73, is currently third on baseball’s all-time home run list at 708, chasing the legendary Babe Ruth (714) and the home run king, Hank Aaron (755).

Commissioner Bud Selig offered very little as he rushed into a New York City hotel for the emergency meeting.

“This is a dark day gentlemen,” said Selig as he continued walking. “We may come out of it with substantial changes and a very different game.”

New Book Says Bonds Jealousy Reason For Bulking Up

Two San Francisco Chronicle reporters and authors of a soon-to-be-released book, Fainaru-Wada and Lance Williams, say they have substantial corroboration, from court records and over 200 interviews, grand jury testimony and tapes of voice-mail messages and transcripts with Bonds’s former girlfriend, depicting Bonds’s wide-ranging steroid usage.

The explosive book, "Game of Shadows" is scheduled to be published March 27 by Gotham Books.

An excerpt from the book appears this week in Sports Illustrated, offering vivid details of the drugs and regimen Bonds undertook, motivated they say by jealousy over the attention paid to Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire, during their memorable home run chase in 1998. When it ended, McGwire broke the 37-year-old, single-season record of Roger Maris’s 61, finishing with 70 homeruns.

Boyhood Stickball Rules Looked As Way To Save Baseball

According to sources close to Major League Baseball, Commissioner Bud Selig will propose to the owners and Rules Committee that “home runs hit out of the playing field, to wit, into the stands or out of the ballpark, be ruled three-outs.” Reportedly, Selig got the idea from the boyhood game of Stickball.

“Who, at least anyone over 30, or 40, hasn’t played stickball?”, asked Paul “Biffster” Chenzo, former minor league baseball player and author of “It’s The Pine Tar, Stupid”, citing the use of the sticky substances players rub on their bats as the reason for the increase in home runs.

In stickball, often played in the streets, or in factory parking lots and school yards, hitting the ball over an easily reached fenced counted as three outs, not a home run. The object was to hit the fence and aim for getting base hits, doubles and triples.

“The Commissioner feels that it is time for the big show to take the same approach,” says Chenzo. "That’s it’s time to save the game.”

Major Leaguers Worried, Want Abusers Thrown Out, Not Rules Changed

As word of the potential rule changing home runs reached spring training camps, both power sluggers and contact hitters voiced concerns and objections.

“I sure hope they don’t do that,” said Johnny Damon, new centerfielder of the New York Yankees , and considered baseballs’ best leadoff hitter.

“I can place the ball pretty good around the field, but I sure like it when I do hit one out.”

Bobby Abreu, of the Philadelphia Phillies, winner of the 2005 Home Run Derby, was distraught.

“Man, that is really bullshit,” said the slugger. “Totally unfair, I mean, I hope it doesn’t come to that. That would be penalizing a lot of players – clean players who do it the old-fashion way by working out and working on their game."

Boston Red Sox star slugger David Ortiz says the best way to deal with the illegal steroids is to just “throw the bums out.”

“Kick them out,” said Big Papi, as Ortiz is affectionately known as around Fenway Park. “Just get rid of them, don’t take something away from me.”

Pitcher Roger Clemens said he would welcome the rule changing homeruns to being three-outs.

“Man, are you kidding,” said The Rocket. “I could stay in baseball another 10, 15-years. Heck, I could probably throw perfect games in under 40 pitches. This would be great for pitchers … We’d all be setting new ERA records.”

Burns Favors Rule Change, Sees New “Extra Inning” Documentary

Filmmaker Ken Burns released a statement that he would be in favor of the home run rule change.

Burns is known, among other projects, for his epic “Baseball” documentary, shown on PBS in nine (innings) segments back in 1994.

“This would be wonderful,” said Burns, “I can title it “Extra Innings”, with a lot of shots from grass level, the white ball with red stitching moving in slow motion over the green grass carpet. We can show the old school home runs in a nice, rich sepia tone, maybe even a little grainy, to give it an aged look … And, we’ll probably have to use Hop-Hop music, for the current times, which could led me to a whole new project. This would be a very, very good thing to happen.”

South Dakota Not Waiting From MLB To Rule – Home Runs Banned

South Dakota Governor Mike Rounds (R) isn’t waiting for Major League Baseball to enact the new home run rule.

A day after signing legislation banning nearly all abortions in the state, the Governor this morning signed an emergency bill banning all home runs in the state, on levels of baseball, from Pee Wee and Little League, through High School, College and Minor League games.

The bill will make it a crime to hit a home run, unless it is done in order to save the batter’s life. There are no exceptions for cases of extra innings games, or playoffs and championship series.

"In the history of the baseball, the true test of a game is how well players treat the most vulnerable and most helpless teammates, the average guy who’s an average hitter and fielder. The sponsors and supporters of this bill believe that homeruns are wrong because these average players are the most vulnerable and most helpless in the game and I agree with them," said Rounds as he signed the bill.

