Pissing With The Big Dogs ... Evolution Sundays, Here We Come ... The Results - The Garlic Weekly Poll

We probably should have paid more attention. They put it out there and, we end up with a 5-4 High Court.

Well, if you missed any of those earlier Justice Sundays, you're in luck ...

Start packing the cooler and point the station wagon to the nearest mega-church south of the Mason-Dixon line, because our Weekly Garlic Poll Voters believe we got some Evolution Sundays on the horizon.

Now, we be talkin' some serious fire-and-brimstone ... No more opportunistic, camera-hogging, rat-catching politicians like Bill Frist and Tom DeLay mugging for votes ... This'll be red hot Elmer Gantry, but in HD and Dolby Surroundsound ... And some major, fat, pay-per-view dollars ...

If any 2008 Presidential candidate wants to get on this stage, then he/she better be able to piss with the big dogs ...

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll June 11 - June 17 2007

Since a new poll shows that a majority of Republicans don't believe in the Theory of Evolution, we can look for ...

1. Tony Perkins and James Dobson launching a series: Evolution Sundays Tally 38%

2. Booming business at the Creation Museum this summer Tally 29%

3. Brownback, Tancredo and Huckabee seeing a tremendous jump in their campaign fund raising Tally 19%

4. Dover, PA bracing for an onslaught of new threats from Pat Robertson Tally 14%

This week’s Poll - Places Congressional investigators should include in the search for the missing White House Emails include ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote















Bonus Links

Justice Sunday Preachers

Frist In Dispute Over Dem Bashing Telecast; Says Only Promised to "View Tape" for 'Justice Sunday'

Thousands Overwhelm Justice Sunday Rally; Sick and Infirm Disappointed; Came Seeking Faith Healers

American Idol Spin's Off New Born-Again Virgin Show; All Christian Music Format; Special Segment For Declaring New, Multi-Born Again Status

Top Ten Cloves: Ways Reverend Ralph Verified Tim Haggard Was "Completely Heterosexual"

Top Ten Cloves: Potential Problems With Pro Video-Game League Championship Gaming Series

News Item: The Championship Gaming Series is billed as the first true pro video-game league. Six-figure salaries are possible

10. Many miscues as contestants fingers get slippery, from GoldenPalace.Com wrist bands that start running and bleeding due to the sweat

9. Officials broadcast tournament on 10-second delay, to edit all the "shoutouts" to the record stores contestants work at

8. Numorous stopages, as contestants fight, after attempts to hack each others' computers during competition

7. Contestants look extremely jittery, having stayed up night before tournament binging on Jolt Cola and Twinkies

6. NASA astronaut Sunita "Suni" Williams get more buzz with plans on playing video game in space for the entire length of the tournament

5. Instead of a buxom, bikini-clad beauty in high heels, Card Girl for tournament is modeled on Zelda Gilroy

4. Computers crash when FBI illegally taps into tournament, trying to snoop and get information on the contestants

3. Boycott by contestants delay start of tournament - Want right to take skateboarding break between games

2. Special set built to replicate bedroom in cellar or garage doesn't come across very well on television

1. Tournament ends in scandal, when discovered not all contestants submitted their Parental Permission Slips

Bonus Links

ENTERTAINMENT 2.0: Game designers test the limits of artificial intelligence By Scott Kirsner

Top Ten Cloves: Things About ESPN Televising Dominoes Events
Instead of a buxom, bikini-clad beauty in high heels, Card Girl for tournament is modeled on Zelda Gilroy

Developing Story! Chiquita Case Emerges With Ties To Bush, DOJ, CIA

To Bolster Surge, President Weighs Using Banana Company Thugs In Iraq

Goodling Courted By Chiquita For "Hiring Expertise"; CIA Contractor Cuts May Hit '54 Coup Vets

Sources tell The Garlic that the Bush Grindhouse has been conducting secret negotiations with Chiquita Brands International, as part of the company's eye-popping $25-million fine and admission of guilt for using terrorists and right-wing militia groups in Columbia, to brutalize and murder the local population, to deploy some of these same "banana company thugs" in Iraq, to augment the current and latest Bush plan of a massive surge.

