The Garlic: 09/27/2009

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

"Dude, Her Head's Bigger Than Her Pelvis"

Oh, we like the "David vs. Goliath" fights here on The Garlic.

They can be so entertaining, and illuminating, you can get so pumped up by them.

And, since we are doing a post on it, we do have one, in progress, that is shooting up some sparks.

The lads over at the wonderfully irreverent site, Boing Boing, drew the ire of the Batman-loving Ralph Lauren, when they jumped on, and dissed a Lauren advertisement, that, seemingly, set the taser gun of their Photoshopping on Warp Speed 5;

Ralph Lauren opens new outlet store in the Uncanny Valley

Dude, her head's bigger than her pelvis ..."

Yikes!

It looks like she could be the offspring of a civil union between Lou Waters and Jack Germond.

So, naturally, the Lauren folks acted like someone greased their runway, and pointed the lawyers at Boing Boing, which Boing Boing didn't even break a sweat over;

The criticism that Ralph Lauren doesn't want you to see!

So, instead of responding to their legal threat by suppressing our criticism of their marketing images, we're gonna mock them. Hence this post.

[snip]

So, to Ralph Lauren, GreenbergTraurig, and PRL Holdings, Inc: sue and be damned. Copyright law doesn't give you the right to threaten your critics for pointing out the problems with your offerings. You should know better. And every time you threaten to sue us over stuff like this, we will:

a) Reproduce the original criticism, making damned sure that all our readers get a good, long look at it, and;

b) Publish your spurious legal threat along with copious mockery, so that it becomes highly ranked in search engines where other people you threaten can find it and take heart; and

c) Offer nourishing soup and sandwiches to your models.

For Ralph Lauren, it's "Holy snagged tights, Batman! ... What do we do now?"

Kudos, Boing Boing!

Bonus Links

Boing Boing Raises Its Middle Finger to Ralph Lauren

Boing Boing And Ralph Lauren Clash Over Image Of Emaciated Model

De-touching the lollipop-headed Ralph Lauren image that prompted a legal threat

This Date ... On The Garlic

7 October 2008... On The Garlic

Debate Results ... The Flintstones vs. The Jetsons Part II

Top Ten Cloves: Most Surprising Things John McCain Can Do At The Debate This Evening

Does She Eat Arugula, As Well?

A Compliment for The Garlic

Editor's Note ... Hang In There ... Good Stuff Is Coming!

7 October 2007... On The Garlic

Top Ten Cloves: Ways To Tell Your Newly Constructed Iraq Embassy Is Poorly Built

7 October 2005... On The Garlic

Breaking News! - In Desperate Move, White House Reaches Out To 'Three Wishes'; With Terrorism, Indictments and Nominations On The Edge, President Signals To Call In Hit NBC Show

Top Ten Cloves: If The White House Got Ten Wishes ...

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Top Ten Cloves: Ways David Letterman Can Get Out of His Sex Scandal

News Item: Judging Potential Hypocrite David Letterman's Sexxxy Extortion Scandal

10. Change the name of his company to Zipped Up and Locked Pants

9. Combine Late Night, with other CBS show, CSI, to investigate and exonerate himself

8. Can get mileage out of "At least my name wasn't in the DC Madam's phone book"

7. Apologize to Sarah Palin, again

6. Quickly, move show to 10:00 PM, revive rivalry with Leno, and media will forget all about it

5. Come out and swear, up-and-down, he was not "Client - 9" and have all attention go back to Eliot Spitzer

4. Call John Edwards, he may have an idea, or two

3. Have Whoopi Goldberg come out and say it wasn't really an "affair-affair"

2. Get Senator John Ensign's parents to pay off the mistress

1. Get Mistress to recant - Say it was really Larry "Bud" Melman she had affair with

This Date ... On The Garlic

6 October 2008... On The Garlic

Don't Wink At Me, Sarah Palin

6 October 2007... On The Garlic

This Just In! Marceau Fans Preventing Coroner, Family From Taking Body; Believes It Could Be New Routine; Officials Frustrated As Throng Stakes Out Front Of Home, Many in White Face and Mime Costumes, Waiting