Professional Horse Jockeys around the country celebrated the news that baseball may ban home runs, saying that "without that pressure, we have now have, for the first time, some career options"

Top Ten Cloves: How Bush’s Domestic Wiretapping Will Be Monitored By Senate

10. Senator Pat Roberts (R-Kan.) has a small farmhouse back home he can soundproof and add a little security to

9. If the Enron guys get cleared, they might have an idea or two on how best to handle it

8. Will be backed up by the, now Oscar-winning, Three-6 Mafia

7. Slap some “good party sense” into Senator Arlen Specter and get him to chill out on pushing Atty. General Gonzales

6. President Bush to issue Signing Statement, banning all Democrats from oversight

5. Hiring Katherine Armstrong for PR, so nobody will know what the hell is going on

4. All hands on deck, In shifts of 24-hours, starting with least-seniority first

3. Pretty much, will run with the White House’s Hurricane Katrina plan so they can stay engaged with it

2. Get Vice President Cheney to turn up the volume on Iran so everybody will forget about the illegal wiretapping

1. Easy … Bring in Dubai Ports World to manage the program

Technical Upgrades - Vote For The Garlic

Vote For The Garlic!

The Garlic will be on the sidelines today, making some techincal upgrades.

Please, give your consideration to voting for The Garlic, in the 2005 Koufax Award. Use the links below to go directly to the catagories. scroll to the bottom and use the Comment Box to register your vote for The Garlic

The Garlic: All The Cloves Fit To Peel Nominations

The 2005 Koufax Awards: Best New Blog

The 2005 Koufax Awards: Most Deserving of Wider Recognition

The 2005 Koufax Awards: Most Humorous Blog

The 2005 Koufax Awards: Most Humorous Post

Secretary Says No Reflection That We Don't Know What's Going On

More Bush Troubles As Rice Backtracks, Corrects Comments, Blames Lincoln Group

Meant To Say Was Surprised Levees Breached, Not By Hamas Election Victory; Backs Pace That There's No Civil War

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, in a brief press conference this morning, said she want to correct comments made recently and that the misspeak error "was no reflection that we are detached or don't know what's going on around here."

"What I meant to say was that I agree with President Bush, that no one had any expectations that the levees in New Orleans would breach. We just didn't see that coming."

Rice: "Underestimated Resentment … Nobody Saw It Coming"

After a State Department commissioned poll came to light, taken in early January, before the Palestinian elections, predicting the sweeping victory by the militant Islamic group Hamas, Secretary Rice said, on January 29th, flying to London for a European Union meeting, said that "I don't know anyone who wasn't caught off guard by its very strong showing. I think what was probably underestimated was the depth of resentment of the last, really, decade of corruption and the old guard."

Rice later added that she had directed officials at the State Department to examine "why nobody saw it coming ... because it does say something about perhaps not having had a good enough pulse on the Palestinian population."

The early January poll taken by the State Department showed that the Palestinian Authority's corruption was the leading issue among Palestinian voters, and that 52-percent believed that Hamas was more qualified.

"The Secretary may have been experience some Scooter Libby fatigue," said State Department spokesman Adam Ereli, referring to the defense strategy for Vice President Dick Cheney's former Chief of Staff, for his pending trial of lying to federal investigators and the grand jury in the CIA Leak Case.

"I was not surprised, stumped or in any way baffled by the Palestinian election results," said Rice, in a brief statement. "We were aware of it, and the ramifications and there is nothing further from the truth otherwise. My statement was no reflection that we are detached or don't know what's going on around here."

Rice left the conference, leaving Spokesperson Ereli to field questions from reporters.

Poll Leak May Land Reporters In Court, Prosecuted Under Espionage Laws

"I believe Secretary Rice may have gotten some notes mixed up," said Ereli. "She had just received some new briefings, and copy from the Lincoln Group, and she may have merged her thoughts."

Ereli confirmed that the Lincoln Group's role has been expanded, beyond Iraq, to provide editorial copy in Palestine, promoting pro-U.S. and Israeli positions.

"I don't know if we have any video of Secretary Rice, during her Hurricane Katrina briefings, but I can assure you, she was as stunned as the President when she learned of the levees breaching and the subsequent flooding of New Orleans."

Ereli also announced that the State Department has asked Attorney General Alberto Gonzales to investigate who leaked the commissioned poll results and "we could be hauling some reporters into court."

"This is a shameful act," said Ereli. "Actions like this could be helping the enemy. We'll just have to wait and see if these person or persons can be prosecuted under espionage laws."

Rice Doesn't See Civil War In Iraq Either

Ereli also read a statement from Secretary Rice that " I agree with Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff General Peter Pace that things are going very, very well in Iraq."

On NBC's "Meet The Press" yesterday, Pace told host Tim Russert that the media was obsessing on the negative and "I don't think we're getting the goodness out to the American people the way we should. Somehow we need to find a way to have balance in the amount of reporting that we're able to get out."

