Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard On First Day of Supreme Court

News Item: US Supreme Court starts new term

10. We might have to do something this term ... I think, while we were on vacation, the NSA was tapping my phone

9. Hey, even if we don't have a case in front of us, can we rule against Hillary Clinton, and ban her from using that laugh?

8. Should we leave room on the calendar for Britney Spears? ... I mean, if she comes in here not wearing any panties, she's got my vote

7. Anybody check the news? The President didn't declare any of us dead, like he did with Mandela, did he?

6. Hey, let's fuck with the Congress this year ... We don't reach any decisions... We just issue, non-binding "Senses of the Supreme Court"

5. If Roberts has another one of his seizures, and, God-forbid, anything happens, I got dibs on his office

4. If we get the Isiah Thomas case, I think Clarence, and Ruth, should recuse themselves ... Just to play it safe

3. That was a nice touch by the Chief Justice ... Giving us all Welcome Back gifts ... Bongs in the shape of a gavel

2. I just heard their replacing our Secret Service details with Blackwater guys

1. No Clarence, even with the discount, I don't want to buy your book


Bonus Nine-In-Black Riffs

White House Stresses Roberts' Wife "Not A CIA Agent"; No Knowledge of WMD's; No Plans To Send Husband To Niger

Congress Getting "Weary" Of Roberts' Visits; Senators Feeling Stalked; Roberts Relentlessly Using Meet-and-Greets To Boast Chances

Scalia: "No Pink Robes Needed Here"; Conservative Justice Reacts To Roberts Disclosure On Gay Rights Case; Justice Roberts Sunday In The Making

Retro Garlic - Life Imitating Satire ... Again ... Iran Study Group

Well bust my buttons, we find ourselves with another Retro Garlic, this time, a bit more on the frightening side.

Quite the hubbub the past few days (actually, months, if you've been listening to the Bush Grindhouse-beaten drums) on the ever-increasing prospects of The Commander Guy issuing orders to start bombing Iran.

The ever-shining journalist Sy Hersh (take note, you rest of the stenography school of MSM) has some new news on that Bombing Iran front, that appears in the New Yorker's current issue;

Annals of National Security - Shifting Targets: The Administration’s plan for Iran.

Of the bevy of links and discussion on this, John Amato, over at Crooks and Liars, in his post "Sy Hersh on Bush and Iran: Shifting targets: New Propaganda push to attack their Revolutionary Guard" noted this;

UPDATED: Sy Hersh joined CNN’s Late Edition and discussed his new article out in the NewYorker: “Shifting Targets,” which says that the WH has a new talking point which it will sell attacking Iran and as usual, our media will lap it up. The CIA has created an Iran Study Group with dozens of new members with the goal of launching a strike against Iran, including ground forces. Bush feels that using the nuclear threat as the reason to bomb Iran has failed miserably, so they switched talking points and are going to say they are defending themselves against Iranian meddling in Iraq. We told you so….

The Retro Part

From Wednesday, November 15, 2006, on The Garlic;

Breaking News! New White House Discord Pits Neocons Versus Bush, Baker; Cheney Launches Iran Study Group; Planning To Up Ante, Outgun Baker’s Recommendation; Rumsfeld Installed As Co-Chair; WHIG Moves Into Secret Bunker, As Neocons Draw Line, Choose Sides

And here's a Google Search Link to show it.

Bonus Here-We-Go-Again Links

Guardian Unlimited: Cheney pushes Bush to act on Iran; Military solution back in favour as Rice loses out; President 'not prepared to leave conflict unresolved'

Greg Sargent/TPM: Kyl-Lieberman Iran Amendment Passes By Huge Margin

Guardian Unlimited: Bolton calls for bombing of Iran

Think Progress: Bolton Podhoretz: ‘I Believe Bush Is Going To Order Airstrikes On Iran Before He Leaves Office’

Another "I'm Shocked ... Shocked To Find Gambling Going On Here" Moment ...

Another "I'm Shocked ... Shocked To Find Gambling Going On Here" Moment ...

Josh Marshall, over on TPM, has a winner today ...

And yes, another shining moment for the Bush Grindhouse...

I could lay down a quote from it, but it plays much, much better if you read it yourselves ...