Top Ten Cloves: Ways White House Aides Got President Bush To Claim "We Do Not Torture"

6 October 2006... On The Garlic

Minced Garlic: Another Stellar Keith Olbermann Special Comment - “A special comment about lying”

6 October 2005... On The Garlic

Spellings, DOE To Have Williams Endorse President, Miers Pro Bono; Hopes to "Satisfy" Blistering GAO Report, To Return Propaganda Funds; Much of Monies Spent in Branson

Top Ten Cloves: How President Bush Named Harriet Miers As His Choice For Supreme Court

Monday, October 05, 2009

Help Abused and Neglected Animals!

We don't do a lot of pitches on The Garlic, so you know, when we do, it's a good one.

Got this message tonight on Barry Crimmins' Facebook;

Barry Crimmins (Via Charles Laquidara) The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to click on it daily so they can meet their quota of getting FREE FOOD donated every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes about 15 seconds to go to their site and ...click on the purple box 'fund food for animals for free'

It actually, if you have broadband, or an otherwise super-speedy connection, takes less then 15-seconds, so, no excuses about taking even less time to think about clicking, than making a decision about which shoes to put on ...

The Animal Rescue Site focuses the power of the Internet on a specific need — providing food for some of the 27 million unwanted animals given to shelters in the U.S. every year. Over 10 million animals are put to death every year in the U.S. alone because they are abandoned and unwanted.

Each click on the purple "Click Here to Give - it's FREE" button at The Animal Rescue Site provides food and care for a rescued animal living in a shelter or sanctuary. Funding for food and care is paid by site sponsors and distributed to animals in need at the Fund for Animals' renowned animal sanctuaries (including Cleveland Amory Black Beauty Ranch in Texas and the Wildlife Rehabilitation Center in California), pet shelters supported by the Petfinder Foundation , North Shore Animal League , and other worthy animal care facilities supported by the GreaterGood.org foundation.

100% of sponsor advertising fees goes to our charitable partners.

Hit the link, and give yourself a good feeling that you did something positive today.

And copy the link, or bookmark this post, so you can make it a daily routine

Animal Rescue Site Click-To-Give Free Food and Care

BBC Last Chance To See ... The Kakapo

I caught this the other night, I think, on Rachel Maddow's show, and it is, in the end, pretty funny.

It comes from the BBC program, Last Chance To See; A Search for Animals On The Edge of Extinction

In New Zealand the travellers make their way through one of the most dramatic landscapes in the world. They are on a journey to find the last remaining kakapo, a fat, flightless parrot which, when threatened with attack, adopts a strategy of standing very still indeed.

Well, as you will see in the video, the rare bird doesn't, exactly, stand still.

It appears to engage in a mating ritual, complete with flapping wings, on Mark Carwardine, as Stephen Frye narrates.

Check it out.

'You are being shagged by a rare parrot' - Last Chance To See - BBC Two

Video of Anne Frank Surfaces on YouTube

This is, truly, remarkable.

And, heartbreaking, at the same time.

H/T to Jennifer Van Grove, over on Mashable, for the post on this;

Video of Anne Frank Surfaces on YouTube

The only existing film footage of Anne Frank has been uploaded to YouTube by the Anne Frank House. The Amsterdam museum is hoping to bring attention to Anne’s story and diaries and reach a new generation who may be unfamiliar with her story.

It happens, ever so briefly - like the snap of the fingers - at about the 9-second mark.

Considering the story of Anne Frank, what happened, not so long after this remarkable video, it's all the more heartbreaking, as Anne is doing the incredible innocuous action of simply watching a wedding party in her neighborhood.

