Breaking News - White House Bombshell: "VP Could Be In His Last Throes"

Libby Verdict Has Bush, White House Urging Cheney Into Rehab

Sources Claim "Can't Be Trusted He Won't Break"; Iraq Comments "Last Straw" and "Were Not An Enormous Success"

Sources have told The Garlic that a fierce battle is being waged inside the White House, as President Bush, and other staffers, are strongly urging Vice President Dick Cheney enter into rehab.

The overriding fear is that recently convicted former Assistant to the President, and Vice President Chief of Staff I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, in an effort to stay out of prison, by make a deal with Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald and implicate the Vice President in the Valerie Plame CIA Leak Case.

If that were to occur, and with Fitzgerald already "owning" Assistant to the President, Deputy Chief of Staff and Senior Advisor Karl Rove, the White House wants to have Cheney "completely off-limits" to investigators.

He can't be trusted that he won't break. They'll have him disappear." said one official who works in the West Wing. "I mean, he'll be gone, untouchable."

Cheney's Staff Fighting Back

In the Office of the Vice President, a chaotic and frenzied effort is underway by staffers, to block the President from forcing Cheney into rehab.

David Addington, Cheney's new Chief of Staff, is said to be "sweating blood", digging furiously through legal volumes, looking for the slightest edge that can be employed, or a precedent that can be slipped into the next Bush Signing Statement.

Communication between the West Wing and the Vice President's office is so strained, that necessary information, and daily business, is being conducted by messenger.

Cheney could not be reached for comment, rumored to be holed-up in his Secret Bunker.

Cheney spokeswoman Lea Anne McBride said the Vice President would not be issuing any comments on the rehab story and that, "frankly, he doesn't give a hoot what people think."

Cheney Was On Thin Ice

With Cheney's influence in the White House being questioned, and calls coming of the impeachment of the Vice President, Cheney, according to the insiders, was already on the President's radar, and "very thin ice".

Since his combative interview with CNN's Wolf Blitzer, in which Cheney sang of the "enormous successes" in Iraq and arrogantly dismissed criticism of himself as "hogwash", the White House has attempted to harness the Vice President, but without much success.

Cheney has also been a the center of amping up the war cry against Iran, having already angered the President earlier by by splitting off from the White House and establishing his own Iran Study Group.

"Christ," sighed another source inside the White House, "you want reasons? We've got over six-years' worth ... Take your pick ... Last throes ... Endorsing waterboarding... Busting the Senate Intelligence Committee's balls... His secret energy meetings... The Nazi Appeaser thing... This guys a one-man PR nightmare ... Every time the President wants to do something on the QT, there goes Cheney shooting - no pun intended - his mouth off ..."

All In The Family

The White House is also displeased that it has become a "family affair"; with the Cheney's, in putting the spotlight on the President and his policies.

Last Fall, Lynne Cheney, the Vice President's wife, had her own head butting contest with CNN's Blitzer that generated an unwanted glare.

That was followed by a pair of Op-Ed's by Cheney's daughter, Elizabeth, urging continued support for the Iraq Occupation and lashing out at Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, for her "single, unmarried" status.

Faith and Fallback In Play

The President is said to have faith, that the Vice President will "do the right thing", and gracefully step into rehab.

If not, the sources say, the President already has a "fallback" position in ordering Cheney into rehab.

Shortly after the Libby guilty verdict was announced, Cheney, reportedly, stormed around his office in a raging tirade, and is said to be heard by a handful of staffers, of calling Special Prosecutor Fitzgerald a "little faggot".

"And there's already an established procedure and precedent for that." added the staffer. "Even Ann Coulter worried about going into rehab is she used that word."

With his influence down, and his former Chief of Staff now a convicted felon, the White House is urging Vice President Dick Cheney to enter into rehab, but no one is expecting Cheney Cheney to go without a fight

The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Warning - Bypass this post if you don't want to be discouraged.

As we announced yesterday, The Garlic will be presenting The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Todays Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the-Day

Bomb Shatters Baghdad's Storied Literary Street; Dozens Are Killed; Area Once Known For Liberal Ideas

Links

Watch the video of the First Lady on Crooks and Liars

Brookings Institute Iraq Index

CNN Larry King - Interview With Laura Bush/"The Lost Tomb of Jesus"

The Reaction's Michael J.W. Stickings: Laura Bush should keep her mouth shut

Monday 5 March 2007 Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the-Day - Suicide Bomb Explodes in Baghdad Market

















We have to speculate that the First Lady and Vice President likely agreed that "what we see on television is the one Scooter Libby conviction a day that discourages everybody."