With the latest U.S. surge in Iraq said to be complete, but showing no signs of decreasing the violence - and top Congressional leaders telling the President it is a failure - Bush is said to have issued directions to his staff to "pursue all avenues" and "go outside the box".

With the Justice Department holding the cards over Chiquita, talks began shortly after the court proceedings.

"We're pretty confident", an unidentified Pentagon official boasted, "that these ... ahh ... soldiers, will adapt without much difficulty. Bananas ... Dates ... Apricots ... What's the difference ... Fruit is fruit ...They can employ their set of skills just as well over there, as they did in Columbia. The weather is pretty much the same, as well, so we see no issue with the transition."

Chiquita admitted, back in March of this year, that they paid United Self Defense Forces of Colombia (AUC), as well as the FARC and ELN rebel armies, nearly $2-million for "security" and to "protect their employees" in their operations, under their Banadex company in Urabá, Colombia.

As reported by the Christian Science Monitor, "The right-wing United Self Defense Forces of Colombia (AUC) joined the ranks of Al Qaeda and Hamas on the State Department's list of terrorist organizations in September 2001. Colombia's two main leftist rebel groups, known as FARC and ELN are also on the list."

The AUC is said to have committed some of the most brutal crimes, that saw thousands of Columbians killed between 1997-2004.

And there is more fallout, as famlies of the victims of Chiquita's thugs may sue the company, and the Columbian government may seek the extradition of eight Chiquita executives.

Deployment Of Banana Thugs May Increase Tensions In Iraq

The Garlic's sources could not confirm reports the Chiquita would continue paying AUC when they are deployed to Iraq.

Neither the Bush Grindhouse, or the Pentagon, would say how AUC would be deployed in Iraq - as part of the U.S. forces, or under the private contractor, Blackwater, which could introduce new problems.

"I can't see them working under Blackwater," offered Holly Martins, Publisher of Axis of Evil Illustrated, a quarterly publication, that is rumored to be a house magazine for the Project for The New American Century.

"Blackwater would see them as a competitor," continued Martins. "They'd be taking money out of their pockets and you could, potentially, see a scenario where Blackwater and the AUC start fighting each other."

Chiquita Balks At CIA Cuts

The talks with Chiquita over the use of their thugs did hit a recent snag, when the CIA announced earlier this week that they are planning on cutting their contractor staffing by 10%.

It is believed that Chiquita balked at the plan, fearing that veterans of the 1954 coup that ousted Guatemalan President Jacobo Arbenz would be laid off.

The United Fruit Company (now Chiquita) protested some of Arbenz's policies, leading to "a killing field" that saw 140,000 people killed and another 45,000 disappeared in a U.S. backed scorched earth campaign to wipe out dissidents, rebels and activists for peace and social justice in Guatemala.

Coincidentally, John Foster Dulles, the former Secretary of State under President Dwight D. Eisenhower, coincidentally had a brother, Allen, who was the Director of the CIA, and who was also a member of the Board of Directors of the United Fruit Company. Foster Dulles "was pivotal in promoting and executing the CIA-led Operation PBSUCCESS that overthrew the democratically elected Guatemalan government of Jacobo Arbenz Guzmán."

Chiquita threatened to back out of the deal until receiving assurances that any '54 coup veterans would not be effected by the CIA cuts.

Chiquita Courts Disgraced DOJ Underling

Also developing is reports the Chiquita has been courting Monica Goodling, the disgraced, former senior councilor to Crony General Alberto Gonzales.

Goodling admitted in Senate testimony that she "crossed the line" in her duties, using the political affiliations, as well as political donations, in her criteria for the hiring of hundreds of Justice Department career employees.

A company spokesperson for Chiquita would not offer details of their discussions with Goodling, or what type of work and compensation would be offered to her, but it was clear they have their sights set on landing her.

"If we had her working with us in Columbia, able to cut through and line-up the proper thugs, the thugs who would be on our team, with our morals and philosophies, we wouldn't have a $25-million fine and we wouldn't be having this conversation today."

The Chiquita spokesperson would neither confirm or deny that the company is also talking to former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfield, former FEMA Director Michael Brown and, depending on the outcome of his appeal process, I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby about coming on board.