Have at it!

Parody Surge Hits Mil Contractors in Iraq

I wonder if John Boehner and the Republican Minority will draft another measure, banning criticism of the Bush crony contractors... It may be the only fitting shoe to drop on this ...

Must Read! Barry Crimmins: Time's up for Thomas L. Freepass

Well, if I want to use a Friedman Unit, I think I can safely say that The New York Times will, over the next year, to six-months, continue to carry the horseshit that Thomas Friedman promulgates in the Grey Lady's pages.

He has another doozy today, leaving behind The Commander's Guy gem advice that we should go shopping, Friedman is ringing the clarion bell for businessmen, particularly from Europe, to fly more ... Indulge in more air travel to the United States so we, as a nation, can move from the day of 9-11, to the day of 9-12.

That's only the tip of it and satirist Barry Crimmins has a spot-on, most hysterical take on Friedman's column today - “9/11 has made us stupid.”

"In explaining the concept of the 9/12 candidate as if it is so complex only he can demystify it , Friedman begins by asking: What does that mean? This: 9/11 has made us stupid. I honor, and weep for, all those murdered on that day. But our reaction to 9/11 – mine included – has knocked America completely out of balance, and it is time to get things right again.

Yours included, Tom? Say it ain't so! Friedman knows nothing of jokes but he sure can make you gag with crap like his ham-handed installation of the "mine included" escape hatch. (I mean after six years of being wrong, the guy takes absolute minimal responsibility by sticking two words between two hyphens. Now there's some tough self-love!)"

So, get over there to the Barry Crimmins Website and read Time's up for Thomas L. Freepass


Bonus Friedman Slapdowns

Libby: Friedman forsakes 9/11 mentality

Atrios: Now He Tells Us

Good (Belated) Post Alert: The Day Louis Armstrong Made Noise

Sorry, Garlic Fans, as I had meant to post this last week.

In the middle and heat of the Jena Six, we had a great story on Satchmo, and how 50-years ago, he took a stand in support of the Little Rock Nine.

While not out in the forefront of protest, in the way Folk and Rock have captured the headlines, Jazz hasn't had it's head-in-the-sand.

You can go back to Charlie Parker, and his tune "Now's The Time", protesting for desegregation and Brown v. Board of Education.

And there's John Coltrane's mournful lament with "Alabama", after the 1963 bombing of 16th Street Baptist Church in Birmingham that killed the four little girls.

Fables of Faubus weighed on on the same Little Rock situation, with his "Fables of Faubus", lampooning the Governor and Segregationist Orville Faubus and there's the jumping, jamming anti-war protest from Les McCann with his "Compared To What".

But back in 1957, Louis Armstrong made news, in of all places, Grand Forks, North Dakota, with the aid of a young journalism student.

Armstrong's appearance in Grand Forks came two-weeks after the Little Rock Nine were banned from attending Central High School.

Journalism student Larry Lubenow was sent over to get an interview, if he could and after getting access to Armstrong, Lubenow was in for the scoop of his life;

"But soon he brought up Little Rock, and he could not believe what he heard. “It’s getting almost so bad a colored man hasn’t got any country,” a furious Mr. Armstrong told him. President Eisenhower, he charged, was “two faced,” and had “no guts.” For Governor Faubus, he used a double-barreled hyphenated expletive, utterly unfit for print. The two settled on something safer: “uneducated plow boy.” The euphemism, Mr. Lubenow says, was far more his than Mr. Armstrong’s."

His editors didn't believe him, so Lubenow went back to see if he could get the verification they sought.

"Then Mr. Lubenow showed Mr. Armstrong what he’d written. “Don’t take nothing out of that story,” Mr. Armstrong declared. “That’s just what I said, and still say.” He then wrote “solid” on the bottom of the yellow copy paper, and signed his name."

And the rest is history, with Armstrong contacting President Eisenhower;

"But it didn’t really matter. On Sept. 24, President Eisenhower sent 1,200 paratroopers from the 101st Airborne into Little Rock, and the next day soldiers escorted the nine students into Central High School. Mr. Armstrong exulted. “If you decide to walk into the schools with the little colored kids, take me along, Daddy,” he wired the president. “God bless you.”