Top Ten Cloves: Things Ann Coulter Would Spend "Coulter Cash" On

News Item: Edwards Campaign Responds to Coulter Calling Him 'Faggot'

10. All the crème brulee in the whole wide world

9. Take the 9/11 widows to lunch

8. Buy Catholic League President Bill Donohue a date

7. Some new, advanced software, to make it easier to plagiarize

6. An armful of Sean Hannity T-Shirts

5. Lots and lots of Lynne Cheney's books

4. A slew of her own books, to rig her Amazon rating

3. Cover Rush Limbaugh's drug bill

2. Fund Rick Santorum's next WMD hunt

1. Britt Hume, a personality











Coulter may need some of the "Coulter Cash", if more companies pull their ads from her website

New Feature - The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Warning - Bypass this post if you don't want to be discouraged.

Forgot about the hundreds, to thousands of U.S. Soldiers and Iraqi citizens being killed and injured on a daily basis. Ignore the Bush Administration's treatment of the soldiers when they return home for care.

The First Lady of the United States, in an interview with Larry King, has decried that, it is not the failure of the President and his administration that is a bummer when it comes to Iraq, rather it is the fault of the media for bringing an isolated moment of misery to us.

"And many parts of Iraq are stable ahh..now. But, of course, what we see on television is the one bombing a day that discourages everybody."

As Think Progress reported, "According to the latest Brookings Institution Iraq Index, as of November 2006, there were approximately 185 insurgent and militia attacks every day."

So, beginning today, and on-going, based on the available news, The Garlic will issue the official downer from the East Wing - The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the-Day.

Links

Todays Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the-Day - Suicide Bomb Explodes in Baghdad Market

Watch the video of the First Lady on Crooks and Liars

Brookings Institute Iraq Index

CNN Larry King - Interview With Laura Bush/"The Lost Tomb of Jesus"

The Reaction's Michael J.W. Stickings: Laura Bush should keep her mouth shut

Don't Worry Tim, The Vice President Still Loves Ya! ... The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll

If he wasn't so dangerous, and evil, Vice President Richard B. Cheney would be a hoot, likely to be the rage on the talkshow circuit (well, at least others besides those on the Fox News Network).

Yet, assuming he stays out of Pakistan and Afghanistan, as it is, he is but a heartbeat away from the Oval Office.

Likewise, as fate would have it, the converse prevails and a similar heartbeat in his own chest has the potential to lift Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, a recent target of Cheney, to the Office of the Vice President.

Pelosi, and her colleague, John Murtha could also send a jolt to Cheney, and start impeachment proceedings against him, as laid out in the recent article, THE PEOPLE V. RICHARD CHENEY.

During the recent Scooter Libby Trial, it was revealed that Tim Russert was a favorite outpost for the Vice President to spin the spin and our Garlic Poll Voters jumped on that, overwhelmingly choosing it as the biggest surprise that Cheney didn't go on Meet The Press to smear Pelosi and Murtha

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll February 25 - March 3, 2007

Vice President Dick Cheney's recent attacks against Nancy Pelosi and John Murtha, that their strategies will "validate Al-Qaeda", were remarkable in that ...

1. Cheney didn't go on his favorite and friendliest show, Meet The Press, to level the charges (which, we know, Tim Russert wouldn't push back against) Tally 56%

2. Cheney didn't leak any classified (that we know of) intelligence to do it Tally 19%

3. His Chief of Staff David Addington didn't call any reporters (that we know of) to leak the identity of a covert CIA agent Tally 15%

4. Cheney didn't ask (that we know of) any former Ambassadors to go to Pakistan or Afghanistan to verify that Pelosi and Murtha are aiding Al Qaeda Tally 11%


This week’s Poll - Since the President, and his Miltary Command, have come out and admitted they don't have a "Plan B" for Iraq, we're likely to see ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote

Chopped Garlic: Yeah, What Coulter Said Was Horrible, But Did She Write It?

Well, it seems that Darth Vaderess is at it again, insulting and smearing John Edwards... Perhaps one of the questions today is if Coulter actually thought up and wrote that line, or did she continue her behavior of plagiarizing it from somewhere ...