"Let's just say," offered the Chiquita spokesperson, "that we are looking to enhance our staff and we have learned our lesson. There are better ways, and better resources, for Chiquita to achieve its' objectives, if you have the right players on board ... If you work within the system ... All we had to do, from the beginning, was look back to 1954."

Links

Virtual Truth Commission

Third World Traveler

A new blog covering Immigration, and Chiquita - Immigration Orange


What a bunch!

More Libby, Libby, Libby ... Bill Moyers' Begging His Pardon

Too tired tonight to write anything new on The Scooter ... You can visit yesterday's Libby, Libby, Libby ... It's A Scooterpalooza! to get a good hit on All Things Scooter.

Instead, we turn it over to a much better voice, and it's a good read

Bill Moyers: Begging His Pardon

Well worth clicking through and checking it out

Retro Garlic ... James Kilts and the Procter & Gamble - Gillette Merger

It's another installment of Retro Garlic tonight, thanks to 'The Boston Globe' Business Columnist, Steve Bailey, and is witty and biting review of former Gillette CEO James Kilts' new book, "Doing What Matters"

Steve Bailey's Writes the King

Bailey kicks it off with;

"And you thought King Kilts, who pocketed $165 million in the sale of Gillette Co. to Procter & Gamble Co., was the big winner in that epic Boston mega-deal. Not so, says the King.

"Employees would be perhaps the biggest beneficiaries," the King writes in his coming self-congratulatory book on how you too can turn around, sell off, and get rich on a global icon, all in five years. It's yours in hardback, if you can stomach it, for $27.50 this fall."

As to the Retro part of this ... This came in the early weeks of The Garlic's launch, back in February 2005 ...

Kilts, Gillette Board Vote For All Profits

Enjoy!

Libby, Libby, Libby ... It's A Scooterpalooza!

Judge says Libby, Libby, Libby, off to prison, prison, prison, he won't like, like, like it, pardon hopes fizzin', fizzin' fizzin'

Not even the 12 Angry Men could sway Judge Reggie Walton ...Nor could threats ...

The Scooter doesn't get to pass Go and collect $200 ... It's straight to jail for the former Assistant to the Vice President ... No waiting for the appeal in Aspen, he gets to stew in the big house ... He sits, behind bars, on Walton-Fitzgerald Time, not free time ...

And on The Garlic, It's A Scooterpalooza!

White House Sets Mark With No Terror Alert During Indictments; Libby's Bad News Passes Without Fear Package; Homeland Security Looks Into Missed Opportunity

Libby Indicted, Resigns and At Odds With Cheney Over Defense; VP Holds On To 'Nolo Contendere' In Event Charges Come; Has "No Problem" With Libby Doing Jail Time

Libby As Enemy Combatant Unlikely, But Treason Charges Could be Leveled; White House Quiet But Signs Indicate May Mount Offensive Against Libby; Sources Say ‘Everything Is On The Table”, Including Enemy Combatant Status; Rove Working On “Special Smears”

Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard Last Night At Scooter Libby Fundraiser

OJ Out, Libby In, As Fox Looks To Make Lemonade Out Of Their Lemons; Reagan Snares Cheney Aide For “If I Leaked ...” Special; No Hush Money But Donation Made To Defense Fund

Trial In Chaos; Justice Dept. Gave Libby Lawyers Prospective Jurors Personal Info; Fitzgerald Livid As Emails, NSA Wiretaps, Financial Records Found In Defense Lawyers' Briefcase

Libby Trial Update: Cheney In The Crosshairs; Reports Surface Cheney Scouring eBay, Internet For Credibility; VP Office Silent, But On-Line Resellers Abuzz On Interest, Bartering With Vice President

Top Ten Cloves: Most Surprising Things To Come Out of the Scooter Libby Trial So Far

Libby Trial Update - The Scooter and Cheney Show Theme Song

Libby Trial Update - It's Miller Time!