Pace later downplayed a Russert question, that, with the growing and unending violence in Iraq, as well as objective observers - including a rising number of conservative pundits - indicating the President's Iraq Policy is a failure, that insurgents are killing informers and those supporting the U.S. Forces and Iraq Government.

"I believe it's the fear factor, not the support factor," said Pace. "The tip line last March was getting about 400 tips per month. Now it's upwards of 4,000 tips per month that are coming in from Iraqi citizens telling their government and telling us where -- where problems are."

Neither Pace, the State Department, the Defense Department or the White House would confirm reports that the Chiefs of Staff are planning a "letter-writing" campaign to the media, protesting the reports that a civil war is either happening or is imminent in Iraq.

Also unconfirmed is reports the Washington Post reporter and author Bob Woodward has notes, tapes and other information from informed sources that there is a civil war in Iraq, but will not be writing about.

'He doesn't want to get involved," said a source close to the Washington Post. "He doesn't want to testify, or give any depositions. He's willing to let the other 'Post reporters scoop him on this."

T0 go with the theme of diversity at last night's Academy Awards, a multi-colored French Poodle was included in the "Swag Bags" given to Oscar presenters

Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard At The Oscars Last Night

10. I'm tellin' ya boys, it will be boffo! … Brokeback Three 6 Mafia! … You'll get a truckload of these things next year

9. Is Mickey Rooney sitting in the same seat as last year? ...Wait a minute, did he ever leave?

8. For someone who's big ticket has been starring in "The Mummy", there's a long list of people greater then Rachel Weisz

7. I heard the Bush Administration was going to secretly classify the voting results, just to piss off George Clooney

6. Jon … Oprah… Uma … Uma … Oprah .. Jon

5. Maybe someone should have told Lauren Bacall to just whistle, it might have been easier for her

4. What probably really mattered more to Reese Witherspoon is that Julia Roberts didn't do any major work last year

3. Is there a war going on in Iraq? … I thought is was just some new reality show from Fox

2. If Crash wins Best Picture, we might see the sequel right here on-stage

1. Too bad Charlize Theron's dress wasn't brown - she probably could have gotten some product placement money from UPS

Vote For The Garlic!

The Garlic Nabs 4th Nomination; Koufax Voting Now Open

Good Morning Garlic Fans

Following up from last week, the voting for the Koufax Awards has begun - and we picked up a fourth nomination - for "Most Humorous Blog"

So, please, use the links below to bring you there directly, or next time you're out on line, take a few moments, and if so disposed, please consider voting for The Garlic.

Once there, scroll (or zoom) down to the comments section. A simple matter of filling in your name (or a name) and a valid email address. Then, in the comment box, simply write "The Garlic" (if you feel the urge to embellish your vote with a compliment or kind word, we won't stop you - but it’s the vote that will count)

Hopefully, enough votes will come this way to get The Garlic into the semi-finals.

Oh yeah … Don't forget to pass this along to friends, family and any other hip people you know. You can send an email of this post by clicking the envelope at the bottom of this post

Many thanks for your consideration and support
Peace
JTD

The Garlic: All The Cloves Fit To Peel Nominations

The 2005 Koufax Awards: Best New Blog

The 2005 Koufax Awards: Most Deserving of Wider Recognition

The 2005 Koufax Awards: Most Humorous Blog

The 2005 Koufax Awards: Most Humorous Post

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 5 March 2006

New charges surfaced today against Dubai Ports World, claiming kickbacks, corruption, and misuse of construction funds, saying that they "only build the doorways, not the entire terminal buildings needed"














The White House would not confirm that Vice President Dick Cheney's schedule has been loaded with birthday and anniversary events, as a means to keep him busy and away from hunting and guns

Reportedly, there was some worry but security experts assured the White House that Cheney would be easier to disarm with a knife in hand, as opposed to a shotgun

To date, in over two-dozen cake-cuttings, there have be no incidents reported













Members of the United Arab Emirates company, Dubai Air World, arrive for an emergency session, to take up the measure, as to withdrawing from discussions with the Bush Administration at taking over management of U.S. airports














At a press conference Friday, when asked about the new Blackberry settlement, Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer unleashed a tirade, tossing chairs and shouting "I'll show them what a X#$%&@$! settlement is!"














The White House, reportedly, has taken out of its' "New Strategy For Victory In Iraq" a plan that called for offering Olympic Luge competitors "career opportunities" with the U.S. Military in Iraq, checking for IED's under automobiles, buses and trucks















In a monumental twist of irony, the lawyers for I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby notified the court that they plan on calling outted CIA Agent Valerie Plame to testify for the defense, believing her expertise in Weapons of Mass Destruction will bolster Libby's claim that he was too busy to have exposed her, or remember who he told that she worked undercover for the CIA

Top Ten Cloves: Ways White House Will Try To Do Damage Control On Hurricane Video

