Breaking News! Developing Story! White House Rerunning 2000 Post Election Plans

Bush Unhinged, Huddles With Lawyers And Preps Briefs To Contest Election Results

With GOP Losing House, Tighter Senate, Appeal Will Be Filed; Snow: “What Worked in 2000 Can Work Again”

As election results continue to pour, showing the Democrats taking the majority in Congress, and a tightening of the gap in the Senate, sources tell the Garlic that President George Bush has been clearly agitated, distraught, constantly getting on “The Google” and checking races still undecided.

At various points during the evening, the President, wearing his flightsuit, openly lamented that he would be a “lame duck” during the final two-years of his presidency and that his “Bush Doctrine” was going down the drain.

Reportedly, when staff could calm the President down, he has huddled with Vice President Dick Cheney and Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, and it is expected that the Bush Administration will be filing briefs when the Courts open tomorrow morning, contesting every losing Republican campaign.

Joe Lieberman, the former Democratic Senator from Connecticut, who has, apparently, won his Independent reelection, quickly said he would be in favor of the White House “taking advantage of our Judiciary Branch” to settle any disparities, and in particular, may join the proceedings as a “Friend of the Court”, but only if “it still means I win my election.”

“We’re hearing all kinds of things”, says Hildy Johnson, editor of the monthly newsletter “What Did He Say Now?” that tracks and reviews President Bush’s speeches and interviews.

One unconfirmed report had the President on “The Google” for hours, alternately looking up elections results, repeatedly hitting the “I’m Feeling Lucky” bar, as well as using ‘The Google Earth”, to stare endless at the satellite photos of his Crawford Ranch.

Another had the President barking at staff, that he was to be notified immediately, when either John Kerry or Al Gore conceded, apparently confusing tonight’s elections with his own campaigns of 2000 and 2004.

According to Johnson, it was a telephone call from Attorney Ben Ginsberg, who represented the Bush Team in appealing the 2000 election to the Supreme Court, which sparked the White House into considering contesting the entire slate of losing GOP races.

“My sources are telling me,” said Johnson, “that after the Ginsberg call, Gonzalez, and Cheney’s Cheney, David Addington, began making copies of the briefs that were filed to the Supreme Court in 2000, and simply making minor edits to align the complaints with the individual and particular races conducted today.”

“Now, hold on there,” a battered White House Press Secretary Tony Snow cautioned a group of reporters. “We’re not saying anybody is doing anything ... Now, I’m not in the room, making policy but what I think the President is looking at is what has worked over the years, what’s in the past that can be used in the future ... Who can say ... I mean, no one can say that what worked in 2000, won’t work again ... It’s all about our new strategy, exploring and being flexible ...”

The gambit, according to many political experts, in filing hundreds of lawsuits is that the White House, joined by the RNC, can intimidate some of the Democratic winners, painting them as against freedom and democracy, and, placing an enormous financial burden on them, and their depleted campaign war chests.

“It’s all the RNC and Rove - and Fox News - at this point,” offered Eddie Mars, editor of 'Please Shoot Me', the newsletter that tracks the Fox News Channel. They’ll have no mercy, they’ll be looking to cut these guys to pieces.

In a related matter, now former Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA), who was defeated today by challenger Bob Casey, announced that he has been hired as a consultant by the National Association of Evangelicals and New Life Church, to harass former pastor Ted Haggard, and to hunt and root out any other ministers who may be gay.

More As This Story Develops

Please, use The Garlic Link List to visit sites, such as The Huffington Post, The Raw Story, The Nation, The Reaction and The Moderate Voice for updates and more information on the races still undecided at the time of this post.

At various points during the evening, the President, wearing his flightsuit, openly lamented that he would be a “lame duck” during the final two-years of his presidency and that his “Bush Doctrine” was going down the drain.

Minced Garlic - Keith Olbermann Special Comment: Where are the checks, balances?

No doubt, with all that campaigning - for candidates that don’t want to be seen with him - President Bush hasn't had much time to be working “The Google” - or to place more documents on the web that shows how to build a nuclear weapon.