The Garlic got an exclusive last summer, as to the first draft of Coulter's response to plagiarism charges levied at her.

Coulter Speaks (Sort Of) - Garlic Exclusive! 1st Draft Of Coulter’s Plagiarism Response

Links
Here's some good reading you should check out

The Shame Of Ann Coulter by Joe Gandelman

Coulter reference to Edwards as "faggot" gives rise to questions for media

Edwards Campaign Responds to Coulter Calling Him 'Faggot'

Coulter’s Plagiarism Problem

White House Calls Coulter On The Carpet; "Poison" Remarks Force Increase In HSD Budget


What, exactly, kind of rehab is available for Darth Vaderess?

Top Ten Cloves: Reasons Rick Santorum Is Joining Fox News

News Item: Rick Santorum To Join Fox News

10. Someone had to fill, so to speak, Rita Cosby's place at Fox

9. Needs the power of Fox to finish of his hunt for gay priests

8. Suddenly realized, now that he's out-of-office, he doesn't have any restrictions on meeting with lobbyists and can really cash in

7. He's really turned on by Ann Coulter, especially when she's wearing that eye patch

6. Part of the deal for Fox to get the exclusive video on the WMD's Santorum found

5. Santorum doesn't know it yet, but he's being placed in new show "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?", but as the kid who always answers wrong

4. Sean Hannity personally recommended Santorum, for his Iranian Bus Strike plan

3. With the 2008 Presidential race heating up early, Fox needs someone who can really piss off gay people

2. The Ethics and Public Policy Center is quietly paying Roger Ailes to take Santorum off their hands

1. Win-Win Situation ... Fox wanted someone on their roster in the event a "Man-On-Dog" story broke

Which one would you bet on in a test against a 5th Grader?

This Just In! White House Applying Katrina Strategy To Med Center Neglect

To Gauge Neglect, Problems, President Set To Fly Over Walter Reed, Bldg. 18 Today

Bush Promising Action, "To Press Face Against Window"; Recommends DOD Follow Katrina Strategy

Facing yet more criticism over the treatment of wounded U.S. soldiers, the White House announced today that President Bush will fly over Walter Reed Medical Center, and its' Building 18 that is at the center of the controversy, in Air Force One to gauge for himself the neglect and problems.

With fresh headlines today today that top officials at Walter Reed, as well as the Army's surgeon general, members of the Congress and officials at the Pentagon knew of the problems for nearly three-years, President Bush is swinging back into his "Decider" role and taking action.

"The President," offered White House Spokesperson Tony Snow, "is jumping into his Hurricane Katrina strategy and will tackle this issue head-on. He's taking action and said he plans on "keeping his face firmly pressed against the window" as he flies over the grounds."

Snow also indicated that Secretary of Defense Robert Gates, in a meeting with the President this morning, "was strongly advised" to adopt the President's Hurricane Katrina plans in fixing the Walter Reed problem.

"The President," Snow continued, "wants to promise the soldiers, and the others at Walter Reed everything he promised New Orleans, for that city to get back on its' feet. He doesn't want to hold back on anything. He's ready to pledge, and pledge, action all day long."

Snow revealed, as evidence of the President's commitment to promise action, that "As soon as we heard about it, the President turned to me and said "Find out what the problem is and fix it."

Army Does "My Sister, My Daughter" Over Neglect Charges

Building 18 is a former hotel, across the street from the main Walter Reed grounds, that Dana Priest of the Washington Post exposed over two-weeks ago, as being in a decaying state, with mold, rotting walls and ceilings and mice, rat and insect infestations.

Initially, the Army was critical of the Washington Post for exposing the problems.

Lt. Gen. Kevin C. Kiley, chief of the Army Medical Command said that "I'm not sure it was an accurate representation ... It was a one-sided representation."

Within a few days of the article, and after a quick paint job, Kiley led a group of reporters around Building 18, boasting "I do not consider Building 18 to be substandard."

"We needed to do a better job on some of those rooms, and those of you that got in today saw that we frankly have fixed all of those problems. They weren't serious, and there weren't a lot of them."

That was quickly rebutted by Gen. Richard A. Cody, the Army vice chief of staff, who said "We own that building, and we're going to take charge of it. The senior Army leadership takes full responsibility for the lack of quality of life at Building 18, and we're going to fix it."