Top Ten Cloves: Reasons Tim Russert Didn't Ask Scooter Libby About Joe Wilson and His Wife

Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard In The Scooter Libby Jury Room

Libby Verdict Has Bush, White House Urging Cheney Into Rehab; Sources Claim 'Can't Be Trusted He Won't Break"; Iraq Comments "Last Straw" and "Were Not An Enormous Success"

Top Ten Cloves: Ways Scooter Libby May Get A Pardon

The Scooter Doesn't Skate ... New Garlic Song - Let's Jail Libby!


The Happier Days

Chinese Surname Problem Equals Golden Career Op For Bush - Name Czar

Much as we did last week, assisting the Vice President with building his team, The Garlic sees another career development opportunity in the news today, this one for The Uniter/The Decider/The Commander Guy himself.

It could go towards one of those late term diplomatic moves that gets hailed as a visionary thing by the historians, and we all know that the Bush Grindhouse desperately wants something to latch on to for a legacy.

This was in the news today;

Chinese surname shortage sparks rethink

And there was this caveat;

"The survey found 92 million people shared the surname Li, while 88 million were called Zhang. A further seven surnames -- including Chen, Zhou and Lin -- are held by at least 20 million Chinese.

Another report by the Chinese Academy of Sciences found at least 100,000 people share China's most popular name, Wang Tao."

Yeah! ... For the guy that loves to come up with new names, and to speak in a langague of one of his former careers, this is a big, fat ol' change-up pitch coming right over the middle of the plate, waiting to be one knocked out of the park.

With that name problem, it's unlikely that the Chinese have any kind of Bush Fatigue, so you're clear there.

Forget about Iraq ... Drop the Immigration charade ...

Here it is Georgie ... Appoint yourself as the new "Name Czar"

Fire up The Google ... Put that famous "Ek-A-Lec-Tic" Reading List to use ... Set yourself down with pen and paper and have at it ... When your finished, you can have that super diplomat of yours - Condi Girl - dash off to Beijing with the list and then you just sit back, let the legacy - and the library - build itself.

You're biggest worries now will be whether to have Michael Becshloss or Douglas Brinkley write the hosanna.

Links

Move Over, Hoover

Garlictorial: The 4th Anniversary, Or "How I Invaded and Occupied Iraq and All I Got Were These Lousy Iranian Bombs"

Name Czar ... Yeah, we got a name for you, all right ...

It's About The Legacy, Stupid! ... The Results - The Garlic Weekly Poll

Well, maybe he'll start calling himself "Banner Guy"

Our Garlic Poll Voters seem to think that "The Commander Guy's" heavy push to get his (not anyone else's) Immigration Bill has to be due to he's got the banner ready and, perhaps, the aircraft carrier booked.

Now, it could be that he's already counting the gate receipts for his library in his head, but more likely it was about the only thing that he could pin on that quickly evaporating legacy.

The Iraq Occupation isn't going to do it for him ... His Injustice Department has virtually collapsed ... The Courts are putting a pin in his "Enemy Combatant" balloon and Congress is set to restore Habeas Corpus... Lastly, there's that Scooter Libby matter hanging - almost literally - out there ..

And today, news of that the judges sitting in on immigration cases went through the same Republican Red Play-Doh mold that Monica Goodling employed at the DOIJ (Department of Injustice).

What's an Imperialistic President to do?

It seems, not much. He's vowed to keep pushing the immigration thing and he's still standing up his Crony General Alberto Gonzales.

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll June 4 - June 10, 2007

President Bush is so anxious to push his Immigration Bill forward because ...

1. Got a deal on banners and has the "Immigration Accomplished" one sitting around, collecting dust Tally 35%

2. Sees 12-million potential visitors to the George W. Bush Library down-the-line Tally 33%

3. Itching to start calling himself "El Comandante Guy" Tally 18%

4. It's the only thing Dick Cheney doesn’t override him on Tally 14%

This week’s Poll - Since a new poll shows that a majority of Republicans don't believe in the Theory of Evolution, we can look for ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote


He has the "Immigration Accomplished" banner ready and waiting to be hung

Top Ten Cloves: Ways CIA Will Cut Back On Using Contractors

News Item: CIA Plans Cutbacks, Limits on Contractor Staffing

10. See if Pat Robertson can launch a hurricane or stampede against them

9. Have the Senate tack on to the Alberto Gonzales No Confidence Vote, one for the contractors as well

8. Will get Blackwater to threaten to sue any contractor who doesn't resign voluntarily

7. Badger them by getting Bill O'Reilly to start one of his inane wars against them

6. Can lop off 15%-20% just by giving them standard CIA Personality Test

5. Hire Monica Goodling to weed them out

4. Ask the contractors if they believe in evolution - Keep the ones that do, layoff the ones that don't

3. Reclassfy the contractors as "Linguists" and then fire them like the Army did

2. Look through contractor list to see which ones covert, and then get Office of Vice President to expose them

1. Adopt Soprano tactic and, in video conference call about employment status, have screen fade to black

Of Talking Head Paloozas ... Ahh, Dennis, I'll Take Has-Been Hosts for $500, Please ... And Wait A Minute, Didn't You Read This Before? ...

Not quite a Herb Caen mimic today, just a few odds-and-ends that popped up, that I haven't had the time, or energy, to develop into something larger ...

Another Missed Opportunity for Talking Head Paloozas

Quite amazing Friday, the blizzard of media coverage, screaming "Breaking News" crawlers and breathless anchors, all over a white woman - who wasn't missing ... Who didn't run away from her wedding ... And nary a man-voice whisper of intrepid celebrity news hound Rita Cosby ...

Undoubtedly, the cable news guys are bemoaning this happened on a Friday ...If it could have come on a Monday, or Tuesday - CHA-CHING! ... A week's worth of programming specials and talking head paloozas ...

Links

MSNBC Cuts Away From Pentagon To Paris

VIDEO COMPILATION: The Assault On Reason, Paris Hilton Edition















Ahh, Dennis, I'll Take Has-Been Hosts for $500, Please ...

I had to do a double-take when I espied these little gems ...

GSN Taps Dennis Miller To Host Grand Slam

GSN Lands Dennis Miller for 'Grand Slam' Game Show

Oh, how the acerbically droll have fallen ...

I mean, Wink Martindale had a smoother career than Miller

From SNL, to CNBC (and working with the chimpanzee, Ellie, as his co-host), Monday Night Football ... The good gigs just keep shedding off him, like some reptilian scales, giving rebirth to new life, in Miller's case, further down the food chain ... He was, prior to the gleaming GSN spotlight, reduced to fawning in front of Bill O'Reilly on the Fox News Network ...

Now he gets to entertain the "Meals-On-Wheels" crowd, along with the contingent of unemployed, shouting in earnest at the gamers on GSN, often not realizing that they are watching a 20-year-old program

Signs that Miller will blow this one (unless they're paying the audience again), will be around the third or fourth taping, when Ellie appears, as his new co-host (or perhaps, auditioning, to take over the spot) ...

This leaves Miller to step down another rung, perhaps joining the late-night infomercial guys selling knives ...

Dennis, can you say "Look at these pearl handles!"?



















Wait A Minute, Didn't You Read This Before? ...

This story popped out at me, leaving me with the haunting feeling, wondering if the mice used in the study felt like "Hey, I've been in this lab before ..."

Origin of Deja Vu Pinpointed

Noted in the article was MIT neuroscientist Susumu Tonegawa, who conducted the study;

As an aging neuroscientist, Tonegawa admitted it’s a typical phenomenon with him. “I do a lot of traveling so I show up in brand new airports, and my brain tells me it’s been here before,” he said. “But the rest of my brain knows better.”

New Barry Crimmins ... Politicize this!

Somewhat ironically, this appeared in yesterday's NY Times news email, the daily "This Day In History";

On June 9, 1954, Army counsel Joseph N. Welch confronted Sen. Joseph R. McCarthy during the Senate-Army Hearings over McCarthy's attack on a member of Welch's law firm, Frederick G. Fisher. Said Welch: ``Have you no sense of decency, sir? At long last, have you left no sense of decency?''

While, at the same time, satirist Barry Crimmins was using an image of Joseph McCarthy for his latest post; Politicize this!
















As The Garlic wrote last week, Crimmins was retiring from stage performance, so as to concentrate more on his writing, and "Politicize this!" is the first flare sent out of the chute ... Look for more to come ...

Links

Read "Politicize this!"