Check it out, it's a good read.

David Margolick: The Day Louis Armstrong Made Noise

Bonus Satchmo Links

The Official Site of the Louis Armstrong House

Time 100/Stanley Crouch - Louis Armstrong: With dazzling virtuosity on the trumpet and an innovative singing style, Satchmo was the fountainhead of a thoroughly original American sound

Louis Armstrong on Wikipedia

Louis Armstrong Music

Another gorgeous clip from Ken Burns' landmark series, JAZZ. Louis Armstrong's West End Blues, possibly the most perfect three minutes of music ever recorded, and set to a montage of contemporary images.

Louis Armstrong - Nobody Knows the Trouble I've Seen (1962)

Louis Armstrong - C'est si bon (1962)

The best version of Stardust I've ever heard -thanks Pops

Louis Armstrong in Germany - Mack the Knife


Louis Armstrong & Jack Teagarden - Rockin' Chair @ Newport Jazz Festival 1958

Chopped Garlic: Tinfoil Hats, or Canaries In The Proverbial War Zone?

A funny thing happened on the way to democracy in Iraq ... And it could end up being called "Iran".

We've had the PetraeusReportPalooza, and the now spotlight-sharing AhmadinejadPalooza ... The Bush Grindhouse is asking for for more money than ever, to continue the war-making machine they are so wedded to ... The spineless Congress (Democrats in particular) cave, abandoning common sense, and the lessons of their errors in the build-up to the invasion and occupation of Iraq, with passing - supposedly a non-binding resolution, unless you've been paying attention to Senator Jim Webb - the chest-thumping Kyl-Lieberman Iran Amendment.

Transcripts surface showing The Commander Guy lying... Today, a new report offers that the Golden Boy General does admit that violence has increased in Iraq ...

And nobody seems to care ... Business-as-usual ... Keep going shopping

Well, a few people do seem to have their eyes on the ball.

One is the man who helped expose the lies of the Viet Nam War, Daniel Ellsberg, in a recent speech titled 'A Coup Has Occurred'.

The other is Juan Cole, looking at those Spanish transcripts and concluding "Transcript Reveals Impeachable Offenses by Bush Re: Iraq War".

Let us hope that Glen Greenwald, and his sources, have it right, with his post "The U.S. military's role in preventing the bombing of Iran".

Otherwise ...

Cue up Que Sera Sera...

Bonus Link

Seymour M. Hersh: Shifting Targets - The Administration’s plan for Iran.


Koppel On Discovery: Iran

"For The Debate, Mr. Russert, Will You Be Wearing A Suit, Or The Brown Shirt And Jack Boots?"

There was clarity, all right ...

I scoured the news, beyond the shouting headlines of how the top tier candidates wouldn't commit to ending the Iraq Invasion and Occupation in their first terms, and it appears I may have been the only one to noticed the hatchet job Little Timmy Russert pulled during the New Hampshire Democratic Presidential Candidates Debate.

Who was Russert carrying the water for?

Was it the Martha's Vineyard crowd, or did Dick Cheney's office give him marching, or in this case, hatcheting, orders.

Roughly 90+ minutes into the debate, Russert, with a look like someone said to him how much the Buffalo Bills suck, lasered into to candidates Mike Gravel and Congressman Dennis Kucinich, with extremely pointed questioning, that he did not pose to any of the other candidates.

Questioning that carried the tone of "You don't belong here" and "Who do you think you are, running for President."

RUSSERT: I wanted to ask Senator Gravel—you talked about running for president of the United States. In 1980, your condo business went bankrupt.

GRAVEL: Correct.

RUSSERT: In 2004, you filed for personal bankruptcy...

GRAVEL: Correct.

RUSSERT: ... leaving $85,000 in credit bills unpaid.

RUSSERT: How can someone who did not take care of his business, could not manage his own personal finances, say that he is capable of managing the country?

GRAVEL: Well, first off, if you want to make a judgment of who can be the greediest people in the world when they get to public office, you can just look at the people up here. Many of them have done very, very well in public office.

I left the Senate no better than when I went in. Now, you say the condo business. I will tell you, Donald Trump has been bankrupt 100 times. So I went bankrupt once in business. And the other—who did I bankrupt? I stuck the credit card companies with $90,000 worth of bills and they deserved it because I used the money...