If he had, he probably could have looked up all the reasons he’s told us over the past few years on why we invaded, and are occupying Iraq - Just like our anchor-hero, MSNBC’s ‘Countdown’ host, Mr. Keith Olbermann, with his Special Comment earlier this evening, ‘Where are the checks, balances?’

Not overlooking the “I’m-Shocked-Shocked-To-Find-Gambling-Going-On-Here” coincidence of the Saddam verdict being announced two-days before the Midterm elections, Olbermann rattled them off, peeling them like an onion and throwing them down at the feet of our Liar-In-Chief.

Is the conviction of Saddam Hussein the reason you went to war in Iraq?

Or did you go to war in Iraq because of the weapons of mass destruction that did not exist?

Or did you go to war in Iraq because of the connection between Iraq and al-Qaida that did not exist?

Or did you go to war in Iraq to break the bonds of tyranny there, while installing the mechanisms of tyranny here?

Or did you go to war in Iraq because you felt the need to wreak vengeance against somebody, anybody?

Or did you go to war in Iraq to contain a rogue state which, months earlier, your own administration had declared had been fully contained by sanctions?

Or did you go to war in Iraq to keep gas prices down?

Funny, as Olbermann delves into, in the final days of campaigning, Oil comes into play, as our Court-Appointed President now offers we have to “Stay The Course”, if only to keep the Oil Markets stable, and out of the hands of “terrorists”

Having frightened us, having bullied us, having lied to us, having ignored and rewritten the Constitution under our noses, having stayed the course, having denied you’ve stayed the course, having belittled us about "timelines" but instead extolled "benchmarks," you’ve now resorted, sir, to this?

We must stay in Iraq to save the $2 gallon of gas?

After reminding the President (as well as anyone viewing) that the Founding Fathers of this country set the whole works up with “checks and balances” (A House of Representatives would be the people's eyes. A Senate would be the corrective force on that House. An executive would do the work, and hold the Constitution to his chest like his child. A Supreme Court would oversee it all) to which this President, and his administration, has roundly ignored, we, the people still hold a card in the game;

Voting.

Get out there tomorrow and cast it, before Bush has time to get back on “The Google” and throws another one out there.

Links

Keith Olbermann’s Special Comment - Where are the checks, balances?

Scroll Down The Right-Side-Bar To Read Previous Minced Garlic’s

Top Ten Cloves: Ways James Dobson Will Cure Ted Haggard And Offer "Spiritual Restoration"

News Item: James Dobson, 2 Mega-Church Pastors To Lead Haggard's "Spiritual Restoration"...

10. Immediately, have him take down his MySpace profile, “LonelyPastor15”

9. Movie Intervention - Entire weekend viewing of the complete DVD Library of John Wayne films

8. Can you say NASCAR?

7. Lots of appearances on Dr. Laura’s radio show

6. Mandatory attendance at the next Liberty Sunday event

5. Before NFL season ends, have Haggard do Desperate Housewives commercial with Nicolette Sheridan in towel

4. New attire - Plaid Shirts, Chino Pants, Mac Truck Hats and a big, ol’ wad of chaw stuck in his cheek

3. Just in case, have Pat Robertson work up one of his special curses, and have it ready

2. Need to go all the way back to the beginning; Sentence Haggard to a summer at Jesus Camp

1. If all else fails, pay-off Miller Lite to get the men in the Square Room to pass a new Man Law, that it’s okay to get a massage and do crystal meth with a gay male escort

Spiritual Restoration or Man Law lies at the end of Ted Haggard's road

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 5 November 2006

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld is expected to announce this week a new plan to secure Baghdad by deploying "slingshooters" throughout the city














Former Deputy Secretary of Defense Paul Wolfowitz said that he feels "justified" in his beliefs that it was the right thing to do in invading and occupying Iraq and went on to predict that the "hanging of Saddam Hussein should pay for itself"














Already fighting of charges that they orchestrated the verdict of Hussein to come before the Midterm elections, the Bush Administration has a new scandal to deal with, as Under Secretary of State for Public Diplomacy and Public Affairs Karen Hughes has been charged with "scalping" tickets to the Saddam hanging














The Bush Administration is going a step further in their plans to not allow detainees to speak about their "robust interrogations" and have put forward a program to also sew their eyes shut













"Me? ... You'll be a Lame Duck Vice President there smiley ... Put that in your Secret Bunker and smoke it!"


