A new controversy has been added to the problem, as Army Times is reporting, that soldiers who talked to the Washington Post and other media about the conditions at Building 18 have been the subject of punishment, in the form of 6:00 AM wake-up calls, 7:00AM inspections and new orders not to talk to the media.

Cheney Advocates Stiff Push Back Against Critics

Some speculate that such orders may have been issued by Vice President Dick Cheney, who was able to arrive back in Washington, from his trip to Pakistan and Afghanistan, without being followed home by terrorists.

Cheney, and/or a "senior government official" is said to be "extremely displeased" with the attention given to the problems at Walter Reed.

Cheney was overheard speaking on the telephone, to an unknown party, complaining about the issue.

"If we give aid and comfort to these critics of Walter Reed, and Building 18, it would validate the al Qaeda strategy."

Snow would neither confirm or deny reports the Cheney is battling with White House staff, advocating that that President Bush order in the flood lights and give a night time speech in front of Building 18, to bolster the Hurricane Katrina strategy as the right solution for the problems and push back at the critics.

"This isn't," offered Snow, "a bang-my-head-on-the-podium issue - yet."











The White House is banking on a photo opportunity like this, when President Bush flew over Hurricane Katrina-ravaged New Orleans, to stem the criticism over Building 18 of the Walter Reed Medical Center. The President will be boarding Air Force One this afternoon, to cruise over site in a display of his leadership in solving the problem

Top Ten Cloves: Surprising Things Found In Newly Discovered Jesus Burial Cave

News Item: Filmmaker shows relics from disputed Jesus tomb

10. Primative blueprints for a project titled "Stonehenge"

9. Dozens and dozens of empty wine jugs

8. Earliest known travel brochures, depicting "7 Nights, 6 Days" in Rome

7. Decaying sheets, that appear to be some form of ID, with the names "Jesus", "Joseph", "J.C.", "Son of God"

6. Faded banner - "What Happens In Jerusalem, Stays In Jerusalem"

5. A stone tablet, sort of a primative, Mary Magdalene MySpace Page

4. A satchel full of restaurant receipts, including the one for the Last Supper

3. Stack of towels, with facial imprint of Christ, and a "50% Discount" sign

2. A gag rubber fish, that turns inside out into a loaf of bread

1. An early draft of a novel titled "The DiVinci Code"













Among the surprising discovery was a faded banner, declaring "What Happens In Jerusalem, Stays In Jerusalem"

Breaking News! Cheney Bound By Terror Policy, Told To Not Come Home!

After Bomb Attempt, White House Tells Cheney To "Stay Away"

Belief "They Will Follow The Vice President Home"; Cheney To Get New Secret Bunker "Somewhere In Iraq"

A crises has enveloped the White House today, testing their mettle and "stick-to-itness", after a suicide bomber struck the Afghanistan compound Vice President Dick Cheney was visiting earlier this morning.

Following a flurry of meetings in the Oval Office, at a hastily called news conference, White House Spokesperson Tony Snow delivered the news that President Bush has ordered his Vice President to "stay away from Washington"

"We don't want him coming to the White House," a somber Snow continued. "As we know, the terrorists are likely to want to strike again, and may follow the Vice President home."

The attack, at the main gate of the Bagram Airfield in Afghanistan, killed 23 and wounded, at least 20 others.

"President Bush is convinced," offered a West Wing source that attended one of the meetings, "that Cheney will be followed back to Washington."

"He [the President] kept pointing to some kind of report on his desk, and saying over, and over, "If we leave, they will follow us", over and over," said the source.

"It was like a mantra."

President Bush, Cheney, and Republican Congressional leaders have repeatedly predicted that terrorists are poised to follow the U.S. Troops home, and wage battles in the streets of America.

Earlier this month, House Republican leader, Rep. John Boehner (R-OH) flatly offered “If we leave, they will follow us home. It’s that simple.”

"With such a high profile targert as the Vice President," Snow offered in his briefing, "we're very certain he would be followed back to the White House. After an analysis, the President decided - yes, he decided - that it just was too big a chance to take."

News of Cheney being ordered to stay away from Washington sent the stock market spiraling downward, losing over 500-points, before a minor comeback.

Cheney To Get Second Secret Bunker

Later, at a briefing in the Vice President's office, Cheney spokeswoman Lea Anne McBride downplayed having a "Vice President in exile" and indicated measures were being taken to keep Cheney in the daily decision process of the the government.