(LAUGHTER)

They deserved it—and I used the money to finance the empowerment of the American people with a national initiative, so you can make the laws.

Now, Tim, let me just point one thing out. You were asking about special interests.

RUSSERT: You’ve made your point.

GRAVEL: Well, I wanted to make a better point.

(LAUGHTER)

RUSSERT: We’ll leave it at that, because I’ve got to give everyone a chance.

He then turned to Kucinich, with the same look and a glint of "Gotcha" in his eyes.

Fortunately, Kucinch didn't play it for laughs, volleying back and shoving Russert's bullshit back down his throat;

RUSSERT: Congressman Kucinich, when you were mayor of Cleveland, you let Cleveland go into bankruptcy, the first time that happened since the Depression. The voters of Cleveland rewarded you by throwing you out of office and electing a Republican mayor of Cleveland.

How can you claim that you have the ability to manage the United States of America when you let Cleveland go bankrupt?

KUCINICH: You know, Tim, that was NBC’s story. Now I want the people to know what the real story was.

I took a stand on behalf of the people of Cleveland to save a municipal electric system. The banks and the utilities in Cleveland, the private utilities, were trying to force me to sell that system.

And so on December 15th, 1978, I told the head of the biggest bank, when he told me I had to sell the system in order to get the city’s credit renewed, that I wasn’t going to do it because, you know, I remember where I came from. I remembered my parents counting pennies to pay the utility bills in one of the many apartments we lived in.

And so I know why I went into public office. I went in to stand up for the people. And the people in Cleveland in 1994 asked me to come back to public life because at that point they expanded a municipal electric system that the banks demanded that I sell.

KUCINICH: And I showed the ability to stand up for the people.

You know, my campaign in ‘94 was “Because he was right.” And people put me in the Ohio Senate for that reason. ‘96, it was “Light up Congress,” as a symbol of saving the municipal electric system. And this year, it’s going to be “Light up America,” because I’m going to challenge those interest groups.

I put my job on the line. How many people would be willing to put their job on the line in the face of pressure from banks and utilities?

As this story gets told, people will want me to be their next president, because they’ll see in me not only the ability to take a stand, but the ability to live with integrity.

Thank you.

He missed his time. Little Timmy Russert would probably look quite stylish in a brown shirt.

Bonus Links You Won't Find On Russert's Little White Board

Jack Shafer: How To Beat Tim Russert; Get inside his head and shake vigorously.

James Wolcott: When White America Wants Answers, Tim Russert Coughs Up the Questions.

Michael Scherer: What you missed while watching the new "Bionic Woman"; Salon watches the latest (1970s TV edition) Democratic presidential debate so you don't have to: A better, stronger, faster Clinton, a kung fu Kucinich and more.

Juan Williams: The Long, Hard Climb Back

Hmmm ... Is Juan Williams pushing back? ... Does his skin crawl at the thought of being the Laurel to Bill O'Reilly's Hardy?

Check this out;

Think Progress: Kristol’s Dark Humor: Bush’s ‘Heartless Assault On Our Children’ Is ‘A Good Idea’

And dig how Williams takes on the Lord of the Neocons, the man who loves the smell of war in the morning, Little Billie Kristol ...

Keep climbing there Juan ... Americans are a forgiving bunch and, with the appropriate cleanser, and number of washings, you may yet get the stench of The Loofah Man off of you.

Bonus Links

The Official Website of Laurel and Hardy

Breaking News! GM Cancels UAW In Favor of Adopting Huffington Post Business Model

Celebrities, Auto Enthusiasts and Bloggers To Build Cars For Free; Huge Spike In Profits Forecast

"I don't know why we didn't do this sooner," beamed an ecstatic General Motors Chief Executive Rick Wagoner, at a hastily called news conference this morning.

Wagoner was referring to, just hours before the news conference, his backtracking on the recent strike settlement reached just two-days ago, and his actions of dissolving the United Auto Workers Union contract with GM, in favor of adopting the business model of the popular blog, The Huffington Post.

It was reported earlier this week that The Huffington Post just closed on another round (their second) of $5-Million in funding, upping their total to over $10-Million raised.