From the YouTube description;

July 22 1941. The girl next door is getting married. Anne Frank is leaning out of the window of her house in Amsterdam to get a good look at the bride and groom. It is the only time Anne Frank has ever been captured on film. At the time of her wedding, the bride lived on the second floor at Merwedeplein 39. The Frank family lived at number 37, also on the second floor. The Anne Frank House can offer you this film footage thanks to the cooperation of the couple.

You can visit the Anne Frank House for more information

Here's the video;

Anne Frank: the only existing film images

This Date ... On The Garlic

5 October 2008... On The Garlic

First Thing For Obama To Say At Tuesday's Debate ...

5 October 2007 ... On The Garlic

More PetraeusReportPalooza - Sycophant Savior

5 October 2006... On The Garlic

Breaking News! Giant Search Engine Downed By GOP and RNC Staffers; Google Crashes! Besieged With “I’m Feeling Lucky” Searches From White House, Congress; Amazon, D.C. Novelty Stores Hit With Run On Magic 8-Balls

5 October 2005... On The Garlic

Accuweather, NWS, NHS Woo Franklin Graham For Hurricane Forecasting; "Pipeline To God Would Corner Market"; Some Say Could Lead To First Weather Emmy"

OJ, Vatican Said To Sign Deal, Merge Hunts

Top Ten Cloves: Things Nicholas Cage Is Going To Have To Do For His Son, Kal-el

Sunday, October 04, 2009

Top Ten Cloves: Things That Might Have Happened To Ted Williams' Head

News Item: New book alleges Alcor mistreatment of Ted Williams' severed head

10. Had it riding atop the Roomba, but kept falling off

9. Just started bashing things, in anger, after hearing Chicago lost out on 2016 Olympics

8. Goofing off with tuna can stuck to head - Made like Starkist commercial, but used punchline, saying "Sorry, Teddy"

7. Cinco de Mayo, were stuck for a pinata

6. Got kicked, and stepped on, practicing routine for new show - "Dancing with the Stars' Heads"

5. Needed something to bang the spigot into the keg

4. Rented out to local minor league baseball team for fungo practice

3. "There's no Cryonics in baseball ... There's no Cryonics in baseball! ..."

2. Pitted Williams' Head against Timex Watch ... Timex Watch still ticking

1. Let's just say that Ted Williams wasn't the last .400 hitter ... You know what I mean ...

This Date ... On The Garlic

4 October 2008... On The Garlic

She's Not A Hockey Mom with Lipstick ... She's Emily Litella!

Palin Whines, Katie Wouldn't Let Her Slime Obama

4 October 2007... On The Garlic

Free Burma!

4 October 2006... On The Garlic

Breaking News! Bush Counting On New Controversy To Bury Iraq, Woodward News; New White House Bombshell: Bush Considering Medal of Freedom Award For Foley; Cites Scandalized Congressman’s Loyalty In House And “Foley’s Attention and Support of Page Program”

Top Ten Cloves: Options Speaker of the House Denny Hastert Is Looking At To Save His Job

4 October 2005... On The Garlic

Cheney to Miers: "Way To Go There Girl"; VP Gave Advice, Coached To Choose Herself; Longtime Prez Cook and Gardener On Short List

Top Ten Cloves: Signs Your Congressman May Be Laundering Money

Saturday, October 03, 2009

This Date ... On The Garlic

3 October 2008... On The Garlic

"So, maverick he is not ..."

3 October 2007... On The Garlic

Breaking News! Burma Junta Contracting Blackwater For Internal Security; Could Mean Exit From Iraq For Embattled Mercenary Firm; Radio's Limbaugh Charges "Phony Monks" Stirring Up Trouble

It's MLB Playoff Time ... That Means Time For The Garlic Baseball Primer Essay

Top Ten Cloves: Reasons Leading To Newt Gingrich Deciding Not To Run For President

3 October 2006... On The Garlic

News In Brief - Snow: “Just, Simply, A Naughty Little Grammar Snafu”; New White House Problem: Held Report Allegedly Says Iraq History Will Have Exclamation Point, Not Comma

Top Ten Cloves: Ways White House Is Thinking About To Help Condoleezza Rice Remember Meetings She Attends

3 October 2005... On The Garlic

Garlic Exclusive! Disney Tosses Hat Into Hurricane Ring; Said To Make Bid To Purchase New Orleans; Multiple Themes Parks Already There; Deal Would Give Disney Channel Exclusive Hurricane Coverage Through 2011

Top Ten Cloves: How Colleagues Will Welcome New Chief Justice To Supreme Court His First Day

Friday, October 02, 2009

What If It Was Your Daughter?