McBride offered, that within 90-minutes of the attack aimed at Cheney, the Army Corps of Engineers began, to replicate Vice President Cheney's Secret Bunker "somewhere in Iraq", though sources have told The Garlic that it will be within the secure walls of the Green Zone in Baghdad.

Should it be necessary, in his role as President of the Senate, Cheney will be allowed to cast the tie-breaking vote via video feed from his New Secret Bunker, already dubbed "Come And Get Me East" by the Secret Service.

Sources have told The Garlic that Vice President Chief of Staff David Addington is composing a new Signing Statement for President Bush to allow such a move, and that it will extend to Cheney's U.S.-based Secret Bunker, should he be able to get back into the country without being followed.

It's not clear if the White House is putting its' muscle behind the belief that the terrorists will follow the Vice President home, or if the President, and Cheney, is attempting to raise the ante in their threats against Iran.

Coincidently, Cheney broke from the Administration late last year, to form his own Iran Study Group.

Rice Gives Okay To Move

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice defended the move to keep Cheney away.

"It's not like we have some binding, historic document, that delineates the offices of government that we can refer to and deal with this situation, and we have to go out and create one," said the husband-less diplomat.

Signs that Cheney could be staying in his New Secret Bunker for some time were evidenced at Andrews Airforce Base, where 18-wheel trailer trucks, filled with Caffeine-Free Diet Sprite, were seen being loaded into giant cargo planes headed for Iraq.
















The Secret Service has already dubbed Cheney's New Secret Bunker in Iraq "Come And Get Me East"

Minced Garlic - Special Comment by Keith Olbermann: Condi goes too far

Special Comment by Keith Olbermann: Condi goes too far

Absolutely hysterical Special Comment from our anchor-hero Keith Olbermann on MSNBC's Countdown this evening.

The target of the dead-on humor and satire was none other then The Decider's office wife, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice.

Poor Condi, she must have taken a swig of Dick Cheney's Caffeine-Free Diet Sprite, or perhaps, she inherited Donald Rumsfeld's coffee mug.

For there she was this past Sunday morning, on the Home Teams Television Network, Fox News Sunday and having the softball tossed up by host Chris Wallace, he of Bill Clinton-baiting fame, with "Let's turn to Iraq talking now about rewriting the 2002 congressional authorization for the use of force in Iraq."

Poor Condi. She recited the White House Talking Points as she has been trained to do, talking about the generals on the ground, the difficulties of war, that darn elusive goal of stability and democracy and then, the 42 words Olbermann honed in on;

"…It would be like saying that after Adolf Hitler was overthrown, we needed to change then, the resolution that allowed the United States to do that, so that we could deal with creating a stable environment in Europe after he was overthrown."

Olbermann channeled Lenny Bruce, expressing incredulity of Rice's ignorance, of her ignoring of longstanding facts ... Her sudden amnesia of History, no less ... And she, allegedly, has a Masters Degree and a Ph.D in Political Science!

"Here we go again! From springs spent trying to link Saddam Hussein to 9/11, to summers of cynically manipulated intelligence, through autumns of false patriotism, to winters of war, we have had more than four years of every cheap trick and every degree of calculated cynicism from this administration, filled with Three-Card Monte players."

Olbermann didn't fail to point out Poor Condi's colleague and former colleague already playing the Nazi card in this "war", when Cheney and Rumsfeld pulled the "Nazi Appeaser" line on any critics of the White House policies, so it's not clear if this is a "do-over" or if Poor Condi has been sent out to the front to launch a new assault on the country.

"If you want to compare what we did to Hitler and in Germany to what we did to Saddam and in Iraq, I'm afraid you're going to have to buy the whole analogy. We were an occupying force in Germany, Dr. Rice, and by your logic, we're now an occupying force in Iraq. And if that's the way you see it, you damn well better come out and tell the American people so. Save your breath telling it to the Iraqis — most of them already buy that part of the comparison."

And it wasn't long after that Olbermann delivered the punch line, devastatingly hilarious;

"We already have a subjectively false comparison between Hitler and Saddam. We already have a historically false comparison between Germany and Iraq. We already have blissful ignorance by our secretary of state about how this country got into the war against Hitler. But then there's this part about changing "the resolution" about Iraq; that it would be as ridiculous in the secretary's eyes as saying that after Hitler was defeated, we needed to go back to Congress to "deal with creating a stable environment in Europe after he was overthrown."

