The Garlic

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

An Eric Massa Cloud

Tickle Fights?... Favorite Song - In The Navy? ... "The sexual tension between Glenn Beck and Eric Massa is palpable"...Crossing The Line - Shellbacks and Pollywags ... Favorite TV Show - Bachelor Father? ... Groping Male Staffers... Cancer ... "You need any help with that, let me know" ...The Democratic Leadership Made Me Do It... Snorkling ... Do you know how awkward it is to have a political argument with a naked man?...

Oh, we could go on-and-on, piling on this riveting, public meltdown.

So, rather, we will turn it over to another - Barry Crimmins.

Crimmins' "Ticklish Times in NY-29" is hysterical, a complete rundown, but I can't say "soup-to-nuts" with this story, without breaking out in a huge grin;

That was Saturday night. On Sunday he went on his radio show and tried to explain himself. It got mighty weird. He told of how when men sleep in the same bed together they should sleep one man under a sheet, the other over it. This method helps avoid any accidental sexual contact. How about flipping a coin and the loser gets the floor, Eric? The Three Stooges were the last guys I can think of who could sleep in the same bed free of sexual overtones.

Then he told of how he ended up at a table with all 15 of the "bachelors" on his congressional staff at the end of a drunken wedding party. Massa, by the way, uses the word "bachelor" more often than a 50's movie about marriage-averse single men. Before long and due to his own loopy disclosures, it became obvious that he seeks the company of bachelors more often than say, Clifton Webb.

There's a lot more ...

Go read "Ticklish Times in NY-29"

This Date ... On The Garlic

10 March 2009... On The Garlic

The Loon Star State

10 March 2008... On The Garlic

Retro Garlic: Color Me Client 9, From Out of Office

"Can we have our $40,000 back?"

10 March 2006... On The Garlic

Breaking News! Beta-Mode Settlement By Google Draws Disappointment

Top Ten Cloves: Other Things That NASA's Cassini May Find On Saturn's Moon Enceladus

10 March 2005... On The Garlic

Bush Team Prepares Call For New Axis of Evil Member

Apple Takes Blog Ruling As New Club On Criticism and Dissent

Top Ten Cloves: Signs That Congress Is On Steroids

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Breaking News: Costa Rican Legislature Convenes Emergency Session To Ban Limbaugh

Country United In Not Wanting Right Wing Hatemonger; OAS Sends Out Advisory Calling for Similar Action

Even though it may not occur for five-years, Costa Rica is not taking any chances, its' legislature convening in an emergency session today, voting unanimously to ban controversial radio clown Rush Limbaugh from entering the country, or, otherwise establishing "any type of domestic residency," as he has stated he may do.

President Óscar Arias quickly signaled his endorsement of the vote, citing "the protection of our citizens from this drug-addict hatemonger is our utmost concern."

The country's Judiciary branch, the Supreme Court, in an unusual, and non-scheduled session, also voted unanimously, that the bill passed by the legislature is valid, and completely legal and, in strongly worded language, stated it would "not entertain any challenges" to the ruling.

Limbaugh, on his radio program yesterday, continuing to bash the pending healthcare reform package in Congress, vowed, if the bill passes, he will leave the country.

Think Progress has the details;

CALLER: If the health care bill passes, where would you go for health care yourself? And the second part of that is, what would happen to the doctors, do they have to participate in the federal program, or could they opt out of it? [...]

LIMBAUGH: My guess in even in Canada and even in the UK, doctors have opted out. And once they’ve opted, they can’t see anybody Medicare, Medicaid, or what will become the exchanges. They have to have a clientele of private patients that will pay them a retainer and it’ll be a very small practice. I don’t know if that’s been outlawed in the Senate bill. I don’t know. I’ll just tell you this, if this passes and it’s five years from now and all that stuff gets implemented — I am leaving the country. I’ll go to Costa Rica/

In a developing related matter, the Organization of American States (OAS) issued an rare advisory to its' member nations, urging them to adopt, and pass, similar legislation as Costa Rica.

In the advisory, Secretary General of the Organization of American States (OAS), José Miguel Insulza stated it should be "our goal to keep this racist, cheeseburger-that-sweats, wind bag out of our hemisphere."