In the "Can't-Catch-A-Break" department, former Vice President Al Gore, for the two-days his collegaue, Senator John Kerry, was engulfed in his "botched joke" snafu, Gore frantically waved at reporters and television cameras, in an effort to take the attention away from Kerry, but to no avail - the media ignored Gore

Speaker Pelosi, Best You Make Like A Hockey Player This Week, And Skate With Your Head Up ... The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll

Boy does it seem that the Republicans have a thing about sex? ... If it isn’t a Congressman, or a supportive Evangelist Minister, then it’s the whispers and innuendo...

They’ve already thrown the sexist stuff at her, the comments about “measuring for drapes” ... We anticipate we’ll see a peak - check that - a monsoon of grief hurled at Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi, before the final votes are cast on Tuesday ...

Another sizzling (Oops, there we go taunting the GOP again) vote this past week in The Garlic’s Weekly Poll

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll October 29 - November 4 2006

With the campaigns coming down to the final week, and indications showing that the House, at least, will go to the Democrats, and elevating Nancy Pelosi to House Speaker, Pelosi can expect the RNC and GOP to ....

1. Run a new commercial in Tennessee intimating that she shacked up with Harold Ford Jr. Tally 28%

2. Baselessly charge that she supplied illegal drugs to Michael J. Fox for his television commercials Tally 27%

3. Say, that since she comes from San Francisco, it must have been Pelosi that wrote about steamy lesbian scenes, and not Lynne Cheney Tally 23%

3. Conduct a massive, last-minute mailing, warning that, if Pelosi is elected Speaker, she’ll let the terrorists into the country and will force people into Same-Sex Marriages Tally 23%

This week’s Poll - Coming down to the wire, President Bush and his administration will, in all likelihood, spin the guilty verdict of Saddam Hussein in these last two days before the Midterm elections by...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote

Two more days to throw the mud around

Editor’s Note - The Nation’s “Bring Democracy Home”

Good Evening Garlic Fans

Unless you’ve been dangerously obsessed with ‘Dancing With The Stars’, you’re likely well aware that the 2006 Midterm Elections are taking place this coming Tuesday (Nov. 7^th).

Equally, you’ve likely seen the stories about the questions of the new electronic voting machines (or caught the HBO Documentary, ”Hacking Democracy”), you know about the questionable (and at times, out-and-out dirty tricks; Yes, were talking about you, Florida and Ohio) practices of past elections.

Katrina vanden Heuvel, Editor & Publisher of The Nation has a wonderfully editorial that you should take a read on.

Here’s a teaser on it;

The American people are waking up and realizing that for all the Bush Administration's talk of promoting democracy abroad, the US electoral system fails to do the same at home. With the approach of the midterm elections, there is justified alarm about the vulnerabilities of electronic voting machines but this is just one of myriad problems, many of them long-standing, that cry out for reform.

So, in the spirit of democracy promotion at home, in the new issue of The Nation editor Katrina vanden Heuvel offers ten ideas for how to repair and strengthen our broken voting system. Read and circulate them widely.

The Garlic is doing its’ part in circulating them. Take a few minutes to read, and then forward to your friends.

The Nation’s “Bring Democracy Home”

Oh yeah, be sure to vote on Tuesday. If we want to make a change, we need every vote possible.