Oh, good grief, Secretary Rice, that's exactly what we did do! We went back to Congress to deal with creating a stable environment in Europe after Hitler was overthrown! It was called the Marshall Plan.

Marshall!

Gen. George Catlett Marshall!

Secretary of state!

The job you have now!

C’mon!

Links

Read and/or Watch The Video of Special comment: Condi goes too far

MSNBC Countdown

The News Hole - The Blog of Countdown

Transcript: Condoleezza Rice on 'FOX News Sunday'

Special Condi Posts

Our Girl Condi Gets A Theme Song - Neocons and Lovers

Rice Touts ‘Axis of Evil’ Program As “Wildly Successful” In Wake Of North Korea Nuke Test

New Liz Cheney Op-Ed!


Scroll Down The Right Column For More Minced Garlic

Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard At The Oscars Last Evening

News Item: 'Departed' Arrives; Whitaker, Mirren Are King and Queen

10. I guess they ran short on time ... They were supposed to have a montage of movie people who shaved their heads this year

9. What's up with Quincy Jones? Is he wearing Captain Kangaroo's jacket tonight?

8. Jeez, I'd like to slip behind that white screen and ask the the Pilobolus Dance Theatre to act out fast forwarding this show

7. They should have, just as a gag, had Ralph Nader give Al Gore his Oscar

6. Now that he's finally won an Oscar, I'll bet Scorsese is hoping for just as long a losing streak in the Dead Pool

5. Boy, I'd love to listen to President Bush walking into a Blockbuster and trying to rent the film 'Pan's Labyrinth'

4. What's up with Reese Witherspoon? Did she have Kirk Douglas's chin surgical grafted to her face?

3. Forget about JetBlue, if this show goes any longer, we're going to need an Audience Bill of Rights

2. With Ellen DeGeneres hosting, Melissa Etheridge winning, Bill Donohue must be having fits

1. I heard a lot of winners are going to immediately sell their Oscars on eBay and give the money to Obama














Inventing the Internet, thousands of dollars ... Losing Supreme Court decision over the 2000 Presidency, millions of dollars ... Winning an Oscar - Priceless!

Cue Fox Promo "If You Don't Laugh, That Must Mean You're Aiding The Terrorists" ... The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll

Well, we had our first, de facto, runaway poll since launching The Garlic Weekly Poll, with an overwhelming 60% of the voters believing the Fox News Network already had comedy programs on-air with Hannity and O'Reilly.

The much-heralded debut last week of Roger Ailes' idea of humor, saw Fox launch the '1/2 Hour News Hour'. Seeing the words "Roger Ailes", Fox" and "humor" in the same sentence should tell you more than you need to know, and, if not, the program also had a "skit" featuring (gag) Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter as Prez and VP.

'Crooks and Liar's' unfurled the headline "Conservative Comedy Show: So bad it’s hilarious" ... Tom Schales in 'The Washington Post" asked "Thus the question "Can the right laugh at itself?" is neither addressed nor answered" ... And Troy Paterson in 'Slate' positioned the effort with "The mind strains to conceive of political humor that might be less humorous—or, ultimately, less political. Hannity and Colmes trying "Who's on First"? Dennis Kucinich taking sledgehammer in hand to try Gallagher's act? Jimmy Fallon attempting a Thurmond-length filibuster?"

No need to set your TIVO's for the next airing, this baby jumped the shark even before the pixels in your viewing screen lit up.

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll February 19 - February 24, 2007

Fox News Network has launched a "comedy" show, '1/2 Hour News Hour'. Reviews have, generally, been poor, it has canned laughter, not a live audience and the material is weak. So ...

1. I thought Fox News already had comedy programs on, with Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly Tally 60%

2. I won't watch it. I'd rather become a real estate salesperson in Baghdad than sit through a Fox News comedy program Tally 25%

3. I'll watch, but only if Roger Ailes and Ruppert Murdoch perform skits in drag Tally 12%

4. I plan on becoming a regular watcher. The mainstream media doesn't make fun of the Democrats and Liberals enough Tally 3%

This week’s Poll - Vice President Dick Cheney's recent attacks against Nancy Pelosi and John Murtha, that their strategies will "validate Al-Qaeda", were remarkable in that ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote


Thankfully, the Garlic poll voters rejected seeing Roger Ailes in drag.