10. Admit nothing but claim experience has made them "hurricane-hardened"

9. Hey, it's taking the port fiasco off the front page

8. Get Senator Bill Frist to do one of his famous video diagnosis

7. Karl Rove is already cracking on a new smear campaign (Did you hear, that Max Mayfield might be gay?)

6. Have Joint Chiefs of Staff write another stern letter of protest

5. Since Osama bin Laden helped re-elect the President, make another pit stop in Afghanistan and see what he says about it

4. Keep Brownie in the hot seat; "He's still our scapegoat"

3. Get Fox News to claim the media made up Hurricane Katrina, or that an all-out hurricane is a good thing

2. Call on Pat Robertson to threaten media that God will punish them for running video

1. Be defiant - Send out President Bush to claim Americans are "emergency-relief-addicted" and that we need to find alternatives

Three Catagories You Can Vote For The Garlic

The Garlic Receives Three Nominations For 2005 Koufax Awards

First Year In Blogosphere Running "All The Cloves Fit To Peel" Humor and Satire

The Garlic, surprised, but humbly honored, has been recognized by the blog, Wampum, a wonderful site of Progressive Politics, Indian Issues, and Autism Advocacy, for the 2005 Koufax Awards competition.

2005 Koufax Awards competition are held annually to honor the best of left-leaning bloggers. A "Sandy" will be awarded based on reader votes in each of a number of categories. It is like the Oscars for lefty bloggers, except that we do not allow overly long, overly sentimental speeches by the winners. For those, you have the visit the sites of the winners. This is the fourth year of the awards. That makes us venerable when measured in blog years. You can locate previous winners by clicking on the links located on the left hand (of course) side bar

The Garlic: All The Cloves Fit To Peel has been nominated in three catagories;

The 2005 Koufax Awards: Best New Blog


The 2005 Koufax Awards: Most Deserving of Wider Recognition


The 2005 Koufax Awards: Most Humorous Post

Top Ten Cloves: Things The Vatican Has Done To Make Good Friday Even Better


The voting has not begun yet (and, believe me, we will notify you when it does), so we want to encourge to visit Wampum, and get yourself familiar with the site, the 2005 Koufax Awards competition and the other nominees.

And, while your at it, don't miss out on the posting (Monday-Friday, and the Weekend Special). You can receive The Garlic directly into your In Box by signing up, using FeedBlitz, in the box just under About Me box in the righthand column, or via a bevy of news feeds located under The Links

Thank you again for visiting and supporting The Garlic!

Peace
JTD

Bush To "Kick Back" For 45-Days

Bush To Tackle First Lady's "To-Do" List During Port Review

Mowing Lawn, Painting White House Shutters Among Chores; Will Dial Up Veto Threat "As Needed"

A testy White House announced this morning that President Bush, during the 45-day review period of the Dubai Ports World Company's operation of six American ports, will be "tackling First Lady Laura Bush's "To-Do" list".

"She's got quite the list," said White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan. "She had to start a second jar."

When pressed by reporters, asking shouldn't President Bush be involved in the review, talking with members of Congress, McClellan shot back;

"The President has made his position very clear. He believes the deal should move forward and, after some discussion, he's accepted to wait the 45-days for that to happen. The review is important, and more people will see the facts, but the President doesn't feel there will be anything that will change."

When questioned further by NBC's David Gregory, McClellan snapped;

"Simply put, this wouldn't be going forward if we were not certain that our ports would be secure. Perhaps, David, you should follow the advice that is being given to Lou Dobbs,"

The Dubai Ports World Company, criticized by the CNN anchor, has told Dobbs to "shut up".

Day Trips, Tours. Tapes and March Madness

Items on the "To-Do" list include mowing White House lawns and painting White House shutters and "a lot of odds-and-ends kind of things".

McClellan continued on, saying the President will "sleep late on some days" and "take some day trips".

Unconfirmed reports say that the NSA is preparing a "Greatest Hits Tape", highlights of wiretaps from 2005 and Vice President Cheney is reported to have offered a guided tour of his Secret Bunker, something the President is said to be "very eager" to see.

"And, for the first time since he took office, the President will be able to kick back, fire up the big screen TV and watch March Madness," added McClellan, who wouldn't comment if there would be a White House Pool set up for the NCCA Basketball Tournament.

The President won't be visiting the Armstrong Ranch, after, reportedly, Katherine Armstrong indicated to the White House that she wanted "the story, upfront, and before anything happens … I don't want to go through that bull spit again."

Republicans Running, Using Orbitz, To Move Away From President

With new polls showing President Bush at an all-time low in approval (34%), and the opposition to the port deal very much a bipartisan affair, Republicans have been fleeing from Bush.

Unconfirmed reports say that staunch supporter Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA), in a bitter fight to keep his seat, and running behind in the polls, has ordered the Pennsylvania State Police to turn back the President if he tries to enter the state. Law enforcement officials at airports, train stations and bus depots also have orders to keep Bush out.

"You can bet your ass he won't be coming in by way of the Port of Philadelphia, that's for sure," Santorum allegedly said during a interview on a local radio show.

Santorum also said he's used his "weather contacts" to see about creating "a nasty storm" if the President insists on coming into the state.