Top Ten Cloves: Surprising Things Found On “Operation Iraqi Freedom Document Portal” Website

News Item: U.S. Shuts Website Said To Reveal Nuclear Guide

10. List of CIA Covert Agents to expose, in case of trouble selling Saddam’s Nuclear Program; #1 Name on List - Valarie Plame

9. Templates, for signs, warning “Don’t Drink The Water - It’s From Halliburton”

8. Notes of discussions of what color finger-paint to use for the Iraqis who vote

7. The Saddam Hussein verdict, dated from about three-days after they captured him

6. Pre-war notes, in President Bush’s handwriting, on who to give the Medal of Freedom Award to after Baghdad falls

5. The “Comma” that President Bush is waiting to insert into Iraq’s history

4. Fun Photo Gallery of Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA) and Representative Peter Hoekstra (R-MI) hunting for WMD’s

3. Hours of Audio Files, with Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, testing phrases like “Things Happen”, “Stuff Occurs”, and others

2. Extremely rare video footage of the insurgency in its’ last throes, as cited by Vice President Dick Cheney

1. File of searches on “The Google” by President Bush, and all those “I’m Feeling Lucky” hits for “WMD’s”

"Oops ... No WMD's Here ..."

Minced Garlic - New Keith Olbermann Special Comment: Bush owes troops an apology, not Kerry

Another good Special Comment last evening, from our Anchor Hero Keith Olbermann, on his MSNBC ‘Countdown’ program, with his ‘Bush owes troops an apology, not Kerry’.

Leading into it with a rather humorous tale from 1856, of Senator Preston Brooks beating Senator Charles Sumner with a cane, Olbermann delves into the abusive, derisive, and exploitive nature President Bush has chosen to define his presidency.

There is no line this president has not crossed — nor will not cross — to keep one political party in power.

And yes, it has to do with John Kerry “Botched Joke” (we covered this yesterday, with Top Ten Cloves: Other Ways John Kerry Could Have Claimed President Bush Is Stupid and Chopped Garlic - Bonus Kerry - Bush Cloves) and Olbermann didn’t back away from criticizing Kerry (“Sen. John Kerry called him out Monday. He did it two years too late.”) and noting Kerry’s apology - not to Bush, for in essence, calling him “Stupid” but to the troops and their families, for any misunderstanding about his “Botched Joke”, which, deftly, loops it back around to how President Bush, the Republican Smear Machine and the Freak Show intentionally mischaracterized the remarks for their political purpose.

Olbermann offers three biting reasons why “Mr. Bush and his minions responded by appearing to be too stupid to realize that they had been called stupid,” and runs a detailed list, demanding Bush and his “henchmen” apologize, conceding it’s unlikely to happen.

Included in those Mr. Olbermann requests to issue an apology is Senator John McCain (R-AZ), the frontrunner to possibly follow Herr Bush into the White House, for caving once again, adopting and mimicking the White House, and their cronies’ lies about John Kerry, stating the obvious in “That was beneath the senator from Arizona

Olbermann finishes with taking on Bush (and the First Lady, for her swipe against Michael J. Fox), the Smear Machine and the Freak Show, ending with a telling quote from Thomas Beckett.

And for some irony, on the same day that Mr. Olbermann issued ‘Bush owes troops an apology, not Kerry’, and with the White House, Smear Machine and Freak show in full throttle on bashing Kerry, a new poll showing 70% of Americans believing that Bush doesn’t have a plan to end the war, with the media still distorting and misrepresenting the Kerry remarks, we had President Bush stating his support for both Vice President Dick Cheney and Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld,, both subjects and included in previous Special Comments.

In sum, this Special Comment, as with Mr. Olbermann’s previous Special Comments, is on-target and captures the morally-empty, corrupt, and evil court-appointed presidency of George W. Bush.

Links

Read and/or watch Keith Olbermann’s ‘Bush owes troops an apology, not Kerry’

Crooks and Liars also has it

Scroll Down The Right-Side-Bar To Read Previous Minced Garlic’s

Top Ten Cloves: Other Ways John Kerry Could Have Claimed President Bush Is Stupid

News Item: Bush Calls Kerry Remarks Insulting to U.S. Troops; Senator Says President, Not Military, Was Target of Botched Joke

10. Still thinks guys named “Chad” helped him win 2000 Presidential election

9. Hey, I provide food for my family; I don’t put it on my family, like the President said

8. Well, he did nominate Harriet Miers for the Supreme Court

7. First Lady likes to wear a “I’m With Stupid” T-Shirt around the living quarters at the White House

6. He’s the one with the "Ek-A-Lec-Tic" Reading List, not me

5. Whenever someone mentions “No Child Left Behind”, President worries and asks if “One of those Timber Alerts” has been put out

4. You look at this White House ... It’s almost as if that Lincoln Group is writing the script for their policies and statements

3. Even former Republican Congressman Joe Scarborough thinks the President is an idiot

2. They’re so desperate, they had to have Vice President Dick Cheney’s wife write a children’s book to get the President to understand the domestic policies

1. The President said he likes to use ‘The Google”... My God, with all his lies and broken policies, it’s as if, instead of an ‘I’m Feeling Lucky” search bar, the White House put a “I’m Feeling Stupid” one on his computer

Cowboy Diplomat or Cowboy Dunce?