Drop the comedy and stick to touting the RNC's talking points there, big guy

Blair and Cheney Sing A Duet: 'Blair, It's Not So Bad Out There'

Well, we have the occasion today of our Singing Vice President, joined by his buddy across the pond, Tony Blair, to provide the soundtrack for what had to be a riveting telephone conversation (or, better, a video conference, so Cheney could glow his glare through the wires) on Blair announcing he's getting off at the next stop of the Cheney-Bush Iraq Express

And what better tune to have them perform, but the classic, "Baby, It's Cold Outside", which The Garlic has turned into "Blair, It's Not So Bad Out There".

Sing along as you can.

Blair, It's Not So Bad Out There

I really can't stay - Blair, it's not so bad out there
I've got to go away - Blair, it's not bad out there
This occupation has been - Been hoping that you'd drop more bombs
So very nice - Hold your ground, keep rolling the dice


My Labour Party will start to worry - Blair, what's your hurry
My parliament will be pacing the floor - Listen to those airplanes roar
So really I'd better scurry - Blair, please don't hurry
Well, maybe just a half a surge more - Put some music on while I pour


The coalition might think - Blair, it's not so bad out there
Say, what's in this drink - No surrender to be had out there
I wish I knew what I know now - Your eyes are clearer now
To break this spell - I'll take your word, your army looks swell
I ought to say no, no, no, sir - Mind if we move them closer
At least I'm gonna say that I tried - What the heck, do it on the snide
I really can't stay - Blair, don't hold out
Ahh, but it's so bad out there


C'mon Blair

I simply must go - Blair, it's not so bad out there
The answer is no - Ooh Blair, it not so bad out there
This quaqmire has been - I'm lucky that you joined in
So nice and warm -- Look out to Baghdad at that storm
My Queen will be suspicious - Man, democracy looks so delicious
My Genereals will be there at the door - Waves of surges will soar
My British public is vicious - Gosh you need to be ambitious
Well maybe just a half a surge more - Never such a blitz before


I've got to get the boys home - Oh, Blair, don't freeze up out there
Say, lend me your phone - We'll smash you with smears out there
You've really been a liar - Your guys need you, don't be a crier
But don't you see - How can you do this thing to me
There's bound to be talk tomorrow - How many soldiers can we borrow
At least there will be plenty implied - Not if you can keep the lies in stride
I really can't stay - Get over that will you
Ahh, but it's so bad out there


Blair, it's not so bad out there

But it's not so bad out there….
It is bad out there
Cant you stay awhile longer Blair
Well…..I really shouldn't...alright

Make it worth your while Blair
Ahh, do that surge again….


Listen Here

Of the bevy of renditions of "Baby, It's Cold Outside", two of The Garlic Favorites are performed by Blossom Dearie and Bob Dorough, as well as Ray Charles and Betty Carter

Listen To Blossom Dearie and Bob Dorough on "Baby, It's Cold Outside"

Listen To Clip of Ray Charles and Betty Carter on "Baby, It's Cold Outside"

Bonus Links

Comedy of terror: Tony Blair, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld - you're my prize guys

Why Dick Cheney Cracked Up

The Armageddon Plan

Special Sing-Along: Dick, The Magic Vice Prez

Libby Trial Update - The Scooter and Cheney Show Theme Song

Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard In The Scooter Libby Jury Room

News Item: Big Finish and Weird Moments in the Libby Trial

10. So I don't miss anything, I've got my family TIVOing all the Anna Nicole Smith stories

9. This case is about how they used classified intelligence ... Can we add charges on him for not having any personal intelligence?

8. Hey, let's really freak'em out! Let's all shave our heads before we go back into the courtroom with our verdict

7. Maybe we can recommend he gets some kind of special rehab ... Like the Ted Haggard guy

6. He's gotta be guilty... He's a grown man and he still uses a nickname like "Scooter"

5. How come Cheney wasn't on trial with him?

4. That cloud Fitzgerald referenced, is that one of those clouds that Condi Rice was talking about?

3. I wonder what Tim Hardaway thinks about Ted Wells, crying, saying he wants Libby back?

2. I just talked to you, but now I forgot what I said ...I think I also talked to Tim Russert ... I can't remember! (uproarious laughter)

1. Wouldn't it be ironic, if we convict Libby, he goes to the same jail, the same cell, as Judy Miller?



















3. I wonder what Tim Hardaway thinks about Ted Wells, crying, saying he wants Libby back?

"Unexplained Incident" Shuts Down Mount Vernon After Bush Speech

DHS, Geologists Stumped; Theories Include First President Spinning In Grave Cautiously Viewed

President's Day festivities at Mount Vernon were cut short after an unexplained incident took place after President Bush delivered a holiday speech.