In slightly less than three-years, The Huffington Post has built itself up to being the 5th most popular blog on the World Wide Web, primarily by having its' content providers and generators write for free.

Celebrities, politicians, actors, pundits, some famous, others up-and-coming, write daily for Huffington Post, all said not to be receiving any compensation other than "visibility, promotion and distribution with a great company", according to Ken Lerer, the co-founder of The Huffington Post.

Lerer added that they have no plans to begin paying bloggers - ever.

"If you wake up and have something to say, great," says Arianna Huffington, the Editor-in-Chief, author and former political candidate for whom the blog is named after.

Wagoner believes GM will be "enormously successful" with adopting The Huffington Post business model.

"There's thousands-upon-thousands of auto enthusiasts, auto club members, people who write about automobiles ... Even backyard mechanics, that are biting-at-the-bit to get their hands dirty and build a car," added Wagoner. "Now, we'll give them the opportunity."

Wagoner indicated a move has already been made, similar to The Huffington Post, to attract celebrities to the new GM plan, including some who are currently writing for The Huffington Post.

"We already have Alec Baldwin on board," grinned Wagoner. "He was jumping with joy with the chance, we didn't have to sell him on it ... And, he may some of his brothers with him, as well."

Others, Wagoner stated, have either have been contacted, or have signaled they will come on board, include famed theoretical physicist Stephen Hawkings, American Idol Host Ryan Seacrest, newly-elected French President Nicholas Sarkozy, actor and activist Brad Pitt (who, Wagoner offered, wants to work on a line of "green" cars), The Blue Man Group, the musician, Kenny G., and soccer star Zinedine Zidane.

Missing millionaire adventurer Steve Fossett was to both invest, and be part of the new, pay-free GM and Wagoner said, that should he found alive, "the invitation still stands."

"We see quarter-after-quarter of record profits," said Wagoner.

Wagoner would not say if the celebrity-built automobiles will fetch a higher price than cars built by no-names or up-and-comers.

UAW's president, Ron Gettelfinger, was devastated, indicating he need to see the paperwork before commenting on any possible course of action. Gettelfinger urged his membership not to "be exploited" and reject taking part in this new GM business model.

Former Clinton Labor Secretary Robert Reich called the GM move "breathtaking"

"This will be a economic revolution like we've never seen before," gushed Reich. "My God, if a relatively new, intellectual property-based, on-line entity can raise that kind of money - and via a free labor pool - General Motors will set profit records that will stand for decades to come."

Reich declined to say if he will join the GM production line, but did admit it has caused him to daydream about it.

"Ohhh," cooed Reich, "I could build the car of my dreams."

Bonus Links, Written-For-Free

H/T To Barry Crimmins, and his Financial Modeling for Fun and Profiteers

Josh Wolf: Huffington Post doesn't plan to pay its bloggers

Valleywag: blogging for dollars - Huffington Post raises more cash

Dylan Tweney: This is the Future of the News: The Arianna Huffington Interview















With having GM change over to the The Huffington Post business model, as predicted by GM Chief Rick Wagoner, thousands are lining up to build cars for free

Garlic Exclusive! Congressional Strategy On Dealing With Bush Exposed By Salon Comic!

Oh My God!

It's out there, on-line, for all the world to see ...

Ruben Bolling, via his Tom the Dancing Bug comic strip, has exposed the Congressional strategy for how they plan on dealing with The Commander Guy and his Bush Grindhouse the remainder of their term.

The Garlic, making quick calls, reached Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi to alert her to the leak, and Pelosi was not fazed, indicating that "Not kissing President Bush's ass is off the table".

Check out immediately "Do not tell President Bush about this!"