In a flash survey conducted by The Garlic, over 89% of Limbaugh's Dittoheads contacted believed that "Costa Rica" was a "new, discount department store for Illegal Aliens" and over 65% wanted to know of the closest one in their area.

Bonus Limbaugh Riffs

NFL Singing Rush's Tune?

Jesus, It Sounded Like A Violation of the Rico Act!

Top Ten Cloves: Things Overhead While The Nobel Peace Prize Committee Reviewed Rush Limbaugh's Nomination

This Date ... On The Garlic

9 March 2009... On The Garlic

Say What, There, David Frum?

Start Cutting The Squares For The Office Pool On Geithner Exit?

AEI/Bloomberg/McCain Hack Plays A Little Solitaire

Beyond Repugnant

9 March 2008... On The Garlic

Retro Garlic - What Waters?

Ain't That The Cat's Ass ... Hillary Hits Snooze Alarm On 3AM Ad

The "Admit It, It Crossed Your Mind" Department

The Ignornant Congressman from Iowa

Editor's Note ... Slow Boat To Posting II ... Stuck In Dry Dock

9 March 2007... On The Garlic

Bush To Shift Gears, Use Radio Address To Urge Private Daylight Savings Accounts; No Details Offered; Snow Says "Not A Little Comma In Your Portfolio", While Rove Driving To Build Domestic Legacy

Top Ten Cloves: Ways Scooter Libby May Get A Pardon

The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day; Warning - Bypass this post if you don't want to be discouraged.

9 March 2006... On The Garlic

Faith-Based Offices To Be Part of Bush Private Government

Top Ten Cloves: What Rick Santorum Meant To Say About Not Meeting With Lobbyists

9 March 2005... On The Garlic

Red Sox Sue Colorado Town Over Frozen Body Rights

Boeing Exec Tried To Start Runway Club

Study Shows Clams Not Happy At All

Top Ten Cloves: Dan Rather's Final Anchor Broadcast

Monday, March 08, 2010

This Date ... On The Garlic

8 March 2009... On The Garlic

Breaking! ... Buffet Broke, Sends Chain Letter For Cash

8 March 2007... On The Garlic

Breaking News - White House Bombshell: "VP Could Be In His Last Throes"; Libby Verdict Has Bush, White House Urging Cheney Into Rehab; Sources Claim "Can't Be Trusted He Won't Break"; Iraq Comments "Last Straw" and "Were Not An Enormous Success"

8 March 2006... On The Garlic

South Dakota Not Waiting, Bans All Home Runs

Top Ten Cloves: How Bush’s Domestic Wiretapping Will Be Monitored By Senate

8 March 2005... On The Garlic

Despite Hype, Martha's First Day 'Pretty Average'

Hawk and Weapons Expert Get's Bush Nod for U.N. Post

Top Ten Cloves: How Howard Stringer Will Revive Sony

Sunday, March 07, 2010

This Date ... On The Garlic

7 March 2008... On The Garlic

Top Ten Cloves: If Hillary Clinton Is A Monster, The Movies That Would Be Made About Her

7 March 2006... On The Garlic

Vote For The Garlic!

7 March 2005... On The Garlic

Rumsfeld Defends Shooting Italians

Syrian Pullout Hinges on Moving Van Backlog

Top Ten Cloves: Signs The Government Is Screwing with Your Private Retirement Account

Saturday, March 06, 2010

You Won't See Me Cry

It's another day off, Garlic Fans, least we go in the opposite direction, and unleash a full-scale, red-faced rant against the smegma that is Liz Cheney.

We already took one shower today.

And, since we alluded to, last evening, the group B-Tribe (or The Barcelona Tribe of Soulsters), we'll turn things over to them for the night (and highly recommend that you explore their music- kick-ass stuff)

Enjoy!

B-Tribe - You won't see me cry

This Date ... On The Garlic

6 March 2009... On The Garlic

Black Coffee

6 March 2008... On The Garlic

Top Ten Cloves: Reasons John McCain Was Late Yesterday, To Receive His Endorsement From President Bush

6 March 2007... On The Garlic

The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Top Ten Cloves: Things Ann Coulter Would Spend "Coulter Cash" On

6 March 2006... On The Garlic

More Bush Troubles As Rice Backtracks, Corrects Comments, Blames Lincoln Group

The Garlic Nabs 4th Nomination; Koufax Voting Now Open

Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard At The Oscars Last Night

Friday, March 05, 2010

Tamally Ma'ak (Always With You)

Sorry Garlic Fans, it was another wall-to-wall day, so no posting tonight.