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is said to be "cramming" to get his motorcycle license, so he can "out run the motorcade, go off-road if I have to".

Senator John McCain (R-AZ), while publicly backing the President, has been said to be telling staffers in his office that "he'd [President Bush] be about as useful in our state as snow shovel". A spokesperson later stated that "the Senator may have been a little angry, or, perhaps he was attempting to make a joke - we always have a hard time reading the Senator on those kinds of things."

Veto Classes Will Continue

As reported by The Garlic last week, the White House will continue to run the "Veto" classes for President Bush, who is said to have "first-time jitters".

'The President," said McClellan, "will have a few more brush up classes on the Veto. He's pretty confident about vetoing any legislation that will hinder the port deal, but now, it's more a matter of some style and posture issues. He wants to look confident when he's signing it."

When asked if he was confirming that the President will veto any bills, McClellan said only that "we'll dial up the Veto threat, as needed, over the next 45-days."

McClellan would not confirm or deny that President Bush, as an exercise in the "Veto Classes", has been overruling civil war in Iraq, as practice.

First Lady Laura Bush's "To-Do List" is expected to keep President Bush busy during the 45-day review period of the Dubai Port Worlds deal

Top Law Schools Launch Admissions War

Berkeley Prof Kicks Off Law School War

Harvard, Yale, Stanford All Fire Off Thousands of Erroneous Acceptance Letters

Believing that they may be left out of the running for some of the best legal minds, Harvard, Yale and Stanford all blasted out accidental, congratulatory emails to over 20,000 applicants for their law schools, following the disclosure that a University of California, Berkeley Law School professor sent emails to the schools candidates last week during a training session.

Edward Tom, director of admissions at the school admitted he sent the erroneous emails, while training a new office worker.

Picking out a email for the purpose of showing the worker the schools software, and its' features, including sending messages to multiple recipients, Tom mistakenly chose the standard congratulatory message on being admitted to the university’s prestigious law school, sending it to over 7,000 applicants.

A spokesperson for Harvard said that the school "couldn't afford to sit idle".

"We may have a lame-duck president, but we just couldn't let this action go unchallenged," said the spokesperson. "We didn't have time to ask Mr. Summers if he thought there was some genetic component to this, we just had to get all-hands-on-deck and pray that all the legal talent doesn't end up in Berkeley."

After discovering the moves by Berkeley and Harvard, the campuses of Yale and Stanford were in chaos over the weekend, as they rounded up staff and began firing emails to their law school candidates.

Unconfirmed reports say that, with over 20,000 emails sent, nearly 40% of the recipients have been accepted at all three law schools.

"I suspect," said Dix Holden, editor of "VeriRich", a newsletter sent to Harvard Law School students and alumni, "that some enterprising law school candidate will file a suit over this, and one of the schools will end up with a fascinating live case study for their incoming freshman."

The San Jose Mercury News' "Good Morning Silicon Valley" suggested "Tom, by the way, has asked the IT department about adding a "Do you really, really want to send" popup to the mail system."

Top Ten Cloves: Last Minute Things President Bush Did Before Leaving For India

10. Asked for the update list of things the Administration was blaming former FEMA Director Michael Brown

9. Put a big "X" on today's date on his calendar, saying "Only 44 more days to go"

8. Filled up on cheeseburgers, since he, likely, won't get any on his trip

7. Double-checked with the Secret Service that they took Vice President Cheney's hunting guns away from him

6. Put Joint Chiefs of Staff on notice, any editorial cartoons spoofing him while he's away, he expects a stern protest letter

5. Rushed the new "gavel-cam" over to Chief Justice Roberts before the Anna Nicole Smith case

4. Called Ted Turner, and asked him if he still knew anyone over at CNN that could shut up Lou Dobbs on this port deal

3. Had Andy Card explain to him, again, who in the Iraq Civil War, if were like our Civil War, would be wearing grey and who would be wear blue

2. Sent a memo to Karl Rove to stop obsessing about Hillary Clinton

1. Packed his flight suit, just in case there's any "Mission Accomplished" moments that crop up on the trip

The New Strategy For Winning Olympic Medals

Bush Says Would Be Mistake To Pull Out Olympic Team

"Needs Time To Grow; Better To Win Medals Over There, Then Win Them Here";

President George Bush used his weekly radio address on Saturday to say that he will not pull the U.S. Olympic Team out of Torrino, Italy, announcing "The New Strategy For Winning Olympic Medals" initiative.

"We'd be sending the wrong signal," said the President. "It is better to win the medals over there, then winning them here … They need time to grow … Those brave Olympians have many chances, but their competition can be right only once."

"Our men and women in uniform are making sacrifices and showing a sense of duty stronger than all fear. We are grateful to all who volunteer to wear our Olympics uniform. And so we move forward optimistic about our country, faithful to its cause and confident of the victories to come.