Visit Barry Crimmin's website

Barry Crimmins on The Garlic

Disjointed Chief - Peter Pace Is Jumpin' ... Another Garlic Song

Man, these guys are stone cold.

They're throwing one of their own under the bus - before any shit flies.

I mean, they took him by the arms and legs, swung him back-and-forth a few times to get some momentum and heaved him in front of that big, ol' Greyhound barreling down the road.

Fearing that the reconfirmation of Joint Chief of Staff Peter Pace would hold him - and the Bush Grindhouse - accountable for the disaster they have wrought in Iraq (hmmmm, does "disaster" even cover it anymore? Is there a word that can accurately describe how Bush & Co. have fucked up Iraq, and by way of that, the rest of the world?), they chucked him.

On well, easy lie, easy go, I guess ...

So, since we didn't write anything else today, might as well serenade the Disjointed Chief with some Fats Waller music, as he boogies out the door.

Goes to the tune of The Joint Is Jumpin' so sing along as you can.

Peter Pace Is Jumpin'

Peter Pace is jumpin',
he's really jumpin',
Come in cats an' check your hats,
I mean Peter Pace is jumpin'.
The Pentagon's thumpin',
The DefSec's bumpin'.
This Iraq spot is more than hot,
In fact Peter Pace is jumpin',

Check your weapons at the door,
Be sure to pay Blackwater..
Burn your leather on the floor,
grab any of Bush's daughter.
Baghdad is rockin',
Iran is knockin'.
We're all bums when the Congress comes.
I mean Peter Pace is jumpin'.
Let it beat!

Peter Pace is jumpin',
He's really jumpin',
Even Rove is on his toes,
I mean Peter Pace is jumpin'.
No time for talkin',
It's tim for walkin'
(Yes!)
Grab a jug 'cause they've planted bugs,
I mean Peter Pace is jumpin'.
Get your lawyer, work you spin,
There's plenty when you're ditchin'.
Who is that that just came in?
Just look at the way Gate's switchin'.
Don't mind the hour,
''Cause Cheney's really in power.
He got bail if we go to jail.
I mean Peter Pace is jumpin'.
Peter Pace is jumpin',
He's really jumpin',
We're all bums when the Congress comes.
I mean Peter Pace is jumpin'.
Don't give your right name.
No, no, no!

Links

Listen To Fats Waller Sing 'The Joint Is Jumpin'

Joint Chiefs Chair Will Bow Out; Pentagon Wary of Thorny Reconfirmation Hearings

New Joint Chiefs Nominee: ‘This War Is Going To Go On For A Long Time. It’s A Generational War’

White House Plunges Into New Iraq Strategy; Moving From ‘Keystone Cops’ To ‘Marx Brothers’












Here's a Three-Card Monte if I ever saw one

Top Ten Cloves: Other Things Viewing The London 2012 Olympic Logo Can Cause

News Item: Please look away ... it's the 2012 logo

10. Otherwise normal professionals write gushy, effusive letters on behalf of convicted felon, former Vice President Chief of Staff I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby

9. Makes War Czars skeptical about the Iraq Surge

8. President Bush can't help endorsing and backing Crony General Alberto Gonzales

7. Like a Svengali, Turkey gets urge to invade Iraq

6. After viewing logo, likely to have strong urge to attempt to jump into the Popemobile

5. Fox News Anchor Brit Hume starts spouting off with racist talk like he was at a David Duke Convention

4. Wanna-be-terrorists start thinking about blowing up JFK Airport

3. Not sure yet but it might have something to do with the honeybees dying off

2. Makes Mitt Romney use phrases like "Null Set"

1. Causes Joe Scarborough to talk about pole dancing

The Scooter Doesn't Skate ... New Garlic Song - Let's Jail Libby!

Well, Well, Well ...

No more aspens turning. No more lunches with Judy.

The Scooter doesn't skate. Hard time for one, royal hard-on.