Chopped Garlic - Bonus Kerry - Bush Cloves

Quite the flying of fur the past few days ... What did John Kerry say? What did he mean? Was it a joke? An Insult?

Just to toss a few pennies into the pot, I’m more fascinated, less about Bush and the Republicans, but how the media, and in particular, the cable news gatekeepers are doing their darned best to float this story and keep this story front and center - and how they are presenting it out of context.

The consensus is, if you listen to all these talking heads, that Kerry insulted the troops. They’ve played, over-and-over, the single clip of Kerry’s big “punchline”.

When the longer version of Kerry’s speech is played, and, as Chris Matthews of MSNBC’s ‘Hardball’, as well as ‘Countdown’s’ Keith Olbermann, read the newswire reports of the speech, it’s crystal clear that Kerry’s “botched joke” was clearly and squarely aimed at President Bush.

Now, not so much for the RNC, and all those Republican politicians, candidates, and pundits, but you have to give the White House credit. They are, whether they like it or not, forced to respond the way they have.

After all, it’s rather late in the game to send Bush out there to defend that he isn’t stupid ... It’s a Lose-Lose game for them

Enjoy

Peace
JTD

Here’s some Bonus Cloves of some of that fur flying out there

Slates - The Misunderestimated Man - How Bush chose stupidity

CommonDreams - GW Bush: The Man is Stupid

Huffington Post - Is Bush Evil or Stupid?

The Moderate Voice - Is John Kerry The Gift That Keeps On Giving For Bush And The GOP? (UPDATED)

The Reaction - Tempest in a teapot

Taylor Marsh - Kerry's Mangled Statement a Distraction

Huffington Post - Have You Heard The One About The President Who Screwed Up A War And Killed 3,000 Kids?

New Month - New and Improved The Garlic

Good Morning Garlic Fans

We hope your doing well this fine day.

With this being the first day of a new month, we thought it would be a good time to point out some of the new features on The Garlic

As was announced earlier last month, The Garlic transitioned over to a new, Beta Blogger system, which offers some upfront improvements, as to the sleeker look and easier Search option. The bigger improvements come back office, with the ability to better and easier manage the template, posts, et al.

So, we were busy last month taking advantage of this new-found bliss and while keeping the usual Garlic offerings, such as The Garlic Poll, Reader Favorites, Recent Garlic Posts and Archive and a growing list of Links, we’ve added a boatload of more content that you can stroll through.

As we approach our 2^nd Anniversary in the blogosphere, time to take a look at Garlic History - On This Day.

Further down the right-side sidebar, we’ve created sections for easier, one-click viewing of some of the more popular Garlic posts with;

Garlictorials

Politics & Government ... On The Garlic

Sports ... On The Garlic

Media & Entertainment ... On The Garlic

Business ... On The Garlic

Songs ... On The Garlic

Also, if you want to leave the world of satire and see what’s happening out there in the real world, we now offer a Huffington Post News Box and MediaMatters News Box.

Once again, thank you very much for spending time and reading The Garlic: All The Cloves Fit To Peel.

Peace
JTD

Developing Story: New White House Policy Causing Feet-In-Mouth

Bush Stumping Causes Panic, Chaos: Cheney Claims Said “Duncan”, Not “Dunking”

President’s Use of “Just Say No” Confusing; FBI, and DEA Staff Stretched Thin, Chasing Down Rally Attendees

If, with announcing last week, the abandonment of “Stay The Course”, in favor of the new policy of “Hello, I Must Be Going” was meant by the White House to be a rallying charge for the final week of campaigning, it has been anything but.