Secret Service agents and officials from the Department of Homeland Security swarmed over the sprawling grounds, quickly ushering the President into his limousine and clearing the area of visitors and tourists.

Late into the evening, floodlights lit up the area, where crews set up command tents and officials could be viewed examining the ground with sophisticated equipment.

White House and DHS officials offered little comment beyond that there was "an unexplained incident" and the Secret Service, according to their policy, would not comment at all.

President Bush used the holiday speech to commemorate the 275 anniversary of President George Washington's birth, marking his first visit to as the Chief Decider to Mount Vernon. In doing so, Bush likened his own struggles with his occupation of Iraq to Washington's battles in the Revolutionary War.

"Today, we're fighting a new war to defend our liberty and our people and our way of life," said Bush.

"And as we work to advance the cause of freedom around the world, we remember that the father of our country believed that the freedoms we secured in our revolution were not meant for Americans alone."

It was shortly after the speech that President Bush, and the First Lady were whisked away, and the grounds were cleared.

Within minutes, the area was roped off and saturated with emergency vehicles, large trucks and equipment. Briefly, military helicopters and jet fighters patrolled the skies above Mount Vernon.

One government geologist, speaking off the record, told The Garlic "we're stumped".

"The only working theory we have been able to come up with," continued the geologist, "is the unexplained phenomena of the first President spinning in his grave."

Government officials cautiously speculate that President George Washington was spinning in his grave following President Bush's speech yesterday at Mount Vernon.

"But I Really Did Want To Testify ... Really!" ... The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll

That loud hissing sound you heard early last week was all the air being let out of our Weekly Poll.

No Dick Cheney on the stand in the Scooter Libby Trial.

No scouring, snorting Vice President looking to save the world, wage the battle, from his turn in the docket.

Our Garlic Poll Voters had the vision of where his testimony was likely headed, but we may never know what Cheney would have testified to, unless he (or his wife Lynne) writes the memoir. Or, he runs over to Brit Hume at Fox for some more batting practice.

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll February 22 - February 17, 2007

If Vice President Dick Cheney is called to testify in the Scooter Libby Trial, Cheney is likely to ...

1. Tell Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald to "go fuck" himself Tally 50%

2. Declare to Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald that Scooter Libby is in his "final throes" Tally 22%

3. Glare and bark at Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald that his questions are "out of line" Tally 17%

4. Pronounce to Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald the leaking of Valerie Plame's name to be "enormously successful" Tally 11%


This week’s Poll - Fox News Network has launched a "comedy" show, '1/2 Hour News Hour'. Reviews have, generally, been poor, it has canned laughter, not a live audience and the material is weak. So ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 18 February 2007

A missed opportunity was announced by the campaign of Senator Hillary Clinton. A spokesperson indicated that Senator Clinton was prepared to admit that her vote on the Iraq War was a mistake, but due to the rare Saturday Senate Session, she had to cancel the announcement. The spokesperson said that, due to an already overbooked schedule, Senator Clinton doesn't know when she will be able to get to it, if at all.












President Bush downplayed the removal of two moles on Friday, that turned out to be benign, saying it was little more than "Ek-A-Lec-Tic surgery"













Britney Spears announced today, in an effort to dispell all the rumors, that there was a specific reason she shaved her head.

Ms. Spears indicated that she had lost a bet with a close friend, being she was "dead sure" the E.F.P.'s (explosively formed penetrators) found in Iraq were from Syria, and and not from Iran, as President Bush and his Administration have claimed.












In a profound ironic twist, lawyers for former Aid to President Bush and Vice President Chief of Staff I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, sheepishly admitted today that they rested their defense without calling Libby to the stand because they were "completely overburdened and just forgot".












JetBlue, in an effort to stem the criticism from cancelling flights and leaving their customers stranded for days, announced that they have "TIVO'd" all the DirectTV programming they offer on their flights, so that their customers "won't miss any of their favorite programs when they begin flying again"