Now, it remains to be seen if the Crony General and current Chief of Staff Josh Bolten rush over in the late of night to Judge Reggie Walton, imploring him to let The Scooter out on bail, so he can go through the charade of an appeal process, patiently tapping his toes, waiting for The Commander Guy, assuming his wrist isn't sore from signing Signing Statements, and pen his name to a pardon (that ground-shaking, like an earthquake, felt in the DC area around noontime today, was Cheney, with a head of steam, charging down to the Oval Office, red in face, foaming at the mouth, veins pulsing on his dome, demanding that pardon)

So, as we have in the past, The Garlic serenades The Scooter today, turning to the great Ray Charles' "Makin' Whoopie".

As always, sing along and let The Scooter hear you!

Let's Jail Libby

Another lie, Another June
Another Bush-Cheney Goon
Another season, another reason
Let's Jail Libby

New terror news, where's Condi Rice
the Scooter is nervous. he answers twice
its so Killin that he's not spillin'
Let's Jail Libby

Picture a secret bunker
down where the neocons cling
picture the same secret bunker
Think what a smear can bring

He's washing files and Cheney's notes
He's so ambitious for Russert's shows
but don't forget folks thats what you get folks
Let's Jail Libby

Three years or maybe less
what's this I hear? Well you can't you guess
He feels neglected and he's suspected
Let's Jail Libby

He sits alone most every night
He doesn't phone Scooter, he doesn't write
Cheney says he's busy but Scooter say's "is he?"
Let's Jail Libby

He doesn't raise much money
Matalin's busier than a whore
some donors who thinks she's funny
says a pardon's gonna cost much more

Scooter says now judge suppose I fail
And Cheney says the check is in the mail
Scooter you better keep it, our little secret
Let's Jail Libby

you better keep it
our little secret
Let's Jail Libby

Bonus Links

Listen To Ray Charles and The Opening Vamp of "Makin' Whoopie"

Elizabeth de la Vega's "Sentencing for Dummies; The Fate of I. Lewis Libby"

Scooter Libby is like Lil' Kim

How About Them Apples Vicky Toensing?

Right-wing noise machine: Plame not covert

OJ Out, Libby In, As Fox Looks To Make Lemonade Out Of Their Lemons; Reagan Snares Cheney Aide For “If I Leaked ...” Special; No Hush Money But Donation Made To Defense Fund

Libby Trial Update - The Scooter and Cheney Show Theme Song

And The Warehouse of Shoes That Are Still To Drop ... The Results - The Garlic Weekly Poll

Well, just taking care of some late business here.

Funny thing, being away for a week, or so, it's pretty remarkable that the Crony General is still the Crony General.

The pat-on-the-back could still be coming, not just from what has come out already , and about, our Injustice Department, but the warehouse of shoes that are still to drop.

Then again, it really isn't a big surprise. The Bush Grindhouse has excelled, beyond all others, at incompetence - from the Pentagon, to FEMA, now Injustice and right up to the doorsteps of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Since we've already had one "Godfather-like" scene, Fredo probably should be wary if some Al Neri-type from the Grindhouse, or Darth Vader's office inviting him to go fishing.

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll May 21 - May 27, 2007

President Bush will get rid of Crony General Alberto Gonzales by ...

1. Having Karl Rove send a fresh list of attorneys to fire over to the Justice Department, with Gonzales' name the only one on it Tally 33%

2. The Death Knell: On camera, pats him on the back and says "Fredo, you're doing a heck of a job!" Tally 30%

3. The way he's done most of his underhanded business - via Signing Statement Tally 20%

4. Giving him another bump up, to the Presidency of the World Bank Tally 18%

This week’s Poll - President Bush is so anxious to push his Immigration Bill forward because ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote

Barry Crimmins: Of Exits and Eulipions

Ah ha ... You wouldn't forget him either, if you met him where I met him ...

Talking about desolation ... Lord ... Desolation is a railroad station, around about 2AM on a weeknight ... When you walk into desolation like that, and suddenly, out of nowhere, comes a warm song, you ain't about to forget it ...

This is the first time, though, that I heard him at an airport ... I know he moves along the piers ... Ah-Haaa ... He calls himself a journey agent ... A Eulipion ... Says his friends the poets ... The artists ... The musicians are Eulipions too ...

Hey! ... Listen! ... Listen to his tune ... Calls it his Duty Free Gift For The Traveler ...