I had, initially, thought of putting up some B-Tribe (also known as The Barcelona Tribe of Soulsters), when I stumbled on "Wonderful Arabic Chill Out Music" and, bust my buttons, it certainly was just that.

The tune, Tamally Ma'ak (Always With You) is from Amr Diab, which Wikipedia says is "known as the Father of Mediterranean Music. He has created his own style which is often termed "Mediterranean Music" or "Mediterranean Sound", a blend of Western and Arabic rhythms."

Enjoy!

Wonderful Arabic Chill Out Music

This Date ... On The Garlic

5 March 2009... On The Garlic

"You Know, So Many People In The Hospital Here, You Know, Are Sick, Anyway ..."

Something Truly Depressing

5 March 2008... On The Garlic

Best of Day! ... Dennis Perrin

WaPo Consults Ministry of Silly Walks, Backtracks From Obama Conspiracy

Marc Andreessen: An hour and a half with Barack Obama

5 March 2007... On The Garlic

New Feature - The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day; Warning - Bypass this post if you don't want to be discouraged

Don't Worry Tim, The Vice President Still Loves Ya! ... The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll

5 March 2006... On The Garlic

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves

Thursday, March 04, 2010

My Boy Lollipop

"You'll get up to 2,000 euros ... Do not touch his balls. You need the money. Put on some music, take out the [inaudible], swallow the Viagra, and adelante!"

Oh no, those boys at the Vatican are at it, again ...

Vatican hit by gay sex scandal ...Vatican chorister sacked for allegedly procuring male prostitutes for papal gentleman-in-waiting

The Vatican was today rocked by a sex scandal reaching into Pope Benedict's household after a chorister was sacked for allegedly procuring male prostitutes for a papal gentleman-in-waiting.

Angelo Balducci, a Gentleman of His Holiness, was caught by police on a wiretap allegedly negotiating with Thomas Chinedu Ehiem, a 29-year-old Vatican chorister, over the specific physical details of men he wanted brought to him. Transcripts in the possession of the Guardian suggest that numerous men may have been procured for Balducci, at least one of whom was studying for the priesthood

We can look up the measurements, the square-miles Vatican City sits in, so, it's really well past time that they come out of the, undoubtedly, largest closet on the face of the earth.

I mean, they ship the the big wigs out of the United States, when the scandal of having sex with boys got too hot, and, what's waiting for them when the get there - a choir of dream boys, and people to procure them (no more of that messy business of running a parish).

They give them a veritable menu.

The Gay News Watch wasn't as demure as the Guardian, as our lead quote showed, on putting out the details;

The scandal now envelops Balducci, a well-known and powerful local figure who is married with two children, who despite all this is said to have taken remarkable risks in setting up sexual liaisons even in Chigi Palace, home of the Italian prime minister, or immediately after a private audience with a cardinal.

In 72 pages of transcribed wiretaps, Ehiem tells Balducci about one possible candidate: "Angelo ... I'll say no more. Two meters (6-foot-7), 97 kilos (250 lbs.), 33 years-old and completely active (top)."

In later calls, Ehiem offered fewer details: "I have a situation in Naples."

"I have a Cuban situation."

"I have a German who just arrived from Germany."

"I have two black guys."

"I have the soccer player."

"I have the dancer from RAI," the Italian TV network.

Some of the young men were seminarians or attended ecclesiastical colleges in Rome. On one occasion, Balducci is heard saying, "He, when does he have to return to the seminary?"

Well, Angelo Balducci, c'mon down, this song is for you!

Take it away, Millie Smalls!