Bonus Links

Ruben Bolling

Tom the Dancing Bug On Salon

Top Ten Cloves: If Juan Williams Had Taken President Bush To Sylvia's Restaurant In Harlem

News Item: Bush cherry picks Juan Williams for an interview and NPR refuses

10. Right off the bat, President nervous - Doesn't know whether to say "Hello" or "Hola"

9. President Bush surprised that Sylvia was no different than any other restaurant in Washington DC

8. CNN's Rick Sanchez would be standing outside, screaming at the top of his lungs, that he should be doing the interview

7. Williams starts bashing Ludacris and Snoop Dog and the President smiles, not knowing what-the-hell he was talking about and makes a mental note to check The Google when he got home

6. Sylvia, in advance of the visit, would have a special, phonetically-enhanced menu for the President

5. During the interview, Williams gets rattled when he thinks he sees a Phony Black Leader come into the restaurant

4. Williams would begin asking the President about how awful the Jena situation is and President would get defensive, telling Williams to leave his daughter out of the interview

3. Showing his Compassionate Conservatism, President Bush would ask the other patrons if their childrens were learning

2. To impress the President, Williams might order some "M-fer" Iced Tea

1. Bush starts thinking of a new nickname he could give himself, like "Soul Prez" or "Most Def Prez"

Bonus Links

Dan Froomkin: Bush's Media Cherry Picking

Howard Kurtz: NPR Rebuffs White House On Bush Talk; Radio Network Wanted To Choose Its Interviewer

Top Ten Cloves: Other Things Kayne West Knows That President Bush Doesn't Care About

Well, He Isn't The Shakespeare Guy ... And She Ain't No History Girl ...

With the day I had, I needed some light, easy pickin's ...

Maybe he was just being "Ek-A-Lec-Tic" ...

Maybe she was being forgetful ...

I can't help but wonder if it is, when you're Constitution-stomping, pre-emptive-war-loving Neocon, is the air they breath different? Does their food contain nutrients and vitamins not available to regular folk? Is it in the water they drink? Or is it just part of the daily drone of living in the unreality world they inhabit?

The Commander/Decider Guy surely must be getting tired of tasting his own foot.

In an staged event to hawk his "No Child Left Behind", the Compassionate Conservative served up this;

"Childrens do learn," Bush tells school kids

And this comes on the heels of his United Nations speech, in which his speech - the marked-up, phonetic-enhanced version - was posted on the U.N. Website.

Too bad he didn't have that at his "No Child Left Behind" gig ...

But Wait, There's More!

Our shining, soon-to-be-seen-on-a-milk-carton, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice must be getting desperate for some attention.

It has been a bit rough for her lately, with the Pope blowing her off, and, yet again, another article questioning who's sleeping in her bed popped up.

But, considering she's a Stanford gal, pretty well-educated, been around the block, so-to-speak, did she really have to resort to the over-used talking points to make her point, pumping up a dead terrorist far beyond what he probably ever dreamed of, with this gem;

Rice Compares Zarqawi To Ulysses S. Grant And Robert E. Lee

Holy mashed metaphors Batman!

I think, before their next public appearances, both of them need to spend some extra time on The Google.

Bonus Dynamic Duo Links

Our Girl Condi Gets A Theme Song - Neocons and Lovers

New Garlic Song: Bush Could Write A Book

Breaking News! Bush Reaching Out To Columbia University's Bollinger With Plum Position

Believes School President Can Be Asset In Sliming War Critics, Up-Front and Face-To-Face; Cheney Wants Him For More Iran Bashing

It appears that Columbia University Lee Bollinger's 15-minutes in the spotlight yesterday may land him in the White House.

Sources have told The Garlic that the Bush Grindhouse flocked to televisions, as Bollinger, face-to-face, with Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad sitting a few feet away, and exorcised his school's invited guest, with blistering, double-barreled shots, including "Let’s, then, be clear at the beginning, Mr. President you exhibit all the signs of a petty and cruel dictator."

So impressed was the Grindhouse staff, that Vice President Dick Cheney, furiously scribbling in the margin of a newspaper, quickly whipped out his cellphone, calling former White House Smearmeister Karl Rove, ordering him to turn on his television and watch Bollinger.

Cheney, according to some of the staffers interviewed, was already making moves to bring Bollinger into his Iran Study Group.

"The President," offered one West Wing staffer who was present, "had tears in his eyes."

A spontaneous burst of applause and shouts erupted when Bollinger hit Ahmadinejad again with;

"For the illiterate and ignorant, this is dangerous propaganda. When you come to a place like this, this makes you, quite simply, ridiculous. You are either brazenly provocative or astonishingly uneducated."

Our sources tell us that Chief of Staff Josh Bolten was the first to suggest bringing in Bollinger for a White House position.