Rahsaan Roland Kirk and Betty Neal

When you get down to it, Barry Crimmins is one of the fading number of Eulipions.

Barry would often joke and tease me about my love of Jazz, but as time went on, the years passed, the routine sharper and sharper, we would talk about the parallels of what he was doing on-stage, juking and riffing, going off on long solos, or finishing off a bit with a flourishing drum roll coolness.

A few degrees, a few shades and hues of a jazz performance.

Barry announced last month that he will cease performing on stage, ground down by the baseline of chaos-as-life, perpetually-ringing telephone and the relentless harshness of life on the road.

Barry has done the railroads, the piers, airports, buses and just about all other modes of travel over his 30+ years of performing stand-up comedy and satire. He's played the "big rooms", he's done the holes-in-the-wall. A portion of the time, he did it for himself, his career.

A larger amount of time, he did for others, benefits for social and progressive causes, the Peace Abbey, anti-war, Camp Casey, or maybe just a friend, who needed some help, or had undo medical expenses. On one occasion, lending a hand to a struggling jazz festival.

For his career gigs, Barry certainly got his accolades. For the other, Barry deferred credit, no bragging, no big-ego-star turn, taking no compensation for his appearances, or giving the pay to whoever the gig was benefiting.

And Barry is a complainer.

He will give you the shirt off his back, if that was what the situation dictates, and then complain that he didn't give it to you fast enough ... Or that he didn't have enough shirts with him to give to you.

It's been a treasure and a treat to have seen many of his performances. From the old Ding Ho, to the Improv, the Punchline and the whole mishmash of places he gigged. The tours he did with Jackson Browne, or Dar Williams. His live recording sessions. Drinking at a service bar at a Venice Beach café.

And while all that was fun and great, the bigger, longer-lasting reward has been his friendship. The warmth, the trueness, the ease.

He's only trading the stage for the internet, newspaper and magazine essays. More books too.

And for that, we all get more of Barry Crimmins.

Be sure to listen to his tune ... His Duty Free Gift For The Traveler.

You won't forget it, either.

Links

Barry Crimmins Website

Barry Crimmins: My Opening Farewell

The last laugh

Adieu, a little - Barry Crimmins’s comic relief

When Stand Up Stood Out

Rahsaan Roland Kirk Website

Listen To A Clip of 'Theme For The Eulipions'

Barry Crimmins on The Garlic

Editor's Note - Mea Culpa For The Absence and Low Posting

Good Evening Garlic Fans

I hope all is well with you.

I wanted to touch base and offer some reason on why The Garlic has been quiet the past week, or so.

Yours truly has had a real life, serious family situation to deal with, that has required all energy and attention.

For some time now, going on 12-years, I have been caretaker to an elderly relative, an aunt, now 94.

It's only been the last six-or-seven-years that she has started the descent into age dementia and memory loss (as well as significant hearing loss). A very vibrant woman, someone who averaged walking 5-10-miles per-day into her late 80's, an advocate, long before it was popular, or had titles and categories of market share, of eating healthy, vitamins, holistic approaches to medicine, was slowing down.

Roughly eight-years ago, she fell, breaking her shoulder (but didn't tell me about it for nearly six-hours).

Two-years ago, she suffered a 'TIA Episode" or small stroke.

And last Friday night/Saturday morning, she encountered, what turned out to be, Congestive Heart Failure, a small heart attack. Which soon became exponentially more complicated, within 30-minutes of being admitted to the hospital, she took a fall, breaking her left wrist.

So, I have been dealing with this, as she was discharged from the hospital this past Tuesday, and now it's been about getting her comfortable and figuring out, with the heavy plaster cast, and on Lasik to diminish any remnants of fluid build-up, which makes her tired, what her baseline is going to be.

I wanted to present this, to assuage concerns anyone had, fearful that the gas tank was empty and I was giving it up, and that I hope, with this post tonight, and, perhaps a few over the weekend, to get back in the groove.

It may be light - Top Ten Cloves, or riffs pointing to other hot news or great writing - and it could still be erratic, but I am eager to get back to work.

So, please bear with The Garlic and, if it's a light or empty day, scroll down the right column to the vast array of links or highlighted posts you may have missed.

Peace
JTD