Both President Bush, and now Vice President Dick Cheney have “put their feet in their mouths”, sources close to the White House have told The Garlic.

President Bush’s stumping for Congressional candidates, according to one, senior official, has caused widespread confusion, panic and chaos, as his use of “Just Say No” has left rally attendees the target of, seemingly, overzealous law enforcement officials, both local and by members of the President’s own Security Detail.

In Washington, offices for the candidates have been overwhelmed, with constituents calling and emailing, asking, either about their positions on “drug policy”, or vociferously complaining about the clamp-down and behavior of law enforcement back in their home districts.

Cheney Piles On To President’s Gaffe

And just as White House staff began turning their attention to the President’s gaffes, the Vice President Office released a new, second statement, regarding Cheney’s comments in a radio interview last week, where the Vice President stunningly, and openly, came across as endorsing torture.

In the statement, the claim now is that the Vice President was saying “Duncan”, as in Congressman Duncan Hunter, and not “Dunking” as in the practice of torture by use of “Waterboarding”

One barometer of just how bad it is in the White House came at the morning briefing, when, the normally jovial White House Press Secretary Tony Snow, shouted down a cacophonous chorus of questions about the President’s use of “Just Say No” with a crisp, no-nonsense “just back off” to the press corp. It also appeared that Snow restrained himself from banging his head on the podium, a new strategy, or tactic, he employed last week.

“It seems,” offered Hildy Johnson, editor of the monthly newsletter “What Did He Say Now?” that tracks and reviews President Bush’s speeches and interviews, “to quote a former colleague of mine, these guys don’t seem to know whether to piss, or wind their watches ... Just Say No? ... What’s next, ‘Our Friend, The Atom’?”

“Just Say No” Taken As Threat By President’s Detail For Drug Bust

The slogan, “Just Say No” has it’s roots in a campaign of former First Lady Nancy Reagan, back in 1986 and has always been associated with drugs and the War Against Drugs.

Beginning last week, when the President stumped in Sellersburg, Indiana, and first broke out with the “Just Say No” speech, to slam Democrats.

Defending his, and his administration’s fight against terrorism, the President said;

"In all these vital measures for fighting the war on terror, the Democrats in Washington follow a simple philosophy: Just say no ... When it comes to listening in on the terrorists, what's the Democratic answer?... Just say no... When it comes to detaining terrorists, what's the Democrat answer?", with the crowd responding back “Just Say No!”

Things began to go awry as Secret Service agents first, and then later backed up by officers from the Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA), fanned out over Sellersburg, searching private homes, and questioning or interrogating dozens of citizens.

Witness say the agents were “rough” and “very threatening”, stopping both the young and the old.

In one instance, according to a witness, three elderly gentlemen had their smoking pipes confiscated by FBI agents. When men began to protest, the agent barked “Patriot Act” and, allegedly had to be restrained by another agent, after ordering the elderly men held as “enemy combatants”.

The FBI would neither confirm nor deny the story, stating that it was an “on-going investigation” and that evidence “was obtained” and sent back to Washington for testing

Over the weekend, apparently, the White House, while aware of the police crackdown in Indiana, did not make the connection of it, to the President’s speech, instead blaming “paid Democratic operatives” for “attempting to disrupt the president.”

Yesterday, while stumping at Georgia Southern University in Statesboro, Georgia and in Sugarland, Texas, the Tom Delay stronghold, the President, again, used his “Just Say No” approach to his speech, and again, law enforcement sprung into action, working their way through the crowds.

“I heard rumors,” said Johnson, “that some genius on Bush’s staff, after seeing all of this suggested the President switch from “Just Say No” to “Just Don’t Vote”, something the President was said to have liked, but was quickly shot down by a representative from the RNC, fearing that it would keep some Republicans from voting next Tuesday.”

Another source has told The Garlic that the Secret Service also “added their two-cents”, pointing out that the “Just Say No” speech was “stretching their resources”, as well as those of the FBI and DEA.

“You Say Duncan, I Say Dunking ... Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off”

Another member of the White House has also been stretching resources thin, those of the Communications Department.