Bolton was overheard saying to The Commander Guy that "he can slime our war critics, face-to-face ... Walk right up the hill and lay into them ... He's got a brass set balls on him ..."

"Boy, does he ...," The Decider Guy was said to respond to Bolten, adding that "he might just take the shine off of Turd Blossom's mantle ..."

And, according to our sources, when Bollinger ended his attack on Ahmadinejad with "I am only a professor, who is also a university president, and today I feel all the weight of the modern civilized world yearning to express the revulsion at what you stand for. I only wish I could do better," Bolten was already on the telephone to Columbia University, making arrangements for Bollinger to come down to Washington.

Reportedly, late into the evening, extra speech writers were ushered into the White House, to begin writing custom, individualized attacks on members of Congress, in preparation of Bollinger coming in and doing a read-through for The Commander Guy.

The White House officially refused comment on the report, and, when asked as she rushed into the White House, Homeland Security Advisor Fran Townsend offered "I didn't know there was a Columbia University."

More as this story develops

From the school house to the White House, Columbia University President Lee Bollinger is reportedly being tapped to become President Bush's new Smearmeister

Barry Crimmins - Humvee crisis grips USA!

When I first heard the news of the GM Strike yesterday (barely, underneath the cacophony of the Ahmadinejadpalooza), I had to pause ...

Wow, I thought, we're still making cars here ... We still actually have autoworkers ...

I suppose, it's just a matter of time before we start importing them - and likely heavily-bathed in lead paint - from China ...

Perhaps Ken Burns, riding high at the moment with his PBS documentary "The War" (Note to The Commander Guy - A real war), can begin working on his next project, a sepia-drenched, 'The Big Three',

I'm sure there's plenty of grainy, Super-8 home movies that will fill hours, upon hours, letting us, wistfully, look back at the day when Americans were gainfully employed, building American products, for other Americans, and an international consumer base, who looked America, at that time, as the beacon of light for a better life.

They look elsewhere now, and thanks to the current occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, and the corporation cronies, that beacon has turned into a search light, sweeping the land, looking for the last few pennies laying on the ground that they can swoop in to stuff into their fattened corporate wallets ...

I digress ...

Check out America's satirist, Barry Crimmins and his post today;

Humvee crisis grips USA!


Visit Barry Crimmin's website

Other Barry Crimmins on The Garlic

Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard During Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's Visit To Columbia University

News Item: Ahmadinejad, big man on campus; The Iranian leader's visit to Columbia provoked outcry, support and a twist on free speech: "We're glad you're here -- so we can tell you you're an asshole."

10. Is it me or does this guy have only one suit?

9. Look, over in the Media pool - Isn't that Bill Belichick? Is he videotaping Ahmadinejad?

8. What's the University of Florida Campus Police doing here?

7. I heard he was coming here to enroll

6. Someone said they saw Ahmadinejad talking with Isiah Thomas and then, a few minutes later, Ahmadinejad was walking around, practicing pronouncing the word "bitch"

5. I heard he was gay

4. Ahmadinejad? ... Isn't that, that Syrian apricot leather stuff?

3. I don't want to start anything, but I was just in the Mens Room and Ahmadinejad was in there, in a stall, furiously tapping his foot

2. Some said the Bill O'Reilly is going to take him to dinner ... That knows a great restaurant up in Harlem

1. Mr. President, I don't think it would be in our best interests to add Columbia University to the Axis of Evil List


Bonus Links

Dana Milbank: Live From New York, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's Unreality Show

Glenn Greenwald: Columbia to be punished for hosting the new Hitler enemy

Joe Gandelman: The Ahmadinejad Show: Less Horror Show And More Like Crossfire

I heard he was gay

Good Post Alert: Olbermann Rules!

As our regular readers know, The Garlic is an unabashed fan of MSNBC Countdown anchor Keith Olbermann.

The show is hip and that's largely due to the hipster Olbermann.

We've highlighted, via our Minced Garlic posts, his often searing, ripping, right-on-the-money Special Comments, taking apart the Bush Grindhouse lies, or the stripping away our civil liberties, and the conflation of politics and terror for nefarious purpose.