Paid Journalists Probed

Source tell The Garlic that this may be an attempt by the White House, to get out in front of stories that may break soon, being that the Bush Administration paid journalists, as well as planting items in other media outlets, to write pro-U.S. Olympic Team articles and editorials.

There is growing reports and speculation that the Bush Administration has been running a "No U.S. Olympic Athlete Left Behind" program, paying conservative journalist and television commentator Armstrong Williams, Time Magazine's Matthew Cooper and former New York Times reporter Judith Miller hundreds-of-thousands of dollars to write, report and talk about pro-American Olympic efforts.

The President briefly touched on this, criticizing "those that would give aid and comfort to our competition."

"Members of Congress, and the media, feel about the decisions and debates of the past, that our nation has only one option: We must keep our word, defeat our competition and stand behind the American Olympic Team in its vital mission. There is no honor in retreat."

"As we look at these challenges, we must never give in to the belief that the American Olympic Team is in decline or that our competitiveness is doomed to unravel."

Washington Post reporter and author Bob Woodward is reported to be on the list of paid journalists, however, it's not clear when he intends to file his stories.

"We're in these games for the long haul," added the President. "Fellow citizens, we are in these games to win, and we are winning. The road of victory is the road that will take our Olympians home."

The International Olympic Committee was stunned by the announcement, and expressed concern on the impact of the 2010 Games.

"This is nearly unprecedented," said an Olympics spokesperson. "We've had Games with strong competition, throughout our history. To see a country aggressively, and proactively, declare a campaign for Gold Medals, and take unprovoked actions towards that goal, we haven't seen that since the 1936 Games, in Berlin. This could severely impact our 2010 Games."

Coalition Building and New Contracts Awarded

There was a flurry of action on Capital Hill following the President's announcement.

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice began a mission to build a coalition of countries to join the United States in "The New Strategy For Winning Olympic Medals" initiative, Early reports indicate that Great Britain and the tiny nation of Qatar are said to be on-board, with the French and Germans possibly adding some logistically support.

A $400-Million bill was quickly ushered through Congress and awarded to Halliburton, for the reconstruction of the Olympic Village in Torrino.

"Our work in the Olympics is difficult, because our competition is brutal, " said the President in his radio address.

"Viewing videotape alone is not wisdom. And waiting for the 2010 Games is not a strategy. Keeping America competitive requires us to open more Games. And to keep America competitive, one commitment is necessary above all: We must continue to lead the world in human talent. Our greatest advantage in the world has always been our educated, hardworking, ambitious people, and we are going to keep that edge."

Rumsfield Says We Have Enough Athletes; No Games For Cheney

Despite criticism, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfield said that "we have more than enough athletes on the ground over there" and has no intentions of sending in more competitors.

"Goodness gracious, no," said the Secretary, to questions about adding more support. "These athletes are game-hardened and more than capable of doing the job."

The White House quickly denied reports that Vice President Dick Cheney was going to be added to the Biathlon team, wryly saying that "we know he can shoot, we're just not sure how well he can ski."















Following the announcement on his weekly radio address, saying that he will not pull out of Torrino, Italy the U.S. Olympic Team, President Bush, with Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice spoke about "The New Strategy For Winning Olympic Medals" initiative

Top Ten Cloves: Reasons Dubai Ports World Asked For 45-Day Delay In Taking Over U.S. Ports

10. Watching DVD's of 'The Andy Griffith Show", after being told President Bush was alittle like Barney Fife

9. Can't concentrate with the Donald Trump - Martha Stewart feud raging on around them

8. Give Bill O'Reilly enough time to launch a new "Save Something" campaign

7. Andy Card asked for time; Needs to figure out if Administration can blame Former FEMA Chief Michael Brown for problem

6. So they can evaluate if President Bush is a lame duck or not

5. New legal matter - Scooter Libby is asking to subpoena Dubai Ports World records to show how busy he was

4. Logistics: James Dobson, Tony Perkins and Rick Santorum are putting together a "Port Justice Sunday" event to rally support

3. Took advice from Donald Rumsfield - The delay will get them "port-hardened"

2. Karl Rove indicated he needed more time to dig up dirt and create new smears on those opposing deal

1. Totally distraught over the Ask Jeeves logo being retired

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 26 February 2006

Actor George Clooney disclosed this week, that since he has criticized the Bush Administration, he has been followed by "a very large man, with an incredible golden tan"



















The outspoken and controversial televangelist Pat Robertson admitted this week that he is "confused". He is against President Bush's plan to turn over port operations to a country tied to terrorism, but isn't sure "which world leader's assassination should be called for"











Sources tell The Garlic that, in an effort to save the deal, the Bush Administration proposed to Congressional leaders that they allow Dubai Port Worlds company to "manage the Tidal Basin" as a demonstration of their abilities


















Wal-Mart, reportedly, has communicated to the White House that they would be happy to take over the port operations contract to help out President Bush

A Wal-Mart spokesperson said that they could run the system more effectively and less-costly, by hiring undocumented workers, and eliminating lunch breaks, overtime and healthcare














Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfield glares at President Bush, after the President rebuffed Rumsfield, saying that "yes, it's messy but stuff just doesn't happen when preparing for a hurricane"














Harvard President Larry Summers, who resigned last week, caused more controversy when he said that it is likely "older white males are genetically predisposed not to be able to hold on to their jobs in large, educational institutions"

Breaking News! - Bush Has "Own Government"

New White House Bombshell As President Confirms It's "My Government"

Cabinet Meeting Comment Reveals Duel Government; Forces Administration To Admit Did Deal In Secret

Capital Hill, today, is in complete chaos, after President Bush let slip in a Cabinet Meeting yesterday that he owns the government.