Millie - My boy lollipop 1973

Bonus Vatican Riffs

Top Ten Cloves: Things The Vatican Has Done To Make Good Friday Even Better

Know Thy Pope

Beyond Repugnant

Top Ten Cloves: Possible Problems With Suing God

Vatican Discounts "Bonfire Pope"; Says Flames "Not Hunched Over Enough" ...Late Pontiff's Bend Was Measured "Religiously"; Never Used Contingency "Roller Skate Gloves"

This Date ... On The Garlic

4 March 2009... On The Garlic

Compared To What

4 March 2008... On The Garlic

She Comes With A Tinfoil Hat, But That's Not So Bad, Is It Mitt? ... The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll

Editor's Note: Slow Boat To Posting ...

4 March 2005... On The Garlic

Millionaire Flyer Charged With Security Violations

Charity Raises $650G For New Monkey Name

Top Ten Cloves: Things Bill Gates Will Do With His Knighthood

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

Milonga Del Ángel

Sorry, Garlic Fans, we be workin' it today, and a wee bit too tired to fire up the creative juices, so, rather than force anything, and it being a overcast, gloomy day (some snow a'comin'), we'll give it up to the legendary bandoneonist (not an accordion!), Astor Piazzolla, and his New Tango Sextet, on a monster riff (you really owe it to yourselves to give a listen);

Astor Piazzolla (1921 - 1992) "Milonga Del Ángel"

This Date ... On The Garlic

3 March 2009... On The Garlic

Steele Singing "To Rush With Love"

3 March 2008... On The Garlic

The New Hillary Soundtrack

3 March 2007... On The Garlic

Chopped Garlic: Yeah, What Coulter Said Was Horrible, But Did She Write It?

3 March 2005... On The Garlic

Volkswagen Halts Call For Drivers

Third of Americans Unaware of New Month

Stunning Gaffe By Queen Has England in Uproar

Top Ten Cloves: Other Things WorldCom's Bernie Ebbers Didn't Know

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Hmmm ... Radio Quiz Show? ... Movie? ...

Somebody needs to hip the Mayor of Topeka, Kansas, Bill Bunten, that Google has neither, a radio quiz show, nor a movie named after it;

We’re Not In Kansas Anymore. Well, We Are — Google, Kansas

Last month, Google announced plans to sell 1 gigabit-per-second fiber optic broadband to consumers. The plan called for it to be rolled out to no fewer than 50,000 homes in the initial test, and maybe as many as 500,000, but didn’t specify where it would be rolled-out. Topeka, Kansas wants in. Bad.

The city’s mayor today signed a proclamation that for the rest of the month, Topeka will be known as “Google, Kansas.” Yes, you’re reading that correctly — Topeka is now “Google.”

And, maybe, show him an atlas, or map, of New Mexico.

Something the good folks of the formerly-named Hot Springs, New Mexico, some 60-years ago, could talk to him about;

Originally named Hot Springs, the city changed its name to Truth or Consequences, the title of a popular NBC radio program. In 1950, Ralph Edwards, the host of the radio quiz show Truth or Consequences announced that he would air the program from the first town that renamed itself after the show. Hot Springs, NM won the honor. Ralph Edwards came to the town during the first weekend of May for the next fifty years. This event was called "Fiesta" and included a beauty contest, a parade, and a stage show. The city still celebrates Fiesta each year on the first weekend of May. The parade generally features area celebrities such as the Hatch Chile Queen. Fiesta also features a dance in Ralph Edwards Park.

And, they got a movie named after them, as well.

Hmmm ...

Well, this ought to help out Google's fledgling Buzz, at least in the Kansas area.

Okay, the Mayor, at least, he's lobbying for something, that super-giga-byte service.

I wonder if Larry and Serge will visit "Google, Kansas", the first week of March, for the next 50-years?

Maybe dance, with the "Google Chile Queen", in Google Park?

But wait, there's more!

This isn't Topeka's first alias;

Humorously, this isn’t the first time Topeka has tried something like this. Apparently, in August 1998, the city has a proclamation to change its name to “ToPikachu” — yes, after the Pokemon character. So this move seems roughly 100 times more sane than that one.

The people of Google, Kansas better start hitting that "I'm Feeling Lucky" bar, for the occupant of the Mayor's office not to be a raving huckster.

Who knows, if she wins the Dancing With The Stars thing, Topeka might wake up, finding itself being called "Kate-Plus-Eight", Kansas.