The current issue of The Nation offers a most entertaining take on Olbermann, his rise, what makes him tick. And, for the masses not hip, it also serves as a primer, dishing the dirt, be it the 'Oddball' feature or the 'Worst Person In the World' nightly award.

It's a good read so check it out.

Marvin Kitman: Olbermann Rules!


















Bonus Keith-O Links

Keith Olbermann Blog - The Newshole

COMMENTARY: The death of habeas corpus; Olbermann: ‘The president has now succeeded where no one has before’

Olbermann: Lessons from the Vietnam War; Keith Olbermann responds to Bush's comparison between Vietnam and Iraq

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Breaking News! Confusion, As Ahmadinejad Claims He's Enrolling In Columbia, Wants "Campus Life Experience"

State Department Says No Defection Or Asylum Requested; Levi's and Girls Gone Wild Videos Factor In Iranian President Decision

State Department officials are scrambling this morning, after reports surfaced that Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad made statements that he wasn't coming to speak at Columbia University, in New York City, but rather to enroll in the school.

Intercepted cables, which the government would neither confirm or deny were obtained via their illegal wiretapping program, and readings of the Iranian President's blog, as one State Department official close to the investigation characterized, that Ahmadinejad "longs for an American college campus life experience".

"He's obsessed with it," said the official. "All he talks about is wearing t-shirts and Levi's ... Hanging out in coffee shops ... And girls."

Reportedly, the Iranian President is a big fan of the 'Girls Gone Wild' videos and believes he's missing out on something. His desire to enter college, an American college, is the driving force to meet girls as depicted in the videos.

Ahmadinejad is said to be keen on "an Ivy League School", believing the girls he will meet will be "smarter and better breeders".

The Iranian President made no mention of his plans to enroll in Columbia during his '60-Minutes' interview broadcast last evening.

State Department officials say that Ahmadinejad has been working on this "for months", to coordinate the move with his trip to New York and General Assembly address at the United Nations.

It's not know when Ahmadinejad will formally ask for asylum, or even if he will. There are some indications, which officials won't divulge, that the Iranian President may simply just walk into Columbia University and enroll, without much fanfare.

Columbia University would offer no comment, however Dean John Coatsworth of Columbia's School of International and Public Affairs indicated, in an interview, that he would also admit Adolph Hitler, if the former Nazi Dictator applied for studies.

The university has refused to cancel the visit.

There is also unconfirmed reports that Ahmadinejad will be using his inflammatory rantings, such as the destruction of Israel, and his tirades against the United States as part of his admission essay, and is planning a double-major in Civics and Psychology.

There has been little to no news out of the Bush Grindhouse over this report of Ahmadinejad's plans, but sources have told The Garlic that, when apprised of the reports, Vice President Dick Cheney was livid.

"Hell, he can't do that," Cheney was reported to have fumed, as he was leaving to attend a meeting in Brooklyn, "It screws up all my plans."

More, as this story develops

Bonus Ahmadinejad Links

Daily Kos: Why I Have A Little Crush on Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

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The Garlic has obtained a rare photo of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, said to be practicing "The Wave", in anticipation of attending his first Columbia University football game after he enrolls in the school

Retro Garlic ... The Wheels On The Bicycle Go Round and Round ... Round and Round ... Round and Round ...

And they are supposed to go round-and-round on one's own natural physical power, at least in the land of big-time cycle racing, like, say ... The Tour de France ...

Thus, the now-former 2006 Tour Champion Floyd Landis will be stripped of his title, due to a panel holding up findings that showed positive for steroids;

Landis loses case - and Tour crown

And the Retro part, from August 2006;

Breaking News! ... Baseball Bombshell Expands Steroid Scandal; Giants’ Bonds Tests Positive For Landis Testosterone; Cyclist Said To Be Kingpin Of Lucrative Doping Ring, Selling His Own DNA

It wasn't that long ago, that Landis was Retro-featured for the first time;

Retro Garlic ... Bonds Bashing and Landis Landing ... In The Lab ... Again

Everybody now, sing-along ... The Wheels On The Bicycle Go Round and Round ... Round and Round ... Round and Round ... The Wheels On The Bicycle Go Round and Round ... Round and Round ... Round and Round ... All through the town ..