Speaking to reporters at the end of a Cabinet Meeting, addressing the furor over the Administration's secret approval of a $6.8 billion sale that will allow a United Arab Emirates company to control six critical ports, the President said;

"The more people learn about the transaction that has been scrutinized and approved by my government, the more they'll be comforted that our ports will be secure."

The President's use of the term "my government" fueled critics who have long speculated that the Bush Administration has operated independently from the U.S. Government and late this morning White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan confirmed the move, saying that "we probably should have announced this sooner."

"The President just learned of this," stated McClellan, "about the same time you all did. He knew that it was going to be proposed, but didn't know that it was finally approved, until just before the Cabinet meeting."

Much of the Senate and the House learned of the new, secret Bush Government, following a meeting of the Senate Armed Services Committee, chaired by Senator John Warner (R-VA), to begin looking into the Dubai Port World sale.

Bush Government Approved In Secret Vote

According to sources close to the administration, the private Bush Government came in the same meeting that the Dubai Port World sale came up.

The Committee on Foreign Investments in the United States, after approving, in secret, the sale, giving control of the port operations in six, major American cities, to the UAE-owned company, a motion was brought up, as an extension to that sale, to formally recognize the private Bush Government.

None of the members of the committee, which includes representatives of the FBI and Pentagon, as well as the Secretaries of Treasury, Commerce and Homeland Security, would comment on the proposal or vote, citing all records of it are classified.

Unconfirmed rumors also point to a "Signing Statement" by President Bush also may have played into the formation of his private government.

President Bush's increased use of "Signing Statements", as well as the efforts to expand executive powers, and the extraordinary reclassification of documents, were all part of the move to form a private government, according to the source.

'This didn't happen overnight," said the source.

Bipartisan Critics Say Signs Were There

Almost unilaterally, critics say, President Bush, and his administration, launched a preemptive war and occupation of Iraq, liberally and repeatedly leaked classified information of the U.S. Government, with complete disregard, failed to respond to the devastating Hurricane Katrina, initially citing and putting blame on local and state officials, the recent shooting by Vice President Dick Cheney that went unreported and undisclosed for over 14-hours, and now, the secret sale of the six, major port operations to a country, the UAE, that has ties to Sept. 11th and terrorism.

The reaction to a private Bush Government has been swift, heated and bipartisan.

"We sensed, for some time," said Senator Carl Levine (D-MI), "that they were out-of-touch and out-of-control, but I never expected to find that they had their own government."

"Who knew," said Senator Hillary Clinton (D-NY), "they when they boasted about having a "post-9-11 mindset", that it meant having their own government."

"This is way beyond being tone-deaf," said Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC). "They have a completely different agenda, a different allgiance, their own set of rules."

Both leaders of the House and Senate, as well as the minority leaders, denounced the move and called for "immediate and thorough hearings"

Special Committee Called; "We may be stuck with this private government for awhile"

"We're putting together a special, bipartisan committee, as we speak," according to a statement signed by Sen. Bill Frist (R-TN), Sen. Harry Reid (D-NV), Rep. And House Speaker Dennis Hastert (R-IL) and Rep, Nancy Pelosi (D-CA). "We need to get to the bottom of this and will subpoena the entire White House, if need be."

Privately, some members of the House and Senate are worried, based on the recent secret actions of the Bush Administration, that they "will ignore" and not recognize the new committee, or it's investigative powers

"I fear," said Pelosi, "I mean I really have deep fears that we may be stuck with this private Bush Government for awhile … Maybe until the end of his term."

In an effort seen as attempting to soften fears and calm down the reaction, Deputy White House Chief of Staff, and Special Council, Karl Rove, seen by many as the architect of the move, said that there's no requirement that we close this deal immediately."

"Too much of Washington - particularly, the Democrats," said Rove, "- are stuck in this pre-9-11-mindset. We have the vision, and the opportunity, to seize the moment and boldly define what is needed - a strong, post-9-11-mentality, and that's what we are doing."

Libby Dismal Motion Timed To Announcement; May Test new 'Cheney Decision" Law

Yesterday, lawyers of I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, Vice President Dick Cheney's former Chief of Staff, asked, in a motion, U.S. District Court Judge Reggie B. Walton to dismiss all charges against him because a special prosecutor lacked the legal authority to bring the charges.