Without consulting Snow, or Dan Bartlett, the White House Communications Director, the Vice President’s office got busy, still trying to undo the mess caused last week, during a radio interview by Vice President Cheney.

Last Friday, conservative talkshow hot Scott Hennen of WDAY in Fargo, N.D. asked the Vice President, "Would you agree a dunk in water is a no-brainer if it can save lives?"

Said Cheney; “It's a no-brainer for me, but for a while there, I was criticized as being the Vice President "for torture." We don't torture. That's not what we're involved in. We live up to our obligations in international treaties that we're party to and so forth. But the fact is, you can have a fairly robust interrogation program without torture, and we need to be able to do that.”

While riding in Air Force Two, Cheney told reporters "I didn't say anything about waterboarding. . . . He didn't even use that phrase," and was defended by Snow, without banging his head on the podium, with "A dunk in the water is a dunk in the water.”

Today, the Vice President’s office reignited the controversy, in what looked to many as an endorsement of torture, by issuing a statement, explaining that Vice President Cheney was really saying “Duncan” and not “Dunking”

“During a commercial break,” the statement reads, “Vice President Cheney and Host Scott Hennen had been discussing the upcoming elections, and looking ahead to 2008. The Vice President simply brought up the name of Congressman Duncan Hunter, who, yesterday, announced intentions to run for the Presidency in 2008. Vice President Cheney is a friend to Congressman Hunter, and was, in a manner of speaking, giving him an “Attaboy” and encouragement. When they went back on-air, the Vice President was indicating that it is a “no-brainer” that “Duncan” run for President. The Vice President was simply attempting to help a colleague.”

“Yeah, right,” Johnson offered, sardonically. “One wants to build a wall, the other one, typically, hides behind one.”

“If this is the new “Hello, I Must Be Going” policy, they better go - make that run - back to ‘Stay The Course’.

The transition from ‘Stay The Course’ to “Hello, I Must Be Going” has turned out not to be smooth one for President Bush and Vice President Cheney, with the pair suffering from gaffes and “feet-in-mouth” with their recent stumping and statements

Top Ten Cloves: Things Lynne Cheney Didn’t Get To Tell Wolf Blitzer About Her New Book

News Item: CNN’s Wolf Blitzer Calls Out Lynne Cheney For ‘Sniping At My Patriotism’

10. Mrs. Cheney had to disclose to publisher of “Our 50 States: A Family Adventure Across America” that family’s road trip was paid for by convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff

9. Special coupon comes with book, so children can send away for kit to build their very own Secret Bunker

8. To add some drama, when visiting New Orleans page, family in book gets stranded on rooftop for 5-Days before getting rescued

7. With a suggestion from her husband, the Vice President, there is an undisclosed code, by stringing names of cities and states together, that exposes three more covert CIA Agents

6. In the nation’s capital, fun, interactive section, where children can add their own Signing Statements to real laws!

5. Had to waterboard three different illustrators until they found the right one

4. Push a button next to the United Nations Building on New York page and Ambassador John Bolten yells and curses at you

3. To introduce children to politics, Peek-A-Boo window in State of Pennsylvania shows fragging of Congressman John Murtha

2. Inspired by her earlier work “Sisters”, depicted city of San Francisco with steamy lesbian scene

1. On the road trip taking place in the book, one child writes back home, “Dear Grandma, I want to live in Houston, TX - So Daddy can get a job with Halliburton and make millions-of-dollars by getting No-Bid contracts”

Bonus Clove: THE SITUATION ROOM - Interview With Lynne Cheney; New al Qaeda Threats

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 29 October 2006

Not since the tiny town of Hot Springs, N.M. changed its’ name to Truth or Consequences, after a popular radio program, has a U.S. City embarked on such a drastic remaking of itself.

Tired of its ties to baked beans, Boston Mayor Tom Menino announced that the official symbol for the city would now be the pumpkin, after the charity event for Life Is Good set a new world’s record of lighting over 30,000 jack-o'-lanterns last week.