Maybe it's the new Starbucks Instant Coffee, of some other beverage out there.

This story has been percolating all week, and it is, simply, astounding, so many of allegedly intelligent people are, suddenly, swilling down gallons of "stupid juice".

We're going to have to rent a handful of double-decker buses, to bring in this many Ignorant Dolts to pick up their inglorious hardware.

Release Polanski, demands petition by film industry luminaries

Woody Allen, David Lynch and Martin Scorsese today added their names to a petition demanding the immediate release of Roman Polanski from detention in Zurich. The director was arrested on Saturday over a three-decade-old underage sex case when he arrived to receive a lifetime achievement award at the city's film festival.

[snip]

The petition has now been signed by more than 70 film industry luminaries, including Polanski's fellow directors Michael Mann, Wim Wenders, Pedro Almodóvar, Darren Aronofsky, Terry Gilliam, Julian Schnabel, the Dardenne brothers, Alejandro González Iñárritu, Wong Kar-Wai, Walter Salles and Jonathan Demme. Actors Tilda Swinton, Monica Bellucci and Asia Argento, as well as producer Harvey Weinstein, have also put their names on the petition. Yesterday, Weinstein stated he was "calling on every film-maker we can to help fix this terrible situation".

The five members of the jury at the Zurich film festival, headed by the actor Debra Winger, yesterday released a statement protesting that the event "had been exploited in an unfair fashion".

We can take Woody Allen out of the equation right away, we know where his take is, but I wonder how Wim Wenders, Martin Scorsese, David Lynch, Harvey Weinstein, Michael Mann, Pedro Almodóvar, Terry Gilliam, Jonathan Demme, Debra Winger, and all the other nitwits, would feel, with Roman Polanski being who he is, making the films he has made, if it was their daughter that Polanski, drugged, and raped.

Would they still protest, and sign a petition to get him out of jail?

Read this, from Kate Harding, at Salon, the other day;

Reminder: Roman Polanski raped a child

Wow, OK, let's break that down. First, as blogger Jeff Fecke says, "Fun fact: the age of consent in 1977 in California was 16. It's now 18. But of course, the age of consent isn't like horseshoes or global thermonuclear war; close doesn't count. Even if the age of consent had been 14, the girl wasn't 14." Also, even if the girl had been old enough to consent, she testified that she did not consent. There's that. Though of course everyone makes a bigger deal of her age than her testimony that she did not consent, because if she'd been 18 and kept saying no while he kissed her, licked her, screwed her and sodomized her, this would almost certainly be a whole different story -- most likely one about her past sexual experiences and drug and alcohol use, about her desire to be famous, about what she was wearing, about how easy it would be for Roman Polanski to get consensual sex, so hey, why would he need to rape anyone? It would quite possibly be a story about a wealthy and famous director who pled not guilty to sexual assault, was acquitted on "she wanted it" grounds, and continued to live and work happily in the U.S. Which is to say that 30 years on, it would not be a story at all. So it's much safer to focus on the victim's age removing any legal question of consent than to get tied up in that thorny "he said, she said" stuff about her begging Polanski to stop and being terrified of him.

And there's Whoopi Goldberg.

This sister needs to get a new act, or, at least wake up, pull her head out of her ass;

Goldberg, star of The Color Purple and Sister Act, said: "I know it wasn't rape-rape. I think it was something else, but I don't believe it was rape-rape.