Libby contends that the Justice Department "improperly appointed" Special Counsel Patrick J. Fitzgerald, who is investigating the CIA Leak Case in which Libby, and others in the Bush Administration leaked the name and identity of covert CIA Agent Valerie Plame, therefore, making invalid the charges against Libby of perjury, making false statements and obstructing justice.

"They're going for broke," said Sonny Earl, editor of a Supreme Court newsletter that monitors the court's activities, 'OMIB" ('The Original Men In Black'). "They're going to push all the buttons on this one, make it a full, all-out assault on the Special Prosecutor, maybe even the court."

"They may even try to plug in the new "Cheney Decision" the law the White House and Justice pushed through last week. Bush may add a 'Signing Statement" to it, make it retro for Libby - at least, that's the rumor coming out of the Vice President's Office."

The new "Cheney Decision" allows persons of a certain income level the benefit of not being interviewed by law enforcement officials, following an incident or accident, for 12-hours, and in some cases, up to 36-hours

Bob Woodward May Be Outlet For New Secret Bush Government

There is growing rumors and speculation that Washington Post, and author, Bob Woodward will be tapped to "leak information" out on the new, secret Bush Government.

Reporting on The Huffington Post, as well as his own blog, journalist Murray Waas writes that Woodward as given special treatment and access to reams of classified information, when writing his books on the Bush Administration

"It wouldn't surprise me if the used Woodward, "said a veteran Capital Hill media person. "The real mystery will be is if he sits on it for months, maybe to write a new book, or if the Bush people tell him to sit on it, or leak it right away."

Rumors and speculation are also growing that the Chicago Tribune columnist and new Fox News analyst Robert Novak, former former New York Times reporter Judith Miller and Time Magazine's Matthew Copper may also be sought by the secret Bush Government as outlets for leaks.













Attorney General Alberto Gonzales is said to have written most of the legal opinons that allowed President Bush to form his own, secret goverment

Top Ten Cloves: Problems With Being A Woman Figure Skater In The Winter Olympics

10. Millions of perverts are downloading your picture for the World Wide Web

9. Can't get Olympic Committee and Federations to go to an "American-Idol" style of voting

8. Scooter Libby is claiming he's too busy? Let him try training for and competing in the Olympics

7. Need to wait until we turn professional to get into the really big bucks

6. What the hell was Bryant Gumble talking about - Don't remember seeing any figure skaters at the GOP Convention

5. Have to put up with Dick Button's gushing

4. The Martha Stewart - Donald Trump feud overshadowed us this week

3. Have to play along with NBC's Bob Costas - Yeah, it's because we're wearing ice skates is why we're taller then him

2. Some of the male figure skaters look better in tights

1. Point deductions for falling down; What the hell do they expect, we're on ice, for Christ's sake

Special Port Security Song Sweeping Through Congress

Special Sing-Along: Never Can Say Dubai

As we did back in November, when The Garlic went musical to honor and commemorate the arraignment of I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, with a rendition of "Dick, The Magic Vice Prez", we offer today, the tune that is sweeping through both Houses of Congress

(It goes to the melody of "Never Can Say Goodbye")

Never Can Say Dubai

I never can say Dubai
No, no, no, I never can say Dubai

Every time I think I'm safe enough
And start heading for the port
There’s a very strange vibration
Piercing me right to the core

It says turn around you fool,
You know you fear him more, and more
Tell me why ... is it so?
Don’t wanna let you get away with it

I never can say goodbye Dubai
Ooh ooh Georgie, I never can say Dubai
No no no no no no
Ooh hey I never can say Dubai, Georgie
Ooh ooh Georgie
I never can say Dubai
No no no no no no hey

I never can say Dubai
Oh no, no, no I, I never can say Dubai

I keep thinking that our security soon is all gonna work out
But there’s that same unhappy feeling,
There’s that anguish, there’s that doubt
It’s that same old secrecy hang-up
You can’t do it openly, you do it without oversight, as you’ve had with all your term

Tell me why is it so? I don’t wanna let you get away with it
I never can say Dubai, ooh Georgie
I never can say Dubai, no no no no no no
Hey I never can say Dubai, Georgie,ooh Georgie
I never can say Dubai, no no no no no no

I never can say Dubai, Georgie,
I never can say Dubai, no no no no no no
I never can say Dubai, Georgie
I never can say Dubai, no no no no no no

I never can say Dubai, Georgie
I never can say Dubai, no no no no no no
I never can say Dubai, Georgie
I never can say Dubai, no no no no no no

Ooh ooh ooh hey I never can say Dubai, Georgie
No no no baby hey never can say Dubai
No no no no please, don’t make me say Dubai
Hey I will never say Dubai, no Georgie
Oh please don’t veto me, no no no no
Hey oh I can’t say Dubai, Georgie
No no no Georgie
Oh please don’t oooh, Georgie

President Bush, today, is being serenaded by Congress with the song, "Never Can Say Dubai"