Menino’s edict now extends The Freedom Trail, which tells of the city’s revolutionary war history, scores of miles into the suburbs, to include pumpkin and gourd patches and the legendary basketball team, the Boston Celtics, will abandon their traditional green-and-white uniforms, and go with city’s new ‘Pumpkin Orange’

At historic Fenway Park, the infamous Green Monster will now become the ‘Pumpkin Orange Monster’ and the On-Deck circles will be replaced with the official city pumpkin decal. Pubs and taverns around the city began serving the new Pumpkin Ale, while bakeries lined their cases with Boston Pumpkin Cream Pie

Oprah Winfrey weighed in on the on-going Michael J. Fox - Rush Limbaugh debacle, saying that Limbaugh’s recent apology is not official until he comes on her talkshow, repeatedly and profusely says he’s sorry, much like Pope Benedict XVI did recently, weep and cry, and then give everyone in the audience a brand new automobile




















Listen, Sister, I’m not going anywhere... Not one tiny, itsy-bitsy centimeter, so back-off ... You guys over at State better get your shit together cuz’ you and I both know this new policy of the President... These benchmarks and whatnot ... They just a bunch of hooey
















The Bush Administration quietly announced, in an effort to ward off criticism that they allow the torture of prisoners, that they will now offer detainees the opportunity to enter a Lotto, which will determine just what level of aggressive and robust interrogation they will undergo

















And while Waterboarding will not be taken off the table, being forced to ride a bicycle in the ocean will be a new option

Also coming out of the White House was the announcement that, in the next Iraqi election, the purple-dye fingers will be replaced with a new, intricate design, to verify voters and guard against irregularities at the polls so that democracy can flourish

The Iraqi Government has complained that his new, intricate design will slow down the voting, however, the Bush Team reminded the Iraqis that this is one of the benchmarks they have been told they agreed to work on, and a No-Bid contract has already been awarded to the Halliburton Company to supply the paint and artists

A Little Less Conversation, A Little More Ugliness Please ... The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll

Yikes!

It’s starting to look like a horrible automobile accident, with the backseat littered with empty beer cans and whiskey bottles - and the inebriated driver pointing fingers and blaming everyone but themselves.

Despite reams of videotape, our Court-Appointed-President veered off course, to launch his new “Hello, I Must Be Going” strategy (or tactic, we’re not clear on that).

Not with Dennis Miller displaying, once again, how far he’s fallen (Memo To Miller: Get the Chimp, swallow your pride and see if CNBC will take the two of you back), or the Talking Dirigible slamming, not just Parkinson victims, but all those with serious disabilities (and funny, how he didn’t bring up his own drug-taking binge), and, finally, Ken Mehlman and the RNC, winking at the NAACP with one eye, while directing the Old Southern Strategy (or tactic, to stay on message with the President) with the other, have we seen such a pack of wolves spread out and turn on whoever was closest, including each other.

All that adds up to it’s going to get real ugly this week, into the weekend and batten down the hatches next Monday and Tuesday.

As to our Garlic Poll voters, their message is for the First Lady and Barney to escape to Crawford, close all the doors, windows and shades and hunker down until the Midterms are over ...

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll October 22 - October 28 2006

With the Midterm Elections looming within the next three-weeks, and no new Iraq Strategy coming from President Bush, were likely to see the Republican candidates...

1. Start badgering the First Lady and Barney to hightail it outta there, so that, maybe, the President does something Tally 30%

2. Use the Tan Nguyen strategy, and start firing off threatening letters, but on their opponent’s letterhead, to minority groups that will likely vote for the Democrats Tally 28%

3. Admit to sending Pages inappropriate instant messages, even if they didn’t, just so they don’t have to defend their record of backing the President Tally 26%

4. Get some more kids to do more internet writing contests and have a gosh-darn new terror threat everyday up to the election Tally 16%

This week’s Poll - With the campaigns coming down to the final week, and indications showing that the House, at least, will go to the Democrats, and elevating Nancy Pelosi to House Speaker, Pelosi can expect the RNC and GOP to ....

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote

Nancy Pelosi shouldn’t look for any backrubs from President Bush if, as polling data indications, the Democrats take back Congress in next week’s Midterm Elections