"Don't believe it was rape-rape"?

WTF!

What kind of rape was it Whoopi?

Why don't you enumerate the vast numbers of different kinds rape, so we all can know, how you know, that it wasn't "rape-rape".

Actually, Whoopi may be correct.

When you read the Grand Jury testimony, it wasn't "rape-rape", it was "rape-rape-rape".

And there's Harvey Weinstein, the co-founder of Miramax Films, whose Ignorant Doltness dwarfs his suit size;

"Whatever you think about the so-called crime, Polanski has served his time," Weinstein wrote.

"So-called crime"?

Oh that's right, I almost forgot what we wrote above.

I guess something that is not really "rape-rape" gets classified as a "so-called crime".

I guess the news reports, and court records, are wrong, and that Pedophile Polanski pleaded "so-called guilty" to a plea-bargain deal for having only "so-called sex" with a "so-called 13-year-old girl"

And, I'm not privy to the new DOJ Sentencing Guidelines, that call living a life of luxury in Europe, for over 30-years, can be counted as "serving time".

There's numerous petitions floating around, to free the Pedophile Polanski, to demand that the Swiss do not extradite him back for his Los Angeles judgment day.

How about a new petition?

Maybe, one like, say, how many of those listed above, Debra Winger, Whoopie "Not Rape-Rape" Goldberg, Harvey "So-Called" Weinstein, will rush to sign on to.

"We the undersigned would be perfectly fine with Pedophile Polanski being alone in a room with our own 13-year-old daughters, or nieces"

C'mon there, let's see those hands raised high.

After all, whatever happens, it won't be "rape-rape", or some other "so-called" crime.

Pedophile Polanski "served his time", remember, so he must have a piece of paper that says he's not a pedophile any longer.

Bonus Pedophile Polanski Links

Lauren: Getting Over It

Michael Stickings: Defending Polanski; or, how the Hollywood left has completely lost its marbles

Amanda Hess: Common Roman Polanski Defenses, Refuted

Katha Pollitt: Roman Polanski Has a Lot of Friends

Glenn Greenwald: Post editors should read their own columnists

Kate Dailey: Roman Polanski Raped a Child: A Primer

Gabe: Roman Polanski Might Use Documentary To Continue To Prove That He Raped A 13-Year-Old

This Date ... On The Garlic

2 October 2008... On The Garlic

VP Debate Results: Kick The Can

Palin Defeats Dewey!

2 October 2007... On The Garlic

"They will have flies walking across their eyeballs"

Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard On First Day of Supreme Court

2 October 2006... On The Garlic

Vote For Who Is The Worst U.S. President

Help Me Mister Wizard! The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll

2 October 2005... On The Garlic

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves

Thursday, October 01, 2009

He's Still Alive?

I, kind of, did a double-take, when I saw this headline the other day;

Andy Williams accuses Barack Obama of following Marxist theory

WOW!, I thought, Andy Williams is still alive.

I mean, this is the guy that had to be the inspiration for Muzak.

I can remember, even in my youth, during that time of year, when his Christmas Specials would come on, thinking of the untold hundreds-of-thousand diabetics who must be going into shock, hospital emergency rooms flooded, perhaps getting a double whammy, if they had the program on the television in the waiting rooms.

Man, he milked "Moon River" so much, it must be silted by now.

This is what this elderly Flying Monkey has to offer the political discourse;

Williams, a lifelong Republican whose hits include Moon River and Music To Watch Girls By, told the Radio Times he thought Mr Obama wanted to turn the US into a "socialist country".

[snip]

"Don't like him at all," he said, "I think he wants to create a socialist country. The people he associates with are very Left-wing. One is registered as a Communist.

"Obama is following Marxist theory. He's taken over the banks and the car industry. He wants the country to fail."

We assume the interview was lengthy, with Mr. Williams having to stop and work the drool cup.

Michael Stickings, over on The Reaction, called him "Craziest Conservative of the Day."

That about covers it.